When I get enough sleep I am absolutely amazed at how much better life gets. I haven't been to work since last Friday, I go to sleep at around eight or nine p.m. and I sleep for nine, ten, to twelve hours! If I had my heart's content I would take up the life pattern of a chicken and go to sleep completely when it is dark and wake up with the sunshine in the morning!
You see these scripts the couple are saying to each other?
For those of you who are in relationships which are not one incarnate and one in the higher realms, or your 5D and their 5D selves...how often are you saying the same things, having the same fights, as if you were reading and rehearsing from the same tired old script?
I know it, when I was married I sure did it. With both of my husbands I wanted them to get some ambition, get us out of the place we were living, and buy a home for just us. A real home. Not an apartment or condo. I wanted a house HOUSE.
Now that I've been single forever and a day, I've learned it isn't really possible to plan and save and move ahead every five years. Life just sort of happens. But today, thankfully, I am in a genuine house HOUSE.
And it isn't what I had in my mind back when I was in my twenties and thirties. It's actually better than what I had imagined. I'm enjoying it, but not slave to it too. It's clean but not super clean, it's lovely but still I have lots of things to go through and donate or toss out. I've never been anything close to a Marie Kondo. And that's okay.
I have love in my heart.
I have a beautiful son.
We are getting through our time to shelter in place together. Perhaps today we will bring the bocce ball set we've never used to the park? If it doesn't rain.
My mother is the first person I've ever known to truly change. Growing up with her was difficult. It really was, for many reasons, although perhaps her drinking and anger were from her own pain and suffering like a wounded animal. Her mom expected her to do better in life than she did, and to be in a huge executive home, her mother-in-law was just plain cruel to her and compared her to others in the family every night and made her cry on the phone and daddy never helped stop the abuse of his wife by his mother.
She drove me to every lesson I had--piano, ballet, sports--and she went to all of my performances. But she used to not exactly be an ally for my academics (we'd love you even if you got F's). And she was cold, to me emotionally. When I went to get my wedding dress with her, she was so mean I cried and we had to stop the car. She had been nicer for my prom dress! My aunt had gone shopping with me for my wedding dress and said, 'Carla, you look beautiful!' but my mom never said a peep when I went back to show it to her. We had a total disconnect and I broke down. After that we were just going through the motions, because of the closeness of the relationship, but I was too busy protecting my heart and emotions from another hurt like that from her.
Ever since I got pregnant, and I was single, she stepped up to the plate, and said, 'let's give this kid a good life!' She was there when I was having my c-section. Those photos mean the world to me. Even now, she calls Anthony twice a day, just to make sure he's okay. These two are incredibly, incredibly close. I call mom usually on the way to work, but also, in the evening, just to check on her and see how she's doing and to include us in on our lives.
If you had asked me in my teens, twenties, or thirties, if I could have a good relationship with my mother in this lifetime, I never would have believed it. I was in AlAnon (people who are affected by a loved one who drinks and has alcoholism), and learning that some people have accomplished this in their own lives. It's possible to live with an active alcoholic and be happy! It's true. You simply stop enabling them, and you live your own life for you. There's no reason to give up on joy, just because of your life situation. If the drinker turns abusive, or you might lose your finances, then you need to make some hard decisions. Are you better off with them or without them. The group was wonderful in helping to me undo my curse of being a 'drunk magnet' when I was dating.
The only reason you can bring this change about--in anything--is to change your part in the same old script and make it a new one.
With my ex-husbands, I left them. I left one so I could go to medical school. I left the other so I could be away from his insanity and cruelty to me--and maybe find a more compatible partner in relationship. I didn't exactly succeed, I did for a little while, but I moved on to being an attending physician, a single mom, and owner of a townhouse so I was busy enough to know my plate was full.
I could never in a million years have discovered healing and Reiki if I hadn't changed my role in any of those scripts.
There's also a little script you say to yourself, kind of like a monologue, and THAT one you can change too, at any time, if you really want to. If you are looking for a nudge to help you find where to turn and where to go, to find the right direction, you might want to explore Love and Gratitude.
I use that one every day.
I am thankful and super grateful to the colleague to offered to take my May and June weekend calls so I wouldn't be exposed to the coronavirus and leave Anthony alone. His dad's visitation schedule just went out the window. Where he is sheltering in place won't take him back if he leaves. It's the girlfriend's family. This just happened yesterday, the offer, and I'm so thankful.
Even now, as I write, my second call on Friday got moved to ten days later. Am I losing money? Yes. Lots--well, postponing it. But I'm also decreasing my risk of exposure. I need to balance the two. Risk versus benefit.
When you get to where you are in a good place in your mind--and for me, my setback has been both my life lessons (philanthropist/humanitarian/teacher and loner) and my expectations on what is 'normal'. It has been extremely difficult because in the five love languages, mine is physical touch. (Here is a link to a quiz so you can see yours--it's one of these five--physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service--https://www.goodnet.org/articles/5-love-languages-which-one-are-you) I am getting the physical touch through Spirit! I also get to watch movies next to Anthony on the couch. It means so much to me to feel the warmth of my family. And to talk with them from my heart every day. When you get that hunger filled in your heart, then you see and appreciate the love which is everywhere around you. It's kind of like in that movie, They Live, where the sunglasses help you see something that was hidden.
So, for me, yesterday, my mentor reached out and shared with me some memes. I have a wonderful mentor in anesthesia, ever since residency, he took me under his wing. He's the best thing since a brother, and yesterday coming from him, the meme of the bat flavored ramen noodle package just warmed my heart. His father is in importer-exporter from Taiwan. And I have been told for many years if society has a disaster I am welcome to go to the warehouse with Anthony and eat all the ramen noodles they have stockpiled there. It doesn't get better to have that kind of support. And when I lost my position at the university (part time, perfect for single mom) he helped me find better work than I had been able to find for myself without him.
Our neighbors are fantastic.
Our administration at the hospital is making an effort, and I can see it. They have daily news briefs. They've told us how to apply for small business loans which are affordable--I have next to no income right now, a huge pay cut. They are having mock codes and sharing education on how to safely don and doff the protective equipment. Our purchasing has found materials for us to wear for protection. They seem to be more involved and not in some ivory tower far away from the hospital.
I couldn't ask for better friends, both ones here, who know us, our star family all over the world, and my Spirit friends who love me and guide me through this crazy, ever-changing and sometimes kind of scary earth walk.
One of the things I've been very proud about, is being able to tell Tom, my first boyfriend online, how much I loved his astronomy lessons, they were my favorite ever, and how much I appreciate his talking about the international space station flying by Venus--and posting photos because with our rain here I would have missed it. I MEAN it. It's from my heart. It isn't romantic but there's an overlay of appreciation for the close relationship we once had in there too. He's close. And I truly LOVED everything he taught me. And the Pleiades still are my favorite. If it wasn't for him, I never would have been able to look up in the sky during my residency training, going from the main hospital to the call rooms (yes they were in the psych building that had patients in it, ewwww), seeing the Seven Sisters like the little diamond shape they are, and sighing a huge sigh of relief because I knew everything was going to be all right. It was THERE. How a constellation could cheer me up back then I never knew, but now I know. My soul has ties there. I'm a hybrid mix, half Sirian and half Pleiadian.
Anyhow, Ross and I think you get the point.
Enjoy today.
Enjoy the gifts you have been given.
Try to work the scripts that you have been playing over and over again, both the ones with others in your work, home, school, family, community....and the ones in your head for your inner talk...a little update. Fortunately, the only thing that needs to change is you--to something that is mindful and not on 'autopilot' as we are inclined to do.
Ross says Carla did this.
Carla changed the script to I AM LOVED.
Go ahead and face your fears. Know that you are both loved and cherished. And when you are using your love and gratitude to Heaven for just about everything, then Heaven will send you what you need--and it is always just enough, sometimes at the last minute, but it is always enough.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
the Couple who love everything and everybody unconditionally, 24/7 every day, no questions asked
