Tuesday was a full day at work. There was a break in that a patient was late, and this fortunately made enough of a gap in the schedule for me to go downstairs to the doctor's dining room, quickly eat a very small plate of food on a real china plate with real silverware (I tire of styrofoam and plastic ).
Surgeon was nice, patients did well, everything was good. Until the end of the night.
Although I was excused to go home, I was 'on the hook' for any last-minute cases between then and morning. And fatigue overwhelmed me.
I was not safe to drive home.
In the car I found a ski hat, I had on my vest/jacket, and a light jacket. I didn't have a pillow but I had one blanket.
I slept in the back seat.
I slept from about ten to two thirty.
Then I needed the restroom.
There is nothing more poignant about not being home, or in a hotel, or even a campsite, as having to pee and not having access to a toilet.
Fortunately, I had my badge, I walked into the hospital, letting myself in with the badge, and found a bathroom.
The security guard looked at me funny.
I looked totally like a homeless person, except I was a doctor and I was in scrubs. Along with the jackets.
It was poignant, my being sized up by a security guard as a possible intruder.
Doctors who do not have a call room (a designated place to sleep at night while they are on duty) are technically 'homeless'. My hospital says it's 'take call from home'. Some of my friends call the house supervisor and ask for an open bed, but they are at risk of being kicked out if a patient should need it. That's why I chose the car. I've slept on the floor in a conference room during my training. I used pillows and blankets from the linen cabinet and hid them in the day in a drawer. This was because my call room was across the street and there were psychiatric patients and gang people to be found on the street I had to cross in the middle of the night. Interns weren't IN the actual hospital building.
I thought perhaps to go home, once I came back to the car, but I knew if there was an early morning case I couldn't drive in. So I stayed two more hours, drove home, and slept another three hours.
When it was time to awaken, Ross said, clearly, 'BAKE!'. He wanted me to bake. He didn't say what. I didn't know dessert or dinner or even frozen dinner. Bake.
It was a hard day. The glass man came to measure the broken window in the house. I felt slow. Underwater. I had laundry to put away. I had a whole kitchen to clean. I had many pets to feed. I had a ton of chores on top of that, including my reappointment packet. I did half and it's stuck in the computer.
Then I got the call. I almost didn't pick it up. I thought it was a cold call telling me to get solar.
Anthony was hurt. At school. Again. This time is was the shoulder. Could I please pick him up?
I knew it was a test. I had seen signs off and on all day that I was being tested. I picked him up, bought him a sling (sixteen dollars!), and bought him lunch. We ate lunch together. I notified his dad, who was home, and said to stop by so he could examine it (he's knowledgable about these things)...
I had also texted my friend the orthopedic surgeon. I wasn't sure to go see him or not. But he needed an x-ray. And because of the computer, since my son wasn't technically 'admitted' to the hospital, no one could write the order for the x-ray. I knew there was traffic. I knew there was delay to go to my hospital (my friend would see him between cases). Anthony's dad said it wasn't serious. I trust him. But I always double check.
I had made a Reiki request at lunch. I trust it.
But what next? I was probably the saddest Anthony has ever seen me. Just plain overwhelm. Foggy from being post call. Anthony like a magnet always taking my day off--being sick. It was just two weeks ago he had the sore throat. Do I trust Jared? Or do I go to the hospital and hang around the ER and pay lots of money just to be told the same thing, 'it's not serious'?
Ross wouldn't give me the answer. But he said, 'Call your mom'.
I did. My earth mother didn't pick up the phone. But my spiritual mother--from back Home, my star family mom--was available. She also has raised boys. She knows all the tricks, how they don't like to do their homework, and how they twist an illness to their advantage.
I got the support. I decided to stay home, to continue with the teacher conference and the haircut I had scheduled long ago. Anthony had needed a haircut for weeks. There wasn't time. So we found the time.
Our lady, Tina, asked about his sling. She said, 'things are always happening to you!' And they are. He has had crutches, a wrist brace, a foot thing to protect the toe.
And even when we went to the store (Anthony wanted a local restaurant, and I recalled Ross' words. I suggested a heat and serve meal of marsala chicken from a local store instead--one I would heat up in the oven.) as he got out of the car he scratched his leg on the car. I don't know where or how he did it, but that kid is accident prone. He could hurt himself on a cushioned chair in a room full of pillows!
He's feeling better and only took one dose of ibuprofen. I'm not sure how his basketball is going to go. We will see.
It really felt nice last night, when the wave of sleepiness crashed on me, to lie and fall asleep in my own bed.
Yesterday's learnings were important.
This one helped me to understand the concept not only by my Beauty = Success + Money philosophy members of the family and their mentality, but I extrapolated it to show how the things we 'care about'--sports, news, music, celebrities--treat us to keep US in a 'box' too:
As with many truther videos, there's a religious 'slant' to it. I take it in stride, please don't be offended by it. Everyone has their truth. I DO appreciate the 'spiritual vs. human' point made by the video. It also reaffirms the need to be loving in all we do, every single time. Love is an extremely protective vibration. Lower vibrations are drawn to it, and like it too. Love is the best armor and shield there is.
There are two released articles I had been waiting for since Monday:
And this one--especially the video inside it! -- is welcome and timely!
We ARE as a collective waking up. I go by the data from my friend the holistic physician in Indiana--people are more open to talking about their experiences with spiritual things, and energy medicine/auras/healing--all the time. One by one they are waking up in front of her.
In my work, I have the energy equivalent of the baked on dirty pots and pans, the dishes you wash last and have to use the 'elbow grease'--both mine and my teams--to help them get a 'boost' in the right direction. Sometimes it's the surgeon, or another staff in the room that needs the Reiki most. I heal timelines, most recently the African American one, because the situation came up and while I was there at the last second Spirit asked me, and I did.
There is so much healing that needs to be done.
Carla WAS in fact being tested. All the morning they were 'trimming trees' in her neighborhood. She was the workers with their harnesses and the chainsaws. Throughout the day, Carla checked on her beloved California Pepper Trees, her guardians.
They still stand.
I held Carla in a loving embrace a good long time before she got out of bed yesterday morning. I had been protecting her the whole time she was at work, sleeping in the car, and on her drive home.
Carla is tired.
I know it, I sense it, I feel it.
Carla has been running a sprint since 2012 and is still searching to find the finish line.
It is a lot I ask of her, I and my teams.
That's why I held her and gave her the hint to bake.
(he chuckles and relaxes--ed) Carla even got out her old Betty Crocker Cookbook and looked for ideas! But nothing came. Carla had visions of baking a cake, or cookies, or an entree...because she didn't understand! Not at the time.
But when given the option to go to her favorite restaurant on the water in her town, or to go home, MY hint helped her easily decide the course to take.
By going to the store, Carla has milk in the fridge that is fresh, and items for lunch that she doesn't have to prepare!
Carla is ahead! Just a little bit.
Now it is time for her breakfast. Time to make a smoothie out of some old pineapple that is in a container in the fridge.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla