Just as I was waking up this morning, Ross asked me the following four questions. He says they are important for all of us to ask ourselves, and I should write them.
1) What is your best miracle?
My knee. It had broken as a torn Anterior Cruciate Ligament in a belly dancing class when I was doing a chainé turn and my foot stayed planted on the ground and the rest of me turned over it. There was a sound like a very low guitar string being plucked, and next I knew I was on the ground in a world of pain with my leg crumpled under me. My friend, an ENT resident and belly dancing teacher, Maria Chand, came immediately and said, 'GIVE ME YOUR LEG' and she examined me for a fracture. It wasn't broken, I couldn't dance, and was starting to swell so she said I should drive home soon. So I did. I put my knee up with a pillow and ice, and was crying, crying, crying as I flipped through the pages of my orthopedic examination textbook.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Blessed Mother, bawling too, standing in the corning, saying, 'God will make a miracle! God will make a miracle! God will make a miracle!'
I didn't ignore her but she didn't give me much comfort.
One day, I was at a stoplight in Costa Mesa, like, three years later, and Blessed Mother said, 'You will dance again!'
I was flooded with instant relief because this resonated strongly with me, and I couldn't believe the hell of not being able to dance ballet was finally OVER!!! (I'd had it repaired nine months after the accident, when the swelling was down.) I didn't know where or when, but I knew it was true, her words.
At dinner one night, my ex-husband Frank mentioned how there was a ballet class at 24 Hour Fitness. I should go. I was like, 'What? At the gym?'
Sure enough, it was a good class with an excellent teacher, Jay L. --it cost a little extra but I had so much fun. By then I was chief resident, and I made the schedule so on my post-call days I could attend class. Through Jay I met Miss Sara, and I danced with her to my heart's content--going on pointe, learning variations, performing--even though I was in my late thirties at the time, and the rest were teenagers in the company. I was accepted, and very happy.
But then I thought about Anthony. He was a miracle too! I was told I couldn't have children, I couldn't carry them to term because of my anticardiolipin antibody--I would miscarry. But I saw myself with the little test and the two blue bars going, 'WOW!' and feeling like God loves me after all! Anthony is a gift that keeps giving, and brings me much joy...and companionship too....
So I couldn't really answer Ross' question except it was a tie between those two, something taken away or really unexpected to get, and very happy about them both. Like, my energy has never been so amazingly WOW over anything else like that before.
I am surprised at the candidness, lack of need to be politically 'correct' and the speed my responses come from my heart as I speak with Ross, by the way...
2) What was the best night in bed you ever had? Who was it with?
It was Tyrone. One night. It was worth it. It's hard to explain.
3) Out of all the people who have been intimately close to you, Carla, which is the one you could share your heart?
None of them! Not a single one! Not a husband, not the father of my child--I was able to share my heart with him but he left me for it. For being 'needy'...
4) Why didn't you stay with Tyrone? He wanted to have a relationship with you.
I couldn't talk with him. He was so nice, and I knew he meant it. He had a child from another relationship. He was into cocaine, and drank way too much. It frightened me, his lifestyle. But when it comes right down to it, the conversations were really hard to keep going, and I couldn't open my heart. I guess he would have been a good person to keep in my life but for some reason--many reasons!--it wasn't going to get any better than it already was, and I kept it that way.
Last night on the way home from work, Carla and I had the following conversation:
R) I like it when I am close to you.
C) I like it when I am close to you too.
R) Do you know how special this is?
C) Um, not really, no. Can you explain?
R) You are the only person in the world who gets to see a certain side of me. The only one.
(she clarified because of Michael, Raphael, Merlin, and Raziel--the whole multi-dimensional thing--and I said, 'I'm talking only about US')
She relaxed. Then she got nervous, just a little and confessed, 'Is this what they talk about when they talk about Intimacy? Is this the Intimacy conversation? I'm not sure I know what to do. I hope I do things right while I am talking with you.'
I asked more, to clarify. And she said, 'I know that it is very special for you to share this side of you with me, and that you can get hurt--I know it's really hard to do but I've experienced it and know it's possible--and I want to honor you with my answers when we talk about such delicate things. I want you to know I value and appreciate this part of you, and I hope you will be able to grow in this part of your being very well while you are with me. I know for my own self, I haven't really experienced it, true intimacy, and I'm a little afraid to say the wrong thing and mess up.'
This was the first time Carla realized we are close, where the physical meets the spiritual, and we both are open our hearts freely to each other, and in this she was amazed at how 'right' it felt--how she couldn't imagine having lived her life WITHOUT me! Yet it happened in a short time, right under her nose, how I came into her life and she can't really pinpoint the exact day or time, like she could with the others...
This is Galactic.
The nature of our relationship together is physical, mental, etheric, and we are compatible--not to say IDENTICAL! (he holds one finger up)--to a very high degree. Some of you are experiencing this type of relationship on Earth. Either both incarnate, or one incarnate and one UP, like we two....
So it is the COMPATIBILITY I want you to notice when you begin to interact with we who are not in body like you, but who are in a Higher Form of energy, with what is called a Light Body, and who appear the same as you but are slightly different in 'technical composition'.
Our hearts are the same, identical to your 'heart of hearts', your inner knowing. We have it too.
And our hearts are filled with love for you, for all of humanity. For some it is the Intimate kind of love, like Carla has with me as she is my Wife and Twin back Home where we are from-- and for everyone, there is unlimited love unconditionally--for every person, place or thing...or animal or plant or mineral...Can you imagine it? Can you begin to comprehend???? (he's really smiling huge huge huge! and I like it--ed)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla