This is inspirational.
One of my gifts is to tell you what's going on in my heart. Both the good and the bad. This is what sets my work apart from ninety-nine percent of the other bloggers and channelers.
I'm not going to blow smoke up anyone's 'bottom'...tell you what you want to hear...tell you that I have all things figured out...
I go on my way.
Tonight it's good.
I enjoyed the rest after my lesson. Dinner was nice (although Anthony didn't help--he was glued to the TV set with his football team--and I indulged even though I know I shouldn't baby him).
And I made a bracelet.
It is a very special bracelet named, 'All is not lost'.
It is recycled.
In it are several beads that were on somebody else's bracelet, another healer. When I restrung the two broken ones using stronger wire, spirit guided me on new stones, new 'oomph', and what to take out.
On my wrist--in the pattern spirit assigned--is a seven and one half inch elastic bracelet with clear quartz, and a single chrysoprase, interspersed with the pale arctic rose Swarovski four millimeter bicone beads I've never been able to find a project to use.
All is not lost.
Recently I thought I was 'lost' as in a failure at housekeeping. Right now, at this moment, my bed is made, towels are organized on the old folding bookshelf we took out of Anthony's room to make way for his desk (it's in the master bathroom now). The piles are much less on two 'hot spots'. Plus I found eighty dollars in birthday money from Anthony, two checks from my mom (I'm not going to deposit they are from January), and some old tickets from the local Halloween pumpkin thing that are good for this year.
Everything is in its own time, for its own reason...
Last night in meditation, my heart came out. My bewilderment at why I've had such a stormy life plan when it came to relationships? Ross explained to me how he did for Anthony's going away--how in the big picture in a healthier that way, it's for my own good.
It wasn't until I finished meditating and was tidying up my space for the next time, I saw a deck of Doreen Virtue cards. I'm not sure which one, I have so many. But it said, the open card on the top of the open box, 'This Is Your Life's Purpose'.
To meditate. To grow. And to write about it.
To open my heart to those who caused so much pain to me and my husband, back in our last incarnation together.
To be more like him.
All I can manage is a little bit. He's like, way ahead of me in that part of his growth and development.
I can open a tiny door in my heart for the chronically low-vibration people.
I can wait for 'what's next'.
I can appreciate what I have.
I can see some blog post and see right through it as disinformation ('some blog posts are narcissistic') because I know in my heart the Ascension experience is highly individual--no two experiences are the same!--and by learning one's self, and one's reactions and interpretations of perceptions, and changing the response to one of lovingkindness, we affect everyone and everything around us.
Today, in my news feed, a friend shared a photo of a palm tree. She is Jewish and has known me since I was a student at Berkeley. She doesn't know Reiki! And yet with her heart filled with love (she is one of the most kind and loving and caring humans I know) and gratitude, she reciprocated in kind as best as she knew.
People 'pick up' on this, what we do, as healers who are awakened to the Higher Realms.
I'm going to keep on my Life Purpose.
I'm going to relax as deeply as I can and heal as a person who has experienced much pain and anguish in many lifetimes.
I'm going to trust in the process...and enjoy the view along the way.
I am the teddy bear Carla is holding.
Last night in her meditation, I presented to her the opportunity to ask me and her guides a request.
Carla searched her soul. I know, I'm her twin, I could feel it.
Carla said, 'I am on an assignment and I don't know what it is. I feel dumb. How come on Earth when I am incarnate, if there is any job to do, I understand what is expected of me, so I can work to master it. Why is it with this I always have the feeling I am making things up and what I am doing doesn't matter?'
I couldn't tell her.
Not while she is awake.
But this is the kind of pointed question that Carla is posing to her teams.
I anticipate her to fully awaken at any time, (holds one finger up--ed), not by her line of questioning, and her insight to ask--but by her RESPONSE, by her REACTION!
It was a gentle, 'oh well, I am going to keep on doing what I am doing that 'feels right' and to trust that there is an end to this (unknowing) eventually'.
Carla let it go!
Carla did not blame or point the finger or accuse or do anything other than to accept 'what is' at present...
And with the letter Carla found from her mother in 1995--TWENTY ONE years ago!--Carla picked up the energy from her mother's 'young' handwriting...that Spirit has a place for us...in her mother's own words!
Carla knew her mother wrote that letter from her heart, and also from her misunderstanding her own key to her daughter's sorrow, the feeling rejected by her own mother over a cat, because the family 'likes the kitty' and 'no one will take a grown cat' and all the other excuses to justify why Carla felt like a stranger, an unwelcome one at that, in her parent's home.
Carla SAW with her own two eyes the behavior when she would make a visit (and get sick from the allergies, no matter what allergy medicine Carla was on) how her mother would light up over the cat, feed it, pet it, and let it walk all over the house, not even putting it in a room so Carla couldn't see it.
(Putting a cat away doesn't remove the years of dander that have built up all over the house, it doesn't help with the allergies).
Carla has her eyes swell shut, welts on her skin, her voice drops very low, and she is skirting the edge of anaphylaxis when she remains in the vicinity of a cat for very long time.
Carla's mother heard Carla's screams when she was seven and had all the allergy tests, the ones with the little scratches that itched and the needles in the back; Carla's mother even brought Uncle Ben to comfort her during the second series of testing.
Carla's mother knew and made a decision to make herself feel better with a cat, along with the rest of the family who loved it, putting Carla on the out.
And now that lesson has turned around, only with a dog, and the rest of the family does nothing, or doesn't believe how very sick Carla's nephew gets when he is around it--even Carla's nephew doesn't think it is the dog. He doesn't get welts, he doesn't have his eyes swell shut, his voice stays the same, and he doesn't even sneeze, not even once.
(one finger goes up to make a point--ed) But Carla's sister who is his mother thinks he IS! And for all practical purposes, who knows? He just might be.
The word for this type of lesson, is Displacement. Carla's sister, and both Carla's mother, and her other sister, as well as Carla's father when he was alive, are doing the best they can to make their way through DIFFICULT lessons. Long story short, the cat came when Carla's sister who wanted it threatened suicide if she didn't get it. The parents felt they had to choose one daughter over the other (this is NEVER the case! all is ILLUSION!)--so they picked. They selected the healthy one to bear the brunt of the short end of the stick to 'save' their 'sick' daughter.
And that was it.
Also, the sorrows alluded to by the mother in her letter, were financial losses. Great big ones. Ones that brought forth the anger and self-hate which invited the decline (all are in her Lessons) of her own health.
Carla's mother is here for the financial lessons. She took them hard, even harder than Carla with her lessons of the heart (lost loves, etc).
Carla's mother shielded her heroically from that, and allowed Carla to finish college (Carla paid the tuition and books and food, her parents paid for her housing).
It's time for Carla to go to work. Early start today!
Everyone wins! (when it's all done and you are not incarnate)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple