Good things are on the way. I feel them.
This morning when I woke up, I heard the message that is in the title.
This is a little surprising because today I have off from work, and I didn't ask for it. Five of us are home today and are ready to work. Out of seventeen anesthesiologists, five is a pretty huge percentage.
I also see there are two who never take a day off unless it's not worth it to them to make the money. If there is a day where there is only one case to do at the outpatient surgery, then that is the day they stay at home and I am assigned to come in.
But I trust.
Last night I spoke a lot with Ross before I was falling asleep. Actually, I had insomnia pretty bad. I was up way past midnight. We just did the time change, and I guess that last soy matcha green tea latte at five p.m. was too much.
I didn't panic. I knew to rest. I watched things online for a while.
But while I was talking with him, he was asking me things I liked about him most when we were last incarnate together.
I looked up to him, I told him. He always inspired me. He was my anchor.
That's why some of his choices which hurt me hurt me so deeply, and he understood.
I also told him I enjoy his companionship. And hearing his dreams and how his day was.
He shared with me something that concerned him in his day--something that took his intense concentration--and once I saw that look on his face I was horrified and doing everything I could to soothe him. I was afraid things might happen to him again!
And Ross understood.
He understood how fragile I was when it came to anything that might hurt him. And he held me tight and said, 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...' and also reassured me he is in good health, and nothing like what ever happened to him here is possible to him back Home. It's not possible to anyone!
These are all the photos I had selected three days ago. I knew good things were on the way.
I apologized to Ross last night as I was falling asleep.
I am a little worn out from this journey, from this adventure, from this assignment.
I told him I am not exactly 'feeling' this 'victory' the Gaia Portal says. I told him it's a shame that some of us who worked so hard for this victory behind the scenes down here as ground crew just are totally spent. I didn't think it would be like this. It's sad, and not exactly fair, that for those who made it happen to be so exhausted we can't actually stop and enjoy it.
He told me to think about what it felt like to be up on top of Nevada Falls.
I enjoyed it.
Probably the best thing I ever did in my whole life.
And the day I did it, I didn't know. I knew I wanted to try Vernal Falls. And I knew Ross had me test my bad foot and stretch it, something he's never done. HE knew. But Anthony and I didn't.
And Ross said he had been there the whole time with us helping us out. I believe it.
He asked me how I felt to be so close to something so dangerous as the waterfalls?
I told him it was always present, that feeling of death, and yet, to be at the top of the trail was exhilarating!! The feeling of accomplishment of a bucket list, thought-to-be an impossible dream was so very worth it.
If you have any old feelings of shame come up, try to stay with the feeling and look beneath the shame. This is how you heal. I'm taking the course on NICABM.
Sometimes shame is an adaptation a child chooses to avoid going crazy while growing up.
If given the choice between 'there is something wrong with my parents' and 'there is something wrong with me', the child, who needs so survive to grow up, will choose the shame as insanity is the result of believing you are at the hands of incapable parents.
As an adult, in the presence of those with whom you have trust, you may see the truth for what it is, and set the shame aside. Although it is deeply rooted, it isn't useful any more.
Let it go with love.
That's what I did by going without makeup, and dressed under the situation, to my sister's party. I didn't intend it, it actually was my worst fear come true. But the lessons I've been learning from the course helped me through the process.
It's never too late to heal.
Things are moving along well with the orders for bracelets. I will be packaging them and shipping them.
Please know that there are many free ones I make that never make the queue list. People at work who have had someone pass away. People here who lost a loved one. People who asked for the free jingle bracelet at Christmas on the YouTube comments and we just noticed the requests now lol.
Today I also make four certificates for Reiki, actually four for Reiki 1 and one for Reiki 2.
All of these are free. They were an outreach spirit asked of me. I don't even have my own Reiki Manual, I'm using copies of my teachers which she says is okay to do, as long as I give her credit.
My life is changing in good ways.
Enjoy the feelings of joy that come your way.
Know perhaps before joy is the feeling of relief in a big way.
And including with that perhaps is an enhanced sense of purpose.
The victory is in fact real. I'm not exactly letting down my hair or my guard at the moment. It's been a long siege. I'm worn out, I'm tired, and I'm ready to let go.
I wish I could share with you the details of all the work we and our teams have done.
That will be for a later time, because of security reasons.
Just know that our future will be free of negativity for a long long time.
I send you our love.
Everything is happening at a rapid pace.
A new Peet's is opening up in the area.
I sent Carla an opportunity for a free half-pound of coffee.
Carla and Anthony are going to go have breakfast there.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla