It's okay to cry.
Tears are the start of the healing process of the heart.
They liberate the soul.
You will note that often, when people have encounters with loved ones or beings who live in Heaven, while they are incarnate on earth, these people tell stories of how they spontaneously cry. This is one of the ways I know when someone shares a story about something deeply meaningful to them from Spirit, if I learn of the tears, then I know the experience was real for them, and to support them that it was true.
People need this kind of validation while they are walking their Earth walk in Life on Earth.
There is no way to duplicate these types of tears or fake them.
In the Presence of Heaven, everything that is hidden is brought to light, there is no judgement to be made, and there is acceptable of the soul for the beautiful being they are, the student who has made the journey to be incarnate, and they are doing the best they can for what they know and have learned from this time around at the School of Earth.
Being in this loving energy when carrying the heavy burdens of our Earth learning is a form of release which happens spontaneously and there is no guarding against it.
Earth walk is miserable, isn't it?
There are joys, and they are too short.
Our buttons get pushed by everyone around us who are both our fellow students and our teachers.
Everything is basically fucked up.
The planet is dying from the pollution. Birds are choking on cigarette butts by the ocean and sea turtles are having plastic drinking straws get stuck up their nose.
People in positions of trust from the very highest levels to those who affect our lives in our work and homes, are corrupt and do not have our best interest at heart--if you look at their actions--not simply listen to their words.
Our most delicate psychological weaknesses and quirks are exploited forcefully to mold the mind and make us think things we perhaps otherwise would not--for example, the repetition in the mainstream media narrative is relentless and they know that the more something is repeated the more someone will believe it's true.
Even on a Spiritual level, our souls are constantly challenged and assaulted by the ASSC who is run by very sick and twisted demonic entities. We encounter this every day and we aren't even given the weapons or framework to comprehend it.
We have good news.
Once you can see the problem, the problem is halfway arrived at a solution!
Here we are on the quarantine. People are noticing that the skies above Los Angeles are clear, the clearest they have been in forty years! Wild deer and boar are roaming through the streets of towns, and people are captioning it, 'where are the people?'
This is an important data point.
It isn't the people.
It is the system.
It is the system of control over humanity--where basically, fear is what makes everything hold together. Fear of poverty and hunger, fear of illness or physical pain, fear of exposure of your hidden pleasures (blackmailing the high-powered people who are pedophiles, for example)...it is sick. Very sick, and it needs to be healed.
It is the combination of our thoughts, our need for healing, the buried pains and anguish which seems inescapable, which have resulted in the powerful co-creation of a sick planet, a disturbing hidden dark underbelly which is being exposed with the children who are being freed and rescued from their cages, and of the disease which is making us all have to stay inside and not interact with others!
They are YOU and YOU are them.
They are your MIRROR.
They show you who you really are and what is hidden and buried deep inside yourself that you do not want to see.
Our unconscious works to protect ourselves. Even in our line of work we do we are subconsciously 'undoing' that which was done to us.
My friend and fellow anesthesiologist was a victim of incest growing up. She became a lesbian and an ultra marathoner. When you are being molested there is a feeling of wanting to run away but you can't. Now she can and she does. Has she made the connection yet? I don't think so. She laughs at her picture of herself in a dress when she was little--that's the last time I wore one! she boasts--and she just says 'that's how she is' and she celebrates it. She is an excellent, excellent anesthesiologist. She has had a long term relationship. But I know for a fact she has had affairs with a surgeon and another anesthesiologist too. Fortunately, her partner never found out.
For me, I watch over people who are on a table with lots of people working on them--it is the exact reversal of the powerlessness I felt when I was a victim of the gang rape as a child. I even take away the pain for that person who was in my position many years ago--subconsciously. I figured it out years later, I don't actively think about it, but I was drawn to this inexplicably--just pulled to it from my heart--for my career.
I am a sick fuck.
Ross and I don't want to point any fingers so we are presenting me as an example.
Am I a sick fuck at home?
No. I can function and pay my bills and feed and clothe my family.
Am I a sick fuck at work?
No. The opposite is the case, I actually work harder than most of my peers. And I am more caring.
Am I a sick fuck with my extended family?
A little. Once when dad died, in June, my birthday came along in July, and my family arranged a party for me. But the food they had chosen to serve was the same Chinese takeout we had right before daddy died, his last meal. I was overcome with tears and emotion. I couldn't go to my own birthday party. They held it without me. I walked in my sleep, I talked in my sleep. Little things like that. Nothing major that would hurt anybody or get me in trouble with the law.
Am I a sick fuck in the healing community?
No. If anything I am courageous in talking about the elephant in the room and making a safe and caring environment for many who have suffered and are wounded healers. In this area, Ross and I hold nothing back. Absolutely nothing and everything we share--although perhaps upsetting to some and certainly pushing the envelope for the mainstream--is from our hearts and souls and intended for the Highest Possible Healing for everyone who follows us and our healing work.
Am I a sick fuck in relationship?
Hell yes.
Do I know what the fuck I am doing when I am in a relationship with someone in an intimate way?
Hell no. Crash and burn baby, crash and burn, crash and burn crash and burn.
Have I hurt anyone else besides me?
No. Not really. Maybe when I cheated on Frank. I had no guilt, I never felt any guilt, I knew I was doing what was right for me and did my best to keep it hidden. It made him suicidal once he learned. But I didn't make the connection. I just thought he was depressed. Our marriage wasn't working. I should have left it years ago but I didn't because he was sick with a brain tumor and it would have looked bad if I had deserted him. Life with him was the worst sex I'd ever had, we were completely incompatible, and I didn't know that alone was reason to have left, because I deserved happiness.
Could I have found happiness if I had left without the healing I have been doing--especially the kind of work I've been doing now and sharing?
No. Not happiness that lasts.
I would have found another person to play out my little script in my dramas--like a bad record playing again and again and skipping the same part like an old-fashioned record with a scratch on a record player.
There is nothing as hot and intense as the attraction between two wounded souls when they first connect--it is intoxicating! And it makes everything feel better. All the pain goes away and we --those who have suffered sexual trauma--unconsciously believe that one day we will find the magic penis or magical vagina to make all of our suffering go away, like a lock finding it's key, and we will achieve freedom by it.
Slowly, slowly, slowly, I've made my recovery and come to a good place. My trauma doesn't affect me like it once did. I can talk from my heart openly and honestly with one human and a few spiritual beings and experience intimacy that is healing and helps me to feel complete. Sometimes I react, sometimes I take some missteps, sometimes I fuck up with them. But at least I am comfortable enough and safe in their presence to take the risk, and to know I am loved unconditionally on a deeper level than I know or can understand.
I like leather.
I don't know how to explain it, it makes me feel safe and confident, I don't know why.
But in working with these souls, between us, sometimes a little leather is okay, but not as an everyday thing.
There are other things I liked, and I have worked with Ross and the Higher Self of another to sort through if those things I want to keep or not.
Am I very physical and do I have strong physical needs?
Yes.
How long have I had a sexual intimate relationship with Ross in this incarnation? Since November 2013.
How do our needs line up?
To be honest, I think he might prefer it if I raise my vibration more, so I can participate on a level which is normal for him, more spiritual, instead of the physical. He accommodates me and my needs with love, although I am coming to sense that it's not really his favorite.
Once, he placed two fingers of each hand, on two fingers of my hands, and gave me a ZAP. It blew my mind the sexual energy was nothing I had ever experienced!
That's his thing.
But I like to be held. I like to be wanted. I like to be able to move and let the raw energies flow through me.
In short, I am learning to come to terms with the Divine Feminine energy which flows through us, when we are uniting our souls, and with baby steps, I grow into the embodiment of my full being, the one who is not incarnate, and meet Ross with his Divine Masculine gradually. My other husbands and guides are helping me with this too. With each I have my own connection, I see things I otherwise could not see, and I treasure it. I'm thankful for the love they have, and acceptance and appreciation, for my soul.
If we are to Ascend, we need to have a general idea of the areas in our life where we are a sick fuck. Do we gamble excessively? Do we overeat? Do we lie? Are we abusing substances? Once we are open and honest with ourselves, and willing to work with Spirit, our ability to go with the flow of our Life Experiences will help us to discover more of the motivations behind this behavior. We can safely explore our pain and suffering from it. We can acknowledge it. And with the healing of the Divine Feminine energy, we can let it go, let it dissolve, and move on to better things.
Just for today, we invite you to align with that beautiful, all-accepting, encouraging Divine Feminine energy.
Let it flow around you, from above, the purest, most Heavenly form of the Divine Feminine.
Let it probe your wounds.
Let this love wash them and put a dressing on them to protect the wounds as they heal.
Open your heart to the gratitude for this Divine Feminine energy.
Men carry it and can offer this healing too to others. We carry each within us both. So when your partner offers to make you a cup of tea, accept it from him, accept his loving thoughtfulness, with gratitude and know how very fortunate you are that he would wish to make this cup of tea for you.
This is one example.
There are many.
When you are not actively meditating with these Divine Feminine energies, why not play a little game of hide and seek with them as you go through your day, discovering with surprise and delight the little ways this healing Divine Feminine energy pops into your consciousness--getting a string of green lights on the road, perhaps someone bringing in sandwiches to the office--it is all the same powerful Divine Feminine Gaia is famous for! You are alive on a Feminine planet! Courtesy of Gaia! Let is flow through and in and around and support and strengthen you.
When it gets to be too much for you, the healing and the energies--you are being asked to grow so much and you feel stuck or alone or afraid?
What can you do?
Imagine hiding under this blanket of Divine Mother herself! Her mantle.
I have run, and covered myself up with it, and decided to stay under it--in spirit--ALL DAY and I would not budge!
This is one form of relief I have had when the spiritual tension and growth was so intense I was at my limit.
There have been times when I was in extreme distress, that Divine Mother offered me her breast, and I took it, and nourished my soul with Her Unconditional Love.
Nurturing, Warmth, Love and Compassion are the energies of Heaven.
Both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine are able to transmit these vital elements for the soul.
Because Gaia is Feminine, and you are here, we encourage you to drink, soak all these energies in, help them nourish you and grow.
If you need someone in human form, to help you heal, as you meditate, Mother Mary is an excellent support. Ross says you may even tap into my Higher Self, at any time, any where...or even as Mother Gaia.
We have one another in our community for support.
Let us strengthen ourselves here in these sacred energies, and go out into our lives and hold this sacred space for others.
They will come to you for healing and for courage to carry on.
This is why daily meditation is so important, as well as strong connection to Reiki to replenish YOU.
This is why you have been sent.
Get a head start on healing your own personal area of being Fucked Up. Everyone has one, it's part of the curriculum, you are not alone. Some perhaps are Majorly Fucked Up, but we shall leave these souls to the experts--and call in the Guides of Compassionate Healing for them.
Know we love you.
Know we love your energies, and they are as pure and fresh and untarnished as the day you were born in the very first of your incarnations!
Good times are coming.
Let us roll up our sleeves and put in the work so that we may all enjoy the benefits of clear minds, pure hearts, authentic intimacy of the soul, and fabulous sense of humor!
This is the Galactic way!
clap! clap!
Aloha and mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
who are beaming with pride at your fantastic spiritual growth as a soul
