Ironically, while driving Anthony to school on my day off, the radio had a topic that provided dramatic counterpoint to my day--although at the time I didn't know it. The topic was if your spouse passes, don't look for a new spouse--enjoy your freedom to spend your day as YOU want--leaving the dishes in the sink, eating ice cream for dinner...you get the picture.
Just moments ago, I came back to a tool which had got me through all of my education and training...my schedule planner. I used to have to do lists with A, B and C priorities on them. I used to take great comfort in planning in advance, and feeling like I was on top of things and had some control and direction in my life.
Then I became a working physician and single mom!
Without my knowing it, my 'control' was completely taken up by the needs of the child, and my work.
I see know quite clearly, how these joyful moments took their toll on my psychological health--I became sleep deprived, and was dreading one overnight call to the next, and looking for babysitters. My friendships tanked, not because of lack of interest, but lack of time. I was extremely blessed to develop some child-related friendships with wonderful parents and people who watched Anthony. I still enjoy these relationships today. I never 'hang out', and even getting together with family takes much advance planning.
What is even more ironic is in 5D, in the Now, if you don't write it down, it doesn't happen...conversely, if you WRITE what you need to do, the time stretches out, and you get more done.
It has to do with manifestation.
Here are some moments of self-discovery I was able to arrive upon in my day where I was relieved of work responsibilities, and fortunately not assigned to jury duty:
- I felt out of sorts, and stopped by a park and took a walk to clear my head. I adore being outside. I walked for about an hour. I even built up a light sweat. This makes me happy in ways others things can't, the physical exercise. It's something I must manifest because I need it to achieve balance.
- Ross guided me to a store, which was closed. But then I took a phone call and was able to park. I also ended up near Trader Joe's, and was able to squeeze in some shopping between dropping Anthony off and picking him up for his orthodontist appointment in the morning.
- I sensed a need to buy the foods to continue out 'eating at home' program, and instead of In and Out as a reward for Anthony's tightened teeth, since he wanted to stop by and pick up his basketball things I served a warm lunch. There were three courses, tomato slices with balsamic vinegar and olive oil and herbs, chicken with mashed potatoes, and a fruit salad in a pretty cup that I made myself. It was just like in France, just like I've always dreamed, just having a nice lunch at home.
- I caught up on my emails, and realized, 'this isn't like daddy had back when I was little'. It's intrusive, all the ads, all the notifications, all the updates, and the really important stuff is easy to miss. Fortunately I found some notices for things I needed to update my payment method just in time--before the recurring payment didn't work and it cancelled the service. What used to be a small pile, is now hundreds of emails if you miss a few days. I could see with clarity the whole 'thing'.
- I did an attunement, and I enjoyed it very much. I also realized perhaps I am useful in the capacity as a spiritual guide, it's hard to describe but for the first time I saw myself in the role MY teachers had always been in, Anne, Tim, Margaret...and I was just as at ease and helpful to the person I was working with, as all my teachers had been to me. I know it's a total, 'Ya THINK!' moment, but for someone who is as busy as I am, there often isn't as much time to 'think' and notice your gifts and special talents. So it was a good thing.
- I also was able to help my cousin, my dear friend and family member, with a phone call. Thankfully, he let me eat my dinner while we spoke over the speaker phone. This too, help me see my usefulness and notice it.
- The Loving Embrace of Gaia Shields are working beautifully, and people are reporting more calm, less distractions, and more happiness once they have them. Again, I see the beauty of a much-needed thing which is now here in the world, and the helpfulness that goes with it.
- I found a 'you need a smog check' envelope with my registration just in time. It was in a pile. I have many piles. So now I know what to do tomorrow. I scheduled it, along with other things.
- With my new calendar, I listed all my activities of today, and I was absolutely astounded how little 'down time' I had on my day off. I was surprised how well I functioned--getting bird food before we ran out, just in time, things like that. Depositing a check to cover before the other ones were cashed and I went into overdraft, which sometimes happens.
- I got an 'I need to talk to you' text from the Chief of Surgery. I died a thousand deaths, oh no! Now what? And I calmed myself down with the statement one of Canada's Worst Drivers who was totally anxious, Azim, used as an affirmation. 'I've trained for this, I know what to do, I can do this.' (it's one of our favorite shows of all time, Anthony and I have been catching up on Netflix) My input was needed as I was a witness to a delicate situation. My letter was needed so he could take action. So I wrote an email for him, as was asked. I wasn't in trouble at all!
What I can see with the gift of some time off, are the basic pieces of my new life.
There is much more need of my services for my metaphysical gifts, than of my anesthesia ones. I forsee in time, through the direction and guidance of Spirit, and through word of mouth, I will help others find their way. I will help MORE than as a remote writer. I just can't see it clearly, and I'm in no hurry to take it any faster than it will naturally grow.
I'm not thinking about a way to support myself.
I'm observing a need that only I can fill, and how much I am needed to fill it.
Everything else one way or another will work out, just like when I committed to going to medical school. Doors opened for me that I never imagined, and helpful people came up from the most random of places. For example, one of my best cheerleaders and support was from of all people, my dentist! He said, 'you can do it!' and meant it with his heart. And he was right!
What are my perceptions, how am I sensing what way to go?
I go by how I feel.
For example, I felt out of sorts, and I took a walk until it got better.
I was checking with Spirit, not openly like, 'Ross, what do I do next?!' but going from one activity to the next, checking for that 'nudge' as for what was the right direction for the next activity.
And I SEE. I totally see the Big Picture, about why the emails annoy me (because everywhere I've ever done business keeps sending me things no matter how much I opt out), about why I enjoy living where I do, and how I can be of use to Creator, which is my oldest, most long-standing goal of all I've had since I was like, fourteen.
Does this help you see your path before you?
I hope it does.
I only intervened once in her day. I did. I told Carla to go to the discount clothing store, in such a way, as to make her think I had a wonderful surprise for her but she couldn't quite believe it and had to go and see it for herself. And of course, the store was closed.
That's how I helped Carla make her connections and make the most of her day.
Now I will rest.
I do that.
Always make sure you get your rest, plenty of rest, as it keeps the vibration UP.
A higher vibration regenerates the aura for its form and function--which is to protect you, energetically.
Never forget this.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla