There is a pattern I just deciphered: the three-dimensionality of others is making me uncomfortable.
Between a 70 year-old, and a 7-year old, my family spans generations. Leaving me out of their happy ways to pass the time. I do not enjoy coca-cola, television (especially Three and a Half Men), or sitting around. I do not worry, I do not get fearful. But being around them and their dense energies really got to me.
Last night, a splinter made my oldest kid go into hysterics. And everybody fed off each other. It was a week of 'gimme gimme gimme' by the children. And grandma paying money, although I advised her to say no. The video games, the screen time, the DVD's made me realize 1) my kids are entirely controlled by some outside media force and 2) my mother is too. The young ones wanted sugar and the old one took their insulin.
It was insanity.
Today, I broke a window out of sheer anger. I did not intend to break it. But more hysterics over a broken towel rack that fell on a toe. After a car ride full of 'gimme gimme gimme', this time is was a game for the Kinect. I said, go do something. No computer. 'Mom, we need help with the computer turning it on.' I said, no computer games. find something to do, I need to relax. That when the bathroom accident happened.
I broke the towel rack rod in two--it was cheap and poorly made-- after I tended to my hurt kid. Out of sheer frustration. And then I threw it. It bounced off the top of the stairs, and through a window over the sliding glass door. I heard the glass crack. There was a baseball sized hole in it. And shards of glass all over the carpet below.
I had to get rid of it. I had to get rid of the frustration energy. I had to break free of this crap of everyday life, of being a mother and the never-ending responsiblity with no relief. After venting I felt better. As I was on my rant, I knew I was making a choice to anger. 'Just for today, do not anger', Usui-sensei said. The window, which is my favorite window in the whole house, taught me to keep it together. I saw what anger does to a structure. And furthermore, the A/C had to go off. Bummer!
With a window to fix, I calmed down. I called the glass company. I got on a ladder and with gloves removed the broken glass. It was the slider part of the window. And the frame popped out just like the glass man on the phone said. Tomorrow we fix it.
I am taking responsibility for my actions. I am making right.
But as the kids watch Pawn Stars downstairs as I write this, I don't want to go. The very core of my being does not want to watch another stupid show on T.V. I want to sit in Nature. I want to water plants. I hate to see the same old bullshit they call entertainment, a sorry excuse for us to watch the commercials. I am so fed up with the lies and the foolery that my heart isn't in it any more.
From what I have read, all children are going to Ascend. So are their parents. It can't happen soon enough as far as I am concerned.
I wrote this tonight at six thirty p.m.
Here is what Mike Quinsey channelled for Salusa just now: about duality and taking responsibility! More secondary confirmation of this message and Salusa's. http://www.treeofthegoldenlight.com/First_Contact/mike_quinsey/channeled%20messages/August%202012/salusa__17august2012.htm
P.S. The window is fine. The air conditioner is on (normally I don't, but right now for the pets I have it on. I have many fine creatures--a bird, a snake, a turtle, and of course the pet rats). It set me back two hundred dollars. But the lesson I have in both learning to control my temper and in being able to fix the damage is beyond measure.