Sunday, June 11, 2017


This morning I woke up, and something caught my eye. It was a cigar box in my closet, up above my meditation space. I didn't remember it. I had a bright yellow cigar box with all my treasures growing up, my jackknife, my harmonica, my fire starter kit for camping with a little know...

It said, 'Bering'.

I took it down, and looked inside.

My mother had placed my baby shoes and my lacy rubber pants that went over my cloth diapers in it. There were two pairs of white classic baby shoes, and also, one pair of suede moccasins...

Spirit wanted me to name this blog post after the I did.

Anthony took this picture. It was sunrise from thirty thousand feet. It was hauntingly beautiful.

The lump against the window is me.

I am sleeping.

My guardian angel and I have always had a deal with one another...when it gets to be too much for me, I am to be 'taken out' a little early.

I think perhaps that happened to a small degree during the flight. It was a red eye from Anchorage to LAX.  I recall on takeoff realizing the class autistic child was directly behind my seat. He was kicking it, being loud, and inappropriate.  I realized it was going to be a very long trip, probably the worst flight of my life.

Then a wave of sleepiness came over me. I recall my shoes feeling tight and kicking them off. Next I knew, five hours later, possibly six, Anthony was poking me to get me to see the sunrise. I was still very spicy and not able to interact normally, and went back to sleep. I saw him, in frustration, take my phone which was in the seat pocket charging, and take the picture because he didn't want to miss it.

I have never taken a flight of this distance and NOT used the restroom ever, until this time.

When we landed, our ground transportation wasn't there and wasn't answering the phone. The whole bus for the students. I called our own ride. We waited two hours to get picked up, and another hour to make it home.

I have been healing my aura ever since this trip.

There have been massive assaults to my energy, and with it, massive growth and changes in perspective due to close observation of the situations Spirit presented me the whole week.

Thank you, Dawn, for the smudging spray which came just in time. And thank you Biramel, for the Howlite choker which has been working ever since I put it on yesterday.  Thank you Denise for the beautiful card.  I have been using lavender aromatherapy (thank you Catherine) 24/7 since I came home. I also, at Ross' suggestion, took a bath in lavender epsom salts to soothe my aura.

Spirit was with me the whole time.

I've never seen so many heart-shaped rocks in my path.

It was encouragement every where I went.

Let me start with the beginning...

I was on a bus/motor coach tour of Alaska as a chaperone for my son's middle school class.

I wanted to be there for him, and for my father's dream of one day seeing this beautiful place, so I signed up to pay for both his trip and my own, with installments, over ten months.

I had signed on to chaperone by day--paying extra to be in a room alone with my son--and AWAY from the kids--at night.

Well, the other kids needed a chaperone...and I might as well not have paid the extra money...because the Chinese boy who doesn't listen to anyone (think 'London' on 'The Suite Life of Zach and Cody'), and the Latino boy who once teased my son three years ago to the point of Anthony wanting to hurt himself to make the bullying stop...were in my room.

One bathroom, two large beds, and four people...each with their own agendas...and ME being responsible for their safety and well-being the whole trip!

We were greeted by a tour guide at the airport in Fairbanks, and also the bus driver. The tour guide, Yvette, was a second-generation Anchorage native, and a first-grade teacher. Maggie, drives a school bus during the school year. Both were making extra money with the tourist season during the summer.

We quickly learned how to pack and unpack for short one-night stays in hotels. We learned how to bring what we needed in our backpacks, and to keep a close eye on the time at each stop.

We also had Sophia, a naturalist guide, and a different bus driver, George, as we went through Denali National Park.

All four Alaskans were strong-willed, and highly skilled at what they do. George earned my respect over the Polychrome Pass one lane road on the edge of a cliff. It's also called 'Poison point' as 'one drop will kill you'...

Some of the new concepts we were introduced to were:

  • Alaska is both the farthest north, west and EAST of the United States--because of Barrow/Prudhoe Bay (North), the Aleutian Islands (being farther WEST than Hawaii, and yet, since they cross the international date line, therefore farthest EAST too)
  • Alaska residents of Anchorage were voted the worst dressers in the country (worst fashion)
  • In Alaska, there isn't any racism, because 'everyone freezes at the same temperature'
Some of the things for me, which were a challenge were:
  • the noise of kids who don't pay attention and won't shut up and are into the 'popularity' scene
  • being on 'roaming' on my phone -- downgraded to 3G--the whole trip
  • Hotel wifi, which is slow, being completely driven to a halt once the kids turned on their electronic devices
  • being told what to do, when, and being offered pre-selected food options the whole trip
  • kids who don't want to sleep, but want to socialize
  • midnight sun

That being said, I was glad to be on the trip. 

I almost didn't get coverage at my job. To leave I must guarantee someone else is present to work in my place. I had called EVERYONE, nobody could help. Until one last kind Chinese anesthesiologist. He drove in from Bakersfield to work so I could go. The night before, after I'd sent the babysitter home, as backup call, when the phone rang and I thought it was my mom wishing us a good trip, it was the hospital. I had to go in for a short case. It was absolutely miserable.

I left Anthony home alone for the first time at night, because of the  hospital, ever, and even though it was a 'five minute case', with the commute, prep, and after time, it was an hour of much needed sleep...taken away.

This started me on a cranky sleep debt at the beginning of the trip. I reached the end of my rope early when in Fairbanks the kids went for a swim in the hotel pool after the long trip, and were poorly supervised.

I was the only one of six adults who didn't take my eyes off the pool.

The rest talked, watched their cell-phones, and never realized the dangers of seventeen children--plus other hotel guests--playing without any regard to their safety or the safety of others--in a pool...with US being responsible for the welfare of all the children. They hopped back and forth and ran between the jacuzzi and the pool.  I watched the clock like crazy, and gave thanks for the one other mom who felt it was unsafe like me and watched too once she came down with her girls. At pool closing time, I handed towels to each child to get them OUT of the water.

But the school person planning the trip (one who got it for free), wanted a picture and thought it would be cute if the kids jumped into the pool. 

I walked--completely upset--away, went up to the room, locked the door and changed into my pajamas.  The kids came up without the key, later, and I let mine three boys in. I haven't reached my limit like that in a long time.

I told the kids, 'lights out' and darkened the room after they brushed their teeth and changed.

One boy didn't want to share the bed. Luckily, there was a couch for him. So Anthony--who is difficult to sleep with--and I shared a bed, the other two were alone, one on the other full bed and the other boy on a couch.

I had to coach them on how to share a single bathroom, too. And get everyone up and ready for breakfast by seven, packed and set to go on the bus for the day.

This is a twenty-thousand dollar fur parka to be worn at forty degrees below zero. There is wolverine fur near the face. It has oils on it so it won't freeze with the breath. 

We took a steamboat tour of the Chena river. We saw Susan Butcher's kennel, her widower husband, her two daughters, and their dogs. We sampled a mix of smoked salmon and cream cheese to be spread on crackers. We toured an Athabaskan 'camp' and learned of caches, hunting cabins, and homes. (I met her and a dog in Portland, Oregon at the Western Regional Anesthesia Conference where I presented a paper as a resident in the early 2000's..she was very kind. I didn't understand her sport, I'd never heard of it. But her smile was warm and she genuinely loved it, and her dogs. It showed.)

Anthony and I went into 'forty degrees below zero' room--actually it was sixty below. The breath was very cold. I was okay in my layers, surprisingly enough. 

This was also the epicenter of tourism for Fairbanks...and the gift shops were filled with souvenirs you could buy. The widow wife of the founder of the place waved to us from her home on the riverbank too. 

The night before, for dinner, we went to a tourist place called Pioneer Park. Much of Alaska is 'all you can eat' buffet. Sadly, it's the only salmon besides the cracker spread we had the whole trip, and it was sugar glazed and very unappetizing. There was also fatty prime rib, fried cod, and hot dogs for the kids.

The adults were having wine or beer with dinner, and I didn't understand why...

Until the next day.

Then after being wiped out emotionally by the kids, I looked forward to my glass with dinner too.

As an aside, I'd like to talk about the Native Americans of Alaska. There are about four or five different tribes of people.

As I read a book on the history of Alaska that Yvette gave to me, I started to realize what a terrible crime has been done to all of Earth through the actions of Western Man in the region.

It perpetuates today.

A man at Golden Corral with terrible teeth, and his lady, who had even worse ones, were kindly talking to me as I waited for the group. (did you know some all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurants have been put out of business by the Samoans who live in Alaska? I heard they have...)

He lived 'in the bush' and didn't have running water. He had a rain barrel which collected rain and they could shower but they had an outhouse.

He said, 'In Alaska you have everything you need right there for the taking, you can't help but survive if you know have the skills.'

He didn't have a bush plane, the kind that has skis or pontoons.

It costs too much money. Back then his wife (the lady companion looked embarrassed because apparently it wasn't her) wouldn't let him get a plane because she and the kids wouldn't trust him to fly safely. Once she did say he 'had the sense' to fly he said no, because insurance is thirty thousand dollars a year, and if your plane is over three years old it doubles. You are in a bind because you need to spend so much to fly, and on top of that, the fuel isn't cheap either.

This 'taking' attitude was one of the clearest points of focus for the trip--people 'taking' Mt. McKinley by climbing it, people hunting, people farming reindeer (it's caribou if it's in the wild, its all the same animal), people panning for well as students 'taking care of number one' and with their pre-pubescent egos and hormones raging they could care less if they were in Alaska or Disneyland or the mall...

Yet, at the same time, the Native Americans acknowledged that the Western Ways helped them to have a better life. The Athabaskans were able to stop migrating and become more agriculture-based. The others had a life span of only fifty years before white man, because of the 'black smoke' from the seal oil causing lung cancer. Once other heating methods and building methods came to be, their lifespan improved.

I would argue that tobacco and alcohol and drugs, as well as taking away of their resources, were definitely NOT 'helpful' to these native people...and further, I understood the Russians were cruel slave-drivers of the natives and forced them to decimate the sea otter populations to take the 'wealth' of the furs out of their territory.  Many natives converted to Christianity because the Russian Orthodox religious were the only ones who reported the terrible mistreatment and horrors back to the government to make it stop.

It's not easy to live in Alaska.

This plant is called 'Devils' Club'.  It has many spikes on the stem. 

It you brush up against it, it doesn't hurt at the time, but you get a chemical which causes large blisters on you.

This chemical has been extracted and blended into salves and creams, and is used by the locals to treat arthritis and fibromyalgia pain.

It's strong.

the peak is in a hole in the clouds, follow the edges of the mountainsides to find it.

This is Denali, the highest peak in all of North America.  It is over twenty-thousand feet elevation at the summit.

The closest photos were taken at the Eielson visitor center (at mile sixty-six, mind you!).

The native people call 'her' the Great One.

Only thirty percent of all visitors to Alaska, to the national park, who wish to see her, ever get to see her. 

To me, the tour was an exercise in contrast between dimensions.

On the one hand, the bus was filled with loud kids and Sophia the naturalist trying to be heard, emphasizing her philosophy of 'science' and how it will 'save the park'. Counting birds at two in the morning, were some of the biologists. Calculating the impact of mountain climber poop/wastes on the water supply downstream with ice melt is another. 

It was the MIND trying to grasp in its limited way the wonder of All That Is and to CONTROL it...

But it cannot BE controlled!

In 5D I appreciated the absence of MORE impact from man (making it a national park was a good call)...the freedom of the wolves, bears, moose, Dall sheep, caribou, and ravens to live as Nature intended...the plant species too...

I appreciated the energies here--and also was looking for signs of mis-harnessing it, like the way a 'Resort' in Anaheim mis-harnesses the Laguna Beach vortex...I didn't see anything but I suspected with the 'mile marker' for the visitor center something was 'up'...

I also had the most difficult time taking a short hike at elevation. I couldn't get my wind, and had to use my puffer. I recalled my father having some trouble when we climbed Hackberry Mountain when I was twenty-one (he must have been forty seven)...and wondered if I inherited his pulmonary fibrosis too? Or was it being out of shape? I didn't know.

In the bus ride on the way back, I was struggling deeply.

How can I survive this trip?

With my Higher Consciousness and Subtle Energy Sensitivity, and this well-meaning but totally clueless ZOO of energy in the students, guides, and other adults present that was completely incompatible with my own? (Even Anthony longed for our vacations with just us, and not 'with his friends'...the politics had him completely unhappy too.)

Great Spirit arrived and spoke to me.

I've seen/spoken with Great Spirit only two times before. 

Great Spirit taught me the lesson that in the middle of this total chaos HE is present!

Great Spirit coached me to Breathe Him in and Breathe Him out.

I visualized the beauty and the wonder of the park as I breathed.

I realized the park was so much vaster than this crazy bus filled with 3D people! (one student is demonic in the eyes, so wrapped into music and manipulation, I could barely look at them; others were merely selfish, and brainwashed by mainstream media to the point that conversation without the topic of the mainstream media--music, TV shows, movies--wasn't possible.)

I realized that the strongest vibration WAS Great Spirit, it always was, and always IS, and at some point after the foolishness, these souls WOULD encounter Great Spirit, and choose to return to this original vibration of being or merge with Creator of All That Is...end of story...

Just like the Buddhist mantra I told myself the whole drive IN to the hospital that night before the trip, 'before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.'...

This is the one photo I had taken of me by request the whole trip. Anchorage has a model of the solar system in it.

It pleased me so much to find it downtown.

What did I learn?

I learned that my Unicorn Cards app was VERY helpful!  I got warnings each day, right down to the Indifference one--where the strong wills had meltdowns, and some adults and kids reached their boiling points.  Indifference is to not take sides and allow events to reach their peaceful conclusion. 

I also learned that LOVE is the only solution, with my two 'boys'--who behaved wonderfully with me, and with the others on the bus.

I learned that sometimes we have to be taken out of our 'element' to realize anything can be taken away--at any time--the blogging  which has been my habit for seven years--the connections with my soul family online--my cell phone and computer, my 'space', my 'choice of meals'...everything....

And perhaps, it is best because without unplugging, I wouldn't have had the focus to appreciate all things beautiful and from these photos here:

Alyeska Ski resort--where one girl saw snow for the first time

The 'zen' of the sled dogs

The genuine love the Alaskans have for their state

Humpbacks in their natural summer environment

The bubble feeding I've wanted to see my whole life!!! The humpbacks work together and make a net with air bubbles to trap the fish into a ball that they swallow with one GULP!

It wasn't easy.

We had the head of the school there. She was of the philosophy that the more you exercised the kids, the better they would sleep.

They didn't sleep.

But we all did over ten thousand steps a day.

My father's dream was to visit Alaska.

My father was the best at skipping stones I ever met.

Anthony started doing this--I've taught him--and the others caught on and copied him.

It became the favorite thing of all the  kids.

I picked up the good rocks, and gave them to Anthony, Isaac, and Henry--they understood the kindness and love in this gesture, my wanting them to enjoy skipping and skip well.

All the kids on the bus learned it, even the Chinese boy who lacks a father figure.

I got to see Paul, the only one, who 'took it all in' and when I read his essay he said, 'I've never seen anything more beautiful, so much beauty, in Nature all around, than in Alaska'.

He was the one, who 'got it', the whole point of the trip.

Anthony and Isaac, came alive with the panning for gold. They wrote of this in their essay, as the highlight of their trip. 

Anthony said, 'Mom! I LOVE to dig!' and as he wielded the shovel to bring up possible gold in the soil by the bucket full...I saw flashbacks of my grandfather who made a living in construction the same way. My heart was glad for it.

I realized how nighttime IS an illusion. With the sun up at one a.m., you just sleep when you are tired, and you actually DON'T require as much sleep as you think...we routinely went to sleep at midnight, and were up at six.

I also realized how sometimes you are sent a blessing just when you can't take it any more...our room at the Breeze Inn in Seward was had FOUR beds in it, one full for me, and three twins! And we each had our best night's sleep.

For the children, the new Frontier isn't Alaska or on Earth, for them, it's the YouTubers who are making careers and fortunes through their own creativity.

And for me?

Healing is the new Frontier.

Healing and a life of Spirit.

It is the only way, and has always been.

Whether you discovery it through a life in the bush, living off the land...or in your some point, everyone will Awaken.

Ross is quiet, it's raining, and I want to go back to bed.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla