Friday, May 11, 2012

Atascadero: Chaos and Destruction of Life

Amidst Chaos and Threat to Life, if I am at work, I keep it together. The Universe has been calling me on my discomfort with chaos and death at home. Typically cool, calm, and collected, I get upset, deeply upset, in the comfort of my home. There have been little chaotic flurries, and only deaths of pets and wild animals, but they run deep to my core. I wonder what the Universe has been trying to tell me?

It started with the passing of our family fish. It had not looked good for a few days. I kept it in a bowl over my kitchen sink. We prayed over it and buried it. But I was troubled in my heart, and I felt guilty for perhaps not changing the water as often as I could. The fist lasted three years, which is long for a fish, but I felt saddened at the loss of my friend. Fish came to me, in spirit, and reassured me it was a long and happy life that he had lived, the life of a fish. But I was cranky over the loss for a day.

We have a bird nest under the eaves in our home. With joy I pointed out to my child the nest and we listened to the little peeps. Mom and Dad bird were actively feeding them. Later that day, I found a parent bird dead under the nest. It was still soft, not stiff. Horror penetrated my core. I decided to give the parent a proper burial in the garden, and I did, wrapping it in soft leaves and flowers first. The spirit of the bird, who was not as talkative as Fish, communicated thoughts: 1) appreciation for the care and concern 2)properly mourning the loss, which is not done in nature. I let it go, but was more irritable and cranky for the next day and a half.

My pet turtle, of over twenty years, has been ill. The treatments were not working, and I brought it in. The damage had progressed, and turtle lost a toe in that office. Reptiles are slow to heal, and it will take weeks to notice an improvement, if any. I might be faced with the long slow death of a beloved pet.

Next I found a lizard on the staircase! I scooped him up in a carrying case,  And set him free outside. Two days later, another one was on the screen. I scooped him up the same way too. Just a couple of unexpected surprises, that jolted me, and made me feel off balance.

Last night it was rat. Our snake does not always eat. I board the feeders, and love them dearly until it is their 'time'. The lighter one, the one with all the personality, had been breathing hard and not walking straight the night before. It had been leaning on the other rat, the hooded one. The other rat looked at me with confusion and distress at the plight of his cage-mate. Many feeder rats are infected with a mycoplasma, and both of these were no exception. They wheezed and sneezed often, which is not normal for a rat. I found light rat dead on the bottom of the cage, and other rat was in the corner, horrified. I found a small box, lined it with soft tissues, and gently put the dead one inside. The other rat was agitated and confused by my actions. I went into the garden, and picked leaves and flowers. I arranged them in the box. I put the box in the cage, showed other rat, and we prayed as I closed the box. The other rat knows it is doomed. It has been put into the snake cage about four times, and lived. The snake was not hungry. Now with the passing from disease, it knows its time is limited. With compassion, I said, 'it is not pleasant and good to be in this life at times like this. But there is reason for it.' and I felt it get more courage because it knew its death would not be trivialized in either case.

My child yanked open the fridge and spilled all the melon I had carefully cut into melon balls for our breakfast. China went clattering, and I was afraid it broke. The sticky mess was all over the fridge and the floor. This happened right when I was 'done' with the kitchen clean up and had been looking forward to a moment of rest. 'Get out of my kitchen!' I roared. Angry and upset, I fumed and cleaned up the messes.

For reason unknown, when faced with sudden and unexpected loss, I lose my composure completely.

I apologized to my son. The stress of work and home just broke me.

Reiki doesn't fix that in the way of 'preventing' outbursts and frustration. It provides a framework to deal with it constructively. And an awareness as an impartial observer of one's actions, and a desire to make things right. Why would there be so much chaos so soon? Will I be able to keep it together when the Mass Arrests commence? One can only hope these 'mini-quakes' to my present-day reality are in preparation for a smoother passage  with less reactivity in those coming times.


Reiki Doc