Sunday, January 15, 2017

Overcoming Disprezzu

What is Diprezzu (Dees-spreh-tzu)?

This is a Sicilian word for 'disrespect'.

It's a big one in our culture.

One of the first times I learned of the word was at my grandmother's home. My nannu (grandfather) had just died. I was spending the night on the couch, as I lived in San Diego and was going to medical school.

I woke up in the early morning, and heard my grandfather's voice, repeating something in Sicilian over and over. There was a name, and these sounds. He wanted me to write them down so I wouldn't forget.

I don't really speak Sicilian. A little Italian.

'Larmaghiri allu disprezzu' and the name 'Carmen'.

(There were two sentences, actually, but I have forgotten  the rest.)

I showed it to my uncle and grandmother when they woke up.

My grandfather said, to them, through me, in a message I couldn't understand, '(Uncle Ben's girlfriend) Carmen has given my soul disrespect'.

You should have seen the look on my uncles face when I showed him the paper.

(There had been much arguments over Ben's girlfriend. My grandfather didn't approve of her, and wouldn't let her into the house. ...Nannu was right.  Carmen had been married five times. Ben married her. And she cheated on him with the neighbor, and he caught them. And that wasn't enough! Ben's next girlfriend actually took over the house, while nana was still alive and she was her caregiver. It was horrible.)


There's so much more to the word than it translates into the English.

It carries with it perhaps one of the worst offenses one Sicilian can do to another.  It's a culture dominated by hierarchy and social order, and even enemies wish each other good morning when they see each other on the street because it's expected of them to be polite.

My mother isn't going to be around forever. She has raised her three girls to be each like, one doesn't know what is going on in the life of the other--she likes to keep her relationships with us separate.

It makes sense, because there's four and one half years between my first sister and fourteen between myself and my youngest one.

Tim Braun told me, from Spirit, to prepare for a triple loss once my mother dies, because my two sisters aren't going to be close.

Spirit consoled me by saying, 'then you and Anthony will become closer, and you can live your life as you please.'

Last night I found the first hint that it's true. The one sister I had been close to, once, and hoped to reconnect, is actually much closer to her girlfriends, who are basically her sisters. How do I know? She's getting married. Have you ever heard of a wedding where the sisters weren't asked to be in the wedding?

I know, ouch! LOL. It really hurts.  Especially when this one sister has been in both of her other sister's weddings.

Ross says to let it go, and to keep on loving her.

I see a pattern that has been there since 2000, when I went with my ex-husband to England for a visit we were asked by her to make when she set out for her study abroad. Thousands of dollars later, and much scheduling stuff at work to get the time off for us both, we arrive only to learn that she's taken the weekend off to go to another country by train with her friends.


I could bring up more, but I want to frame it in the sense that this is a very YOUNG soul, who is just setting out, and has no concept of the ramifications of her choices on others.

Ross wants me to keep the memories of the closeness when she was a child, and a young adult, and to let go all these things and especially most of all not to judge because I am not in her shoes.

But Tim was right.

(The other sister, has a very demanding schedule. Full of doctor appointments that can't wait. Well, this doctor works full time in the O.R., and does all of this healing work too, and has and even less flexible schedule! It's impossible to grow the relationship under these conditions.)

The way Spirit and Tim explained it, each sister has their own life set out for them because of their choices/lessons. They are like trains going off in two totally different directions from my own life...and THAT IS OKAY...but for me to give up my train by trying to re-establish connections with my sisters from years ago...isn't a good thing.


I'll wave at the train station, and send care packages energetically from where I am in my own growth and development.

And it could be worse.

I've heard of a family where the mom gave huge downpayments to two siblings to buy houses. LOTS of money. But at her death, these siblings FORGOT. And they turned on the one who didn't get the downpayment, the one who had her mother live with her in her house for ten years, where she was the primary caregiver all through her mother's Alzheimer's, and said SHE had taken advantage and shouldn't get as much of the inheritance as them.

This one severed all ties with her siblings.

Is there still love? Yes. She loves them just the same as always.

Do they even understand each other any more?


So she goes on.

We have each other.

I'll say it again:  we in this community have each other.

There are many soul families who are reconnecting through this page and this work, mine included.

We DO have something in common--this and many more past lives!

In our past incarnation together, Ross and I had a cousin who was absolutely amazing person. I've reconnected with him in this life. And yesterday he sent me his broken Ross and Carla bracelet to fix.

Inside was a loving note--'I send you my love and blessings every day'.

I know it. I feel it. I sense it. And I was thrilled to see he took the time to write it nonetheless.

That's family.

Soul family.

The ones who nourish your soul, and accept you no matter what, always, while being closer in their soul experience to your own than most other people you know.

Just for clarification, in case you are wondering:

  • I have the Loving Shield of Gaia. It filters out things that are 'jarring', but if it's a lesson, it comes through, but it blunted.  (this wedding thing is a 'lesson' in unconditional love for me.)
  • I have the Bondo treatment from Ross, where my deep soul wounds are healed, and I am my best self. The same as I am when I am in Heaven, in my heart. Same vibration. (this gives me courage/sustenance as a soul, and also, helps me to consult Ross, who said, basically, let go with love, to the wedding situation, and be thankful for the joys from the relationship. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but don't put yourself in position to be hurt every time by this young soul too. Tend to your own garden.)
  • All of 'this'--the drama in my family--IS Illusion. Everything about being incarnate is Illusion. So cut yourself some slack!

I laugh.

Every time someone shows there true colors for me, in my house I get a rat.

It's like a signal.

This one has a funny odor in the bird room.  It's been two days.

I've looked everywhere. I can't find a body for the stench. It must be in a wall. 

It makes sense because there is a wall that's had one living there for years. I could hear it (there are many rats in all of the Los Angeles area, and our neighborhood is very wooded). I could catch some in the upstairs bathroom under the sink (fortunately there has been quiet). And down by the garden, I see evidence of stuff from the compost pile being dragged to the corner which on the outside is very near the wall where I've heard it and now smell it. 

I went through all of Anthony's old schoolwork, which I had thrown in a hurry into two plastic bins which I never put the lid on them. They STUNK.

I threw out about half of it, and kept only the very best. And there was no rat.

I enjoyed very much his early scrawl, and his art, so much art! 

Now they are safely inside closed plastic bins, and the room is much more organized, and I feel better. 

Ironically, the rabbit has been the best rat deterrent I've ever met!  Since we have welcomed her into our household, rat activity has been way down. I guess rodents mark their turf, and since she's eleven pounds, there's no one who is going to mess with her!


(pause...big smile...ed)

(he clears his throat--ed)

(one finger up--ed)

(finger goes back down and he folds his hands, and again, smiles very bright--ed)

I want to invite you to our wedding.

(he nods yes, that's correct, you heard him correctly--ed)

I want everyone, and everything that is alive to know you are invited to what is to arrive (he points to himself and to me and back--ed) between us.

Heaven and Earth.

Heaven ON Earth.

Heaven on Earth for everyone!

not just the 'select few'.

It will be glorious!

And it will be Home.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple