Yesterday was a day where I was able to manifest things without much effort. I was blessed with a good night's sleep (post-call) and not being called in.
I had an unusual morning, energy-wise. I couldn't seem to get 'going'. Time slipped by, and I had to rush to get to my late start case. I had called ahead to see if the hospital needed me. They did.
But mid-commute, I was called and someone offered to do my case. I was a little miffed because I would have liked to have stayed home all day, and not had to turn around and go home. I paused while being asked permission to let others do my case. It was my right to keep it and to earn my day's keep.
Then I remembered my niece.
She had been admitted to my old hospital--with hypovolemic shock following a severe case of the flu. Only the hospital had been full. So she had been in the hospital for two days, in the same ER room! I accepted the offer, and turned the direction to where she was.
Everything had changed so much I could barely recognize the area! It's been seven years since I left. (Incidentally, my twenty-year anniversary as an M.D. is some time this month, not sure of the date. I came to this hospital in June 1996. My highest level was Associate Professor.)
I went to park and the parking structure is nightmarish. I found an old lady who was walking to her car. I stopped and put on my blinker.
Would you believe she checked her texts? Put her glasses on and off about three times? And she took off all her scarves? THEN she put on MAKEUP???
She knew I was there, waiting. And traffic was really messed up because I was blocking a lane.
But I wasn't going to give up.
Next you know, a resident breezed past, and two spots over, pulled out and I got into the space just like that! I had waited ten minutes for that old woman--I had my little parking stub to pay--but Spirit provided just what I needed.
I also had to go into two separate entrances to be redirected to the ER one.
THIS is a place where my boy and I used to give the razzberry or 'Bronx cheer' when we would drive by on our way to Disneyland! I have like, almost PTSD from how I was treated here, how I was edged out by my group.
THIS TIME I FELT NOTHING!!!
It just 'is' or 'was'...and it can't hurt me any more.
I actually saw some people I knew, and some places where I had worked. I had to see the trauma rooms in the ER, for old time's sake. (One building was torn down for earthquake 'non-safety'--but the other still was the same.)
The clerk behind the bulletproof glass in ER admissions confessed she would NEVER come to this hospital--I explained how sad it was for my niece, and she said some people have waited in the ER for three days to get a bed. I told her it would never happen at my hospital.
My niece cried tears of relief once she knew I was coming to visit her. I have a feeling these 'tears of relief' are going to be a common thing once I get to know people, and the public gets to know me. These tears are very healing; it is a sign that the energy of Heaven is near, one is embraced by Unconditional Love, and all the defenses are dropped by the weary soul who is incarnate.
I just sat.
I stayed for five hours there in that room. My sister took a nap. My brother-in-law brought lunch from the cafeteria.
I hadn't really eaten breakfast. Not a healthy one. But there was a second breakfast tray delivered to my niece's room. There was an omelet with cheese. The family didn't want it, so I ate it. I had a cup of coffee too. (there was a lot of styrofoam there--including the tray--I hope they upgrade it soon. I dislike styrofoam. Please avoid using it whenever possible. It is total havoc on Earth's delicate ecosystems.)
Lunch made me smile.
I had a vow that I would never train for residency at a place that didn't serve sushi.
I hadn't had sushi in seven years at my new work, but my brother-in-law brought the trays of it, the stuff I used to live on all the time while I worked there! It was totally the same!
My niece and I were alone for a bit. I gently explained to her that she needs to 'learn the language' of medicine because her mom completely doesn't speak it. There had been concern with her i.v. Her mother couldn't communicate to the teams properly. She used words like 'hot' and 'swollen'. I shared with my niece the words 'infiltrated' and to 'look for blood return' would have been better understood by the nurses, many of which are quite new. I also said that when people get potassium 'riders', the veins can react and it's not uncommon for a vein to infiltrate after the kind of treatment she has had.
Medically speaking, I was more the sister and aunt than the doctor. If it had been my patient, I would have pushed to get a new i.v. and stay another night in the hospital. There are sound medical reasons to be cautious in her case. But for my niece and my sister, who AREN'T medical, the trauma of another i.v. insertion was not worth it. They wanted to be home.
It's the funniest thing about my old hospital. Nobody pushes you around in wheelchairs any more. They have these 'self-serve' ones that look like modified shopping carts. Family members must push their loved ones to the ER and also to the car. I couldn't believe this 'cost saving' measure when all the decoration and design is 'pricey' everywhere else.
I helped her to the car, and waved them off.
I stopped by the old outpatient surgery place I used to work. It's all 'dolled up'. It was full. And I found the old bathroom I used to use when Anthony was a baby. I'd changed his diapers in there once. It hadn't changed at all.
Spirit is nudging me in a new direction--and my old ties to my places of work--San Diego too--are being emphasized. This is happening at a slow pace, and I'm thankful for the guidance.
I went straight from the hospital, to Anthony's school. We briefly stopped home, and then he had a band concert.
He played well. Again, I had someone to sit next to, a friend and fellow single mom. Our boys have been together since kindergarten. That's been seven years too.
Creator Writings yesterday said, 'It's not what people say about you, it's what you think about yourself'.
I hardly ever think of myself.
I just AM.
I am Love that Walks Around On Two Feet.
I am Love in Action.
I go where I am needed.
Last night, in meditation, I almost got the same feeling I used to get when I remembered being a Seraphim, in that room with all the light, where we--all of us--gave Glory to Creator. I LIKE that room, it's the best feeling I ever have had. I remember the humming sound we used to make with our wings.
Last night, it was just silent connection to Source. I didn't have to think. I didn't have to speak. I just WAS and I enjoyed being in the energy of Creator, the field of Love, that communicates everything without saying a single word.
Carla is having a rough patch.
Carla is overwhelmed by all her accomplishments and concerns. (he moves his hands kind of like he's juggling--ed).
Carla is trying to make 'all the pieces fit'...and she CAN'T.
This is IMPOSSIBLE from the perspective of being incarnate.
(one finger up--ed) But I can see!
(he flashes the story of the tapestry God makes of our life---ed) From where I sit, the design is completely beautiful, and never before created.
The same is true to you and your life stories too.
Hold on to them. They are precious and dear. You do not need to understand them.
(he flashes a picture of little children painting--some finger painting, some with brushes--totally absorbed in the process--ed)
I am very very proud of what you are doing--creating new life for yourself and others!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple