On Friday I manifested a whole day, but towards the end I got tired.
Our breakfast went well, we were both on time to work and to school. My surgeon was just a little late so I was able to bring bracelets to the nurses in the other building at the surgery center.
Our longest, hardest case was first, it went well, and we were ahead of schedule.
A nurse brought Little Caesar's pizza, I had two slices for my lunch.
For break, there was a lemon meringue pie in the break room, I had a small piece, OR, style, with a fork and a little bit for me smashed into a paper cup (we never have paper plates, so we eat everything in cups).
Once my last case finished, and I was to relieve a colleague (I was first call), I ate, and sure enough, there was a chocolate cream pie.
But in my last case--the one after I relieved someone, I coughed so hard I threw up into my mask. I had to ask for another.
I was embarrassed.
While I was coughing, the surgeon was asking, half-joking, half not, 'are you going to DIE?!'
I tell you, I turn all scary shades of red when I cough.
I've had the sore throat for two weeks. Even now. I do everything--the codes, the Reiki, the over the counter medicines, the antibiotics.
I've done everything but see a doctor. I had a wise scrub tech take me aside. She's fifty-three and I'm fifty-two. She said I need to see a doctor because I get sick too much. And my schedule is too much for me, with a young son and all these overnight calls.
Yesterday I had a shock.
I went to get my hair cut. Just like with my old psychic development classes (I'd still be going now if my schedule hadn't gone completely impossible)--it was the first time in six months I got to see Ed.
Ross said hi. I saw him. Him and 'de other guys'. They said like it when I make myself look good. They all smiled and waved.
My hair right now is awesome. I'm grateful.
Where's the shock?
It's where I go for the hair appointment. Ed has moved around a lot. Right now he's in a place called The District in Tustin. I haven't been there on a Saturday.
It's far from the freeway.
Shock number one is there's nothing but high-density housing in the area. Like mega big apartment complexes, all expensive. It used to be more 'open'.
Shock number two is that PLACE, the vibration is still that of an old military base--it's too quiet--Gaia is weak there from something in the past and now there's all these PEOPLE all over it and it's just awful.
Shock number three are the PEOPLE. Just try to find parking. It's a total stress. People driving around like crazy people. Huge lines for food. I stopped off after at the Whole Foods (my men told me to go). I had a sandwich--there was a line--and I sat next to a 'young couple'--she was asian, he was white, she had 'the ring' (it was cheap, I know jewelry--he designed it himself), they shared a single lunch. I overheard his talk, like a young 'mover and shaker' and I was like, at a loss for words.
I don't want this any more on Earth. All these people totally wrapped up in their lives.
I want people who CARE.
People who care about something, anything, besides impressing the Joneses.
It wasn't fun shopping at Whole Foods. (there was a nice one in La Jolla by my apartment and I used to go during fellowship).
I took a side street from there all the way home.
Once I got to my neighborhood I was like, 'ahhhhhh!' It's smaller, it's got many trees and plants, and there's so much NATURE.
My place, compared to Tustin, is just as incredible a jump as Hawaii is to here.
I didn't want to do anything.
I went to bed at 4:44 p.m. because I'm tired of my sore throat and the aches and chills.
I woke up at seven a.m.
I miss Anthony.
I'm tired of messages like this and this which talk about change:
I'm deeply concerned about the message from another 'Lightworker' for a mass meditation today (outside yourself, folks, not within) on the same day as the Academy Awards (which is another 'ritual' to worship the god of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart).
I'm not meditating with them!
I think they are trying to slow the awakening down, which isn't going to happen.
So where is my welcome home party when I meditate on my own for my own reasons?
There isn't one yet.
When Ross asks me 'what is your greatest joy?'--they know I am depressed--I can't answer.
I'm overworked, my house is a mess, I have stuff everywhere, I'm so tired, so sick, so sad over stupid things like my sister totally shutting me out of her wedding (I'm invited. Yay. That's it.) and my best friend who works for the WWE (she's totally successful, but I'm learning that it's HEAVY for Team Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart)...and I'm so sad if she went to the dark side...
Spirit had asked me to make bracelets for my patients. So I got up and made four.
The only thing that helps right now, a little, is moonstone from India.
I just looked it up. It's a good fit. (I go by feel when I design, not by what people have said the stones do. That's why, for me, writing the meanings of the stones is counterproductive. My soul knows it. )
I recall them telling me in dream time for some time now to make a bracelet with my pyrope garnet. I'll look that one up too. (Warmth and gentleness, good for the throat).
Why am I depressed?
I'll tell you.
I am a very goal-oriented person.
Nothing makes me happier than having a to-do list, and feeling like I have the freedom to work towards my goals, to make plans.
I don't have that freedom any more.
I have overwhelm.
Even yesterday, I did the stupid reappointment thing on the computer, taking forever to look up the name of my surgery center in their computer system, never really finding it...And then at my university job, they wanted the policy number of my malpractice. How would I know? But the computer got mad. And when it learned my last PPD (tuberculosis test) was March 10, 2016, it locked up.
My days are filled with so many 'have to do' that I do them.
Do I think this will last forever?
No, not at all.
Do I think this is the gateway for my future, for what's next?
Yes, this dissatisfaction is the same as labor pains to get one to give birth, you know?
Yesterday the most beautiful thing happened. I was bundled up on my porch swing, and I heard a new bird, a singing bird. The song was really complex, almost like a mockingbird. I waited to see it. Sure enough, it came close to my eucalyptus that almost died and came back, and I saw it. A tiny grey bird, with a very thin beak.
It looked at me. It knew I appreciated it.
Then it went on to do its other bird things.
I almost forgot how special that moment was. I'm glad I remembered it.
The only piece of advice I have for you, in all this, is to know yourself. Just know yourself well, accept yourself, and trust that we are going through a process that isn't easy. It's never been done.
In all the history of the Universe, a planet has NEVER Ascended with her people and all life upon it.
The energies are shifting rapidly, both in ourselves and in others around us. When things get really moving I'm not sure how the people like I saw at the District out shopping are going to handle it. They don't have the awareness and (I hope!) self discipline we do.
I know there's a massive Psychological Operative going on with all the politics and the news. I try to stay out of it, but it still is depressing.
Then there's all the effect of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, trying their massive 'Hail Mary' play, one play after the next, as their foundations for their Team are crumbling around them. They are lying about the crumbling, they are lying on the news, they are lying about themselves (a little less so, their 'worship' is so out in the open, and many of those who are like the public at the District think it doesn't mean anything but it's cool.)...
Anything can happen.
New things, better things are ahead. In this I agree with all of the above links I mentioned.
BTW there's a new Magenta Pixie out but it's an hour which is too long for me. For some it might be helpful, I don't know.
I just miss Anthony. I want him home. I don't even want to eat, I have no appetite.
I just want this cough and sore throat to get better. I'm like, sixty percent better...not all the way...
Where is Ross in all of this?
That's a good question.
He's 'around but not intrusive'. Seeing him yesterday (and De Other Guys) was like the first he's 'popped in' on me in a while.
I still want him to say a loud (good morning and good night) but I'm not exactly saying a loud one to him either.
It's a balance. I don't want to ask too much, or to bother him because I know he's busy and has much responsibility. And I also KNOW when he's quiet I'm in my Lessons, I'm being graded, and I just want to get through with them. I'm so tired of my Lessons.
One of the things I am coming to terms with is how much Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart hate him.
I knew by the way he died, that he was a threat, and that it was horrible what happened.
I knew by what happened next, that they couldn't touch him.
I knew that a lot of what he did, in the years before his death, were decisions he made--for better or for worse--that were in some way to protect ME.
Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart Hate my husband, my Divine Father, my Divine Mother...and...well...it's sad. It's like, 'hello!' I am here incarnate, and minding my own business, doing my Lessons, and um...I still love Ross, my Divine Father, and my Divine Mother.
I trust everything will work out for the best.
I sure could use one of those welcoming parties Saul talks about.
The only thing is, I hope I would never, ever have to come back and do my lessons and everything I incarnated to do, once the party was done.
I couldn't concentrate.
What am I going to do with my day?
Make my pyrope bracelet.
Clean up the house.
Maybe take a walk.
Get new shoes for Anthony.
There's probably homework too.
And give thanks I both have a job, and I don't have to work today.
I am an artist.
I am an artist in the subject called 'Life'.
In this is my medium in which I create. Not like Picasso here. His fan, pipe, and glass from 1911, in his analytical phase.
Carla is analytical.
In some ways she is correct (Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart DO 'hate' me)...and in others, she is incorrect, because of the Veil, the distortion of the Consciousness from one who is inside the Veil.
What gives? What is next?
Do I have all the answers?
It is for every person to find their own answers (he clears his throat and alludes to the huge meditation as being 'wrong')...(then he nods his head over towards me--ed)...
Does Carla meditate?
Does Carla find relief while she is in meditation?
She does not because she wants to be There more than she is Here (in 3D incarnate).
There is a pull.
Her heart is with ME, over in the higher dimensions, her physical body is stuck here, for reasons she cannot fathom, and she can't CONTROL like she does with her to-do lists (the ones for me are the 'honey do lists') ANYTHING.
Carla cannot control ASCENSION.
Carla cannot control the evolution of her own Earth, which annoys her to no end, and vexes her that her planet with polluted in every way.
Carla cannot control what she eats--she would like to be vegetarian but her son has too many problems and it overwhelmed her so she gave up.
What is it like to Give Up?
For Carla who is courageous as it gets, it is a defeat.
And there are many such defeats, and yet she is still here! (puts one finger up to make a point!)
I have been defeated in my own way, but I came back!!! Was that a Victory?
(softens his tone--ed) It depends on who knew me. For those who love me most, there is nothing like my warm smile and body at the table hanging out with friends. For those of you who have loved ones who have transitioned, you will understand no amount of love from the Other Side accounts for the presence of your Loved One who is Absent in the home. I understand this very well, from The Other Side, and I hear it in the hearts and minds of the anguished, the ones left behind, every day...including my beloved.
So where are we to go from here?
Am I to candy coat it?
I wouldn't do that.
Is it better over here?
In this I give a resounding YES.
KNOW your loved ones are Better Off on the Other Side over here with me.
In this there is no question.
And is your life, in the balance, a counting of days, until you rejoin them?
It doesn't have to be.
Life Is What You Make It.
In any dimension.
Carla is upset, deeply upset by the lawsuit she is in. Next month is the practice for the deposition, and then the deposition itself.
Carla knows what I told her. And I did. And Carla trusts all is well.
But it is the day to day, the hurt, the accusation, the sorrow. The lack of control (he lawyer isn't notifying her of anything or how many depositions they have done, only the one with the plaintiff)...
It weighs upon her soul.
This isn't a good year, for Carla, not in her opinion. There is a lawsuit and her wings have been clipped by Jared (no more taking Anthony away during the school year). She knows in her heart both are a fact of life, and in her profession, it's not a question of 'if' but 'when' a physician is going to be sued. Even the editor of one of her journals had a judgement against him, he shared. And Anthony isn't the best student, he has his commitments to his work. But oddly enough, with Carla getting sick and with Anthony--what do you know?--it was just about a week here and there of days off from work, with both of them together, catching up on their rest?
(he clears his throat--ed)
What will be will be.
What will come to pass is on its way.
(points to his head with both fingers--ed) What transpires in here has a way of coming outside to BE.
Don't be sad.
Feel your feelings, if you will, but don't be sad for you are in a wonderful thing, the Ascension of a Planet and all life upon it.
There are hundreds of us who would gladly trade places with you to experience it.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Couple, the Twins