I would like to share with you what I found to be an important lesson and a huge breakthrough for me this week.
It is meant in the spirit of friendship, and I invite you to take the best and 'leave the rest' from this blog post.
As you may know, I am a soul who is constantly seeking to grow. I have lessons, some of which are painful for me to share, and for you to read. Fortunately this isn't one of them! Try to think of this blog post as our sharing over coffee and coming up with some 'how to make life more pleasant' notes together...
As humans having the experience of being alive, we are constantly at odds. We have our 'inner world'--our hopes and dreams. Then we have our 'milieu'--our surroundings of people, events and what is asked of us to give.
Sometimes the more spiritual we become, the faster and the more sudden are the movements of key events and people in our lives.
This is because our 'Life Lessons' are sailing towards us at a rapid pace, and from a spiritual perspective, this is a 'good thing'...although for us as the 'student of life' it can be overwhelming.
Sometimes it feels like being in an emotional meat grinder, a high-speed blender, or a rip tide.
Has anyone ever been caught in a rip tide? Did you remember what to do? Did you panic and someone had to save you?
A swimmer who is caught in a rip tide gets sucked out to sea by a current more powerful than even the best swimmer in the olympics can swim.
The swimmer who is astute will relax and flow with it. It won't suck you out to sea forever. After a while, it will stop, and you can swim back in if you move out of the flow a little.
The knowledgeable swimmer will further know, while they are being sucked out to sea, that the current is only about twelve feet wide at most. By swimming parallel to the beach a short distance, they will be out of the rip tide entirely. Then they will have a shorter swim back because they recognized it early.
Does this make sense?
What I will ask now, is, 'what is the one difference between the three swimmers?' All three get sucked out to sea. One fights it, one doesn't, and the third one literally 'takes a short cut' and gets out of the current.
It is their reaction to the rip tide which sets them apart.
Does this make sense?
I offer this only as information to help you in your personal growth, to make your life more pleasant and manageable for you.
I myself have come to be an old hat at this. It seems every time I approach some well-deserved rest, professional duty--either at work or in my off-time--calls.
As you may already know, I have my jewelry making and gardening to give me relaxation and joy. My house is having foundation and structural problems, but since it's a townhouse and my neighbors aren't all that interested in how their house is affecting mine, I've had to retain a lawyer. This is expensive, and equally non-productive.
My plate is full.
I work just under full-time. I am eighty percent with my anesthesia group at the hospital.
In the last three weeks, my niece, my mother in law (I call her mom, Anthony's grandma, and she calls me daughter), and my son have had serious health challenges and spent time in the hospital. I've had to drop everything, and go take care of what had to be done.
Superimpose on this, I have absolutely no control over my work schedule. I had to work late yesterday for a trade with a colleague, so I would have time off to go watch Anthony's school play in two weeks. The cases all switch around--even though I request my case lineup, for one reason or another during the workday in the Operating Room they all move around. I stay late. I don't get the best compensation compared to my colleagues because of the way they know how to 'play the game' better than I do. And I get yelled at! Constantly. My orthopedic surgeon made fun of my skills to my face and complained about the whole hospital. The recovery room is literally a thorn in my side--yesterday during a conversion from regional to general, the phone rang on my work station, then at the nurse's work station, about ten phone calls each. I'm doing patient care that demands all of my attention, and I let it ring. I can't tell you how many times at the beginning or ending of a case (think of it like a pilot with takeoff or landing) that damn phone rings with some nurse wanting to know if the patient is staying in the hospital overnight. All of this is well-documented in the medical record! But they call. I have to take it. With a smile. Yesterday, I called the nurse on it. When the patient was stable, I returned the call. She picked up and I listened to her message. Then I said, 'I have ears. They work. These calls are harassment and taking away from patient care. I will call you back. I won't forget. Please don't do this to me again. Thank you.'
On top of it all, after getting off work at nine p.m., I stopped by to see my niece and my sister in her room upstairs. It had been a long day, over twelve hours, with them upstairs and me in the O.R., not eating, and never being able to see them. She was happy to see me. It turned out they had many things to share. And the nurse couldn't get the finger stick for the blood sugar, after three tries. So I helped. I was the 'tourniquet' on the finger and my sister poked. It didn't even hurt and there was plenty for a sample. After we saw the fireworks from Disney from her room. They were so beautiful!
Then I got a nasty text from Anthony's father why I hadn't picked him up from his parents? It's 'not cool'. It was originally HIS weekend. He had plans. I traded everything the way he asked at the last minute. But I said, 'I have to work on Friday can you keep him?' He went to the ball game. He gave Anthony to his parents. His father has been taking two weeks off to care for his wife after her surgery. He was exhausted. He also had no concept of my niece only being out of ICU for one day (she almost died), or her PTSD of the hospital and her need to see me. He didn't know or comprehend the complexity of my cases, the technical challenges, or how much abuse I took in this long day.
But how could I fight it?
How could I raise his Consciousness enough to make him see?
I called immediately, apologized profusely, and drove to their house to pick Anthony up.
I didn't defend. I kept love in my heart. And I learned two very important things about myself:
- Not paying attention to time is a self-preservation in my specialty. If I focused on when I get home, I would just lose it completely. It is totally depressing never to know when I will come home on any given day. One slow surgeon and too many emergencies for those taking call together--three of us, in order--can throw all your plans out the window! (Last night, after having had only one handful of Paleo mix and one cup of water for dinner, I gave up and Anthony and I went to Denny's. More on this later.)
- I always have to be 'on'. I always have to be 'responsible'. No matter how many lives I save, no matter how stressful my day, it does not excuse me from making sure my behavior is 'appropriate' to the people who are close to me in my life. Even if it would be nice if they would cut me some slack, I can never expect it. Because they live in a world where their time is under their control, I have to toe the line that is set by them. It's not fair to me in any way at all, to have so much expected of me everywhere I am...but it IS what it is...and I can't control everything.
I work with Archangel Raphael. He literally came the second time my niece went to have the ultrasound of her clotted PICC line. I felt his presence. Everything went well.
I have my 'teams'.
Last night, on the drive home, Ross sent me the sweetest energy. Oh yes, and when my angry Russian was yelling at me and the O.R. and everything was a huge hurry and emergency and stress--Ross mentioned to me, 'Can you imagine what he is like in bed?' OMGosh that one totally cracked me up--the same behaviors undoubtedly are with him in a romantic setting--all the chaos and the bluster!
At Denny's they have a claw machine where you can win a prize. I wanted the green hedgehog. I love hedgehogs. I took out a couple dollars and said, Anthony, win it for me...Anthony is very good at this game.
The hedgehog was just on the edge next to the chute. He tried and tried and missed it. I got two more dollars. The last time, he was very focused and had a different energy. He got it! He handed it to me and I jumped up and down and hugged him and kissed him.
I asked how he did it?
He said, 'Ross told me how mom. Ross told me how to get it for you.'
What the daily practice of Accepting and Allowing does, is opens your heart to your Life Lessons.
There always is a breather after the tests, just like my Denny's with my hedgehog after my long hard day.
Cultivating a spirit of Welcoming What Is has the ability to help you better understand yourself and others. You will not be held hostage by your many emotions, your concept of 'how things should be', and essentially, that little three letter word that starts with an 'E' and rhymes with 'me go'...the one we think everyone else has but we of course do not! LOL LOL LOL (that goes for me too! <3))
This spirit of 'Welcoming What Is' is very advanced for the Consciousness. All the Galactics have it. And it's a really nice way to experience Life.
In summary, try to think of the forces of Life that are causing you stress as a giant rip tide.
Pay attention to the forces you can't see that are pulling you so strongly in one direction.
Your reaction is the only thing that is going to make a difference in how it turns out.
Remember there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Sometimes when you are closer to Ascension, the lessons come a little more suddenly and faster--because it is getting you 'complete'...and if you are already Ascended, it might be for you to hold the space (the energy vibration) for others, like myself with Anthony's father and grandfather last night.
Remember you can also initiate ways to work with your lessons and with the energies too.
My niece is terrified of her PICC line. She hates it. I see it completely different:
- it saved her life
- it keeps her from getting stuck every day for blood draws
- the clot extended her hospital stay which was what the whole family wanted (the line is patent but the clot surrounds it in the vessel)
- it gives her an opportunity to face her fears and grow from the lessons in her shadow side
Am I going to mention anything to her?
Am I going to love?
Am I going to come up with a ridiculous name for it, just like my mom did with her kidney graft and stoma, and my niece did with her kidney graft? You bet!
I named it 'Petunia PICC', after Porky Pig's lady!!! I'm going to keep loving and calling it Petunia--in my heart--just to hold the space for my niece to come around.
It's my 'science experiment' LOL. Let's see how this 'working with energy' thing goes!
Aloha and Mahalos,