Shattering The Illusion
Lately I am on 'assignment', exercising very deep focus and discipline, on my innermost thoughts.
As the actors in a musical theater show make a 'curtain call' at the end, I have been permitted to witness who has been playing 'what role' in my life, with me...with the guidance of Ross and spirit:
- My high school boyfriend Tom was played by the energy of Ross--who like the others--has the ability to be 'present' in the Illusion without my knowing it. Ross said he wanted 'my first kiss'. Which he did get <3 On the way home last night from work I was thinking that the whole point of that lesson was to teach me 'goodbye' or more significantly, 'goodbye is not the end'. I wasn't very good at learning this lesson, not in ANY of my past lives, including this one here now.
- My first husband Mark was played by the energy of Archangel Michael--who taught me that things are not what they seem; handsome can turn to ugly in spirit, husband can turn against wife, and illness can strike at any time (I had brain surgery). I also learned that healing is the most important motivator that exists. When I remembered the buried memory of sexual assault on my person as a four-year-old twenty two YEARS after the fact, I wanted to heal. My husband, who had similar past 'experiences' with being abused, wanted to 'sweep it under the carpet'. So I studied really hard, got myself into medical school, and began a new life. On waking up from brain surgery, the first thing I heard was the voice of an angel, which said, 'Leave Clorox (my work) and Leave Mark (my husband) I did exactly that.
- My second husband Frank was played by the energy of Archangel Raphael. In this marriage I learned that there is no comfort, no 'settling' and when things get bad it is important to find your way OUT. Again, the drive to heal, to exist in Peace, and to have freedom of spirit is a powerful motivator...
- My 'baby daddy' Jared was played by the energy of Ross. This explains the 'transformation' into the being of light during the conception of my son--the Illusion 'faded', either by accident or not by accident. Even now there was a miracle just yesterday. Anthony bitterly shared on the way to work that two months ago his father and new live-in girlfriend Jessica--promised him a new mattress, and took him 'just looking' but never actually gave him anything. He was sleeping on his father's old mattress that was from his LAST girlfriend who lived with him who left when Anthony was three. It was lumpy and uncomfortable, but the worst was the disappointment what his father didn't keep his word, and Anthony had been all excited about 'his own room' with the 'new bed'. Ross said 'I will take care of it.' to both Anthony and I in the car on the way to school. I also said a prayer in my heart for all the insanity that children are subjected to due to 'co-parenting'--how they sleep on couches and air beds and have to travel back and forth and are the emotional pawns in some relationships...I asked for this to be healed in 5D--as a first priority for all Gaia inhabitants, to HONOR the younger generation, and give them the best 'start' they can possibly get. Last night I drove after a long day at work from my clean laundry basked to Jared's house--where Anthony was spending the night--because the poor boy has two shirts, and the only one he liked--NOT a v-neck tee shirt--was in the laundry basket. Well, guess what? Anthony had gotten a new bed. His father and girlfriend had bought it THAT DAY. I got to lay on it and it is very comfortable, and good quality. I am happy Ross pulled some miracle, and got this done.
Ross had told me to make my bed 'as if I was coming' yesterday morning. I wasn't sure what to expect. I hardly ever make my bed.
Well, Jared's house is near Target. And I stopped by there after dropping off the clothes. And Ross' energy was with me...
We shopped. This is the second time Ross' presence has been more interactive with me in a shopping setting, the first was at the crystal store, where he gave me my valentine's gift, a beautiful Ajoite crystal that cost exactly thirty-three dollars.
One of the rarest and most sought after stones in the world.
Wonderful Angel and Healing mineral.
Ajoite is a strengthener, healer and harmonizer of the emotional body. Its sweet vibrations not only soothe us the also draw out the poison of one's subconsciously held sorrow, fears, rage and old woundings. Ajoite reminds us of beauty, both inner and outer, and it inspires us to bring more beauty into the world through all the things we say and do. Ajoite can help one awaken the emotions of compassion and forgiveness, first for oneself and then for all beings.
Ross guided me to the cooking aisle. And there was one eight inch ceramic 'green pan' frying pan, swinging back and forth, from side to side on the hook.
I watched it.
It kept swinging.
I know the laws of science, and a pendulum swing gets a little shorter with each pass, and due to friction, will stop altogether.
It kept swinging the same way the whole time I looked, as if to say, 'This is the one I want you to get Carla'.
I had no idea why. I already have a similar pan. And two others I have to scrub hard, in the same size.
I bought it.
Everyone who shops at Target loves the clearance rack. I found some soda bottles that were less than two dollars for four of them, in grapefruit with chamomile and cardamom. But there was ONE coconut something soda too.
I took two carriers--eight bottles-home. Seven grapefruit, one coconut.
All through the store I kept saying to myself, my missing Anthony is ILLUSION. My sorrow is ILLUSION. In reality, back Home in Heaven, we are never separated like this. My urge to cry is ILLUSION and I wouldn't allow it.
Once home, I kept saying, 'I surrender. I accept this life. It isn't anything I even wanted or even would pick, but I surrender.' I had worked over ten hours, eaten a handful of almonds, and one more handful of pretzels, and a string cheese, and driven to Jared's. It was nine o'clock and I was home...quiet..the pets needing to be fed...and no time for anything I want to do, except finish one sudoku I had started two days ago...
I am behind you...said Ross. I felt it. I felt his height, his energy, across the room.
I hung my head into the bag of groceries on the stove, and I cried. Big sobs. And I told myself--this is not real! This is ILLUSION!
When I lifted my head up, the carrier of soda bottles fell on the hard floor, and shattered. The bottle necks were halfway across the room. Glass and sticky soda were everywhere.
I got the paper towels, and bend down to clean it up.
I felt the sharp sting of glass on my right hand, and drew it back instantly. The was blood with the soda now, as I slowly took the bag with the broken glass in it, dripping, to the trash in the garage, and came back to clean up the mess.
Over and over I said, 'This is ILLUSION. Even my pain, even my blood, is ILLUSION. There ARE no tears in Heaven. This is a LIE. I reject it.'
I got the idea of my swiffer. I looked and the pads were under the sink, a little dry. I added water. I couldn't find the broom mop stick thingy that you put them on. But the pads were thick and I used a whole box of them.
I had concern for being able to walk in bare feet again in the kitchen. Those little pieces, the splinters of glass, are sharp and you can't see them! Even when you think it is all clean.
I was calm. Resolute. And hungry for dinner. I looked in the fridge and saw that some produce had gone bad. I cleared all of the old icky stuff out.
Then I realized--out of the four bottles that fell, only two were broken.
I decided I want to be one of the UNBROKEN bottles, in my experience of the ILLUSION. No matter what it throws at me, no matter how hard things come down...I don't have to allow it to break me.
I went to sleep, and now here it is, 5:55 a.m. LOL. I have 4,555 'likes' on the page right now too. It looks like it's time for change.
And also time for me to get ready for work. I have a doozie of a surgeon I am assigned to work with today. The work never stops--my spiritual work--he's going to make the glass from last night seem 'easy' by comparison.
This is Carla as a new mother.
Ten years has passed and her love for Anthony is unwavering. It has GROWN.
And so has her love for me.
I took Carla through the lessons of her life, one on one, with a little help from the others, in order to guide her on her lessons.
From Michael, this is her lesson: Discern!
for how can Michael wield his sword and know what to cut and what to keep, if he couldn't master this ability?
From Raphael, this is her lesson: Heal Thyself!
Value the emotional health, the experience of Life, the perception, and have the confidence to seek out 'what is best for you'. You are WORTH IT.
From myself, this is a powerful lesson, that has proved exceedingly difficult for her to master: Goodbye is not The END--not the end of YOU, not the end of US, not the end of anything... I want Carla to know that our NEXT lesson, I am never going to leave her, ever, and there are no more goodbyes for us. And this has been the truth of this incarnation, I have always been with her, and now Carla wears the little Byzantine gold cross around her neck, which I gave to her through Tom, as her first gift from her first boyfriend, who really loved her with all his heart at the moment he gave it as a gift. It was from me, just like how I got the mattress to Anthony last night.
There are ways, powerful ways that many do not, cannot, understand, which are normal for all of us here, where I am...
And you shall learn to master them.
Carla went and checked with someone who has ties to Source--and this in fact WAS true, who played what in Carla's life. The 'roles'.
This is not as true for everybody. Some are 'aspects' and some are 'teachers' who are on their own, like Djwhal Khul, for example. All of the main 'lessons' are under the direct guidance and supervision and instruction of a master teacher of the soul...
That's why I invite everyone to meditate.
Sooner or later, one day, people are going to figure it out--everything! (big smile--and he takes a bow at the curtain call--and I hear thundering applause...)
Aloha and mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The emerging couple who is from Heaven <3