Saturday, October 1, 2016

Nourish Your Soul and Knowing Yourself

Today I was scheduled as 'off' at my work. My work doesn't know it, but I have a moonlighting position, and I went and did that work today at another hospital instead.

I used to get such a huge rush when I worked there, at this 'new' hospital. I did because I was born right down the street at a neighboring hospital. I also in the 1990's in my surgery residency did rotations there, not once but twice, and enjoyed the reconnection with both the facility and the staff after so many years.

Today was different.

I realized both my grandfathers had passed away at this facility. One of a stroke, and he was taken off life support in 1979. The other had a massive heart attack at home, was brought by ambulance to the place, and all resuscitative efforts were stopped, in 1992.

I needed my mom.

I needed the comfort of my youth.

Work stopped an hour early, so I went and drove around the 'old neighborhood'. I drove 'home' to my old house, looking at the alley first. And it amazed me how after all these years, and all these changes, I KNEW the homes by the garages--by the energy. Ours. Our neighbors. My best friend Jackie. Her neighbors with the pool and the only two story house on the block, the Cowans...

My soul was crying out for the 'child' in me...for the times that were lost and never coming back from my childhood.  For my thinking I would have lived there forever and yet in retrospect had to move so many times for my training. For my mom and dad and family I once knew...

I was literally in tears as I drove the old way I hardly remembered, to both of my grandmother's homes. To me, these routes were holy and blessed, for they honored ties between our family...we drove them together to visit at least on Sundays and sometimes more often than that.

All my aunties are dead. And so are my grandparents. My dad.

I don't like it.

I struggled to understand how things change, why things have to change, and yet, as I drove to my mother's house to go and visit, on a deep level I understood how the move was important. My high school years were in a better neighborhood.

I also realized the beauty of life is we are all living out our life 'stories' together, as family and friends. I accepted that my aunties and uncles and parents were in the middle of their 'stories' when I came into this world. They nurtured me, and I grew up. Now I am into the middle of MY 'story'; one day Anthony will become and adult and start 'his story' too.

I brought mom Panda Express.

I stayed several hours. At around five p.m. my sleep deprivation got the best of me, and I napped on the couch.

When I woke up we talked.

I'm a real withholder of my emotions when it comes to my family. Today was a huge first step. I said, 'Mom, I had a weird day. I realized where I work is where Grandpa and Nannu died. So many people in the family are dead now. I don't know what to think of it. I don't like it. How does one cope?'

Mom stopped in her tracks, and looked at me with the softest gaze. She realized I am heading to that phase of life she has occupied for many years now. She shared with me how she used to tell her father, 'I need you. Please don't ever die.' and he would look at her, put his hand on her arm, and say, 'We both know I can't promise you that. The old make the way for the new.'

My uncles who still are alive have most of their friends passed. One uncle's companion is very ill, and my mother thinks when she goes, then he will soon follow. All his brothers, including his younger one, are dead.

I noticed how two women called my mom while I was there, just to check up on her. Mom has a support system of neighbors. Just like my aunt in New Hampshire who is one hundred years old next May--she never had children, but the family from India next door really look out for her and assist her.

I also talked with my mom about my Uncle who is estranged from the family. I asked if she's heard from him. We talked about the situation. I'm glad we did. I understand it better now.

We talked about Jared, and how he will always resent me for what he thinks is 'getting pregnant on purpose'. I told mom how I told Anthony I was an accident too--mom and dad were married but not expecting to start a family just yet. It made Anthony feel better. Mom said that all three of us were unplanned because dad felt like 'trying for a baby' felt like 'going to the doctor'. He asked, 'where is the romance in that?'

I laughed.

It was so very healing for me to go to the old neighborhood, to heal yet again my inner child, and to seek the wisdom and love from my parent.

Here are my stats from my life story:

  • I was born in St. Mary's Hospital, in Long Beach, California on a beautiful summer day
  • I was conceived on my parent's first wedding anniversary in their apartment in Compton, California.  Mom says they fell off the couch! they were so passionate! (<3)
  • I grew up in North Long Beach, California in a three bedroom, one bath house with a chain link fence and a beautiful garden. I had honeysuckle on the fence in the back yard, sweet peas on the fence outside my bedroom, passion fruit vines also near there, and bermuda grass with patches of clover in the front lawn.
  • My schools I attended were Grant, Hamilton, and Millikan.
  • I played little league, and was on the paddle tennis and volleyball teams at my schools.
  • I was a pom-pom girl, a 'Kidette'. 
  • Although I was training with the high school gymnastics team, I quit when my hands were starting to pop in the joints. I played the piano and didn't want to lose my flexibility of my hands.
  • The only class mom forced me to take was typing. She said, 'if you can type you can always eat'. I won the typing award and could type over eighty words per minute.
  • I won many honors and awards and scholarships--mom was pleased to go to so many 'chicken lunches' because of me.
  • I left home to go to UC Berkeley when I was eighteen. 
  • My first job was at Disneyland, selling fast food in Tomorrowland. I worked summers in high school and college, a 'seasonal employee'.
  • My second job was at National Car Rental. Someone was out for gallbladder surgery, and they needed me to be the 'Official Summer Helper'. It is the one on Katella, right outside the Disney Resort and across from the Anaheim Convention Center.
  • I got my driver's license on my sixteenth birthday.
  • I read my dad's first aid handbook all the time since I was six, and used to bandage up my dolls like they said to do in the book for people, just for fun.
  • I turned my third grade lunch box into the family first aid kit, and if there was ever a boo boo I was on it with antiseptic, gauze and a dressing!  I always made sure it was stocked and ready for anything that might happen, too.

Sometimes, we need to look back and heal.

And as mom said, 'look forward in life--when you get to this age where people you know start to die, it can be depressing. Just keep looking forward, enjoy life, and don't look back.'


Life has many gifts. Among the first and finest are your earth families. They are connections which can never be broken.

Although Carla's uncle sent a certified letter to her mother, his only sister he had, and used the term, 'disowning her', and it hurt--no one can 'disown' another in spirit who is family to you. Once everyone makes the Transition, and comes over here with me, all is at Peace and Calm, and there is love surrounding everything. 

No wound is so traumatic so as not to heal.

Association is by choice, and you are not compelled to live in the afterlife with those who have often hurt you.  

Just let that issue rest until you are here with me, and relax, if this is the case with you.

Carla got her pickle today. She ate lunch in the doctor's dining room at the 'new hospital' in the sunlight, an open faced sandwich and  a bowl of clam chowder. At her current hospital Carla has been asking for a pickle for her sandwiches for almost ten years! They just don't have them.

So you can imagine Carla's surprise and delight to find that YES! Pickles are available! for her to eat. 

Carla likes the little dill ones, that come in slices, for her sandwiches.

What have I to say about the following message from Carla and her soul?

Sometimes, and I myself included when I was incarnate, sometimes we think everything will stay the same forever.

In a way, it is, with all your beautiful soul connections.

And in a way, every minute brings lasting change without our perceiving it.

Carla's mother did something today Carla found to be amazing.

One of the staples in Carla's home while growing up was Taster's Choice coffee. It is her mother's favorite brand, and her mother used to just clunk the jar of it over the rim of the coffee mug instead of scooping it out with a spoon.

Her mother has been through many changes through the years with this company.

And with the latest change to the packaging and formula, Carla's mother called the company on the telephone and asked, 'whose dumb idea was this?'  The package had grown deceptively smaller, and the formula had changed. The coffee itself was worse!

The woman on the phone said, 'look a bunch of men redesigned the package. I'm sorry you don't like it' and sent her coupons for more, for free.

Then Carla's mother took out the old jars she had been saving, and lined them up side by side, the empty ones she had used to store other things--from the huge glass one from the 1970's, to the smaller one that was the same color, to the even smaller 'dark roast' one in the same shape jar in brown, to the plastic 'canister' with the attached lid, to this new glass one with the plastic lid that was very difficult for Carla's mom to open with her small, arthritic hands...

It had always been the same Taster's Choice--Carla had surmised--and now here was the evidence in front of her, to see, to touch, to feel, and to notice all the little things like the prices on the tags on the lid--remember when things used to have a sticky price label on them?! (he smiles--ed)--and to marvel at the effects of change with is imperceptible over time as one experiences it.

Carla was delighted to have spend time in the company of her mother, at her childhood home where she grew up. 

Your parent's home is important to you.

Always remember you can go back, even if it is only (he shows himself in lotus position meditating, snaps his finger and gazes down to really let go and meditate himself--ed) in this way.

Carla had the courage to tell Nicki her earthly mother that she does not want her to die, she would be sad, and wouldn't know what to do.

In this Carla's mother had deep compassion for her daughter.

She reached out and held her, and said she isn't feeling like dying any time soon, she accepts and can manage her current health conditions--but if she did she would be near and helping and guiding Carla and would never leave her, not for anything, no matter what, and to know that if she were to pass she would still be near her even if Carla couldn't see it or know it herself.

(he interlaces his fingers in front of him on his desk and looks straight at you--ed--and clears his throat).

Earlier this week Lady Gaia Sophia, while deeply moved at the need for healing and closure on both sides of the Veil, offered herself and all of Nature--to be a surrogate for the family member, friend, or love who has Transitioned--for these important healing conversations to take place. The Faerie realm and all the elementals have stepped forth to assist. The angels, and the elementals, and all living beings the trees the grass and the flowers--are going to take your message that you share with them straight to your 'target' person to have this conversation.

Furthermore, they will carry back to your the responses of those with whom you wish to speak.

There is a partition in the Veil--an intermediary if you will--who is kind of like that window when you go to speak to a loved one who is serving time.  The message can get through, and the love can be expressed through the little microphone.  On both sides!

Why not explore your heart, in your deepest awareness and inner yearning, and pull up that message to who you need to share it with most?

Your loved ones are waiting.  Simply go in your mind or in person--to a natural place which is free from 'electronic interference'--and just like Carla did with her earthly mother today, share what is weighing on you.

You will be surprised at how quick the responses from the emissaries in Nature can be!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The couple