I don't know what to title this article--I experienced something so different, something so deep in my soul I don't have words to describe it for you.
Even the description here just isn't enough.
Yesterday I went to the happiest place on Earth for me, the Butchart Garden. Last year, I sucked in the beauty of Nature in huge gulps into my soul, for I knew I needed the strength to get me through the next year...I wanted to take it with me.
This year I didn't have any of those feelings. I was calm, and enjoyed very much taking photographs of absolutely everything. I adore my camera, I'm pretty good with a lens, and Anthony says I should begin selling my photos online to the same website I purchase them for this blog.
It happened on the second time I went to the Japanese Garden. It was twilight, and the gardens were empty except for us and a few people.
The sounds of the falling water were so soothing for my soul!
I needed it.
I needed this tranquility, this peace, this serenity, this order, this beauty, this sacredness and I didn't want to leave!
I almost burst into tears at the thought of having to go back to my life, back to my routine, back to my house, back to everything.
At the same moment, I gave thanks for I realized something is definitely WRONG with my current existence. It does not go well with my soul; I am held back. I can't put my finger on it, but somewhere between needing 'more beach' and 'more sleep' my soul is crying out for All Divine Assistance.
You know those times when you admit you don't know how you got yourself into your situation, but on a soul level, you are deeply unhappy and you need help to find your way?
There is always a breakthrough when one gets to that point.
And for me, I see the results of my overwork, and how my soul longs for freedom.
I do not comprehend the significance of 'being love'.
My experience is I am in a body, I don't know why, or for how long, and this is absolutely terrifying.
My body would like nurturing, warmth, love, and compassion, and easier lessons.
My soul longs for peace and harmony. When I was at Lee Carroll's thing, I sent the daily healings, including Divine Peace, And Kryon noted it through Lee on the free channelling. He said, mockingly, 'Someone here longs for PEACE and wants it VERY MUCH' and in the next breath, 'I KNOW WHO YOU ARE'. (I had been testing Kryon to see if Kryon is real, and if IT knows my true identity).
It made me feel icky and dirty to hear it. And I know things from Source are always welcoming, true, loving, and kind. Never a trick.
I want so very much for success in our missions, whatever they are...
I just told Ross I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
To me, as a seraphim, and I have full memories of this, I AM Love and I am not content just to BE love. The whole point of my existence is to AIM it and to have LOVE FLOW. I worship Creator. There is great joy in being able to be in the vibration of the whiter than white glowing, with my other fellow seraphim, and just totally and completely give myself to Creator and make the Sound. I can't explain it any better than this, but it is the total and complete sound of joy and fulfillment. It has nothing to do with Ross or anyone I know, I just AM and I experience this forever.
When I am in skin, I am similarly taking my love, and AIMING it--to those I heal, to my loved ones, to my patients and colleagues in the hospital, to animals.
For some reason, I am not content to just SIT and experience the love that I am.
Does this make sense?
For love is connection.
It doesn't sit high on a hill for everyone to admire. It flows and is action, through lovingkindness, and interaction.
I can sit motionless and connect to Source like the best of them. To be frank--and I speak for myself only--what interests me is talking with my guides. And everything else just doesn't stick with me through my day, it doesn't make anything better, and I know I'm supposed to do it. I would rather do sit-ups in the time, or pushups (which I am terrible at)--because I can see and understand it.
The rest--much as it is recommended--including by Ross--I am afraid I am incapable of appreciating it like I am supposed to.
Will I continue, in my incomprehension and unhappiness, to meditate?
It is the only way out of here.
It is the ONLY way out.
So I leave.
Temporarily, in meditation, I go to get a quick taste of whatever it is I am when I am not incarnate.
To be honest, again, and I am brutally honest today, I don't enjoy it or even like it, what I am, when I am UP. I don't know the 'ground rules' there any more than I do here. I only like learning whatever my guides see fit to show me.
I don't think anyone has it all figured out, the answers. Except possibly Ross, when he was incarnate--even then he couldn't communicate it to me in a way that made a meaningful difference in my life back then when were were both incarnate...and now? Well, I still struggle.
Is it worth it to push yourself and grow?
I say this with total and complete clarity and trust.
I believe we are like a mosaic work of art.
And EVERY picture, every 'sense' of what Reality is like--every single one of our perceptions--contributes to the whole.
Once everyone is locked in and beaming their perception of Truth into the Collective Consciousness--we are Home at last.
When I say, 'everyone', really, I mean enough people who are awake and perceiving things to 'tip' the balance between those who are awake and those who are asleep.
I am awake, and complaining about it. It's not nice of me, and probably rude to my guides for me to be honest like this, and complain. But I do. I want to know MORE. I want to see MORE. It is uncomfortable for me not to know MORE. I don't want anything hidden. I want all of the people on earth to be free to love and enjoy the beautiful life experience. I want fear to be long gone from this planet, and for LOVE like what envelops a typical Galactic society to take root here.
I wish I could say with my heart, 'All is Well'--I know according to Ross and all his channeled messages, all IS well and everything is exactly as it is supposed to be.
Yesterday, in the garden, Ross wanted me to take two pictures.
Here is the one:
Then for the other, I had wanted to take the photo, but there was someone sitting on it. There was a time at the end of the day I could take it, but I gave up.
The rose bush caught me by the arm! I couldn't walk by it. It was my new eight dollar super on sale merino wool blue sweater (I had to sew shut the few holes on it)--and I was terrified it would get a new hole! I stopped and tried to get myself off the thorns. I noticed there was NO hole and also not a scratch. I understood it was Ross and thanked him and took the picture:
You can see the little hearts on the benches. Jenny Butchart has hearts on her doorknob and stained glass windows for the house too. I like the little hearts.
I wish Ross would do things that stop me in my tracks like that more often.
When it comes down to it, I have no 'object permanence'--I am perpetually like a two-year old who thinks mom has disappeared forever when she is out of view, when it comes to Ross and Home and all those good things.
I think it's the veil, the Illusion, and I wish with all my heart it would just leave!
I don't have all the answers.
I am trying hard to get my piece of the puzzle shiny and fresh for my part in the big mosaic.
And I strain my eyes to see how the rest of the mosaic is going.
Today is a super huge date for something--some 'Gate' or whatever. That's what people say online lately. Some astronomical thing.
Who knows what is true? People out there are saying EVERYTHING! LOL. I saw something on the Atlantean Conspiracy that says the world is flat and the space program is a hoax and they are all Masons...I watched twenty four minutes of it and just gave it to Creator because everyone can make something make sense with the right camera footage...
Anyhow, I am blessed blessed blessed to have a few more days of vacation. I am enjoying the free time, and am putting in a request to my teams to help me find a happy balance, and to feel Ross just as close as that thorn bush grabbed me at the Butchart.
I am looking forward to what he has to write, just as much as you, too. Let's see if he has something to say. I miss his presence--I wish it was front and center of everything I see and do--but he's sometimes busy...and has been that way for almost as long as I can remember him. I'm thankful for all he does, too. Even though I can't understand any of that stuff either!
Carla took this photo.
It is the largest male killer whale in the Southern Resident L pod about to swim under the boat.
If you look closely under the water you can see the white patch just in front of the flukes (tail).
This is phenomenal, a once in a lifetime shot from a hobby of going up to Victoria every year for the past six years only to see the orcas in the wild.
Now, Carla had to work for the money to pay to go up to British Columbia. Carla had to buy the camera and learn how to make it go. Carla had to go on enough Eagle Wing Eco-Tours to get a 'good customer' discount.
Carla has gone enough times to make the news with Adam Sawatsky, and for the entire hotel staff to watch Anthony as he has grown up from age five to eleven where he is today.
(holds one finger up!--ed) And Carla had to make this cruise in a jacket that was too big--a warming, arctic flotation jacket--which was zipped up so only her eyes showed through a slit between her toque (ski hat, pronounced too-kuh) and her nose rubbed the zipper. She was drenched to oblivion from the ice cold rain and the wind, in horror at the cold, and wishing if they could just please go back to the dock she was so miserable.
And so was Anthony. Although he didn't complain, the smile was off his face, and he zipped his jacket up (he never zips) and he huddled to her for warmth.
Carla's beloved camera was in the rain and getting wet, in order to take this shot.
(one finger goes up--ed) Although there were plenty of other shots--describe them for me Carla (humpback whale fluke times one, many dorsal fins, mostly farther, of the orcas--ed) would you not admit the sheer power of the orca is displayed clearly and unmistakably in this shot?
Now...was it worth it?
Is Carla wet and cold as she types these notes from my words to her to you? (no, I'm warm and my tummy is full--ed)
Is Carla obsessed with the misery she endured to get that nice photo of the whale?
No. The minute there was hot chocolate on the dock, and her wet outer clothes were off, Carla was all right. She was a little shaken, a little chilled, but thankful for the cup of warm, sweet, soothing cocoa that was free. She had a nice meal, and after it was a pot of warm chamomile tea that took the chill out of her bones.
And if she catches a cold from all of the exposure, it will most certainly be an annoyance, a setback, but nothing out of the ordinary, is it not?
And (the finger goes up--ed) this photo of the dorsal fin of the orca is EXTRAORDINARY, is it not?
I bring you all the free cups of hot chocolate, for you in your parallel situations. (he moves his hands out far in gesture--ed).
I bring you all the hot coffee you need, your warm chamomile tea you can drink to your satisfaction, your herbal tea, your Irish Breakfast tea...anything you desire to make the ride smooth until you are coming home.
That's all I have to give, when you are in meditation. They are little warm cups with the tiny marshmallows on top, for you to drink and get your fill of the energy of home, the nurturing, warmth, love and compassion for which you are homesick for.
Even on earth we have homesickness. I had it for Carla while I was on my ministry. I had it all the time. I wanted her love for me, her caring, and her truly warm cup of tea that only she could blend with the honey and herbs from the garden. Wherever we were, be it in the desert or India or where I grew up, that is what Carla grew and tasted like Home for me.
(leans back and puts his arms on the backs of the chairs besides him, crosses his legs--ed) I had my journey.
Now you have your own, and Carla has hers.
There is suffering (wags finger from side to side--ed) but only if you let it get to you.
It takes a strong mind, a strong heart (both of which Carla has, I can attest to this!)--and a little courage to see the job done. And a strong work ethic!
By work I mean 'a willingness to experience the process and to allow spirit to work with you, to process what is holding you back, and to release it to us.'
Carla, in my opinion, gave great testimony today, in her heart, that Carla DOESN'T know all the answers, that this stage of her soul development is not comfortable for her, and she openly admits it--and yet she is not throwing out the process into the bathwater but is keeping to her growth as The Only Way Out and embracing it for all its worth, even by her own words if it doesn't interest her and she doesn't understand enough to make sense of it.
Stick with the program.
For all of you are blessed.
You might not be chilled to the bone and wet and a little seasick on an open boat by the San Juan Islands...but you in your equivalent...are...
And YOU will get the image of a lifetime you have prepared all this time to get, just like Carla with her camera brings this image to all of us today.
I want you to hang in there! Complaining is human--it's optional--it doesn't really help but you can indulge in it as long as you are keeping to your commitments you made to us before you incarnated upon Gaia. I am speaking straight with you now, Carla too, and sternly to her at that. (he smiles--ed)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla