Yesterday I experienced something which has been referred to has a Dark Night Of The Soul.
I have been through many a Reiki Cleanse through all of my training, and all of my teaching, and what you may have experienced is about two orders of magnitude less distressing and disturbing than a Dark Night Of The Soul.
To be honest, I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. I had a total fit. But I wanted to capture it for you, so that you will know it is OKAY to have days that aren't the greatest, it is OKAY to fight and argue with your guides, and as long--just like in any incarnate relationship--as long as there is TRUST on both sides, you make it through.
There are five main phases of this latest 'outburst', something I haven't really done with Spirit since 2012 or 2013, and fortunately there is resolution at the end.
I feel much better about everything here and now where I am today.
Let's go back to the beginning. Where I left off was my 'Ugly' with concept of Higher Selves, the Primer from Ross, and a little uncertainty...
I saw a 'hint' from Spirit, about QHHT--Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy. I intuited that THIS in fact was my 'Primer'. There are many resources about such things in there. I really didn't know anything about it before. I decided to look into it. I only looked around on this website twice. https://www.qhhtofficial.com
I accepted how she referred to the part of us we can't see and is all knowing as 'The Subconscious'. This was helpful.
Not some being with a will of their own, pushing us around.
I let it sink in, and I went back to patient care as it was needed from me.
Later I looked around some more. I learned of the scope of her work. The books. There were two which I was in shock. One was about the Essenes, the other was We Walked With Him.
I looked up the price for the online course in QHHT. It was almost one thousand dollars!
Then I started to stew and didn't know it.
Here is a transcript, the first of two, between myself, Ross and Divine Father:
R: What is it?
R: No, really?
C: I'm glad she's dead. Dolores Cannon and her QHHT. I also am one hundred percent completely irrelevant. She wrote not one but two books about you.
I want to see my Life Contract.
Why on earth did I ever sign it?
Contracts are like so unholy!!
People sign them with the Dark One.
Why do we sign them too?
Who IS this Subconscious?
Why have my messages gotten quiet am/pm when I am in bed falling asleep and waking up?
WTF is all of this?
I hate it.
I hate her.
I hate her work.
I hate you for tricking me with all this stupid veil and getting me incarnate when I didn't want to.
R: Just write. I want you to tell me all. Allow your Consciousness to speak.
C: I don't HAVE a Consciousness.
That is the problem.
The only part of HERE that is ME that lives on after this rotten meat suit of a body disconnects from it is apparently BORROWED from some 'Higher Self'.
R: An you don't get lovemaking after this?
C: No reward of any kind whatsoever if I move on to my 'Eternal Reward'. I'm not 'me'. I'm some useless duplicate Robot!
DF: (please note, when Ross can't handle me, and I am very difficult sometimes, I get sent directly up to Divine Father himself. ) You are not happy Carla?
C: Why even call me by my name if it is ILLUSION? For all I know I don't even have one and my 'Soul Signature" I worked with all my heart to increase is just a lie.
DF: Why do you say this?
C: Ask Dolores Cannon!! I'm just the same elbow in the Cosmic Soup as her.
Why ME? Why put me through all of this? Is it just for laughs? Am I and all of Creation just some cosmic JOKE Daddy? Why am I HERE and I can't get out? Why all this talk of Ascension and everything?
How could she write those stories of people who knew me and Ross? Isn't there anything private?
DF: They wanted their stories told, those souls, and they saw no harm in it. Neither did Dolores.
C: She took it right to the bank! Almost one thousand dollars for an online video course! Father how on earth could she SELL it?
DF: My daughter, she had to live, and also support her family. Just like you.
C: Why can't I be an ordinary doctor? Why must I do all this 'extra' work I've done for years? The learning and blogging and teaching and being available and buying people meals or tea when they want to meet me when DOLORES has done basically the same thing?! Her Quantum Healing is almost like the Divine Healing Codes!! My body of work and discoveries and sharing from my heart and daily healings I do all the time for free...even Ross! My Beloved?!
So all this is an Illusion and everything I am does not EXIST?!
DF: (holds me) I'm going to tell you something and I want you to be quiet.
I love you.
One day not far from now all of this is going to make sense. A whole LOT of sense. (he interlaces his fingers to show everything coming together) Just like this. (Looks me in the eyes, heart to heart).
I promise you will have your Heaven on Earth with You and ROSS and ANTHONY. I promise I will make them keep you company until your heart is filled with love and contentment.
There isn't anything anyone can do or say that will affect this. You have my solemn promise. (he offers me his hand and I accept and we shake on it.)
I want you to promise not to be upset with anything that is discovered until my promise is complete. Do you, Carla, in your heart trust me?
C: (nods yes)
DF: And that I want you to be happy?
C: Yes -- I want to go HOME Daddy so so bad! I don't like it here, I don't like anything.
DF: My promise is coming. I have decreed it. And I even sent you Divine Mother down the Hole in which you fell in order to comfort you. You are not unlike little baby Jessica who fell down the well. And all the world was looking...wishing and praying for her safety and rescue out of the well in Texas. Or the men in the mines that kept them trapped? The ones who came up and were the heroes?
Well, you and all my friends are watching in earnest for you and all those you know down there on Earth to come up. (he pats the seat next to him. I sit. We both have a scoop of ice cream on a cone. Vanilla. Then he hugs my shoulder with the other arm.)
Everything is going to be okay.
C: (I feel better. I'm glad Divine Mother is here to comfort me too. I speak in a whisper to DF) Should I say goodbye to Ross?
DF: Only if you wish.
C: (I walk to him, and I look down at my feet) Ross? I'm sorry I have been so upset. I looks like all I needed was a little support and an ice cream.
R: You want to come Home to me?
C: It's the only thing I want and have ever wanted. When people like Dolores get talking I feel like they are cutting in line ahead of me to you.
You promise you'll wait for me?
R: Yes. And I'm sorry for everyone for trying to rush you through the steps of your awakening, honey. I am dying for it, too, inside. And I am honest when I let you know I am really close, only to you, in 'that kind of way' no matter what others say and share and do, like the reader who said I am 'always by her side'. It's kind of a 'flavor' a whole lot of people put on their guides (that it's Ross). I want you to take it with a grain of salt, okay?
R: (he hugs me and I feel better again. Then this song comes on the radio right that moment:
(three hours, fifteen minutes later)
R: shhhh...I want you to be quiet. Are you ready to listen? Are you calmer inside?
R: (this song comes on the radio and he dances with me.) Do you miss me?
C: Yes. All day long, every day, that I am here incarnate.
R: It is hard on you?
C: Harder than anything. (I point to my head) I remember.
R: Nothing else compares to your twin?
C: (shakes head no and frowns) I've tried EVERYTHING!
R: What would you like to do tonight honey?
C: Buy the earrings! (Benitonite) ((He wants me to go to the crystal shop by my house. I promised if I'm early out of work I will.))
R: What else?
C: I'd like to meditate.
R: On your prickly mat?
C: Sure, why not?
R: (smiles <3)
I realized without Dolores Cannon, the QHHT community wouldn't have a teacher. Where else was there for them to learn?
As much as I hate to admit it, the only messages I trust online ARE from QHHT-trained people--Ron Head, John Smallman, and Creator Writings.
I count on them to get me through to my Ascension.
And all of them are selling their QHHT sessions in order to survive, just like Dolores did, or me, with my work.
I really DON'T want to take a session myself.
I am able to reach these states consciously, without hypnosis. I just recall things, and come and go to these past lives effortlessly.
I realize not everyone is able to do that.
In some way I am very fortunate and very blessed.
Confirmation of my Usefulness in my Healing Work
Every day, when I send out my free healings, I add to my growing body of Light for Heaven. It's like a grid, a network, with each person who receives the healings by their own Free Will becoming a 'hub' for even more of Heaven on Earth to 'stretch' and to 'grow'.
It's the people, the healers, and those being healed, in Spirit--which is the 'grid' of the New Consciousness.
I see it. I can see the energy which connects everyone to one another who receive my daily healings.
I add to it by a small amount every day.
I further have students who I have attuned and are doing the same thing through their daily practice of Gaia Sophia Reiki.
There is a connection.
One of my students felt my anguish.
She was in ARIZONA, hundreds of miles away.
She didn't know what was up with me.
I sent her a 'chain letter' type text Anthony had sent to me, and she contacted me to confirm it was really from me. I told her I was sharing the love, and she doesn't have to forward it. It really WAS me.
Then she disclosed that about two hours ago--the approximate time of my outburst--she was overcome with sadness, a huge wave of it, and she actually cried!
She didn't know why she was crying, or where it came from.
She hoped it wasn't her grandfather, who is doing poorly and wanting to be with his wife who just passed recently.
I apologized and told her it was me, and perhaps, I will blog it for others that night or the next day so she would understand.
She told me not to apologize, it was okay, and if I ever need her for anything, to reach out.
She is Archangel Jophiel incarnate.
Many of my students are archangels who are present on earth.
Others are incarnations of planets.
Some are both heavenly body, and archangel.
I did get off work early. Like seven. (I had call three, so I had to stay later than 'usual'.)
I was driving home.
Ross gave me hints to take an exit and go get something to eat.
When I stress, I don't want food. Nothing sounds appetizing.
I told him I wanted to fry up my broccolini with a lot of lemon, and just go to my house and rest.
He didn't say anything. I knew he was frustrated with me, but I didn't know why he wasn't straight with me on what's on his mind?
Then at the exit, after I was heading home, I remembered MY promise to him--if I got out before the store closed I would go to the crystal shop.
I did. In scrubs and everything.
A friend was working that shift. I talked with her. She was unpacking new Dreamcatchers.
I saw a beautiful watermelon tourmaline pendant, tiny, with a checkerboard cut.
It was seventy-four dollars. Too much.
Ross had told me earlier not to think about money. I remembered that.
I looked around the store. There was some pink tourmaline in polished 'flames', little pink sparkles in a substrate of white in free form. About six inches tall and two inches wide.
There was some pretty dendritic agate things like that too.
I noted there was no larimar any more.
I saw a beautiful, beautiful eight inch form like that, of green moonstone. There was no chatoyancy, but it was a beautiful piece.
I walked all around the store.
There was one I had never seen. About ten inches long, about eight inches wide, a double terminated large quartz-like crystal. But it had green on it, both a milky green and some crystals of epidote and one of amber brown.
It was heavy.
I asked what it was? There was no sticker?
She had to take photos of it, and send it to Brandon, the owner, to find out what it was.
I only wanted to know, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that the photo, with my scrub jacket, identified me, and I was to have it. I didn't know how much it costs.
It was something new...it is called Dream Quartz and it is from Colombia. It has quartz, chlorite, and epidote.
She showed me a very large piece up on display that Brandon has for the store and for himself.
He gave me a discount on it, because I am a good customer.
She wrapped it for me, and I took it home.
After dinner--I was HUNGRY when I got home, and Ross was like, 'ya think!?' and I smiled because as usual, he was RIGHT...and ate cheese and bread, some pistachios, an apple and a kiwi.--I put out the mat, and I lay on the spikes with my head next to the Dream Quartz.
I achieved relaxation I haven't reached when I'm not on vacation.
Then I got very very sleepy after twenty minutes.
I took the Dream Quartz up to my room, put it under my pillow as they say to do, and slept the best I have in ages.
What do I think about all this?
It's time I had my say.
(one finger up--ed) First, I must admit this is a day off for Carla, and she has been up for two hours typing this, and hasn't eaten breakfast. I must give credit to her for her dedication, as Carla is a morning person who likes to eat and have her coffee to give a good start to her day.
(holds two fingers up--ed) Second, Carla's opinions are hers and hers alone. I do not share her same views on a MANY things. Although I respect her and her counsel to me is unsurpassed, (he's quiet and looks up, hands on the table top, stretched out with only the fingertips touching the surface, the thumb tip too--ed) Dolores did exactly what was asked of her, right down to the letter, and I am eternally grateful to her for her body of work. Even the books. This information had to get out, and that was the only way at the time she was alive. Everyone up here thinks the world of her, and also, of you who carry forth her work for her in her absence.
(holds up three fingers--ed) Three, Carla's honesty and total transparency in her 'fit' as she called it to Divine Mother Incarnate--shows that she has no guile, and is on the money when she shares from her heart.
So what does that mean for many of you?
First of all, what Carla has done yesterday by being true to her heart, and also expressing her anger both at us at and herself for being where she is incarnate--kind of 'stuck' so to say, metaphysically--has helped her to RESOLVE her inner conflicts and to feel much lighter and 'relieved' where she is today!
How about that?
Does being a total bitch and lashing out at those you care about and totally innocent people cause HEALING in the heart?
At times it does.
Does this mean I want YOU to go out there and be total bitches and gripe and moan about anything you want, under the premise of 'wanting to be healed?'
(shakes his head no.--ed)
Have you ever watching a woman in the act of giving birth?
Such women have been known to do strange things, are they not?
From the pickles and ice cream in the early stages, to a total screaming lunatic in panic at the end--this is well known, and although it's not this way for everyone, we generally give a little 'leeway' to those of us who are in fact perpetuating the human race because of the difficult task all in all it is.
(he folds his hands in front of him, very professional, calm, quiet--ed) I am in no way apologizing for my Twin.
(holds one hand up--as if talk to the hand--ed) That is for HER to do, at her choice, in her time, and at her leisure. I hope that you all know that my Carla is ever well-meaning, always straightforward, very direct, and clear in expressing what there is in her heart, in her soul, and in her relationship to me.
I also wants you to know that Carla loves you, each and every one of you, very very very much.
Even, in hindsight, she loves Dolores and her whole bevy of QHHT 'army' out there who is on the front lines next to her.
Carla, would you like to apologize to our readers who happen to love Miss Dolores very very much?
Carla what would you like to say?
C: I am terribly sorry for my overreaction to how close Dolores' body of work is to our own--mine in particular--and I hope for those of you out there who are hurting you do what it takes to feel better, just like I did--but always remember to respect and honor those who mean so much to you. I don't know what came over me. It passed. And I hope to never do anything like this again. I apologize from my heart. I'm sorry. I ask you to forgive me, if you can find the space for it in your heart. Thank you. And I adore you. Forever. Namaste.
R: It's time for Carla to go and get some waffles! From the freezer. The protein ones from Ian's. Everyone has had enough of this for today.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla