Call was brutal. I woke up yesterday morning with a sense of dread and acceptance, saying, 'Ross, I can do anything if I have you.'
He was deeply moved by my faith. I met with my council early in the morning. 'All good, all good!'...
I was up for twenty-two hours straight, working for nineteen of them. After sixteen hours working a human is the same as if they have had one drink of alcohol when it comes to impairment.
I kept my patients safe--I can't say much but they got sicker as the day went along. I inserted three invasive monitors. If you understand the business you know what I am talking about; if you don't it's no big loss, to be honest. Big needles and lines in big vessels, some of which squirt blood a fair distance..while you are inserting them.
I slept on a gurney. I set my alarm. When it went off I called on Ross for HELP! I did one snooze and I said, 'Ross, without your help I don't think I can do this. I am too sleepy. I don't know what to do.'
A wave of alertness slowly came over me. I got to the car, drove where I needed to go, and I barely got to take my boy to school on time.
I was grateful for the place to sleep.
Old School Doctoring--Residency
My neurosurgeon last night talked about taking call every other night. It messes with you. After a while, your house seems like a call room that is just a longer drive away. He would get the keys to the apartment and the call room mixed up all the time.
He could never keep a houseplant alive! His friends kept sending him hardier and hardier plants. A cactus. It died in one week. A fern? It was toast. A spider plant? It died too.
We spoke of how as residents we obtained food when the cafeteria was closed. I stole Ensure from the burn unit with the nurses' approval, since I was starving. I learned to mix it with equal parts milk and have it over ice so it would not taste bad. He used to go to the patient food fridge and look for sandwiches and jello and juice and crackers. We both agreed the mis-delivered hospital tray was a HUGE score when it was unused at the nurses' station and no one was going to eat it.
He would eat yogurt for the same reason my gastroenterology fellow friend would eat soup--to be able to work and round and eat all at the same time, just to make the hunger go away.
He shares how sometimes now his patients ask him how he is able to function after being up since six in the morning all through the middle of the night? He laughs to us and comments that in residency, it used to be six o clock in the morning the DAY BEFORE when he got up. Now by comparison he is 'well rested'!
We both had call rooms as interns that were WAY THE HECK FAR at a different building from the main hospital.
Who wants to walk that far only to have to return to the hospital at all hours?
The neurosurgeon asked nurses what beds were empty, and would be on the ward in an empty patient bed each night.
That's why HE is a neurosurgeon.
I was not so smart. I hid blankets and pillows in the cabinet of the fourth floor conference room that was very small. Like a street person, I never told anyone where I slept (all the interns knew this, to survive), and I would sleep on the floor. It had a phone and it was all I needed to take care of patients, right down the hall from the orthopedic and surgical floor where most of the time I worked.
At the VA, we had a call room. All to ourselves. And a sunny bathroom. It was bigger than my kitchen, that bathroom. I used to pick flowers from the patient garden with my trauma shears, and keep a small bouquet in there to cheer my up.
My other interns used to tease me about it. But I didn't care...
Old Things New
There was a lot of teamwork today. One step forwards, two steps back. Although I slept all day and took care of myself, I was super happy, and blissful with my guides and Ross. I even got a little dragon charm from my bracelet. The UPS man rang the doorbell, and I was super excited to get it.
This is why Creator wrote this: https://thecreatorwritings.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/amazing/
It was no accident.
It was written right after it happened and I fell asleep.
I was informed that Ross and I had shared another past incarnation--Krishna, and his consort.
I asked, 'What was her name?'
I was told, 'Marana'.
I clarified--because this was the name of my Nana Angelina's childhood friend. When her dementia worsened she called my sister 'Marana'.
So I looked it up. Radha goes by a name that is very similar, Radharani, a respectful term--which sounds to my contemporary ears like Marana. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radha
Ross told me that the reason I love India so much isn't because only of our travels there together in our last incarnation--it was also because of this incarnation I was told about just today, too.
In Ross' proximity, and my happiness and joy, he confessed to me that an infidelity he had previously denied was true, in fact, actually was true. It was for a form of healing, not to leave me or hurt me. It has never happened since, since I let him know I was deeply upset about it, and that Divine Father intervened and said, 'There are other ways...'
I relaxed and accepted his words, and looked forward to our new life together.
Then there was the test. Same old shit. Same old struggles. Same old me.
It was the same old Heaven and being super close to Ross, then the hurt feelings by the reminder of the infidelity--compounded by this person having knowledge NOBODY but Ross and me would know--even if it was meant for me and for my own good and liberation. Compared to the pain, the 'good stuff' was my lesson in humility I decided to accept, but not without my saying FUCK YOU in total confusion and anguish to my whole Council and teams.
This time even Michael got into it, and was as close to ever being upset as I had ever seen him. He asked me, point blank, 'You and I were married once. What gives? Why are you so upset?'
I said that Michael is discreet, I have never once been humiliated or shamed, especially during the time I was his, and he is NOT MY TWIN.
I also complained how I never know where Ross is, what he is doing, he comes and he goes, and it is like (waving my hand in front of me) 'loving AIR'...
I'm managing 'upwards'...This is my message to the Galactics, that Earth Women are not like anything anywhere in the Galaxy. And they aren't buying the 'Galactic Ways' hook, line, and sinker--at least, not with me and my situation.
If there is a rough patch, forgiveness and moving on means exactly that. It means not revisiting the same situation, the same hard feelings, over and over again.
I was told on Friday night that I would have two hard tests ahead of me, and to 'keep my thinking cap on'. I KNOW they want me to be X, Y, and Z in preparation for what comes next. I KNOW this type of 'stress test' and believe me it was stress--is for my highest good.
Choosing it after my brutal work call when I am sleepy wasn't giving me my best shot at it, but if you want a true reaction, well, guess what? You got it!
Tonight on the way to Anthony's basketball game, Ross sent me three songs. The one above was actually in the middle. This was from my team to let me know 'THEY GET IT'...
His first song was this:
Then afterward was this:
Quietly, Ross asked me on a date. And something relaxed, I accepted.
At the basketball game, I told him I was sorry. And that Anthony was the only thing we ever did that we got right...it means so much to me that Ross is a good father and husband and Twin.
I think what we are seeing is the healing of the wounded Divine Feminine. I am most vocal about it. Others, perhaps, are healing it in their own way too.
The long story short, is that coming from an advanced society, with totally different ways of experiencing sexuality, and an 'optimist' view totally ingrained into the society, our brothers and sisters in the skies are at a loss to grasp the very subtle nuances of feminine aggression, and betrayal, which are so commonplace that movies like 'Mean Girls' and 'Thirteen' openly reference it as 'entertainment'. This is something very sick, very infected, and very painful for me to describe; I think it is no accident that Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart are promoting 'brave heroes' of their own--popular celebrities who are undergoing double mastectomy for health reasons--in the media. This is one last part of a carefully orchestrated and carried out plan to destroy all that is good on a Feminine Planet, Gaia...to destroy the feminine completely, and complete their plan of all that stuff Agenda 21 and New World Order and all that...
I openly submit to any and all healing I need to do to be free and whole. And I humbly accept with love and gratitude the tools that were given to me today to help me heal, including this test.
Now I want to go to sleep.
It's rigorous, my Awakening. I was letting down my guard after the Anthony knee thing, where I was told 'this is my last test'. When I was told through the medium 'two more were coming' I wasn't sure who to believe? Now I know.
One down, and one to go.
I'm going to let Ross have a break tonight. He's been through a lot...oh...he waves his hands and wants to speak...
Carla is starving in a sea of 'sugar'. All of you are, who are incarnate.
I adore her! For me there is no other. I have taken a vow for all eternity only to be with her (In Galactic society, fidelity is a 'can' but not a 'must') for Carla to heal. And Carla, most enthusiastically, has taken this vow with respect to me. We have had the best discussion, heart to heart, tonight, and I am looking forward to no more tests...not like this...on her ever again.
Carla loves me. I know this. I have monitors to test it.
But incarnate--Carla has her limits on what is 'right' to her, and 'trustworthy'. Carla has been put to the test on those limits.
If you only knew the edits that she has edited out, of our story, on what happened today--for safety, security, and the like...then you would understand Carla had very valid reasons to be as upset as she was at me, and at her teams.
I look forward to holding her in my arms as she sleeps.
And Carla, the other test was on Anthony for the game. I had promised my help. And despite this his team lost. Seeing her boy suffer --by not being able to play, by not getting the shots or the rebounds, by having his season end...was also test enough.
All this after a nearly twenty-four hour day! At least Carla had six hours of rest in the day.
And Carla please add the link to the wonderful article you wrote today for those facing the lesson of Transition: http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2015/04/on-letting-go-thoughts-from.html
I will sign off for us tonight.
I love you all so much, you who read my words---and that means YOU.
You are dear to both our hearts, all of you, every single one.