Today was the day.
Anthony did well.
We thank you for the healing you sent us.
It made a difference.
I'd like to go behind the scenes of today, to the lesson. I knew I had Archangel Raphael and Michael and Ross himself caring for Anthony during his wisdom teeth removal.
I knew in my heart with the laws of attraction -- not to think about the horrible, awful dental procedure gone wrong on a nurses' husband where I was involved with his care. I wanted to. But I fought the urge every time the thought came up so I dared not to manifest it.
In the shower this morning, Ross came to me. He held both my hands, and asked me, 'is this hard on you because of what happened to me?'
I started crying and said yes, this is true.
He moved his hands holding mine as if to get my attention so I would look up at him, and I saw his eyes, and he said, 'I will be there and it will be like your flight home from Japan like I promised you, everything smooth.'
Everything did go well. I never had fear. I had been a nervous wreck when he had his tonsils when he was four. I'm an anesthesiologist. I know too much.
But we got him home, his father Jared and I, and also, Jared watched him while I went to the pharmacy to get the prescriptions filled. There was a line to drop off the prescription. We have new insurance. It took twenty-five minutes for it to be filled. But I like it there, and they know me.
I couldn't believe the miracle!
All four prescriptions filled, and on our new insurance, the cost was five dollars and seventeen cents!
And the cost of his procedure? Three thousand and thirty three dollars.
If insurance pays one thousand five hundred, then Jared will pay seven-hundred fifty and I will pay that much. I had to put it on my credit card. He will pay me back.
That's a miracle too.
Nursing the patient was easy for me. A lot of dishes. Anthony ate a pint of ice cream, pudding, jello, haupia, smoothie, and by evening, soft white bread. I washed dishes, loaded the dishwasher, put them away, and washed more through the day.
By the time Anthony was ready to go to the video games, I found the most wonderful channel on YouTube.
I will share with you here what I posted on everything, just in case you missed it.
I watched not only this but fourteen of his videos total. I absolutely loved the cartoon drawings, they were easy to understand.
His drawing of what happens when you die, or when a baby is born, I've actually seen similar with my own mediumship/intuition. He has a little bit of error, the baby's energy is connected to the body and the mother instead of going 'in and out', however, it does anchor in officially with the first breath taken at birth.
I loved his explanations/answers to my questions. Why are we here? What is Karma? Why is there evil? Why do SRA hurt babies? How can this be? The one about animals is very nice, I really liked it.
I feel like this is coming to the Awakening, by baby steps, a little closer...every day. I'm thankful for the information to be made available to me.
The part about everything being for the Highest Good, and also, Grief and Mourning, did make me cry. I had flashbacks and had to talk with Ross.
Again, this morning's shower conversation foreshadowed the lesson of today, in a way, don't you think?
What happened to me is for whatever reason I signed up for the hurdles with Ross in that incarnation, they really got to me to my core.
I went over my lives before that with him, I didn't do anything! I was happy, I was kind, and aside from being buried alive as was custom in our day after Ross in his incarnation as Melchizidek died...I understood it was to 'save me' from worse fate--other men abusing me...I didn't fault him.
On some level, perhaps, Ross' soul did, and he did karma back to himself?
There's really no explanation. But I did tell him I loved him, I will always love him and miss him, and that I totally don't understand why in that life (remember the bubble of 'expectations' in one of the videos?) all I wanted to do was to be a wife and mother. I couldn't understand why everything fell apart.
Ross told me there was 'outside influence'--sometimes our life scripts have things happen in the life experience that wasn't written in. And also, HE wanted to test the limits of Twins in some way, which led to me fleeing from him all over the Galaxy. Until this incarnation here now.
Some souls I know 'take things on' for the other souls who can't work their karma through. It's a form of Grace. They help others. I don't know if this was a part of our situation or not.
I'm looking forward to sleeping.
I remember in our discussion I argued about not wanting to experience love in other directions after Ross had gone. How could I love anything or anyone else? Especially after I didn't get a chance to love really in the first place our life was so chaotic after the honeymoon...
But apparently it's a core lesson. Jared absolutely shattered me in this life when he walked out the door after giving me a pregnancy massage when I was four months pregnant. I had to recover. I did. It's not been fun. Going through custody in the courts was really painful and agonizing too. We have a good relationship now, he's an excellent father, and I wouldn't have wanted to have a child with anyone else but him. It would be nice to have had someone around to help--like today being able to go to the pharmacy and know Anthony was in good care. But I don't let myself think of those things.
I did ask Ross if I would have the chance to be able to love him in the future/the Afterlife? Would my soul ever find the peace and joy that has so long eluded me?
I know if I get used to 'Love on Tap', I can be joyful. Why God's way keeps it on that level, and not a more simple to comprehend one--seeing face to face, both being incarnate--I don't know.
What else I give thanks for, are the videos that popped up about borderline personality disorder, and how a mother with is can deeply wound her children. All my life I've been wondering about my mom, why she acted the way she did, the rage, the low self-esteem, the grandiose 'veneer', the lack of substance, the depression/melancholy...it was as if I saw myself with new eyes, because I didn't know moms like that weren't normal. I'd sensed something was not the way it should be--my nana was stable, stable, stable, easy to predict how she would be. My mom, for whatever reason, wasn't. It was like walking on eggshells every day.
I don't know what that lesson/hurdle in my Life Script was for either.
I guess I can survive anything?
Either way, I love Ross, I love my mom, I love people who don't get along with me...I practice love--lovingkindness to all including myself.
So that's it I think?
Ross is gesturing. There's one more thing. Tell them how it felt he says. To see the diagrams in the videos about the angels and spiritual things.
It felt wonderful. I felt like, 'at last this information isn't being withheld from me!' It felt 'right' and also helped the part of me that's been like a deer in the headlights because of the veil had it's first peek at the normal world beyond it.
It was like Truman poking a hole with the boat into the elaborate set. (Anthony wanted to watch it last night, he said 'it was good'. I was thinking, 'that guy was the head of the LA SRA...and he's making THIS?' so I read between the lines. For someone who is a victim of SRA, their life is planned for them before they are conceived--it's on certain days to bring in something. Then their aptitude adjusts it a little. Perhaps it was a 'truth in plain sight' about the watching and being trapped in the cult. I don't know. But the ending was nice to the movie...)
Ross nods yes.
Now I can go to bed.
I hope you see by now my guardian angel, guide, and Twin is an excellent teacher in so many ways. I'm sure he arranged all of these experiences for me today.
Ross smiles and waves. He says to talk about the chocolate. I got boxes of Godiva pudding for seventy-nine cents a box for Anthony. You just put two cups of cold milk in it and stir with a whisk for five minutes until it thickens. I bought MANY boxes for him. It was on clearance. Ross did his part in the physical to help out Anthony too. <3
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Founders of Doctors With Reiki