Hello! Today we are going to discuss my stuff I didn't want to talk about yesterday--and today it's only going to be glossing over it, the basics, as what might pertain to you. It's important, probably the most important thing I'll cover. Then I'll talk about my treasures. You'll see, I'm not being cryptic. After that we will explore a gift my mother gave me, and my ambivalence about Egyptian religion/culture.
For the first part, let's begin with a quote from one of my favorite poets ever, Rainer Maria Rilke: "Our deepest fears are the dragons that guard our greatest treasures."
I am a survivor of abuse, I'll be the first to tell you that. And I got myself into a little trouble two days ago without anticipating or realizing I was exposing myself to harm. It started with a video Pee Dough File update 2020. I've seen all kinds of videos, read all kinds of books, even the ones that say if you are a kitten this can trigger you be careful (thankfully it was a past incarnation, right?). It just made me feel like I had been punched in the stomach. The problem I've studied carefully for almost a decade is even more evil and prevalent than I'd ever imagined.
Then, Anthony and I enjoy watching Jon Taffer's Bar Rescue. There was an episode about a something Goose in Arizona, where Waylon Jennings the country singer started out. It was the husband. He cheated on his wife while she was pregnant and got the girlfriend pregnant at the same time. She left him to go to California for a few years, taking their two daughters. The co-parenting from that distance stinks. I know, my friend had to do it and she would have to drive to Palm Springs to meet her ex in the middle every other weekend to exchange the kids. So they got back together and have been working on their relationship for two and one half years but the husband was drinking and being a total ass. The bar was losing money. The community hated him for what he did to the woman (she was now raising the extra daughter from the girlfriend too) and the woman appealed to Bar Rescue to help them. And like a gentleman, Jon did.
Little things like that seem innocuous but they can release old pains. This one went way back to the time of me and Ross. I won't go into it. I've talked with my teams, they know everything, and they helped me understand. Divine Father said I had guilt because my anger at Ross for his infidelity was somehow linked in my mind and heart with his suffering at the end. as if I had manifested it. That's why I had such severe pain. A lot of my discussions with my guides were to help me understand the whole motivation and to become more compassionate in general. Understanding doesn't take away the pain. You have to feel it to release it. It's pretty much gone, thanks to the excellent care I am receiving from Spirit and everyone who loves me. That's what's getting me through. This is very delicate and I risk being TMI but I'll keep it medical so you will understand my anger. Ross never told me or admitted to his extramarital activities (and for us as a Tantric pair, there's spiritual repercussions most today wouldn't fathom). I developed bacterial vaginosis a short time after he returned home. It never cured. Not for the rest of my life. And if you know what that STD is, it's disgusting, filthy, stinky, messy discharge. Today it would be easy to cure. But then, it was a curse, and a constant reminder of his choices when he was away. It's easy to interpret it as disrespect. My guides helped me to see it from another point of view, a galactic one, and it helped tremendously.
So, as we approach the Awakening, and we are in various stages of healing and releasing, be mindful of the effects the news and videos may have on you. Especially if you are PTSD, Monarch/MK Ultra recovery, survivor of SRA, survivor of incest/pedo feel i uh, child abuse...I had enough self-preservation to limit my intake of information around 9-11. It was on TV 24/7. But I said, 'what happened, happened, it can wait because I don't want to experience my PTSD flaring up, and I can watch the one hour summary at the end of the week.'
Remember to be protective.
And watch this, it's powerful. Remember you are not alone. This video gave me tears of joy, as it's Galactic Healing aligned with the REAL healing I want to bring to Earth and spread far and wide. It's six minutes so please take the time before we move on...
Now we go on to my treasures...
I love art. I have a good eye, I've been told by Alexandra Meadors. The photos here and how they are presented is a huge asset to the work I do, she says. It's not easy to find someone who has a good eye.
I've been in my home for one year, and the art has not been placed anywhere in the home. It feels cold, sterile. Three weeks ago, I found my Woodstock brand wind chimes (the chimes of Partch, that's the scale on them) and for the first time in a year, my house sounded like Home.
Yesterday, I was cleaning my room, and went through all of the artwork. I've set things near where I might wish to hang them, on the floor, just so I can get an idea if I really want them there or not.
I'm so proud of my art collection. I have a Dr. Seuss (it's only worth $250, I looked it up, but it makes me happy), I have two Rob Gonsalves, I have art signed by the artists as in 'to Carla', and my treasure of treasures is a limited print of a Chagall. It's about King Absalom and spirit had been telling me that name for a long time. It's a good story of revenge over someone raping a sister. It's not worth much--I would adore having a Renoir or something but this is the best I can do. And I delight that Marc Chagall and I have the same birthday.
I have embroidery projects I've made, art from Anthony, and high quality portraits of us. We went to Ana Brandt in Tustin, many people in the film industry drive all the way out for her to shoot their photos of children/pregancy. She's the best.
Here is my favorite one, and I was surprised it no longer frightens me. I had a patient at the VA, who was going to undergo orchiectomy. I was an anesthesia resident at the time. The doctor-patient relationship is something sacred and intimate. For equivalent female surgeries, we have to have a consent signed three months in advance, a separate one, to make sure the patient has had the time to think about sterilization. This wasn't for testicular tumor. He was old, and he had prostate cancer. So delicately, and hush hush, I asked him if he understood exactly what was planned, and that it was his own free will and nobody was coercing him into this. He smiled, and said that his cancer was advanced, and this was the only way he could be around a little longer for his family. He was totally okay with it, and he appreciated my checking just to be sure that it really was his wishes to have the surgery.
Later he brought me this, it's big like a museum, a pastel. I didn't know he was an artist. He told me it was worth money and I could sell it if I ever needed to, not to donate it or throw it away. I don't know why it frightened me before, but now, I love it, and I enjoy the colors and the abstract nature of it.
Now on to Egypt!
I am ambivalent about it. To save yourself a read if you're lacking time, I'll put the basics here. Egypt has some connection to me. It's hard to explain but it's been lifelong. I don't understand it.
But with my studies, and with my past life awareness, I know Egypt goes back to Atlantis and I remember trying to save Atlantis, and seeing a huge wave coming to drown me, and thinking how our efforts had failed.
There's something not right there in Atlantic or Egypt too. I know there are MANY people today who believe and worship all the Egyptian gods. Some of them eat babies.
It's very human to want to push away something that is distressing and sick. Just throw the whole thing out.
I found an article that helps me to resolve the conflict, I'll share it.
Let's begin.
My mother always used thick eyeliner. She has beautiful eyes. And when I would ride on Its A Small World at Disneyland, the little Cleopatra doll, in my heart, was her. I had the coloring book from the ride and I would always admire and carefully color that image with lots of love for my mom. Why I don't know, it just felt right.
I'd been to museums, seen the exhibits, figured it was just a bunch of old dead people. Their art was funky. Maybe it would be neat to have my name in heiroglyphs in gold like my friend had. It just didn't seem relevant to today.
I liked art deco. I loved everything about the 1930's, the Great Depression, the resilience in the creation of low-cost, beautiful, Art Deco aesthetic. That was 'Egyptian' enough but not too much.
The only thing that really touched my soul, and moved me, was when I saw Sekmet guarding the organs of King Tut at the traveling Tutankhamen tour in Los Angeles. I was maybe thirteen. And that's what I wanted to be. Just watching and protecting like that for eternity. The post of the figure, the serenity of the face, the gentle feminine strength. Nothing would ever get past her.
It's ironic because there are four goddesses, one on each side, but Sekmet was the one who resonates with my soul.
I didn't understand it.
Lady Isis, girlfriend of Cob-rah (now deceased, RIP), used one of these on me, an ankh. She gave me an initiation/activation of my Divine Feminine Goddess energies for a $100 energy exchange fee. She took the ankh and blew through it on my feet and legs and arms and head front and back. She was kind, we had so much in common, and she saw I had Sirius energies . She was as excited about dolphins and the sea as I was, and I encouraged her to go see them on a tour--we have some of the largest super pods in the world, once I've seen three thousand dolphin swimming together. It's amazing!
But I didn't feel anything. I loved her dearly, and respected her. I did what she told me to do, but it's like um, not like Reiki where you feel things moving with the subtle energies. I kind of forgot about the whole thing.
What I can say is she had a lot of confidence, Divine Feminine confidence, and I'm approaching that with my appearance now. She wore a scarf around her waist, it was beautiful, she was just gorgeous and emanated this energy and that was why I took the initiation because I wanted what she had. She was unflappable! Beautiful. Kind. Loving. And she looked GOOD. There are no pictures of her, he wouldn't let us take any of anyone, but especially her because he protected her. He was public. She wasn't. Only in gatherings like what we had did we get to know her.
She was a single mom like me. She too had escaped an abusive husband.
Anyhow, I find Anthony is doing much better when I am looking my best. And smelling my best. With my hair my best. Even though we are at home. I find although there is beauty in being able to relax and wear comfortable clothes, there is actually more comfort in looking beautiful, well-dressed, and put together. To be honest it helps me too.
Aside from the Sekmet experience, I didn't think twice about Egypt until I was pregnant with Anthony. You know how in pregnancy women are known to get cravings for unusual things?
Mine was for Egypt.
I couldn't get enough information about it and I needed to understand and I needed to understand it by the time the child was born. I don't know why.
I bought books and kept them on the nightstand and would read myself to sleep night after night. My favorite was a book from 1935 I got at an old bookstore.
But try as I made it through the materials, what I was looking for wasn't there. The craving didn't get satisfied. I felt a little like a failure and I gave up.
I think perhaps it's because my soul was seeking esoteric knowledge, and this type of knowledge isn't made freely available to the public.
I know that the display at the Victoria museum on Natural History, a traveling one from the British Museum--an Egyptian exhibition--had far more information on the religious beliefs than what was presented to us in the States. I took photos of just about every item and it's description. I learned that in their society, the housing was a lot like ours today. The rich had the big homes, and as you moved down the social ladder in their society your homes got to be tinier and tinier.
I get a lot of my esoteric knowledge from Spirit. I have been studying the occult since I was seven, reading books on palm reading and astrology and numerology. But there was never ENOUGH. It's the stuff from Spirit and my past I remember that actually means the most.
I read a book from some Melchizidek guy, a two book series. Dude, he went UNDER that pyramid into secret chambers and passed some initiation, and in the center he was supposed to lie there and get a ZAP of Illumination. He saw Light, but didn't feel any different. And the test of the initiate he took including holding his breath and swimming through chambers, diving to pass under a wall and coming up. He totally could have died.
But there are secret societies who guard the mysteries, guard the pyramids. I know Cob-Bra had a trip there, for December 21, 2012, and there were two teams racing to get into the pyramids to do some ceremony. He said that the other team had the wrong one so it wasn't going to work. But he had to really get a guide to break rules to get the group in. And Alexandra and I were shocked how the ex-priest who was really sweet came back with a dark spirit attached to him and it happened inside the pyramid.
What is the difference between going to Graceland to see Elvis, and going to Egypt to see their statues?
It's all kind of the same, isn't it?
They are all dead.
But to some people, they are not dead. Some use this knowledge passed on from antiquity to harm others and benefit themselves. Others, I suppose, use it to help others.
Here is a link to an excellent article talking about the hidden occult symbolism in the Los Angeles Library
That article helped me to turn the corner, and to understand that knowledge is knowledge in and of itself. It's what you do with it.
Aleister Crowley once said, 'Magic is the art and science of causing change to occur in conformity with [your] will.'
I challenge this further, and say that when the will of the adept is in complete and total alignment with all that is Divine and Creation, then, EVERYTHING is magic and there is no longer need for anything that Aleister Crowley ever thought, said, or did!
What we are witnessing in our times, is the rejection of Darkness. The fallen angels and their leader, the demons, everything that is let loose upon the Earth, arrived in their state because they rejected Creator.
They are getting a taste of their own medicine now. Nobody wants anything to do with them. And after generations of deceit, trickery, manipulation and trying to impose their belief system on Gaia's inhabitants--the vibrations of Gaia and her people are approaching the frequencies where complete and total alignment with Source is a given. Their hearts and souls want freedom!
The Goddess wants Freedom and this is what Her People and all of her children (fur babies, feather babies, fin babies, etc) will get!
I found a piece of jewelry in a zip lock bag, with a note when I was cleaning. It has THINGS TO DO TODAY on the top, along with my mom's full name.
She calls me by my nickname--I'm not called Carla at home. The jewelry is one piece of metal, with an opening in the back, and it is worn on the neck. She says it was popular in the 1960's. Daddy bought it for her at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. She calls it her Isis necklace for the Goddess Isis.
I think I'll leave the whole Egyptian thing at that. Something my mother loves, and shares with me.
Everything else will come out when the time is right.
A great battle is taking place and the media is silent. It is a cleansing away of horrible practices and it is long overdue.
Let us move on to better things!
Ross
I appreciate Carla's newfound compassion. As Divine Mother said, I have paid a great price by her not wanting to have anything to do with me for many incarnations.
I'd like to add the point that Carla's boss is Egyptian. He is Coptic, Egyptian Christian. There are many at her work, three more men, one woman who were born in Egypt and raised there. They are good people. A little funny about money (he puts on a Larry David accent) but they are good-hearted and kind too. She also works with two women from Iran.
One of Carla's most prized possessions is her Middle Eastern Cookbook she found when she was in college. And during her interview with her boss she told him she liked to make Koshary (a blend of pasta, rice and lentils which is topped with a tangy tomato/onion sauce). But her boss also spent time training in Paris, and they were speaking in French while she was saying this!
She got the job.
There are many connections here and now which aren't that 'new' (he implies they are soul connections).
Some of these connections are going to come to life.
Appreciate it.
Enjoy it.
Let it give you strength.
Remember to smile (he points to his corners of his mouth).
Be patient. Projects like this take time an he reminds us that 'Rome was not built in a day.'
Love yourself in ALL of your incarnations.
Do not judge as in being judgemental, but also test everything before you accept it--have your Discern-O-Meter on HIGH BEAM for the foreseeable times ahead.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
Two hearts which beat in Unison to the Symphony of Divine Creation.
