The Mother Of The Bride

My neighbor across the street is a single mother who is about ten years ahead of me. She is a mother of three, a boy, a girl who just graduated from medical school and got married, and a girl who is just set to start college in the Bay Area.

The youngest is nine years older than mine. She taught me how to put in a car seat. Sometimes she watched my boy as a 'mom's helper' so I could cook and do projects around the house.

As neighbors, we are close.

So I saw 'Monica' (name changed for privacy) alone going into her house. I walked over and said hello. She looked sad. Her last daughter is leaving soon. That wasn't it.

Her heating and air conditioning needs to be replaced--it costs six thousand dollars. You have to pay up front or the contractor won't do it.

She doesn't have the money.

That's not what is making her sad.

.

It's this.

Her daughter, 'Esperanza', wanted her father to walk her down the aisle.

He paid for nothing.

• no child support
• no alimony
• not one dime for the wedding

Monica has worked every single day for the last ten years to support her family, with only one ten-day vacation to Paris and Spain, about five years ago.

I hugged her and said, 'She is immature, and she probably didn't want to look funny in front of the new family....'

Monica agreed. But she kept crying...

She isn't sure how long she can stay in the house; there isn't enough money.

She wants to rent out the youngest daughter's room, but it's fully of stuff ' Patricia'  isn't ready to throw out.

And Patricia who doesn't have enough for college, is throwing a garage sale in the hopes of making some cash from her 'treasures'.

I asked if I can ask a personal question?

Monica said, yes, and kept trying to keep from crying and sobbing, silently wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes.

I asked, 'Now that your kids are all eighteen, do you still have to talk with their father?'

A huge smile crossed her face, and with the pride only a Latina can communicate, she looked me in the eye and said, 'Never!'

She was free.

This is a big day in the life of an ex-wife and single mother.

She earned her freedom from the marriage at last!

She thanked me.

You know, that wedding was paid for mostly by the paternal grandmother of the groom.

But the mother bought all of the bride's needs, plus the cake, and the flowers. Flowers cost thousands of dollars nowadays. But she knew somebody and got them all for twelve hundred dollars and she had to help decorate the church.

And Monica's boy and girl have taken so very much money for their educations! The son went to a 'party school' state college in a big town not too far, and lived on campus. And the doctor went to Big Name undergrad and medical schools. She and her new husband are both starting their residencies. They won't be making much, and soon the loan repayments are due.

I know some physician couples who live in Menlo Park whose combined loan payments are bigger than the payments for their house!

In Latin culture, the children support and honor the mother. They give money to her. 

And Monica would like for the two older ones to 'help out' with the youngest for her education, instead of honoring herself.

But she doesn't know how to ask; none of them have appreciated all she has done for them.

She showed me a letter from the bride. It was postmarked with the new town a four-hour flight away.

It was a printed, 'new address' card with a photo of the couple.

It said, 'Hi mom! I miss you.'

There was no thank you or anything.

I am torn. When I was a resident, it took everything I had to concentrate on getting through. I never went to family events, like baby showers and the hospital when my niece and nephew were born. I was always working...and exhausted...

How can I communicate that to Monica who is suffering and not able to understand it's not a reflection on her?

How can I communicate that last night, at the mini golf for my boy--we went at eight p.m. when I was post-call--I felt like a freak?

I couldn't relax and 'have fun'?

I looked at everyone like a sociologist, an anthropologist, a physician, thinking, 'wow! there is apparently a physical need to have fun. That makes sense with the huge emotional bodies this type of humanoid creation has, it has a need to interact socially, and to play together this stupid game with sticks and balls and very challenging cups.'

My boy responded to the others. Those playing before, and those playing after. A nice trio of college boys were calling him 'Caddy'...and when I got a hole in one, everyone gave me high fives!

That's what medical school training and twenty years at the front lines will do to a person...you give up your right to have fun and play.

The best part of the night was when my kid hit the green golf ball into the water feature. As he ran to get a new one, I used both the clubs, and all my ingenuity, to fish it out. I rolled it delicately towards the wall, up the rocks, and to reaching distance.

That was a challenge and succeeding at it was fun!

I kept the golf ball. I put it on my grid. LOL

As we Ascend, together, a time shall come where we have to face 'reality' and all its untruths.

This is one today, about the wedding, and the education, and the gratitude.

You might want to think about how we can undo the slavery of Monica, the scoundrel of the ex, the desire for the children to make a good start in the world turning into a big of 'entitlement' wouldn't you agree?

And how together as an enlightened humanity, take steps to fix it?

She Works Hard For The Money by Donna Summer

http://youtu.be/MX7MbG6MiQs

Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Reiki Doc

The Source Of Bliss!

It's humor.

Humor and Love.

Love for yourself against ALL circumstance.

Humor and Love makes LIGHT!

I recently have had the honor of being someone's 'Old #twinlove'.

Yes!

I got DUMPED by my Twin Flame!

Isn't this hysterically funny?!

How can a Twin Divorce a Twin?

It's one Soul, isn't it? From God, all Holy and Light?

LOL LOL LOL

The void is so much more pleasant.

I am learning to reach through whatever is presented as 'Lesson', to feel beyond it, to that which never changes, and happens to be also, 'my essence what I am'.

There is the one I think is my #twinlove. We can't even get a friendship going in the right direction!

Then there is the one who calls ME his #twinlove. Or, at least until this week, he did!

My Bliss is that no one, not even a Twin Flame, is going to ever 'complete' me.

Everything I ever 'looked for' would probably leave me feeling disillusioned…

It's in God's Hands.

Until then, I am reading 'Finding God Through Sex' by David Deida. It explains everything, and is one of the most spiritually advanced works I have read in a long time. How the masculine partner wants 'freedom'. And how the feminine one wants 'surrender'. It encourages how to be Love in Everything You Do.

I am so glad for Ms Double D who was introduced as 'his new #twinlove!' LOL

Quelle surprise!

I would not have discovered the bliss that can 'take it or leave it' in the Twin Flame department if it was not for her and her, ahem, 'assets'.

If you have ever longed for that 'perfect match', why not try reading David Deida? It'll help to pass the time. It will increase your 'real estate value' in relationship while you're at it, too.



Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Love Takes No Hostages

I watched the movie Caffe De Flore one week ago. It was an 'assignment' from a psychic friend to help me 'sort out' my Twin Flame situation.

Basically, the hero of the movie leaves one Twin Flame for another Twin Flame. It's brutal on the First Twin, and I strongly identified with her as she went through the grieving process only a Twin Flame can experience.

In the movie, the man, who has married his high school sweetheart because her goth ways ignited his DJ career and persona, starts to grow dissatisfied with his life. She is content and a good mother to their two daughters.

Here are some images that portray how he was starting to feel:

Then he saw 'her', Twin Flame number two. And he started to do this:

He chose 'her' over his wife.

'She' represents sexual freedom. He worships her body. I couldn't help but notice how thin and smooth and soft she was. She never had any children with that body. He fought with her, she did cocaine, his daughter's lives were living hell, the ex-wife was damn near suicidal, his parents chastised him for his 'irresponsible behavior' at a family gathering, but he followed his genitals and sexual pleasure 'love', married her, then the ex-wife 'came around' and it was one great big happy French ending!

So here's the rub--

Who can feel sexy and make time for her man when life is like this?

Who made her life this way?

Why does her choice to be responsible to the children build resentment in him?

Why doesn't he help her instead of demand for 'his wife to give him sex'?

Wouldn't SHE want to screw around on the side too to get away from this life? It's not pleasant unless you have the love and support of your man.

An interesting thing is happening. Here are two quotes from a gossip magazine I found in the call room:

• Pals say the hunky singer (Tim McGraw), who once revealed that his secret to a long and happy marriage is to "just shut up", finally had enough of being compliant. "He is done dealing with Faith's controlling ways," the source continues, "He's made it clear that he doesn't know if he will ever put his ring back on."
• "Simon (Cowell) tells Lauren time and again that he will take care of her and of their child, no questions asked,"says a source, "He'll make sure Lauren has everything she could want--a home, money, luxury, attention. But he also made it very clear he isn't going to give up his friends for her. And that includes his female friends." --He considers fatherhood and domestic partnership two completely separate things.

How sad that marriage and love have come to this.

Love, True Love and Sexuality, is a gift from Heaven.

Your Lover allows you to 'see' the 'face of God' that they only have for you, and they see the 'face of God' that you only have for them. It helps you to get to know one another, as souls, and to Learn and Grow.

I am not in relationship because I have things to do--Spirit things. It is not forever although it is the only way and not my choice exactly but just the way it has to be done*.

But what about you who DO have the option to discover Relationship?

The ones who should be asking, 'should I stay or should I go?'

Well, the answer is the same as pretty much for everything--

• know yourself
• meditate
• raise your Vibration
• do the Four Agreements (#1--Be Impeccable With Your Word, #2--Don't Take Anything Personally, #3--Don't Make Assumptions, #4--Always Do Your Best) by Don Miguel Ruiz
• put yourself in your current partner's shoes, and mind the law of Karma

Then act on it.

As far as I'm concerned, websites like 'Give Her The D' and 'Don't Give Her The D' only perpetuate the misery of our current state of partnership, family, marriage...

To be honest, I love being a single mother. I have freedom and enjoy more of life and have less headaches from having to 'explain everything' to another adult. There's less meals to make, travel is cheaper, and I never have to worry about my baby daddy going out to cheat! He can have anyone he likes because I am not emotionally involved with him. It does make it very hard for me to find someone though, to have a kid to raise that's from somebody else. Guys are that way--it's baggage and it bothers them a great deal.

Sex and emotions are not separate. I know society tries to tell us that they are, but this is not the case. There is no one without the other.

I know one day things are going to make 'sense'. But until then, do the best you can to get by.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

* -- Sensei Usui has explained this to me, I agree with this plan.

Reiki And Divorce

'It's the one with the fireman. He wanted another woman. They are sharing the house.' my neighbor explained to me about the presence of her daughter all of a sudden in the house, and the extra car in the spot.  She was on her way to church, and going out of the neighborhood as I was turning in. We rolled down our windows and we talked. (This is a very Southern California thing, to socialize while still inside your vehicles...)

Wow!

The first thing that his me was the pain. The pain of the rejection. They had said their vows, she had given him two kids, twelve and fourteen now. And he wanted someone else.

'Sharing the house' is a new concept where the kids stay and the parents alternate. It is like visitation in reverse, where he goes to work and to the girlfriend while she is with the children on her eighteen days of the month to be with them. And on his twelve, she is with her mother. It is the parents who are displaced from their home...how psychologically devastating..

Women ruin their bodies for men. Childbirth, unless you are a supermodel with resources galore to 'get you back together' or a celebrity with 'plenty of help' you know, nannies, maids, and the rest, when is there time to take care of YOU?

And yet all men want a lady on the streets and a freak in the bed. Got that? Barbie by day and Jenna Jamison by night. Even Jenna is Jenna in the day and not Barbie! LOL.

A deeper look says, 'Although painful, this is the right thing for him to do.'

How can I say that?

Because The Stronger Vibration Wins. Energetically, the Stronger Vibration draws the other partner towards theirs. My close friend, who found her soul mate, discovered he had a drinking problem. Big time. It really got her down. For years...does this make sense? They are both intuitive, open-minded Light workers. Even they are not safe!

Men, whether gay or straight, want a partner with a strong POSITIVE Vibration. Otherwise they feel their energy being 'sucked away'. Their Life Force. Their sex organ is a 'meter' of how attracted they are, and how 'happy' in the energy of the relationship (all medical problems aside). It doesn't obey promises. This is where the mind, the consciousness, the health of the relationship come into play--nobody knows how it will turn out. If he is unhappy, how will he decide?

If he stays, everyone feels it. If he cheats, everyone knows. If he gets counseling, if the couple really work at it, they might heal.

But if the Vibrational Differences are too great between them--for all I know perhaps SHE is the one with the vibration so high it makes his 'denser' energies uncomfortable--it is better for them to part.

Then the energy difference is not like a cancer that is eating away at their auras. Auras get hurt, and auras can heal. Sometimes there is opportunity for the other to find something better and move on. Case in point: Shania Twain.

I remember one day early in High School, when I looked across the quad at campus and realized, 'There is nobody here who is a match for me'. (Just last night, I cried tears to Creator, because my very high vibration is not compatible with a partner in the flesh. It has taken this long for me to understand.)

I had a boyfriend the next year in High School. He really loved me. But he got jealous when I won the Medal in English instead of him. It was the beginning of the end.  (People who are Very High Vibration tend to be intelligent, smart, do well in academics, especially the sciences.)

My first and second husbands got suicidal on me. I realize my Very High Vibration was making their denser Vibration extremely uncomfortable. The second one got jealous of the bird. I have a cockatoo, a Goffin's, who is Very High Vibration. We don't have to speak, we 'connect' and share an emotional bond. Just like I do with babies, animals, and children, all of whom have Higher Vibration than the average adult. So even though we loved each other, my husbands and I were not able to make the relationship 'work'.

I strayed for a short time in the second marriage. It was at the end. The energy was so crazy in the household, and so uncomfortable for me that I had to see if a way out was the solution. In the arms of someone else, I realized our 'marriage' was anything but healthy. It was dead. And that is why I chose to leave it.

I never married the father of my child. We were soul mates, I knew. I could feel the energy. But not all soul mates 'work out'. He is the one that broke it off. It was actually on the day I found out I was pregnant. There was a note under the front door. I thought long and hard that day. I wanted to never see him again. But I thought of the baby. How could they not know their father? So I told him my condition. We got back together for four months, Then in the middle of my one and only pregnancy massage from him--he is a massage therapist--he kissed my stomach, told the baby he would wait for it, and walked out.

I share all of this because I want you to know I have experienced devastation not once, not twice, but many times throughout all of my love relationships.

If it is any consolation to you, through my study of Energy and Auras, I understand WHY the breakups happen...why the man strays...why the 'other woman' tries to 'take him'...it all has to do with the energy.

It also has a lot to do with Spiritual Growth. No two people always Grow in the same way, at the same pace and direction. And when it not longer 'fits', although it is uncomfortable, do not be sad to go your separate ways. Although I personally would be sad if I had to pay for expensive laser treatments to remove a tattoo! Shhhhh, I make you laugh in order to comfort you...to take your mind out of that cycle of 'what ifs' and 'what did I do' I know so well and have experienced myself.

This was Spiritual Life or Death for both of you--you made the choice as a couple for Stagnation or Life, for 'Low Spiritual Growth' or 'High Spiritual Growth', you see?

Take this from someone who once left a packed shopping cart unattended in a grocery store at Thanksgiving--I divorced and the decorations 'got to me', and I left the market in tears. I didn't want other people to see me cry...

I know it is awful when you have joint custody to interact with them at all of the exchanges. That hurts.

But you know what? Sometimes it is through the eyes of the children that you learn the karma your ex is paying back with their own love life! Those little ones say EVERYTHING! I know for a fact, now, my baby daddy would have brought me down big time, and not given me the joy I know I deserve, although at the time, I thought he would give it.

Take a good look at your life. Is it the way you wanted it? What is your Dream? Or, if it has been a long time, what was it?

How do you feel in your Heart? You know, that heart-of-hearts that guides you? Is it Happy? Does it Sing? It can, and it will, if you listen to it. It might take time and effort to go through with it, but only you can make the improvements to make your Life amazing and wonderful.

And Reiki is a powerful tool to heal the aura and the body.

That's why I send it to anyone that ever reads this blog. Every single day. For free.

Because I care about your heart and yes, your Happiness. We are Ohana!

Aloha and Mahalo,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

For All The Single Moms Out There

It happened.

It finally happened and I have gotten sick of it!

I looked at the billing page with the socioeconomic information I send to my billing company.  My eye caught the part where it said 'marital status' and I saw the word:
Married

I got this warm fuzzy glow.

For heaven's sakes, WHY?

Why is it that I get a warm fuzzy glow when the patient is married, less of it where I see 'boyfriend' and cringe when I see 'single'?

Isn't a baby a miracle in itself?

Isn't that enough?

I have seen just as many couples who are married and 'can't afford it' as the unwed single moms. Trust me, I know. I see the monthly billing summaries from my billing company!

Where on earth is it such a big deal if people are married or not?

In patriarchal societies.
In places where women wear burkas.
In places where female circumcision is practiced.
In places where women don't even have a birth certificate--only the men do (Pakistan, countryside, my professor who mentored me in pediatric anesthesia has no record of her birth)
In places where the Goddess Energy is Suppressed and held down

Last night, the one who proposed to his long-term girlfriend recently was on call before me. I 'got' that the reason for the delay is that to buy a house there had been a concern over the loan. You see independent contractors don't get a W2, they get a 1099, and the requirements to apply for a loan are different.
He waited until he proposed so that he would have a house.
And he wanted the house so that they could have kids of their own.

Wow.
It's like that.
Society is so structured that just about everything about reproduction has 'say' in it: from the church, from the courts, from the Law, from 'society', from 'culture'.

So much more 'say' than a couple who love each other very much and want a child together. As a matter of fact society makes them jump through hoops, each one costing more dineros along the way

When is this going to stop?

When are the single mothers going to feel beautiful and loved when they go to Babies R Us and make their registry ALONE?

When are the single mothers who are able to support their family in whatever way possible going to be applauded for not being on social support?

I met a girl on the flight to Hilo from Oahu. She was seventeen years old and going to meet her father for the first time in her life. She was the last one to meet him. His wife and her mother had connected on Facebook, and she learned he had an interest in her.

He had fathered THIRTEEN CHILDREN and not supported most of them!

I watched as she came down the escalator and saw the sign being held up by her stepmom welcoming her to Hilo.

The father was nowhere in sight! I overheard that he was in the car.

Funny thing he waited until she was almost of age until he contacted her, huh?

For every single mother there is a father out there. (sperm bank pregnancy excepted, of course!)

Why must single moms take the rap?

They were not alone in making these children!

The social stigma has to go. In one generation it will disappear entirely. And for me, it is leaving this heart TODAY.

In Goddess-centered cultures, the children remain with the mother their whole lives, and everyone cooperates in the raising of the children and assisting the parents. Both women and men. And everyone knows what's up. People stay together for the benefit of love and mutual growth. Not 'ties that bind'. if you have ever tried breaking them with divorce, you know it's not any fun at all...and not cheap either! LOL

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Uncle Rainy

Cousin told me the doctor said it was her father's last day. He is in hospice, with cancer everywhere. Just like my aunt, his wife, who passed fifteen years ago.

I call him Uncle Rainy because he is the one I called for support during my divorce in medical school. He was a C4 quadriplegic from a motorcycle accident. He had a lot of time on his hands. He was an engineer, a smart man, and had a very open heart.

Those calls were a lifeline for me. I depended on his being there to hold my hand when tidal waves of grief hit. It wasn't so much the lack of my ex, for it was by choice for my safety that I left him. Yes, this type of relationship harm happens in all walks of life, including the highly-educated engineer couple of sweethearts through engineering school! Rather, it was for my situation, for the dream of 'happily ever after' that died, and for how I was to go about the rest of my life after all this? How was I to have another chance to have kids? But Uncle's highly technical training, much like my own, helped him find words that would answer my questions, and I had many, about what was going on with my heart and how my dreams shattered...right when everyone else in medical school was starting to 'pair up'. The contrast between my life and theirs was extraordinarily painful.

I have not been to see Uncle Rainy for over five years. I took my son once to meet him. We brought cake for Uncle Rainy's birthday. It was a beautiful day.

Once I lost my job, and started to work full-time, my chance for little pleasantries was nonexistent. The OR is an odd place: you are there for long hours, and it is frowned upon if you talk to your family on the phone during a case. It is frowned upon if you slow down the turnover between cases by talking to your family on the phone. You can't win. There is no way to keep up the social support unless you have friends who are good at texts, and you keep it very quick and very to-the-point.

I pondered changing our plans--the hotel is paid and check-in time was not far away and we were heading out on the road. Spirit said not to go to the bedside. No one was there when Dad died. It is a family thing only. But I sent the most loving and caring message I could write back to Cousin, who was having a rough time.

As I closed the trunk, or, back of the station wagon, I paused. I asked Blessed Mother to be with him, and to help him find his way. She said yes she would help him.

On the road, maybe about twenty minutes away, as we passed by his freeway exits, I 'felt' his presence.

He was flanked on one side by Blessed Mother and the other by a Guardian Angel. He wanted to say thank you for the help with Blessed Mother in the Transition. He also said who he saw on Spirit side that helped him--most of our relatives, including Dad, but surprisingly not his wife Auntie Ann! He said the adjustment was easy. He was kind of looking forward to it. And he was super happy to be using his legs and getting used to being able to work his arms and legs together again. He burned off a lot of karma, he confided, and he was not that upset about everything now that it was said and done.

I expressed my sadness at not being able to visit. He said he 'saw everything once he passed about my schedule and that which he had not understood in life he completely understood in death, and that is was OKAY not to have gone to visit him.' He had no concept of how my every day life is. Or of the spiritual work I do on behalf of others.

I relaxed and thought that was awesome.

And I made a healing group just for the family and everyone affected by his passing and for him, too, personally, and I sent distance Reiki from the car (with my mind. I can do that. We Southern California Drivers are able to ANYTHING from behind the wheel of a car! )

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

P.S. I just checked for more news from my cousins. No such thing yet. But he is in Transition, and able to leave his body for a short time until it is complete.

Breaking Vows to Find Peace, Warmth, Nurturing and Compassion

Three little Buddhas. Three little Buddhas in an image that rocked the internet--their joy is palpable! Contagious! And a reminder of our Birthright to Joy.

Although 'Joy' is my name ('Gioia'--nana called me this), and although 'Joy' is the name of my Guardian Angel ('Laetari')...although 'Joy' is my sacred totem ('Hummingbird') in Native American Medicine--I have lived in 'Solitary Confinement' for most of my life on Gaia.

It is 'Emotional' Solitary confinement. Today, as I first awakened, I heard a voice, 'You are going to have a miracle that is beyond anything you ever did expect (in relationship)'.

These 'voices' upon 'waking up' are the most accurate messages I have from Source. For example, one day the message was 'wear lots of black'. I dressed myself and my family accordingly. And on that day, in early afternoon, I got the call that 'Dad is not doing so good, come quick'. Although he had been on Palliative Care, his death was unexpected and sudden. People noticed our apparel color was 'right for the occasion'. It was that obvious...

My trauma began when I was four. Five neighbors brutally raped me, smothering me with a pillow. As I felt the terrible burning pain in my body, the being held against my will, the panic, the powerlessness, and lack of air, I recall having two thoughts: 1) I want to be home more than anything else in the whole wide world right now, and 2) This is what it is like to die...

As the mother made them stop, I 'came to' while sitting in their kitchen sink and having her wash me. I had soiled myself with urine and  feces in my fright. She quietly took care of me, not saying a word. I felt gratitude for her being a woman, for understanding my suffering, and for making my world 'right' after the terrible attack. I felt love for her compassion, and thanked God for sparing my life.

I was so tiny, that she held my hand and went to watch me cross the street. She knelt down, looked me in the eye, and said, 'You must never say a word of this to anyone about what you have done. You have done a very bad thing!'

At four, I looked her in the eye as my fragile world she had so carefully reconstructed crashed down upon my soul, and I made my first vow: I said that I would not tell.

____________________________________________________________

Tonight is the big award show mother used to look forward to. I grew up on Oscar Night staying up, having snacks we normally could not afford to eat, and listening to thank you speech after acceptance speech. I will take this moment to express gratitude for my being released from my 'Soul Cage of Misperception' and to Heaven for 'Breaking My Vow' with the gentleness of a Spring breeze from the islands filled with wonderful floral scent.

_________________________________________________________

You are my mirrors. All of you. And I owe it to you to help me see. Thank you to the string of terrible failed relationships with emotional cripples. I now see that you have perfectly mirrored the emotional scars that were borne unwillingly in me.

Thank you for the new friend, and fellow PTSD survivor, who had lost your hearing to assault from an autistic patient and was considering caring for a new autistic client who 'hit his own mom'. Your asking me for advice on your situation helped me see the absurdity of seeking essentially the same conflict that had caused grave injury to you. Your decision to trust in God to meet your needs allowed me to let go of the bars of my emotional prison.

To the one that took a vow of silence willingly for twelve years, I learned how in doing so you have 'spoken' for the plight of animals that have suffered at the hands of ignorant, selfish mankind for so long that man has made a 'business' or 'agri-industry' based on their systematic destruction. In your vow of silence for all beings who have suffered, combined with your Life Work to raise awareness to this fact, you have unwittingly shone the Light on humans who have suffered at the hands of men. Your silence, and how you compensate to communicate in a world where speaking is essential, is a perfect mirror for my plight I had no idea I had been suffering.  My heart was stifled by my 'vow'--as if my speaking freely from the depths of my heart would break the 'deal' I had made to only 'toe the line' and 'reach for Conditional Love'. How can love exist between two people when the heart of one is caged in silence and cannot 'speak' except through writing? I now see and can heal from this terrible 'vow' I had made as an innocent four-year old girl!

To my children, for loving me unconditionally, and for being Here and Now for me to Unconditionally Love. To you I have held nothing back! The day-to-day Healing I experienced in my role as parent and guide helped so much to heal my childhood wound without my realizing it.

To my Nana Angelina, my godmother and grandmother, for your smile of joy as I gently stroked your cheek yesterday in your 'home that is small' as you call it--the nursing home for you to spend the rest of your days, your shared room...the 'hospital where you have to tell people you have to poop', where 'this is not caffe--it is TERRIBLE' (Italian coffee is no comparison to thickened Folger's with creamer and sugar)....As I stroked your cheek you said, 'I like it'. I looked you in the eye and asked, 'Do you know how much we love you?' I scooped you up in the biggest hug, gently, as you are so thin you might break. I let go and you smiled beaming, looking at myself and your beloved great grandchildren in the eye, and said 'I know'. As I was with her, I felt the 'ice' in my soul starting to thaw, and I was 'present' in the 'Here and Now' with Her, my gentle mirror. When everything fails, both the body and the mind, the only thing that is left is the capacity for Unconditional Love.

I give thanks to you, each and every one of you, who acted in the role of 'My Blessed Mirror'. It is not a 'card' or 'flag' of 'Relationship Woes' that I accepted before birth that kept me suffering in the quest for 'Second Rate Conditional Love'. It was an agreement to experience a 'Cage of My Own Misunderstanding'.  The brutal trauma I experienced as a child set the stage for a lifetime of suffering. Until today I did not know that hanging around my neck there was the key. This morning, I used it and walked out of that prison!

For all of you who are 'out there', and truly suffering from Lack of any kind--lack of love, abundance, understanding, knowledge, Lovingkindness, joy--I hope with sincerest appreciation that in sharing my story you might discover that you, too, have long held the key to your own joy and freedom in your heart center.

Namaste,
In Love and Joy and Enlightenment,
In Heaven that which is not mutually beneficial--that 'tie' just does not exist. There is no 'marriage vow' to 'marriage of convenience'--everyone is free to go and there are no hard feelings. The vow of celibacy--which is a particularly 'sticky' one that can flow from lifetime to lifetime--is dissolved. The vows of 'revenge' , 'honor', and 'winning at all costs' simply do not exist in the Higher Realms.
This is what is written, if you study the great literature of the heart and the Ascended Masters.

Namaste, Aloha, and Mahalo for each and every one of you for who you are and what you have done for me, : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) <3

Reiki Doc

Reiki and The Ex's Dogs

my patient, Bai Yun, smelled like a dog

My heart is light. Long story short: if you are one of the over fifty percent of parents who have every other weekend, try to tap in to the unconditional love of the pet who inhabits your ex's place.

I made a mistake. I had sent my lansoprozole over in the backpack instead of the bactrim for the sick Reiki Master seven-year old. I found a text the minute I drove back to my house from my ex's after dropping the kids off. I had to go back.

This time, the boxers Tyson and Hoss came out the door. Their little tail stumps were wagging, and they were giving me the nicest doggie welcome that only a dog can give. Startled, I exclaimed, 'I haven't had this kind of a welcome in a long time!'. I petted them, I played tug of war with a blue toy with them while we talked. I had to complement my ex on such a fine job they had done raising the two dogs. I had questions about dogs in general, like how often they go to the vet, how they get along. One of them peed on the tree for what seemed like forever--he had been timed once taking three entire minutes!

I like all animals, and I enjoy to play with them. These big dogs liked to play rough, so I pulled the chew toy and dragged them towards me, worrying the toy as hard as they did. They came in and sniffed.

Then the telepathic communication happened. It wasn't deep conversation, but it was pleasant. They thought I was nice. They liked how I could play. They wondered why I didn't come visit more often? With this line of 'conversation' I felt totally and completely accepted on their terms.

Unconditional love. Isn't that nice? Especially when you get it even when you are over at the home of your ex. LOL.

Have a great weekend, everyone. And if you have joint custody, send Reiki to your kids on their overnights. It really helps! And also on the first night when they come back, be sure to give it at bedtime.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Leaving Las Vegas

The first time I went I was eight. I was not impressed. All children had to stand on a rug that was the size of a hallway, and not allowed into a casino. Sure there were places with video games where parents could check in their kids. But it seemed to me like they were dumping them there so they could gamble. The only money I spent, and it was lots of it, was for the poor hungry chickens that were inside the games that ddi a trick. I didn't care about the trick. I saw how alone they were, and starving when they ate! The only good thing about Las Vegas was the pineapple shakes at Mc Donald's. And the desert sky.

As I grew up I could take it or leave it. I didn't get the excitement people talked about when I won. I couldn't understand it. I grew up playing craps and blackjack as a kid. Never for money. For chips. Gambling was strange.

After my first love, my college sweetheart and I split up, I wanted nothing to do with a big church wedding again. And annulment. That was worse than the divorce. Mom loves Las Vegas, and she and dad eloped. So for round two, I did that. Anniversaries were there. But I went for the luck in love, not Lady Luck in gambling. That failed too.

My sons' daddy is an entirely different person from my exes. He loves Las Vegas! Took me there when I was starting to think I might be pregnant. Partying isn't good when you think "there is a bun in the oven". I had more fun with him than anyone else. Until at the noodle shop he had the conversation, where is this relationship going, anyways.

In my history, you can see I don't like it, I avoid it, but when I must, I go. Husband and I enjoyed Lake Las Vegas once. And the Four Seasons was great for a friends' wedding.

But I have to share a secret. Because of Reiki and my spiritual work, I can't go. A friend is having a special birthday. (my family too me there for one. Saw Sigfried and Roy. I felt like my birthday was their excuse to do what they wanted, but it was expensive, so I was appreciative.)

Why am I sending a bouquet to the VIP suite instead of going?

It is uncomfortable to my vibration.

What? Does that make any sense?

Absolutely. We have our own vibration. There is a name one, a personality one, I can feel/hear. It is the one I tap into when I do mediumship. I know who is who without looking. I can feel it energetically, the signature of who they are. Just like mama whale has a squeak that is a name for its calf.

In addition, there is how vibrant we are at this signature. Do you vibrate at high frequency? Or it is low? Vegetarian, meditation, crystals, , making love, Nature, massage raise it. Guess what? Gambling,drinking, drugs, loud music, and hanging out with others with low vibration lower it. An aura, or human energetic system, is weakened and vulnerable to negative entities and dark entities (parasites, energetically) at this time. I have gold mesh protection. But even with that, I can have attachments if I invite them. I think four days of marijuana, getting drunk, sleeping on the floor, or with whoever I pick up, is going to make me uncomfortable and at risk for catching an entity I don't want.

So I am staying home. And spending one hundred thirty dollars on flowers that the VIP concierge made me feel cheap and promised to make my friend 'be blown away' at the same time.

What is this love of money? I don't get it. No pampering for me. No bling. It feels icky for me.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc