roman denar of Iulia Domma 193-217 AD
Ross had me wait yesterday to write, and today he has organized this one and titled it 'A Call To Love Unconditionally'.
We are at countdown two hundred seventeen.
And our sharing will be a series of vignettes in the order Ross describes.
TORONTO, CANADA - JULY 3: Subway with passengers on July 3 in Toronto, Canada. 2012. Operated by Government of Ontario in Great Toronto, it carries over 217,000 passengers weekday and 57 M annually.
The first story was heard over lunch in the courtyard at the hospital. A PACU RN, Jeff, was sharing about where he is from, and where he lives now. He, and another nurse, unknown to each other, grew up in Big Bear, a local mountain town, went to the same high school but didn't really know each other, and ended up working in the same recovery room! both are registered nurses, RN's.
He lives here in the area now. But he also spent his summers and much time here by the beach, as his grandmother had a very small house in Newport Beach that she bought for like, twelve thousand dollars back in the day.
When the grandmother died, the house was left vacant so members of the family could reserve it for their beach vacations, no longer than one or two weeks at a time.
There are two sons of the grandmother, Jeff's father, and Jeff's uncle.
The uncle is highly successful, has like eight companies, and mansions all over the world. Yet, he is the one who manages the Newport Beach house, and takes pains to make sure it's fair, and that no-one is taking advantage and living in the unit.
Jeff's father has one company, and is modestly successful.
But you could feel the pain in Jeff's voice--when he asked, 'after all these homes wouldn't you think he could be a little less concerned about the one here?'
(rent here is very expensive compared to the mountains, and I'm sure it's not easy and could be much easier to lease the place for less or get a break--but that's my conjecture. The pain also could be from the man being able to be more generous and choosing to be less generous.)
What Ross points out is that the person who is causing the pain is the one who is sick, his appetite for money is voracious, and it's hurting others who are close to him in his family. The rich uncle is in so deep he either doesn't know or doesn't care, and this 'money addiction' which is also linked to a 'control addiction' appears to be getting the best of him.
Ross points out again that THIS type of person--ugly and pain-inducing as interactions with them can be--is 'one who needs the doctor' of 'TLC' (Tender Loving Care) and turning a 'blind eye' to his faults because he is so 'in deep' with them.
Ross says that 'when you can love behind the faults of another this type of problem tends to heal'.
He explains that with this type of person self-love and self-care and boundaries are important in the healer. They are like a drowning person in their control 'thing', and can 'suck one in'.
So be strong, love when the situation presents itself, and know you are the better person for having 'gone into a challenging assignment' and 'made a go of it' of loving someone who clearly for all appearances suffers from quite the opposite--a lack of love for themselves.
'Loving people aren't selfish' Ross says.
And he touches the tip of his nose and smiles.
Triumphal Arch - North side of the Arch of Caracalla in Volubilis, Morocco Built in 217 AD, The Arch of Caracalla was built in honor of the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, nicknamed Caracalla, and his mother, Julia Domna It celebrates Caracalla
'Family' Ross says, 'Is another opportunity to extend love, especially when the family is extended'.
He wants me to describe yesterday.
Michelle the wife of an old classmate from college, Andy, contacted me out of the blue. She was traveling alone to visit her sister-in-law, the widow of Andy's youngest brother who died.
It was a spectacular death, he dropped of a brain aneurysm in court. He was a lawyer, the wife was a social worker for the court, and that's how they had met. They married, had a young special-needs daughter (that's why she moved near me--they were by my work before--for a special needs school for the daughter which is close by).
Michelle and I aren't close.
Something told me to drop everything and take her to lunch. I drove to the sister-in-law's house. She said the last time Andy was with her he said, 'my friend lives right there' and pointed to the cross street which is one over from her cross streets.
The last time Andy and Michelle were over to my house it was to see baby Anthony. Andy sent 'Here-He-Is' Hershey bars with all Anthony's stats on them--length, weight. Anthony was the first baby their daughter Rebecca ever held.
Michelle got pregnant shortly after that visit, and much to Andy's dismay, chose to abort their child. The reason was is that she had her tubes tied. It wasn't supposed to happen. And Andy's parents supported her choice.
Andy and I had many a long and painful conversation over that one. Should he leave her? He wanted the child, and she knew, but she went ahead anyway...
He chose to forgive her and move on, saying, 'I have a wonderful child in Heaven who I will meet one day'.
Andy and Michelle aren't the kind of people who date a lot and meet other people easily. Besides there was Rebecca (who is also special needs).
I understood.
Yesterday at lunch was the first time I really forgave Michelle in my heart all the way. There had always been that last piece of 'how could she?!'
I realized she had a lot of work with Rebecca, and also, she might have been afraid of having 'Special Needs Kid number Two'.
I was open, unguarded, like before. Time is a good healer. And also, I realized at the time of her choice, menopause was happening to me--and I didn't want it--for I had desperately wanted another child, another husband, another life, something 'normal' to 'make up for what I'd been through'.
Well it turns out Michelle and I have lots in common. Blood type A positive. Weight struggles. Motherhood. Knowing Andy a long time--and his family. I took her on a little walk to a rose garden before taking her home.
It wasn't until the car ride back from the restaurant, that Michelle shared something important. Part of being loving is having your ears open, and using them!
Paying attention!
Which is what I did.
The night before Gary collapsed, Michelle had a dream of him, in a hospital gown, with his head shaved and stitched up, and an i.v., and he told her, 'what is the matter with everyone? Don't you see that I am okay? I'm going to be fine!'
She told me she 'felt more comfortable with her five senses' and didn't know what to make of that dream. At the time, she thought it meant the surgery was going to be successful. Now she knows it means 'he has moved on to a better place'.
I reassured her that without training, the sixth sense is very confusing. And with training it takes a little practice to learn how to fit it into your life. But I explained, the sixth sense is entirely normal, and everyone has a right to use it.
She explained she thinks she is a 'new soul'--I happen to agree--but she was nervous about being hypnotized for a past life regression. She has friends who are crazy about the civil war and make costumes and she figures they are reincarnated from then. She has no interest in any time periods or anything.
I gave her Ron Head's website, and also recommended Jennifer Farley for QHHT, where you can 'talk to your soul'.
I was correct to listen to my intuition to drop everything and go see her.
She needed help, was asking questions. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
winter landscape colorful sunrise over the snow-covered field
Ross wants me to share with you my perception of 'gentle self-love and persistence' as it applies to my life. As you know, my work is hard. Anthony's father isn't really friendly always--he has his own life. And my house is a mess. I let myself go. My reasons were to raise Anthony and to do this work I was sent to do.
This is slowly changing, and turning around for the better, in all ways.
With my work, surprisingly, the late-night lunatic surgeons who never slept all split up their 'group', and now only the worst emergencies go in the middle of the night. Nothing elective. The only offender who liked to book robot cases late at night has been asked to spare the robot team and stop doing that. And even my 'escape pod', the outpatient surgery center--is getting less pleasant in the sense that the 'closes at five' rule has been 'stretched' to 'the last case can START at five' and some outpatient cases take three hours and need an hour of recovery time! (people are quitting there right and left because of it). The healthy people are forgoing surgery, or at least having it at the surgery centers--so in the hospital only the sickest of the sick get work. The very high risk, ASA 3 or 4.
Somehow I've made peace with it.
I also passed the word to my scheduler that in high school I'll need to adjust my hours the next four years when Anthony is there. To keep him out of trouble.
With my WW, I've stopped beating myself up and guessing, and I have the tools to decide how to take care of my body. Weight still has been a struggle--up and down, but slowly trending down and I'm feeling more energy.
I'm cooking. I enjoy that. Eating out feels like I'm giving up. Last night I made orange chicken from Trader Joe for Anthony (I had a tiny bit) and a salad with beets, onion, apple, pecan, and water chestnuts. I put lime juice on it, and had a half-cup of ricotta cheese. We both had pomegranate (I put some on my salad too).
The house slowly, ever so slowly improves. When I have spare time I address the piles.
My favorite part was throwing away the book on how to declutter.
I've needed these changes, and I'm grateful for them. I've been praying to Archangel Nathaniel for a long time 'for a miracle!'
It's not instant.
But the direction of these changes is unmistakable and I'm grateful for this.
Road construction at the point where Interstate 480 exits Interstate, 217 between Cleveland and Akron
Sleep! I've needed so much sleep lately. I can't get enough.
And Ross...
He's so sweet. He's been around.
Yesterday he took me up to this place that was so high up he made me promise to hold on to him so I wouldn't get hurt.
It was a lookout where you could see ALL of the Universes at once.
It looked like some old drawings from Galileo, lots of circles and arcs and dark and yet the energy was peaceful and beautiful.
Ross was thrilled, like I haven't seen him in ages, just to take me and share. He felt like he was a teenager again getting away with something, you know? I love his sense of adventure more than anything, and he was like old times.
We've been healing a lot together.
Saturday I held him and cried, and shared how watching him get hurt when he was dying really upset me. It was hard. I wished it never happened because it was so hard.
Again he promised me no one in a million years could ever hurt him like that again. I'm always making him tell me that over and over.
For the first time, he shared with me that it hurt, all those injuries. And I held him close and soothed his tears.
We've needed to have that conversation for a long time.
Monument to the Red Army commander Chapayev. Grodno, Belarus. 7 July 217
Here is an example of an opportunity to love--glaring mistake, 217 instead of 2017.
When people make a mistake like that, in front of you, smile and love them anyway.
Antwert (Belgium) -18-7-217 - Urban life a mother and a son outdoors
Here is another example--'mother and SON?!'--you know, no matter what the gender--right or wrong--whether someone else calls it or the individual themselves--love them anyway.
They are a soul in need of your love.
Isolated shot in studio - the Korean traditional colorful refreshments. 217
Here is another 217.
It's Korean.
Dad went to Korea for war.
He fell in love with the entire country. Learned to speak it fluently. Yes, blonde and blue-eyed American speaking Korean.
There was a song he used to sing when he took a shower. A Korean song. Very catchy...yo go say oh yo go say oh yo go sekshee catch ee wan.
I guess it's nasty.
He caught me singing it, told me never to sing it again, and tried unsuccessfully to teach a song of a jumping rabbit in Korean.
Nope.
The song stuck.
I'm glad he loved me anyway...lol.
BERLIN - JUNE 09, 2018: The tractor Porsche-Diesel Standard 217, 1960. Classic Days Berlin 2018.
This time Ross says, 'next time you ask God to send you a Porsche always know God might send you this!'And Love God anyway!
After all, God loves you.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
