This is one of the most important things I have ever discovered in my spiritual growth towards Ascension.
It is also one of the most difficult to find the words to get across...
It is Self-Love.
There is no substitute for it.
Nobody else can give it to you.
Like the foundation for a home, any other relationships which are built without the foundation of genuine, honest lovingkindness to your self--will falter.
Yet for me, for years, the concept seemed both boring and unreachable.
My earliest years were filled with genuine self-love. I was happy and content just to be alive! I had no expectations, nor judgement of anyone I met.
Until I discovered friends called people like that 'stuck up' and made fun of them.
I learned to hide.
I hide it very well.
My close friend and babysitter Heather found that out about me about five years ago. She said, blurting out in surprise, 'you suffer from low self-esteem!'
I am quite adept at hiding it behind my accomplishments.
But I was found out. I didn't have the slightest clue how to fix it. I'd been to counselors. I'd done Reiki daily on myself and others.
I just didn't have a clue!
Perhaps some of you have excellent self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-love?
Perhaps some of you are struggling with the self-loving concept?
What IS self-love???
I think it's a little like professionalism. It's hard to describe but you can sure notice when it is absent!
One starting point is to replace the word 'self love' with 'self preservation'...
Here is an example. I have been to three emergency rooms in two weeks. My niece, my 'mother in law', and my son both have had serious health concerns.
My work has also been really long hours--long call shifts--which are exhausting.
I followed my heart and did what I needed to do to help my niece and my family. It has been three days straight of pushing me to my physical and emotional limits to get everything done.
Today I had the day off. I was going to sleep in but was woken up by my sister at six thirty in the morning. The docs wanted to give a transfusion, would it be okay? (by the way she is still texting me now...at nine thirty p.m.)
It was a good question. I spent time looking it up on the internet. I remembered leukocyte-reduced, irradiated blood products to reduce risk of CMV infection, from medical school, and I'm glad I was right.
Then I excused myself from her, and went back to sleep. I spent the day in total seclusion. I slept until ten. I even went out in the back yard, put a blanket out, and lay on the grass to get some sun.
I am a serious believer in the energy healing qualities of the sun. I had it cleanse, along with the violet flame--everything in my energy system. I just soaked in in.
I needed it. I knew later I would pick Anthony up from school, drive back to my work to see my niece who is in that same hospital, and drive back.
The dishes are in the sink. The animals are fed. Nothing has been tidied up. The mail is just sitting on the table where I opened it.
This is an example of 'self preservation' or 'self love'. I am in 'energy-saver' mode!
In medicine, your career will suck the life out of you if you let it. There is always someone in need of your skills. There is always a favor to give, a call to trade. It won't stop.
There are people out there like that too. Who ask and ask and take and take. They might not even realize it. It's just the way they are.
The second major point of today's talk is that you can take all that stuff that is taught in church about self-sacrifice, and take a good long look at it. Being a good Christian or Buddhist does NOT mean to give every last ounce of your vitality away to prove your love for Creator!
When you are living a life from the heart, you give what you feel so moved to give. And you are always an outside observer of yourself and your actions. When there is imbalance, it is wise to put a halt to the energy flow. And allow it time to correct.
The last point is letting Spirit guide you. The more you can focus on the present moment, the more flexibility Spirit has to move you through your lessons. I was in the Here and Now and talking with my sister on the phone this afternoon, when I saw what looked like either a leaf or a bird's wing in the spillover part of my fountain. After I hung up the phone, I went and took a look.
It was a baby bird, with a few flight feathers but not all. It had drowned. Perhaps it had fallen while learning to fly? Or as Anthony believed, flown into the window and bounced in?
I found a container, and picked it up out of the fountain.
I started bawling.
I started with sorrow in my heart for Ross' death. And for all the cruelty and suffering Earth has endured for generations upon generations. I cried for the poor bird who died, and for it's parents, who must be frantic. I cried for all the animals who have suffered. For all the souls on earth, human and animal, plant and mineral...who have endured such pain!
I went through a burial, to wrap the bird in my prettiest napkins, adding flowers from my fresh bouquet, and my favorite Aussie Bite from Costco--with oats and dried apricots--like a healthy cookie. I took it outside and found a burial spot in the yard. I marked it with the lemon from Stephanie's bouquet, a fake lemon on a stick. The baby is near the nest under the eaves in the back yard. I told the nest--the mom wasn't in it--'mama I'm sorry'...
It was good for me to cry. And it is good for me to see how my sorrow is just always under the surface, raw...and to respect it about myself. I've been through a lot. And that's okay.
Does this make sense to you, the talk of 'self preservation' or 'self love'?
In essence, it takes a strong, healthy 'self' to be able to Love others in a healthy manner.
Be certain to take the time to know yourself, your own special circumstances, in all of your incarnations you can remember, and to stay in the moment carefully listening to your best teacher, which is your heart.
Honor it. In doing so, you will honor you. And then you will be able to love and enjoy others, and have the relationships which add so much to our lives...
In the end, your loved ones are all mirrors of you--teaching you lessons so you can have advanced knowledge in 'self-love opportunities' and grow.
Aloha and Mahalos,