I wanted to be a surgeon. One to work on the heart. I really loved it, taking care of my patients.
Surgery was hard, though. There wasn't time enough for everything else outside of work.
I got smart. I switched into anesthesia. I took a fellowship in hearts, and chose to return to my place where I did residency. And work part-time.
I had the best of both worlds--Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the University. Tuesday and Thursday in Private Practice doing anesthesia for mostly cosmetic surgery procedures. I made as much on those two days as I did the three at the University.
Then I got pregnant. I came back on Tuesdays and Thursdays before I came back to the University. And it was too much. The pumping for the baby, and missing him so much. I cut back to Thursdays in Private Practice.
Until Academics wanted to take a Dean's Tax off my earnings on the outside. And extra ten percent, on top of billing's seven percent, my contract-holder's ten, and of course the government's cut. I couldn't lie about my private practice work anymore. So I settled.
I settled in for a career in Academics, making less than my peers, but having more time for home and family. I kept the Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule until I was asked/pressured to change the last day from Friday to Thursday.
I was ready to grow old there. I enjoyed teaching, working with my colleagues, in particular the interventional pulmonologists. I thought I was done with my life purpose.
But I wasn't.
The biggest stress in my life was my heart surgeon that always screamed at me, his partner who yelled less but was more cutting in his remarks, and the senior citizen former chief of surgery at a VERY large midwestern institution who ignored me because I was too 'beneath him in his work'. What this doc didn't know is that behind his back at his former place of work, everyone called him 'Hackin' Jack'.
There also was the annoyance of production pressure from within the department. Safety was being pushed out the window. A whistleblower spoke up.
The system turned the whistleblower into a scapegoat. A second time, a change in administration resulted in a further lack of leadership and direction. A second whistleblower stepped up, and was chastized and made an example for the department. Because of this, my fellow professors asked for 'change'. People pressed for it. But not me. My intuition said, "I have a bad feeling about this".
In steps Dr. Evil from the East Coast Ivy League. The chair at her old place would not step down out of fear for what she would do to the department. He was an old cardiac anesthesiologist, and I love him for having had the cajones to stand up for that. When she came out to interview, and spoke with the staff, my skin crawled. Yet everyone around thought she was 'the new change' for the better, not for the worse like I feared.
Our department became a madhouse. Like on Survivor--everyone gunning for position to save themselves. There was scrutiny, changes, taking away of freedoms. Even the menu for the breakfast at weekly conference was 'made healthy'. This Chair has a male sidekick that does not have an MD. This sidekick was one of the cruelest souls I have met in this lifetime.
As the vibration of the department sank lower and lower, I began to experience great stress. I tried bringing cookies and raising morale any way I could. But the residents didn't remember what I had done for them. And the colleagues turned nasty. I could not find the extra time for academic projects as I was deeply involved in the Quality Assurance for the department. I came in on my days off, just to catch up.
When six doctors were dismissed (our contracts not renewed, and three banished to another facility), in one day, it was a first. Doctors laid off. My fear and sorrow still carry on towards the institution. I won't spend a penny of my money on care at that place.
But my hatred for her, the cross-eyed one, and her stammering sidekick, is gone.
They served their purpose, this pair. Got me out of an unhealthy situation.
I dug deep at a local church while my son was at preschool and I looked for work. I prayed and I cried and I spoke with the director of the school, but nothing made me feel better. The director's prayers helped me find my first job, one freeway exit down the road.
And a bigger miracle brought me to where I am.
Once free, my soul developed, and found Reiki.
Evil academic falsity saved me from myself. Got me O-U-T of the picture at a place that was incompatible with my vibration..
And it saved a cause. And put passion in it.
Yes. My evil academic leader is famous for calming pediatric patients before surgery. Lots and lots of studies on it. My intuition knew that there was some connection to spirit and the OR. Way back when. With my learning and growth, I have found it: my goal is to take Spirit back into Medicine. One healing pair of hands and heart at a time. There is no timetable, no schedule, no lecture, no plan. Except to take power away from those that reign in terror and fear upon others (my old work situation), and to empower those who have a duty to help others with the Universal Light Energy and Love itself. It is my joy to write these excerpts of daily life, and also of my development, for those who walk the path.
One day Dr. Evil will look me in the eye and know without a doubt I shine much brighter now because of her. And I will thank her...and sit back and watch the Karmic wheel go for another round! For she made so many suffer...
If ever you encounter evil in your life, remember these three things:
1) Evil might be something good halfway discovered. You need to wait to know for sure if it is good or not in the big picture.
2) Left to its own devices, evil always will destroy itself. It is a non-sustainable vibration. Step back and watch the show. It might take years, but it will happen.
3) The injustice will be repaid over many lifetimes. People who cause pain to others will experience it themselves until they learn it is not cool to hurt those around you.
So, stay focused on love and joy. Avoid hatred, jealousy and judging others to keep your vibration up. Let those in your family know you love them, and hug them tight to let them know this every day.