Sunday, February 26, 2017


Depression is an old friend of mine.

Out of all the Lightworkers who publish, I am the one who 'ain't no Pollyanna'.

I tell it like it is.

When things don't feel right, there's a reason for it, and I say what's on my mind.

Why is this how I work?

First of all, I can't hide anything. In the higher realms, those of you who are higher D will sense 'something is up'.

Second, I'm not ashamed of it.

Third, I'm comfortable with it, and I hope to model it for you if you should ever have a down day in your Ascension Process, with the energies being what they are, is likely to happen!

I come from a family where I was a surprise.

My sister, the second child, was 'wanted'.

My parent's didn't hide it. There was favoritism.

Childhood was rough.

I grew up poor in a rough neighborhood, but I LOVED school. I absolutely adored it, and I chose to excel.

It was my way out.

When I was twenty five, I had a tumor on my pituitary, and had neurosurgery to remove it.

When I was twenty-six, on the first anniversary of my surgery, I recalled a brutal and violent attack upon my person when I was only four. You can go back and look it up in earlier blog posts. All that matters is that I thought I was going to die, and I developed PTSD from it.

PTSD gets you in touch with the mystery of your subconscious.

When it trusts you enough to heal, little secrets come out. It might take days of feeling 'off', but once you recognize the pattern, you learn to cope and to assimilate it and to seek support and bounce back. My support of choice was to call my mom, and when I was in fetal position she could talk me down over the phone.

In time, I learned that this too can heal. You don't need to tell everyone your story. And the memories come back less often, and with less ability to throw you off course.

You feel, 'normal'.

'Normal' for me means I can't see any movie with even a HINT of a rape scene in it.

Rape scene and I'm on the floor in full fetal position in ten seconds.

Fortunately, I stopped watching movies and TV shows that can trigger it, and I haven't had a problem in ten years.

When I was twenty seven or twenty eight, I started getting messages from Blessed Mother.

I knew, through my husband's family, a visionary named Barbara Matthias, who lives in Santa Maria California. She is a wonderful woman, and friend. I even spent the night at her modest home on my way down south to Medical School for the first time--when I moved--because it was at the halfway point.

My world filled with so many questions! What does she look like? What is her voice like? Does she have a sense of humor???

That is why, Blessed Mother chose to speak to me. In meditation, while others were next to Barbara, kneeling, and reaching hands out to Blessed Mother---taking her energy, I chose to GIVE as much love as I could with all my force instead. For who sends LOVE to the mother of God? Isn't that the right way of things?

So while we were kneeling, I thought to myself, I wonder where I am touching Her? I hope it's in a decent place and not a wrong place...

That's the first I heard Her voice, as clear as a bell, very beautiful, and She said, with a small laugh, 'on my tummy'.

I have notebooks of automatic writing from her, entire conversations between us. I spent much time in medical school with Her.

Was it an asset or not?

To be honest, I had some rough times and lost some friends over it. You see, I wanted to have a 'confessor' like the kids at Fatima, or Lourdes, or Medjugorge. I thought that's how it worked.

But the priests in San Diego shunned me.

They sent me from one diocese to another, and the last one, at the University where the others said, 'I belonged', looked at me with fear like I was the devil, and told me to see a psychiatrist!

It was lonely.

But I managed.

That was years before I took psychic development classes. I hit another low, and didn't know why God made me like this. (another very low moment was when I asked Divine Father to let me just give up on men and be a nun, and HE said no!--now I understand why, but that was rough!)...I found Tim Braun and went off in the right path to Reiki.

The past lives had been coming through. Jared, Anthony's biological father, and I shared the same recurrent dream--two separate roles, mine female and his male--of being chased down an ancient alleyway, and for him, 'everything being okay' and for me, I saw him die to save my life.

It was a sign, yes?

When Anthony was conceived, I had a vision. A few weeks before, Blessed Mother had some guy with her who was very interested in my answer if I wanted to have a baby?  I said, 'if it's God's benefit, yes.' I couldn't see his face clearly, but they seemed to know each other.

Well, Jared's face changed completely, and someone glowing who looked kind of like Owen Wilson was there, I saw it. Then it went away. I didn't know what to think of it, I didn't understand, but I am sure now it was that man in spirit with Blessed Mother. (who is now Ross to me!)

Jared left me during a pregnancy massage at my house (he is a massage therapist), just walked out the door, when I was four months pregnant.

It was tough.

Do I honor the child or my wishes? The law is on my side. I could walk away forever.

I honored the child.

I also got sucked into a nasty custody lawsuit that set me back fifty thousand dollars!

But I learned to forgive, to build bridges, and develop a relationship with Jared's family, and later, Jared himself (he's like a brother).

So when I get a little 'down', what do I do?

I nurture myself. I had it down to a science to go to old fashioned pharmacies and drug stores, and walk around when I was a student. I wouldn't buy anything, I couldn't afford it, but I loved the knick knacks and the clean 'vibe' in general.

I rest.

I enjoy Nature.

Sometimes if I've been tearful I watch a funny movie just to balance things out.

I take a bath, and put in some salt to help soothe my aura.

I go for a walk.

I make it through the day.

What did I do today?

I made bracelets. Not just the pyrope one for me. I actually made two. Pyrope (pie rope ee) is a form of garnet with special healing properties. Pyrope is red/blue, and can be almost black. It's expensive. Tsavorite garnet is green, with different healing properties, and even MORE expensive! There's andalusite, rhodonite...many different types of garnet.

I made four bracelets for my patients. Spirit asked. Tomorrow I'm going to do an experiment with the nurse, and have her offer them and see which ones each patient picks.

I sent out four packages today. Each one in some way is a surprise. I always do a little extra. Even when I make something for sale or repair something for a friend.

Then Anthony came home. I gave him my half of a sandwich I'd saved for him from yesterday's lunch.

We got him the new basketball shoes he'd needed, and also, one pair of shorts and two pairs of socks. (If you know basketball equipment, you know how much I spent. Yup.)

Then Ross had told us to have a surprise, so we went to Starbucks. I had a chai tea latte, he had a cold red ice tea thing.

I drove us next out to my old neighborhood where I grew up. I had ordered a Darth Vader ice cream cake for our family celebration for Anthony, which was cancelled due to illness. (we can't infect/expose the transplant recipients in the family). The shop has been calling--WHEN are you picking it up??? and I told them yesterday--TODAY we will!

Good thing about Long Beach. Even when it's raining, Baskin Robbins has a long line. We love ice cream.

Anthony loved the cake.

And you know what? For the first time in her life, my mom didn't watch the Academy Awards!  She's tired of how they are so 'political'.

We stopped in and had cake and sang. She also asked me to order things for her online--which I did. It's a favor to her. She loves her face cream and perfume, bless her.

Before the cake melted we went home.

We figured out a way to fold the box to fit into the freezer. Then we turned around and got pencils at Target, as well as birthday cards and gift cards to send.

And I changed the sheets on Anthony's bed, because he didn't want to reinfect himself with his illness.

I feel more peace and energy now as I write these words.

How can I describe it?

The 'sludge' is gone. James Gilliland had noticed it, and written about it too, 'spiritual sludge'.

I suspect it was HAARP like devices all pointed at us, along with supernatural things we can't see.

Did some stars just align in a way I who am super sensitive to these subtle energies 'sense' it?

Did my lesson finish? Do I have a 'breather' now? I always get one after a test.

Did the pyrope heal me?

I know 'they' -- my teams, were listening. Many of them on my team are--I think--on this Council too:

I disagree with them on one point. Meditating together. It's a fine point. But people are chicken to go learn spirit stuff on their own. And THAT got people in a lot of trouble by religions, and then wolves in sheep's clothing snuck in, and all that.  Cobra said 'they reached critical mass'--whatever that means. It's the first time he ever said anything good happened. 

I don't trust him.

I know him. I've met him. He is, let's say, 'complex' and leave it at that.


For the record...I AGREE to turning magnets on, and talking about Spirit openly. THAT is cool. 

Needing to have other people around in order to meditate is NOT cool. 

Meditate anyway.

I can and have meditated in Grand Central Station. I call it 'meditating uphill'! It's an exercise!

You can meditate anywhere, anytime, and it doesn't have to be in a yoga studio for it to be considered 'meditation'.

There are some people who, because of my relationship to Ross in our immediate past life, consider me somewhat of a 'bad girl', or an 'anti-hero', and they think that the lie which was perpetuated about me is 'cool' or 'badass'...

I am grateful for those in my Star Family who are incarnate, who love me for who I am, and who I have always been, in my heart. I am thankful for their love and support. The lie to me is a painful cross I have to bear, a burden, and I look forward to shedding it at the first opportunity, in this life, and in the hereafter. 

And I look forward to helping a lot of people reach their potential, as a friend and guide, and if you are interested, in the services I have to offer--The Loving Embrace of Gaia shield which is eternal, the Ross Bondo Healing Session which is done remotely, and of course, the healing bracelets.

Right now the waiting list is one for the Bondo, zero for the shield, and zero for the bracelet.

In the future as people Ascend I anticipate the waits to be longer as people will both understand the usefulness and how rare it is to have a healing personalized for them from Ross and me.


A whole new world awaits!

It is certain you are going to awaken, and to be proud of your commitment to this work, and the work of Gaia, with the Ascension of a people and their planet all in one swoop!

(he rubs his hands, he is very excited--ed)

clap! clap!

Now it is time for my dream boat to get a little rest!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple