Monday, February 13, 2012

Asking Yourself Why You're Sick

When I was little, mom stayed at home. With any illness, I got to stay at home. I went to the doctor. I got to rest until I got better. And stay an extra day when I was well to get my immunity up.

I was sick a lot. That's why I wanted to become a doctor. It's what I knew. I was at the doctor's office so much.

As a working mother, I feel awful because I do not have the time or resources to keep my son at home when he is sick. Unless he is really, really with a fever. I have to work.

There is an unwritten rule in the hospital: unless you need to go to the ER, you show up at work.

I don't know how many patients I have exposed to illness by being sick. 

With all my organic, natural, Reiki I had thought I would be better able to fend off illness. And most of the time that works.

Intuitively, here is what is happening to me now. My son was sick. He gave my mother a sore throat a week ago when she took care of him. She is immunocompromised. I had seen chemtrails really major up in the sky the days before he got sick. They were everywhere. I wondered what would happen when that stuff came down.

On Saturday, I had myalgias. That is when everything aches. I was short of breath (I have asthma) and had a sore throat. I had to take my son to baseball practice both Saturday and Sunday. He has a runny nose still but that is about it.

As I sat on the couch, I asked myself, 'why are you sick? what is your body trying to tell you?'

With every illness, there is a message. I was surprised at this one. It was my heart.

I was hurt because our son's dad isn't with me. It isn't logical. I know he is not right for me. I know everything worked out for the best. But being alone, on Valentine's Day, and having to deal with him in the day-to-day context is the worst. It is so cold and friendless. On top of that, the new baseball practice schedule makes me feel trapped. Out of all the days of February, I had two where I could wake up and have fun. And not have to worry about work. One extra snuck in. I was not needed at work. But even that made me afraid, since no work equals no pay in my field.

I was shocked at how my soul remembered. His father and I are Twin Flames. His father has no clue. Twin Flames aren't always a piece of cake. Jeanette Mac Donald and Nelson Eddy had a horrible time on earth when they were together.  I am perfect in my imperfection.

The pizza and cake from the birthday party REALLY lowered my vibration, too. I didn't feel better until I had organic baby bok choy, ginger and shallot/tofu stir fry with brown rice. At the store my boy wanted steak. I just couldn't.  I couldn't make it for him. Dead animal. I am changing my vibration, I suppose.

Nothing makes me happier than to get in the car and just GO! Anyplace. Out of town for the weekend. To the airport for a short trip. 

So with my wings clipped, and a broken heart that's rumbling like a dormant volcano,  I can nurture myself.

My friends are sending Reiki. I give it to myself. And I cut back, way back on my activities.
Today I have a short day. I am going in late, and going to make the most of it. I am also thinking of canceling my boy's swim lesson to give me time to get well.

I get sick. When I am out of touch and exposed to something that is highly contagious. Just like everyone.

I love you.


Reiki Doc