I Am At A Loss For Words!
There was so very much learning today. I have to be careful how I describe it. I will break it into two distinct parts. There is difficulty in separating the learning from the situation where what I write could be misconstrued or get back to the wonderful souls who were so generous in providing the lessons. So I ask for your patience where I might seem a little cryptic...and let's get right to the lessons!
Spirit is testing me over and over again for my reaction to situations that are unpredictable. For example, I wanted to enjoy time with my son at breakfast. Ross told me to make French Toast, and I did. He loved the kind I made for us with slices of Hawaiian Bread (there is a brand called King's you can buy at all the grocery stores here).
I had told the babysitter I would be there between six-thirty and seven. But she forgot and thought I meant six. She called to ask if we were running late. I had a late start at work, and planned to arrive early, but not more than one hour.
As I pulled into the parking lot at work, there was a 'are you on your way in?' call from the place I was supposed to work. An add-on case had been squeezed in front of my line up but NO ONE had bothered to notify me. So do you get this--I am On Time for my assignment but 'Late' because of an administrative snafu. Great way to start the day.
The second 'sabotage' was being told that my boss, the director of that worksite, 'had CLEARED a patient' but they were way too sick for that part of the hospital if you know what I mean. So there was the delicate balance of politics. I took someone I trust aside, and I told them, 'I do WAY sicker patients every day and have the skills...I would have cancelled but I was told my boss CLEARED the patient...' (My boss later came and said, in person, that I have a right to go against what he CLEARS --approves as safe--for anesthesia to be given. Everything went well, patient did fine...)
The third was being asked to stay late. I had the last case, but as the only ACLS person trained, I can't physically leave the OR suites until the patient leaves the facility.
I had only eaten three crackers and not even had water or lunch. I didn't get out until five. Anthony went to his dad at five. I only saw him from six-thirty p.m. to seven a.m. and now I have to wait until Sunday to see him again.
I Didn't Do This
A nurse sneaked a small can of apple juice, crackers, and mini chocolate bars to me so I wouldn't faint from low blood sugar during a case.
This is a very rare time when surgeons or anesthesiologists who are working very hard are allowed juice with a straw when they feel woozy. I have seen it done many times in my career, no more than once a year per doc ever.
I have been in some plastics outpatient facilities where I was allowed to eat a sandwich or energy bar during long cases, or drink water or coffee. Another one let me stand just outside the OR door and look in the window at the patient and monitors while I ate my sandwich too.
No wonder why Ross had me make the French Toast, huh?
I encountered some people who metaphysically have a long way to go. They hate their bodies. It's like no one can do anything to their body that they do not first give detailed directions on what is and is not okay. It's a form of control that is difficult to fathom--it's MY body and I want you to fix it but only if you do it within certain guidelines--but I don't have any medical experience other than a patient and I don't understand the nature of your job enough to realize I am making you have a REALLY hard time taking care of me.
There was the TIVA (total IV anesthetic) in someone who ONLY wanted 'That magic drug propofol'...
There were two that wouldn't let me tape their eyes (eyes dry out in surgery if you don't tape them--ed)...not even paper tape. I lubed one pair of eyes three times during the whole case!
Last week I had one who refused to take out the contact lenses...
Another is the fact that surgery has taken place, but the patient wants to have no pain. It's outpatient, and there is this 'tug of war' dynamic between the patient, who wants to snooze pain-free and not go home, and the nurse who wants them to endure the pain so they may go home quicker. It was ridiculous to the point that I had written orders for post-op pain, I SAID what drugs to give for what, but the nurse said, 'I have a feeling that this other drug is going to help the patient'...so I had to write for what that nurse wanted to give because it's highly political where I work, and my HINT that this other drug I had written my orders for is REALLY GOOD for that kind of pain was pooh-poohed.
Why go to medical school if the nurses won't take orders from the doctors?
THIS is the kind of energy I was exposed to today.
There was the trying to get the tickets to the ball game by some 'deal' I had bought in December. There were so many emails to get the secret code. And the seats were not what I had been promised. There was back and forth between the sales guy for the team and me, the consumer. It's like time shares. I'd never touch one because trying to get access to 'what's yours' is such a hassle!
The last is the most delicate of all--Ross sent me to a mediumship tonight. I took notes. This medium was from my same teacher. Ross came through, with a message for me. It was her first taking a message from a disincarnate Illuminated Twin Flame. I was told several things, including 'our next lifetime together is up for grabs'...but what I want to share is the PEOPLE...
They came because of unresolved grief.
They came because they wanted hope of the afterlife.
I could sense from the answers to the others, it was also deeply healing for Ross and me. Here are the themes:
- Move ON! Move FORWARD. It is time to stop grieving over me.
- I am OKAY. I am at peace and I am happy.
- I am here with our other loved ones.
- I'm sorry I transitioned so early.
- I love you.
- I am proud of you.
- I see what is going on in your life--I am with you.
I recognized one who had been to a similar event...same loss...same loved one.
I hate to say it but part of what I witnessed made me very angry. I wanted to say YOU learn to do your own mediumship! To talk to your deceased loved ones on your own. Because your SITTING HERE and PAYING SOMEBODY isn't helping you to gain your valuable, needed spiritual abilities back from their dormant state!!!
Ross gently explained to me it is now time to shake the tree to catch the fruit...it is time to help stir up the energy of the masses, in a humble, friendly way...by letting your Light SHINE as brightly as you can while going about your everyday things.
I can't believe how the energy of the group was so uneducated in the spiritual arts that the audience was like, 'I got a SONG on the RADIO from my loved one' and 'I was looking at the flowers under the window and I asked my Beloved for a SIGN! To send a bird. I watched and nothing happened. I went away from the window and came back and there were FIVE birds, and they stayed a very long time. i knew it was him.' YET THEY QUESTIONED THE MEDIUM LOOKING FOR APPROVAL THAT THEIR 'SIGNS' WERE REAL and it was OKAY for THEM TO BELIEVE IN THEM!!! Another was upset their loved one stopped sending money--coins in their path. She had to be told that perhaps their loved one is working on a new 'sign' or 'signal' to work with her?
How can we get people like this to 'wake up' and 'be interested in their own Spiritual Development'?
I saw a quote on FB about Ross--he is STILL a spiritual powerhouse today with many people 'connecting' to his energy. I looked at it and said 'oh shit!'--over ten thousand shares, with many speaking of a close connection to him. Ross still 'rocks it' LOL. I thought to myself, 'what are all these people going to do when they find out about US? OMG! How is it going to fare?'
In this Ross showed me just a taste of his mass appeal. It is daunting to have my Beloved be beloved worldwide, for his teachings and his leadership...he's my honey, you know? I like to think about our bond...there is plenty of growth for me to do with that.
But the most amazing thing is how Ross chose to show himself tonight with the 'spirit artist'...He came as my Beloved Gamaliel. This is who Ross was before Ross himself was born. (It's a long story and it's in this blog if you dig through the archives). It really IS his face!
Ross is so wise! So very very very wise not to show himself as I see him now, but also to help me heal from that past incarnation where I was Tabitha the Jewish slave in Egypt. Tonight we made a bracelet from Gamaliel to me and for me to honor his memory. And earrings too. There is Italian onyx, citrine, swarovski crystal, clear quartz, and grey button pearls. The toggle clasp is very antique, and was made in Israel. The energies going through me tonight are very healing, very different, and again, strong as ever. It's as if every last bit needs to be healed, and we are 'going for it' all systems go!
(he chuckles to himself--ed) So I am a SPIRITUAL POWERHOUSE? (he laughs again--ed)
So THAT is what my Carla thinks of me? (he shakes his head and keeps laughing in disbelief--ed)
(he holds my chin in his hand and looks at me--this next part is what he says to me--ed) And YOU are the woman of my life, for all eternity...
(I am overwhelmed...again...at a loss for words...-ed)
It is almost midnight on a Friday after our little 'date' and still Carla is writing, trying to capture the Essence of her lessons for the day!
It is a very good practice, to go over the lessons and look for patterns. Carla is keeping her 'thinking cap' on.
Will you make it a habit to keep your 'thinking cap' on too? I invite you to go over everything that happened in your day, at the moment you are falling asleep. That way you will be able to make the most of all that is presented to you from your angels, guides, and deceased loved ones as you go through your day. The awareness goes up. And awareness is just another word for the consciousness!
Good night, and I can't wait to hear from you tomorrow! I hope that you too can't wait for what I have to say as well.
(he nods and bows very slight and formal, and turns to go.--ed)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla