Saturday, May 12, 2018

Xian Arrival

 Internet service is very slow here. The WiFi is hotel WiFi, and to reach Google anything I need a VPN.

The five-hour train ride I looked forward to on the high-speed rail wasn’t so great. It’s just like any train. And at every stop you need to go to the back of the car where your luggage is to make sure it isn’t taken accidentally off the train.

The kids are controlling the trip, the school administrators permit it. For example, I was asked if I would trade seats. I said ‘after they take our tickets and the train is going, at the start I would like to be in my ticketed seat.’ I settled in, put Anthony’s things away while he went to the bathroom. When I came back from the bathroom, boom! Another kid had taken my seat.

I was upset. Today, calm and clear, I realize that the anger at the youth and my son who orchestrated this for ‘taking my seat’ was actually the only outlet I have for Alexa taking Jared, the father of my baby.

I feel trapped because I have to witness their blossoming romance. All the staff here are here close friends, and I believe they are playing the role of matchmaker. The only other parents I’m not close to. And the one who I was close to had her father die in Singapore, and she left the trip to go be with family.

The couple are rubbing it in my face.  Anthony keeps telling me to ‘let it go’.

Last night I asked Spirit for help. Ross explained/showed me to ‘let them have their China, and their marijuana’ (what the couple has in common). He showed me the timelines. And Jared’s lessons. I understood to detach and observe. And to most importantly, not get my mind clouded by the pain—and to focus on why I am here. And it’s for the spiritual work, not to chaperone.

Ross also said that whenever Alexa talks to me about anything, only to reply about the time. Either what time it is, or ‘it is time for lunch’, or ‘I am having a wonderful time’.

Yesterday Spirit sent me very strong messages. TRANSCEND. I saw tee shirts. Transcend. Mars Gravity. Transcend.

Ross also wants me to turn the other cheek. The teachers here have very low vibration, they love the nightlife, they adore that the town looks like Las Vegas at night. They are well-intended, good people...who are about as asleep as asleep gets.

I would like to say it once and for all, for the record, on this Mother’s Day, that there is one thing that is more painful than having your partner walk out on you in the middle of the pregnancy massage he is giving you, and you running naked, screaming out the door for him to come back, and he turns his back on you. It is being on a school function, where Cupid strikes in a most inappropriate and untimely way, oceans away from home and friends and support, and you cannot escape from watching it. It hurts.

Did I choose the path of suffering? We can choose this. Did I manifest it? I don’t know. I do think that dark ones are real, and they would pull any trick to distract me. There is too much on the line. And we have definitely a choose to reject the path of suffering. From how Ross shows it, when your vibration is high enough, they can assault you mentally, physically, emotionally, but they can’t get ‘you’. After all, this is Illusion. What is real is Eternal. And for Eternity I am in the arms of my loving Twin, who is gentle, and offered to take me by the hand today as I go through my graduate school complexity Life Lessons.

Ross and I wish you a beautiful day to celebrate the Divine Feminine. With our hearts