Saturday, March 3, 2012

Burnt Toast

If there are two servings of toast, one of them burnt and the other not burnt, do you give yourself the burnt one and serve the good one to someone else? Teri Hatcher, the actress of Desperate Housewives, discovered this trait in her mother. She grew up and repeated the same with her daughter, offering the good one to her, and out of low self esteem, took the burnt toast for herself.

This has to do with the Archtype, The Shadow King: The Invisible Force That Holds Women Back 
, written by Sidra Stone, PhD . Her work is about hypnotizing women and men to discover the hidden personality inside that is manifested by society. 'I am not good enough. Women should not play sports. Women should not be ambitious.' are the kinds of statements that would come out under hypnosis. The conscious and the subconscious were at odds with one another,  due to the subliminal expectations by society for how women should behave. 

This is wrong. I suspect a lot of you out there eat the burnt toast like me. Spirit has been saying, in many places, fill the cup. Fill the cup first and what is extra can be used to help others. As in an airplane when flying with small children, the instruction is 'put the oxygen on yourself first'.

Society has many of us driving to meet deadlines, expectations, 'to do' lists. At our work productivity has been studied and scientifically accelerated to an unhealthy pace. I know for my work, I could not do what I do without lots of antibiotics. 

As my doctor said, 'you have so much responsibility. I will give you a big shot of antibiotics and another of steroid to heal you up quick.' Anesthesiologists do not have the luxury of calling in sick. Either for themselves or for their children. No anesthesia, no surgery. It's that simple. My father used to go to work very sick, as a teacher, because back then you had to find your own substitute to work for you when you were out. My mother said it was not because they did not like him, but they had already promised themselves out to other classes on the day he had asked for help when he was sick.

Sound familiar?

We're going to change all that.

Fill the cup first.

Last night I had been up all night. C-sections and labor epidurals and bolus/top off doses. I raced home to get my sister free to go to her Real Estate class. I also had to get my son to picture day for baseball by eight o'clock. I came home and he was having a meltdown over the belt of his uniform being loose. It was like a bra strap, you could slide the metal thing and tighten it. So I fixed it. And we drove, about ten minutes late. We parked and could not find the photo place. I called the coach, explained the situation, and told my boy to RUN! I carried the breakfast, and the sports bag. As I came to the gate I was told by a guard I could not enter. I said, my son ran, we were late, and I have to see if he got his photo. As I walked up, he was sitting in the far right hand corner in the front for the group picture. They got him his individual picture too. Then the tears came out. I had not eaten. I had not slept. I had driven us to the limit. And I thanked the Angels and God with tears in my eyes that we got through this one.

The coach's wife, the Team Mother, had a hunch I had been at the hospital. I explained that it was his Dad's weekend, and I scheduled work, but since it was his dad's birthday, his dad wanted to celebrate with alcohol and not watch our son that night. I explained the meltdown over the uniform, and my sister who is not a mom. She understood. Her son had belt issues too. 'The belt is hard to figure out!'  she shared, supportively.

The game was fine. I enjoyed it. He got a hit, to first base, and also got to run home. His dad came late. But showed up. And his grandpa too, but later. When it was done I had to drive both father and son to their car, and take home the dirty uniform to wash. I was spent.

Here is where intuition kicked in. I wanted to go to the car dealership for a free car wash. It is black and the ball park dust made it filthy. But something said, 'No'. I got gasoline. And I knew to get the cell phone fixed. It wasn't ringing. It vibrated for a call, but no sounds. I had reset it and backed it up and everything. Even the whiz at the hospital couldn't figure it out.

As I drove to the mall, I remembered the sale flyer I had seen in the paper yesterday. There was a small white gold 'Om' with diamonds on it. I had wanted it. It was very affordable pendant. I wasn't sure if there was a chain. I stopped at the store and found it, after three salespeople helped me and couldn't find it. The price was $249, for pendant and chain, on special one of those twenty-four hour sales. The clerk said I should get a stronger chain with it. I didn't think it would break, but I agreed to look. She tried to up sell me to an adjustable chain. I wasn't interest. All the chains were on sale but still very high price.

When I saw the one she said, there was a little heart on the end of the chain where you adjust it. I knew it was the one for me. I looked at the others. Ugly, flashy, with clasps that were too small for me to fasten. So I bit the bullet, and bought the chain. 

You know what? I got 50% off, plus 15%, plus another 20% for reactivating my store credit card. When it comes right down to it, the necklace is worth it. I am worth it. I have been blogging at least once every day, helping in the community with my work, all for free. I dream of being Reiki Doc out in the open. And along with my image, what would be best, an Om I can adjust longer and shorter in the hospital as I want it to show? Or no Om?

I bought those, fixed my phone (it was the Mute button from my son's drama play two weeks ago I forgot to toggle back), and bought two Italian cookbooks from Williams Sonoma. And Sicilian Olive Oil. I felt my core regenerate. What joy to find the recipes my Alzheimer's Nana cannot share with me any more! And after a vegetarian sandwich at Paradise Bakery, I felt like a new woman. : D

Whatever it takes to 'fill your cup', by all means, do so. Last week I spent time with my son, taking care of him when he was sick. I was glad to do so. I worked in the garden, with my compost. And I was good to myself as best I could. I enjoy Sudoku when I relax. But today, I needed acknowledgement for my work. This is my work. I know it. I feel it. I anchor the Light at the Operating Room. I encourage and empower pregnant women having babies. And I spread Light as I can on the internet, on Facebook as myself, and here as Reiki Doc. 

Now, I am due for a much needed rest. Buona Notte. Good Night.


Reiki Doc