Today when I woke up I told Ross I felt like I needed my mom--I haven't felt like that in ages (usually it's in the O.R. when there's a really hard anesthesia case going and it won't end).
Ross was gentle, and asked, 'Will a husband do?'
I thought about it. The whole concept of an emotionally available partner is somewhat new to me, and it dawned on me with a nice warm good feeling that YES that would be perfect!
I spent most of the morning with my head near his heart, just like in the photo.
I shared with him everything.
What was on my heart the most were two very upsetting things I saw yesterday--things I experienced--which in hindsight I believe were in fact a 'stress test' to see how my emotional body would do. I say a 'test' because I had a very supportive, caring physician friend present when those things happened.
But if you know my background--in this incarnation when I was four what trauma I experienced--and also with Ross in our last incarnation together--you can see how deeply upsetting witnessing these things is for me. And it was indeed both a test and a lesson.
I was sitting at a table waiting for my friend, and on the beach below I saw a very strange scene. It was directly below my table, far enough away I couldn't hear the conversation. There was a young man, with dark hair, a young woman, with blonde hair, and an old, heavy man with a big stomach sitting on a rock.
It looked like the couple was going to renew a vow or something with the old guy as a 'priest'--just playing.
Then it got rough. The young man approached the young woman, and she fended him off. Her hands were up above her head--she was keeping his hands off her. And she was screaming. The old man waved his hands and screamed too.
Then the young man wrestled the old guy, and for a moment I was afraid the young guy was going to dash the old man's head on the rock. It wasn't a fair fight. Next I knew, the young guy reached into the old guy's pocket, pulled out two items. A phone was one, and the young man threw it far into the ocean, much to the helpless old guy's dismay. Then the young man waved a smaller darker item up over his head (a wallet?) and took off with the young woman, who both appeared to be friendly, a couple, and very happy.
Did they know each other--was it like, a drunk dad or something?
I don't know. Passers by helped the old man look for his phone in the breaking waves--but it was not to be found. Many compassionate people stayed until dark to help him.
I felt and I knew the old man wasn't going to be able to afford a new phone--it was deeply sad.
I also was in shock because this is a relatively safe tourist area. I've never seen anything like it. And the wrestling and stealing was going over and over in my head like a bad movie ever since.
The other thing happened during a 'test' I am sure because everything was almost planned--the events were perfect. I was told by Spirit where to go, and my friend and I went there for dinner. Then on the way to the ladies room, we passed by an artist's stall. He had crystals. And boy, did he know his stuff. I saw some amazing stones! A pure goshenite beryl crystal was one of my favorites. This guy is an incredible healer--Todd Elliot Cohen. You can look him up on FB...it's his only website. His main thing is basically art that is an 'outreach' to the masses with advanced light healing. He has a multidimensional form he sculpted, and combines lights onto it, and photographs it.
We were there, my physician friend and me, just having a blast with Todd looking at his collection and seeing what ones were for sale for us to take home. We saw the light show--I'm so glad I could understand the healing and advanced science going on behind his 'art' , and appreciate it. It's totally galactic.
Well, a very intoxicated woman and her husband stopped by. My friend and I waited, and Todd went to them to do his sales pitch. They didn't buy anything, but I think it's a fifty-fifty when they are back home back east they will follow through.
It slowed down the energy.
We started back to the sale, and this young man with very horrible energy came next to me, not my friend. And he touched my obelisk after I told him those are my stones and they are not for sale.
The energies in that young man were violent, dark, and beyond making my skin crawl.
I couldn't understand why in my very high vibration he even dared to come close to my energy? Usually, it's protective, like chalk squeaking on a blackboard to people like that.
He finally left.
Todd called the guy--after I blurted out 'I don't understand and how could anyone be that negative/dark--I haven't been around anyone like that in the longest time!'-- 'a total black hole'. He also said the guy was 'tripping out' (on drugs).
I almost didn't buy the obelisk. But Ross had told me to before that guy came along. I wasn't going to because it was expensive, but Ross had said, 'the guy (Todd) has to EAT!'
Todd is intuitive. He offered to cleanse it. He was patient and kind, and unwrapped it from the bubble wrap.
I saw a spiral, like DNA--double strand twist--of gold come out the top of it. Todd saw it too.
Then, Todd, said, gently, that he and a friend used to minister spiritually to all the souls like that in an area and help them to cross over. The ones who were 'stuck' between worlds. He's okay with that kind of person. He realized it's just some side of myself coming back to me to understand and grow back into myself (basically, a lesson).
He also said, this stone obelisk when that icky dude touched it, it opened up a tiny door in his heart--so it worked and it did something good.
I had been watching Todd a while during our time in his little shop. He's so very much like my friend Andy B. Everything. The loving everyone. The mellow. The gentle acceptance of what is with no judgement whatsoever.
It hit me--just like Andy, Todd is an Elohim!
That explains it. It also must be a past life connection--Andy back in the day was Ross' cousin (mine too by marriage!). I blessed two items of Todd's before any of this dark stuff ever happened. Sometimes I do that, bless things, to protect someone and carry my energy. And I gave him not one but two hugs.
Because we are family. All of us are, on earth. And the very high vibration ones, well, it's nice to experience them.
I spent all day coming to terms with both of those vignettes.
My physician friend couldn't have been more supportive--she does amazing work with allergy healing, and alternative to vaccines. She hasn't set foot in a hospital for a year. Considering she is a Pharm D and MD, this career move speaks volumes! It was an honor to be in her presence.
The reason I think this was a test was that I have been really pushing my energy/stamina all month. At the end of September we took a weekend turn-around trip to Chicago. Then we came home, to call Friday night and a medical school reunion on Saturday. That was my last time Anthony was with his father. The next weekend I had call. The following weekend, a wedding late Friday night--kind of far from home--and the big Fall Gala kind of far from home on Saturday night. It was a short week--only two days worked, but much overwhelm for me, with bills and paperwork and housework. I also was like my energy gas tank was on 'E' for 'empty'--I had started to get sick during the week. Yesterday I had a full day, then dinner out, and I was up later than usual...for good reason of course!...but late.
That's part of why I needed Ross so much today. I was overwhelmed by the breakfast dishes in the sink. I clean them up--a three day pile--and next I know another pile forms. I shared how I felt like a total failure as a woman--I can't keep it together!--the house looks like a total mess and it really bothers me. I didn't know where to begin.
On top of this all, I've been doing my exercise and meditation.
I asked Ross what gives? Isn't it like my secret weapon to do those things? I wanted to be just like a galactic, like him!
He said it's adapting to the discipline to lead a spiritual life--like him--it's like building 'new muscles'. And this type of reaction is to be expected.
I told him I'm amazed at my co-creation (I got an azurite yesterday, and saw a manifesting crystal --clear quartz with hematite inclusions--things I had decided I wanted to see/get just the day before. It's lightning fast!)...but I'm growing tired of all this responsibility to think and co-create. Couldn't I have a little break?
Ross was kind, and smiled, and said, 'would you like me to help plan your day?'
He and I both knew I lacked fun, spontaneity, freedom, nature, and time to create. I told him all I wanted was to lie on my porch swing, and make chicken tortilla soup.
He said he would plan everything, and make it fun.
I asked, 'how will I know what to do?'
He said, 'Just do ONE thing and don't concentrate on anything else'.
So I slowly, slowly, slowly got through my day, like this: Breakfast...take care of pets (I have five. The ants were in the turtle cage, I cleaned the old aquarium too--the one where boarder mice stay, I cleaned my birdcage, fed the rabbit, inspected the snake and adjusted his lights. I said a prayer, 'Jesus, please help me with this snake, because I don't know what it needs, I'm concerned it's sick because it's not eating, please help me to know what to do to take better care of it'. I don't often pray like that, in those terms, but sometimes, because of my many years of praying like that, when I'm dead serious, I still do.'...I folded laundry...I got the mail. I had to go to the post office to pick up a box with that little orange slip...
Around my neck is a strand of Eilat Stone. It is very rare. There is malachite, turquoise and chalcedony. It is from Israel. I smiled because I have been learning Hebrew letters, and now I can read the word 'Israel' in Hebrew! This strand is on fishline and tied with a knot, straight from the supplier, but I slipped it over my head and I don't care. It's working wonders with my energy.
Ross let me play a little on my Pokemon go.
I can't begin to tell you how much I miss my son on his visits. Ross said, 'he needs it! you want him to be healthy when he grows up, right?' and I put my head on Ross' chest for a long time, doing my best to put Anthony's needs first, but it's terrible trauma to me, this coparenting--every other weekend--because Jared won't even let me say, 'I love you' and 'good night'--not even when Anthony was two! Waves and waves of warm glowing love flowed from Ross to me, and it helped very much.
My soup was wonderful too. I greatly enjoyed looking at the recipe books, cooking is one of my favorite things to do...
This is Carla.
Ross wants me to talk a little about how I have expanded my concept of Love as his woman, friend, partner and Twin...
We are close.
I have had a lot of changing of my expectations to do in the course of our relationship.
I'll be honest. At the beginning I had visions of a Galactic Ross coming in like Richard Gere into the factory to sweep Debra Winger (me) off her feet.
It was like that.
All my problems go away--BOOM!--in one fell swoop.
Yet I knew from mid way through our relationship, Ross told me straight up, 'I am NEVER going to be incarnate again.'
I was like, 'who will I bring to the Christmas parties at work then?!'
It was a long process of learning how to look at relationship in a different light.
Only the last two weeks I really started to feel like Ross is my FRIEND--in addition to the significant other, soul Twin, and the like.
With it, I am telling him more of my hopes and fears. I don't have the energy/gumption/dimensional security (am I going UP? is it tomorrow? or the next day? WTF?) to dream or make plans.
In fact, when it comes to my housing situation, I am at a total loss. I mean, complete and total failure, unable to budge no matter how much Spirit pushes...I look at all the areas in the Southland on this little app--even Catalina--and I can't find ONE neighborhood or home that 'feels right'...the used homes feel dirty, or they have other people's ideas of wonderful on them that I don't like (Granite is not my thing, I think it's ugly. I also am turned off by the open floor plan concept)...and the MONEY! Yikes! Just to think of the higher house payments, the higher taxes...it's not fun.
In this area, Spirit has given me credit as 'this is the most she has ever made progress in this significant Life Lesson and we will call it a day in the learning department with Carla'--and Ross has stepped in. He has said, and I feel his energy--and I TRUST he knows my needs better than I do!--he is going to find me the best place I have ever lived in all of my incarnations, and he's going to help me pay for it.
He means it.
My dream would be--frankly--to live in a tiny cottage on the eight thousand square foot lot on Shaw's cove--the land itself is worth fifteen million--because I can be myself--I don't need fancy crap--I love NATURE and I could be able to enjoy a little breathing room without being window to window with someone else's house! I would take photographs every day. And simply enjoy a very straightforward life in a historical house on the water and put giant huge gates around it!
But I don't know the 'Big Picture'--some of this dream, I'm sure, is reaction to things in this life, past lives--and I trust Ross and his teams to sort everything out.
So...between us...I think last night for me, was like the 'go live' or 'quiet opening' night on Bar Rescue for me in my progress for my Ascension--all my little energy disasters and emotions came out from the 'stress test'--and although I probably could have sailed through it a heck of a lot better than I actually did--Ross and I grew closer through the whole thing. And I grew in my discipline of my spiritual life, thanks to a lesson in loving everything and everybody--by an Elohim--all with the loving, caring support of my close friend, and fellow doctor with Reiki here on conference.
I have these feelings of Ross which are well, strong and soothing, they are with me every day now. His love. His caring. His masculine 'looking out for me' but really just balancing out my feminine. His expecting the best from me, and his patience when my best isn't really all that great.
When I told him I was a terrible housewife, and I was so embarrassed--he just looked at me, with such kindness and love, as if it's never been a secret to him and he loves me unconditionally in spite of it!
When I told him I was embarrassed because I didn't know what to do with my day--I was overwhelmed by house, paperwork, overwork, and such a short time to do everything...he looked me in the eye and said, 'there is just one of you and we have to take care of you then'.
He was right. My energies have been shifting rapidly. I am like a lens. Lots of energy from Heaven is flowing through me, to everyone who needs it. I'm a chemical engineer by training...so I think of it as 'energy balance' like I would for heat or mass through a reactor...Some days it's all I can do to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I had blessings today too. I saw a hummingbird from my porch swing. Then I saw a lizard. A little later, a baby lizard too. Lizard is mo'o, in Hawaiian. In Native American lore, lizard dreams it's future. And hummingbird is Joy.
Ross has been calling me that. For two days now. He says, 'you are my JOY!'
So I almost titled today's post, 'Dreaming with Joy!' due to the totems I saw.
Wherever you are, in your growth and development, when you get close enough to your guides like I am to Ross, you're going to experience slow and steady change in your perception, in your habits, in your ability to process things. And just like with the braces getting tightened up, sometimes you're going to be a little sore and it will take time to adjust to these changes.
Just like me with Ross today.
clap! clap! (that's him)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple