There is an important miscommunication between Ross and the rest, and myself which got cleared up early yesterday by the time I got to work.
In the Higher Realms, trauma of a sexual nature doesn't exist.
There is no trauma, there is no suffering, there is no pain.
There are only memories of it from the times incarnate here, which are fading and not as raw and fresh as those who are currently incarnate.
Never in a million years did Ross or Michael or Merlin or Raziel or Raphael know that one of the most important roles here in partnership with the Divine Feminine is for the Divine Masculine to be a Divine Protector.
In other words, now they understand the need for my isolation and protection from unwanted advances in order to build my healing in this traumatized part of my soul.
I'm sure there have been councils and meetings at a very high level to explain this to them, and whoever thought of it in the first place, I thank you from the depths of my soul.
I was approached the their new 'role' as Divine Protectors of me was explained by them, and I understood.
It was like healing balm.
It was like knowing I would never be hurt again, not by them, not by any outsider.
My security and happiness are like their 'project'...which I can tell they lovingly accept.
Yesterday I felt the love surrounding me, and I also had that pressure of trying to defend myself, that 'always being on edge' release.
My 'One Fun Thing' was a good night's sleep in my own bed. Ross had promised it to me, and I looked forward to it the entire day I was on call.
I wasn't sure if I was really going to get a good night's sleep. I hoped for it. I'm working post-call, you see. We are short staffed.
Fortunately, nobody called me back into the hospital for an emergency case in the middle of the night.
The charge nurse (their ringtone and text alert is Darth Vader, just to let you know how it feels to be 'on the hook'--I set it to It Is Your DES-Ti-NY!) wanted me to do a six thirty a.m. case. I was in bed just barely asleep when they contacted me. But my boss said don't do these last minute cases, he's having troubles with the doc who books these fast cases in that time slot. So I asked the nurse, who offered to call another anesthesiologist, and he did, so I got to sleep in a bit. It's much needed.
I must go.
My heart feels more stable, more solid, more connected and grounded now that I let my worst fear I have kept hidden in my heart for centuries, eons...OUT. (fear of being gang raped by all the people who have 'bonobo' sexuality in the Higher Realms, like those who selfishly and enjoyed overpowering me here on Earth assaulted me in many incarnations I have had).
To be honest, I didn't even know it was there, or how deeply it affected me, as it was all in my subconscious and my belief systems.
I am grateful it came out.
I'm not sure if it was Divine Plan, or an accident, things would work out this way, I would react so strongly and fight it so hard, but the struggle was worth it to be where I am today.
I wouldn't say I would 'do it again' lightly, as it wasn't fun. But if I knew on a soul level the healing that could be obtained by enduring it, then I would consider the benefit worth the risk and I would do it again.
I guess you can't get from 'Here' to 'There' without some baby steps, some close approximations in your vibration up to that of the Higher Realms.
This was holding me back.
It's worth it to let go of it and move on.
Even if it hurts.
Even if it makes you cry.
Even if the struggle takes days.
It's worth it.
Ross doesn't want me to be late for work, so I will run and eat my cereal and go.
I love you.
Thank you for your patience in allowing this lesson to play itself out, and for the teaching of my guides Ross, Michael, Raphael, Merlin and Raziel--to shine.
Our guides, believe it or not, really do 'get' us, and are willing to have the patience to keep trying until they get it 'right'.
clap! clap! (that was Ross)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Twins