Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Pain

Sometimes being a doctor hurts.

Some days it hurts like crazy.

Today was one of those days.

A friend of mine wanted me to do anesthesia.

They insisted with their surgeon that I do their case.

This surgeon does not like to work with me.

This surgeon does not like to work with half the department.

This surgeon worked with me at my old problem.

This surgeon trained where I had my own neurosurgery in 1990--there's a connection there--that makes the rejection hurt.

At the bedside this morning was 'good to see you' he said this to my face!

The surgeon said it to my face in front of the patient.

Mind you, it was a seven a.m. start, I paid fifty dollars for a neighbor to feed Anthony breakfast and take him to school. (Usually we have seven THIRTY start and I'm fine, and not out the money.)

We didn't get to the room until 7:16...

While I'm doing the case, I get a text from another friend.

The surgeon went behind my back, and asked for HER to come do every case that follows the 'special request one'!!!

That's right.

I had to go to where she was, even though I had the best call and the best line she could do the rest of the cases instead of me.

I was almost in tears when I came to the surgery center.

The plastic surgeon who was once mean to me, was kind...

They said, 'we like you here'.

Everyone knows that surgeon from my first case is difficult to work with. (He had announced me and the scrub tech as 'guests' during the felt weird to be a 'guest' in my own hospital and OR).

What can you do?

Take it?

Then I read this--and it literally saved my life--

Now I know what to do.

Now I who can't really read subtle social cues...understand.

I understand the why he does that to people.

I understand my role in the work/Lightworker relationship with him.

I still don't understand why I sat next to him at a wedding of a coworker and he was nice and bought me drinks...I know his wife socially too, we are FB just doesn't make sense.

To be honest the Persian surgeon with the filthy mouth and loud techno has the most beautiful open heart--and the patients and colleagues know that despite the F-bombs--he CARES...

Ross had made me a promise.

He wanted me to order a pair of earrings.

I was like, Ross?! The money?!

He said, 'you will have more than enough to pay for them twice.'

He was right.

I was cleaning yesterday and found cash in an old money belt. I'd forgotten it was there.  It was more than enough for once with taxes and shipping.

Then today?

I had a cash case.

For the same amount.

Sometimes there are reasons...that we are sent 'here' or 'there' in our work.  And sometimes, the more disconnected it may seem, it's actually the evidence that the Universe is at work on our behalf.

Tonight, I ate at my sushi place with the conveyor belt. I got the ramen noodles (tonkatsu kind)...

When you eat slowly you get more full with less. I was surprised. the parking lot when I pulled up?

A Uhaul truck had a photo on the side of it with the name of my destination -- we fly out tomorrow.


Ross' energy is very soft and supportive. And he says, shhhhhh, like you would shush an upset baby.

I can't emphasize enough the tenderness our guides have for us.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc couple

P.S. There is a lot of transition at work. People are leaving for various reasons. One of the closest to me, is Ritchie, my anesthesia tech. He's been my right arm for two years. Possibly four. I don't know. But...I weaseled out of a 'goodbye' with him today.

I knew he wanted to say goodbye.

I HATE goodbyes.

I told him I would be here tomorrow. But I'm not.

I wanted it to be like an ordinary day, our goodbye.

I'm going to miss him.

He's going to be the best daddy (his wife and he are expecting a girl)...and they are moving to northern California because of her job and also because homes are more affordable there.

Ritchie told me that everyone knows I'm good, and not to worry about that surgeon, and a little Roscato tonight will make everything better.

What a kind person, huh?  I was so lucky to have had him and Whitney as my techs for so long.  And Leslie too. I still haven't forgotten her!