Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Timeless Growth

I should have titled this 'The Anatomy of a Lesson'

I'll keep it direct and short, as I have an early start at work, and must drive Anthony across town to someone who will be able to take him to school.

As a side note, the time shown on this alarm clock is when I get to sleep in on a good day! And the chalkboard--ah how I adore chalkboards!--has trigonometry on it.

About four or five days ago, in meditation, I told Ross I am overwhelmed.  I have so many things I need to do, I can't keep track of them all, would he help?

He said, 'just let everything else go and get sleep--make sure you get your sleep. Have that be your goal'.

I could handle that.

On Sunday night, and as I woke up on Monday morning, I had 'GREAT' sleep on my sleep app, lots of blue REM sleep, with no sleep debt.

We had our 'I'm late to work' routine, but somehow Anthony and I got our act together, he remembered his clothes to pack for his overnight, and I got to work for my call. I had a good lineup of cases, a good surgeon, and a good chance to make some income (on shorter days, I don't get to pick, and other people pick the most financially rewarding room assignments. I get to pick two days a month, that's it.)

The day went by.

There was a cancellation, to the surgeon's delight for his wife broke her foot over the weekend and now his infant daughter had a one hundred four degree fever.

I had a luxurious HOUR for lunch!

Then they changed my lineup. I had to go to the slow surgeon's orthopedic case.  I carefully reviewed the records, and I saw that there had been an LMA used the whole prior case on the other side, with absolutely no muscle relaxant whatsoever! No WONDER it had taken four hours for the poor guy! So I fixed it, on this case, with full relaxation, and he finished our case--the other side from the last one for the same thing--in half the time!

But I was antsy. There were lots of texts to coordinate my schedule, lots of 'reminders' in person to the person who was running the board, that someone was coming to relieve me so I could go to a meeting to save the two beautiful California pepper trees in our island in our cul de sac.  The Association had it's board meeting.

I smiled in recognition at the husband of a neighbor who is close to us.

I was thrilled to see others there in defense of the trees. There were five neighbors from another street.

Our pepper trees got a reprieve (see update posted on blog post before this one).

The OR was finishing up, and I didn't have to drive back.

I came home, took care of the pets, and guess what?

I couldn't sleep.

I tried.

Lately I get to falling asleep and I can't. Maybe it's the energies?

Next it was the phone calls. From the hospitalist in the ER--I can't clear this patient, what information do you need?  The surgeon says it is an emergency. Clearing them would take a week to get all the tests.

I 'sensed' by his voice he was rushed, didn't have time for this, and didn't WANT to do the workup. I asked him to just do a good H and P and let me know what he thought. (I need a note 'clearing' someone as 'medically optimized' for anesthesia/surgery for people with complex coexisting disease, I can't just take anyone to the O.R. without making sure it's documented about the risk by another doc).

How did he get my cell? I don't know. That was at eleven.

At midnight, the ER nurse called, and said this patient was to be admitted for a workup, right? Not just a procedure?

I don't know this patient. I come in when there is a case booked. I couldn't 'read' what's going on except the patient was an extreme of age and risky.

At one a.m. the surgeon called. What can we do to expedite this? It sounds like that hospitalist just needs to do his work, how can we get them to do their work?

I told her, I need to know what's going on in the chest, that's it, I need a note, a chest x-ray, an EKG, and echo if it's indicated. (Anesthesia knows the risks, but can't order cardiac tests and interpret them, a specialist has to do that.)

At two a.m. the nurse house supervisor called. She read me the test results, the note, and I was like, 'okay call the team in'.

It turned out to be one of the quickest cases because you just need deep anesthesia for the surgeon to be able to set the broken part and put a splint on it. Apparently the ER doc had tried twice with just propofol, and it didn't work.

We were done before the X-ray tech actually drove in/arrived to the O.R. My surgeon and tech ran it (they have license, and can too, many surgeons have this license.)

I had no place to sleep. There is no call room for on-call anesthesia. Workers were coming in for their shifts, and even if I lay down in recovery room, I wouldn't rest. I didn't want to sleep in the car. Anthony was waiting for me.

So I drove home--many miles--to the sitter's house, and because I didn't want to miss a short nap by driving to my house and then to hers,  I parked in front of the house and slept in the car, in forty-five degree temperature, forty minutes.

Then I picked Anthony up and we went to Starbucks and had a nice breakfast.

And I drove back to work. We are doing 'internal coverage' so one is on a three week vacation, and all of us post-call people have to work.

I did a four hour case, super sleepy, hoping for relief that wasn't going to come because they were working at the surgery center.

I ate quickly, a little veggie salad bowl I picked up from Starbucks in the morning and hid in the fridge.

I got ready for my next case, and wondered how I could put a spinal in while I was so sleepy?! It was not right, and I was sad.

Fortunately, the relief finished and came and I had done all the work and the documentation and consent--but SHE put in the spinal...and I could go home!

I was unsafe to drive. I'd been up thirty-three hours straight, and just put blankets on me and slept for one hour in the back seat of the car, AGAIN.

Then I needed a restroom.  I woke up. I drove to pick Anthony up from school. He wanted a snack. So we went to Starbucks again. I had a yogurt with granola and berries. And a valentine cookie. And some acai energy drink, big. He had a cake pop and the drink, and a different yogurt.

We came home. He needed to do homework, and I showered because I felt awful. Then there was basketball practice.

Anthony doesn't do his homework. He needs to be forced when there's a time crunch. He won't do things to save his skin, or to make his life easier for him later. He wants what he wants, NOW, and always eats the best things first on his plate and leaves the vegetables till the end. I am the opposite, and get what I don't like out of the way, every time.

He did nothing--gave excuses. And there was a lot to do. It would have to wait.

I drove him the half hour to his basketball practice, only to find it had moved, and it was ten minutes away but closer to our home.

I slept in the car, in the back seat, again. This time I was thankful Spirit had guided me to the thick, warm down jacket I haven't worn in two years. The place I thought practice was had been indoors, but this practice was OUTDOORS.

I was trying to sleep, but checking every email because the assignment hadn't come out yet. It was for the next day. Did I have a seven-thirty start? Was life normal?

I got a phone call from the single mom who types the schedule--it was a SEVEN a.m. start.


I had to scramble to find someone to take Anthony to school. Our neighbor friend I contacted first was sick.

I died a thousand deaths, sleepy, and scrambling, and knowing the other options are across town, and waking Anthony up at five thirty to drop him off and give me time to get to the freeway which is far from the house of the sitter.

Fortunately my second call said yes. (Anthony's father isn't a morning person, and neither he nor his girlfriend will help--they also plan in advance, and don't like last-minute requests).

There was a knock on the door, nap time was over, practice was over, and it was time to eat.

I had told Anthony I get to pick where we eat dinner, because I'm so sleepy and I needed a break.

I wanted a pizza I'd never tried, and it's near a grocery store (we are out of milk, and Anthony needs it for his breakfast).

Wouldn't you know it? This chain near our house is 'the slowest' pizza place, according to Anthony, and the line was out the door?

I needed something fast. But Anthony didn't like the Corner Bakery (I wanted soup) and I didn't want any fast food options there.

I got so stressed I didn't want to eat.

This happens sometimes. Nothing sounds appetizing. I get mad. I'm like Forget It!

And I commented to Anthony, 'why was I born? Am I some kickball for Creator to just kick around? How come I never get to do anything fun? Why am I tested? Why?!'

I parked and told him to go to the deli section in the grocery store and get whatever he wants.

I went to get the milk and some lady was taking forever to decide on her yogurt but had her cart parked right in front of the door to get organic milk. I'm not joking. She took five minutes, totally oblivious to the world!

I silently stood there with my arms over my chest, incredulous how God would test my patience so!

God gives us what we NEED not what we WANT; as I walked through the store I got other groceries we desperately needed--food for the pets and us--for other meals I had in mind to make (tonight I want my one I used to make as a teen, shrimp creole)...

And I ALSO realized I had perfectly good food in my fridge for me, and I was looking for something fast and easy, and actually THIS was faster and easier! And affordable too!

Anthony had the four dollar sandwich, I was happy, until I learned he had upgraded it with extra meat to seven dollars.

He has no respect for my hard work, and he spends my money like water. It's always ten dollars here and twenty dollars there for him to buy his lunch with his friends...and his adding on without checking with me makes me sad. I tell him get whatever you want, but I mean 'what's offered on the menu'...

I ate salt and pepper crinkle potato chips--Kettle brand--my 'two bean' salad (we didn't have three), and leftover cold turkey meat from our ten dollar turkey. I had a small can of ginger ale from when we had the flu.

Then I told Anthony how to study. He tries to read for comprehension, just once straight through the chapter. And he's slow.  In studying for my boards, I learned that many skims are BETTER than one slow read through. I told him to skim the chapter, then the section, while I fed the pets.

Then it was time for homework.

Poor Anthony never showered. All there was time to do was to eat at eight thirty p.m., then do science, not even all his homework.

I directed the science homework. They had just had a test and now another assignment was due!  I type the questions and the answers Anthony gives. I also guided him through the chapter section by reading it to him. Polymers and materials was the part. It's not easy to teach Anthony this, he just doesn't 'get it', he doesn't see patterns, and I have to make it totally entertaining for him not to fall asleep.

I had him get up in the kitchen, pretend he was a carbon atom, and show me with his arms and legs the direction his covalent bonds would go. It was like exercise class. He had lots of trouble to get it. I had to show him the model, let him stick the pins in and the little balls for hydrogen, then hold it up, and then show him with my body. He couldn't get the angles right.

I see this stuff instantly once it is shown to me, and I remember it for thirty years after.

Not for my son.

He had a meltdown, after my meltdown, and we finished and went to bed.

The amount of homework is mind-numbing, and the teachers don't understand how a student can have a life (basketball) outside of school.

My bedtime is eight-thirty p.m., my wake time is four thirty a.m., and I had been up thirty three hours straight, with one forty minute nap in the early morning cold that wasn't really napping, one nap good before driving home, and one nap sort of in the car during basketball practice. We got to sleep at nine thirty p.m.

Here I am.

My situation was how Spirit forces us to see things from a different perspective; what I WANTED to do (sleep, eat fast food) was withheld from me.

I was frustrated.

I couldn't understand.

But I couldn't move FORWARD.

Spirit said, 'NO!'

And I got what I NEEDED--catching up on the groceries, dinner over homework at home, using what I already had in my fridge and Anthony eating a relatively healthy sandwich...

There was no other way.

I sense these times of struggle are how spirit intervenes with force to keep us on track--and also, how time itself is speeding up.

So hang in there.

Was it a test? Being told to sleep and being denied it?

I don't know.

I think Ross just saw some bumpy road ahead for me and wanted to help.

Today is another day, and it's time to wake Anthony up.

I thank you again with your patience with us--Ross will have a message once I am not rushed for work.

I have several new Divine Healing Codes coming soon too. Keep watching...

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple