I have not taken OB call now all month. It is only the ninth and I am noticing I am feeling better. I have less interruption with my sleep, because I am not being woken up to go and place epidurals.
Sometimes things have to change--and it's uncomfortable to 'go with the flow'--but it's for the best.
Now I only take OR call, and when things are good, you can go home and sleep the rest of the night after all the cases are done.
This article really validates my sense that taking all that OB call is not good for my health, nor for my family, as it was getting harder and harder to recover from the sleep deprivation.
Many people can't understand why I am so candid about our relationship, for example, yesterday's bracelet tossing into the ocean, and how it brought up a bad memory for both Ross and I to heal.
Yesterday was the first time we both talked about it, instead of trying to 'make it better' or 'sweep it under the carpet'.
And it worked!
Healing takes place in layers...we often revisit deeper levels of the trauma as the soul heals the way it was meant to do...no matter how many lifetimes one has walked upon the planet, does this make sense?
Well today was the first time I confided to Ross, how times are hard for me, and that I struggle.
The work, the household, the single-mother, my health (I never see a doctor)...it's really a lot...combined with all this spiritual work.
Today I was called to do what my soul was sent here to do. And I did my job, beautifully with Ross, my soul Twin. It is something that is confidential, and important to the Light, and only my soul vibration could do it. It was negotiation with an open heart, filled with Love, and no question whatsoever as the mediator I was sent to be. And it's done.
So I said, 'Ross? I STRUGGLE!' and he didn't laugh at me. He held me and said he is strong and can help out.
And I relaxed deeply.
He also told me that the things that stress me aren't the important ones, and the big thing I did today that was easy and a total joy to do was the important one, and I had done my work.
Even Ashtar showed up, in my meditations. And I confessed to him too, 'Ashtar, I STRUGGLE!' To this, he was the most understanding and kind he has ever been, and gave encouragement.
There is no work for me tomorrow. I have three days off this week. It's not enough to support my family if this continues. I will keep a check on it, but as I told Ross, I TRUST and I know one way or another things are going to work out.
Nature Versus Nurture
It is a well-known fact that once the person takes the intoxicant (alcohol, street drugs) on a regular basis, the natural PLEASURE CENTERS in the brain are 'hijacked', and only the chemical will create the same PLEASURE response to the brain.
My son is WAY WAY WAY into his video games. Fortunately, it's a sport one, and he's not shooting anyone.
Today I had to pull him off the TV several times.
I had to look into my heart for what I wanted to do...and my soul was SCREAMING to go for a walk in the neighborhood. It's pretty, very filled with trees...and I love the fresh air and sunshine and stretching my legs.
Anthony fought it. He stalled. I had to carry all the water bottles and jackets...
But when he figured out how to open the seed pods on some lilies, and when he saw the 'ripe' seeds for the first time, my whole being resonated with joy.
He 'got' Nature.
We came back, more TV. But we ate lunch on the porch swing. And afterwards, we planted some seeds.
"Mom? I like gardening.'
That one pleased me on so many levels! He is my Sicilian grandfather reincarnated. We all know this in the family--he even has the same noises and jokes....it was an honor to show the one who taught me the love of the garden, all the lessons he once taught me.
It didn't last for long. More video.
(that was when I took the nap and said, 'I Struggle!' to both Ashtar and Ross.)
Then we went to the sporting goods store. And had dinner. It was a nice dinner. But he was in a hurry for dessert (his birthday is soon--we don't often have it, but I'll work on his birthday--he's with Dad)
I made him wait.
We have a magnetic levitation science kit with about six experiments in it. I had him open it up.
Here is the extent of the brain damage that is caused to just about all boys nowadays:
- yesterday Steven Meadors gave Anthony some coins to start a collection. When Steven was Anthony's age, he had a book and a real COLLECTION. I had a stamp collection. Anthony doesn't have the patience to collect..and sit quietly...and enjoy something like that.
- with the kit today, I practiced a 'one direction at a time' strategy taught to me by some nurses who have boys. It crashed and burned. He had no interest in little parts and directions. He only wanted what was 'cool'. He didn't want to work to get it. Once the display was set, he enjoyed it.
- I taught him today how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. But he didn't finish it. He was like, 'mom can you do the rest?'
I am going to keep up with counteraction for 'today's toys' and 'entertainment' with him. I asked him point blank today--'do you not have any other toys in the house?'
We are so lucky. It could be much worse. He is a good boy, he is reasonable, and he loves nature.
The highlight was when I saw a dead tree, and was deeply saddened by it. The bark was falling off in chunks. Anthony tore off a slab, and squealed at the discovery of slugs and earthworms, beetles and spiders in there. Even things that are dead can be full of life! There were even mushrooms sprouting all along the old dead roots...
Spiritual Push Ups
Just for today I will ask for the thing I always wanted but can't seem to get (love, Twin Flame, abundance and prosperity) for SOMEONE ELSE and I will be genuine about it.
I will pray for their good fortune to happen, and when it does, I will be glad for them.
This was how I mastered my lesson, and became a mom after I had given up completely--I realized that there is no reason NOT for me to let them have their joy at a newborn, and even more, to share it. Newborns are a good thing, and it's really special, whether or not it happens to me personally.
That was April 2004. By June I was pregnant.
What is there to say? My choice in the music says it all--not the leaving part--but 'Whenever you call me, I'll be there'.
Call on us.
You know how to pick up the phone (just teasing)--just think it (points up) and we hear.
Heart to heart. It's as easy at that.
All of you have your teams who are ready to assist...
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla the Reiki Doc Twins