My pet rat IZ (he 'sings') hasn't been as active in the cage as his partner, Homer for the last few days.
I found him hiding under the exercise wheel.
Our 'pet ship' hasn't gone very far because both of the rats don't like to be held. They don't bite, but they also clearly don't enjoy it.
They are growing, and the cage isn't going to accommodate them when they hit full size.
So I'm on the fence as to keep them or not, and always looking for data.
IZ wasn't moving right. He would spin around the central axis of his body. His head was tilted to the right, and my close inspection revealed his left eye was bulging.
Instantly I knew he had increased intracranial pressure with neurological deficit. I also knew by the severity, he hadn't been able to eat or get water. By my professional assessment, he would be dead in a few hours, and was in pain and suffering.
It was ironic to me, that just a few moments before, I had told myself I needed to go to the pet store to get new food for the snake, because he is hungry, and here I had 'food'--something I had bought and he didn't eat and turned into pets--fixing to die.
I picked IZ up by the tail--he was spinning still, but no seizures yet. And I gave him to snake, who was hungry, and liked having prey that he didn't have to work hard to catch.
IZ was out of his misery in ten seconds.
Snake had a whole new meaning to me. I saw that by preference, snakes eat the sick and the weak. Snake makes mice and rat--in general--strong by only getting those who are easiest to catch.
It's true. You put a 'jumper' in the feeding cage, and snake's not likely to eat it. As it is, the mean rat from hades about three weeks ago still makes Cecil 'mouse shy'.
This isn't about the snake. It's about the growth in my Consciousness. About how I understand just for today a lot more than I used to do. About Life.
I had some Swiss Chard in my garden that wasn't doing very well. It would perk up with water, and then wilt the next day.
I found myself on 'death watch' of sorts, always intervening to 'save it' as is my training, even with plants.
One day I looked at the rest of the garden. Everything was thriving, flourishing...except for that plant.
I decided to consider the other plants, how the garden suited them so well, but not the chard who in its own way was suffering too.
I let it die.
I can always grow something else, later, after the soil has had a chance to rest.
There was a plant growing across the patio. It had several baby squashes and many more flowers. I loved it.
When I put the compost on the pile, I wanted to cover it with dirt. The shovel had resistance, I pushed with my might, and lifted up the dirt to cover the pile next to it.
The next day, the leaves of the squash vine wilted.
It was the roots.
I had severed them from the plant without realizing it--the connection was thin, not a strong healthy one that was thick, near the roots. The vine wasn't clearly looking like a vine that was feeding such a large plant. It was spindly and brown.
It was my mistake that killed my summer squash plant.
I own up to that mistake, and I also forgive myself for doing it. Fortunately, I have a younger squash plant on the other side of the garden, and all is not lost.
The Fountain Of Life
I manifested it. With a little help from Ross.
My son is ten, and is in a 'I need to bond with dad very much' phase. He's not seeing clearly my input to his life, and he is magnifying the input of his father. It's normal, I think, and healthy.
He is ignoring me more, and it hurts. The counselor says he's confident in my love for him, and is trying to 'shore things up' in his weak spots with his father and his friends.
In the morning, just like each day the week before, I had asked Anthony if he wanted to give a gift or a present to his dad for Father's Day?
He said no. His father never liked the cards, and refused most of the gifts Anthony has given in the past, saying, 'I have to be honest, I don't really like it.' Anthony bragged that his dad is not the kind of man to act nice and later put it in the drawer and never use it. I could see in the poor child's mind he had a glimmer of hope; perhaps the perfect gift would unlock the key to his father's heart for him.
Jared loves Anthony. And now, Jared respects me and is at ease with me. There is no animosity. But he's different, and also very new to parenting. He makes many mistakes but means well, and as Anthony described--'when you are born you are yourself, but it's your parent's job to MOLD you.'
'You mean 'tough love' honey?' I asked, to reinforce and support his thought process.
'Yes, exactly.' Anthony confirmed. For at the last minute before going to his dad for the weekend, Anthony changed his mind, and wanted to give his father both a card AND an gift.
As Buddhist is my heart, I seek to bring out the qualities that are inherent in the child. Christian and everything else--I am--but my heart truly embraces the 'zen' of parenting, and to value the unique gift that is your child's uniqueness and view of the world.
Jared, who is also Buddhist--seeks to put his 'stamp' or 'mold' onto the child, and make him a perfect 'mini-me'.
So we went to the grocery store of Anthony's choice. He almost didn't want to buy a gift for his grandfather, because he wanted all the attention to be on his dad. I mentioned gently that his grandmother LIKES cards very much, and it will look strange to her, and to her husband, if this day comes and there is no card for him.
Anthony spent a LONG time selecting the cards, getting a ten dollar singing and moving card for his grandfather, and a very big and expensive 'you mean the world to me' one for his dad.
This is what father hunger will do, when a child doesn't have free access to both parents...he idealizes and projects...
What was the gift?
A forty dollar bottle of Jack Daniel's.
It is something he really likes mom! He will use it.
I bought it.
Anthony didn't notice his dad was wearing the Miami Dolphins hat I had bought for him to give to his father at Christmas last year when his dad picked him up. Anthony got a lot of praise and love and positive attention when his dad opened that.
He wants more, and he wants to choose.
This family is the first that served alcohol at a baby shower in all of my years of going to baby showers. And it wasn't champagne.
Jared isn't alcoholic. He's young. And young people like to drink. Even when we went to Vegas together on our one and only vacation as a couple, Jared bought a bottle for him and one for me. It's how he likes to relax.
So in the middle of all this at the store, my heart leapt when I saw on SALE, a garden fountain. Anthony and I both liked it. It took up the whole cart.
Last night, alone, Ross asked to help me assemble it.
Ross called it The Fountain Of Life.
For two reasons. The first is it will help many a bird and insect in the drought. The second is that I've been surrounded by death and loss the past week. This fountain is Ross' promise to me that life is not lost, only changing, and it is best to look ahead.
We both don't know if or when she is going Home. Her Higher Self gives her messages, and she shares with me what they are. As incarnate Earth women, we doubt. It's our training as technical, scientific workers.
The whole time, I am working with my guides too. And Divine Mother told me the other day, 'I have a project to work on with you.'
At the time I didn't know what it is.
Now I think I know. Isabel asked me to do a favor for her, which I gladly accepted. I won't talk about it now except it's something I can do for her online if anything happens to her.
I spoke my doubts about the likelihood of our relationship being like it has been once we are not in the same dimension. Even if she comes back, she will have a multitude of responsibilities and official duties. We are not going to make bracelets together over Skype if you know what I mean.
We will do what we can. We both promised. And we also know our agreed-upon 'proof' so when she contacts me from wherever she is, I will know it is her.
It doesn't make it easier, and I am sort of numb at the prospect of Isabel going back. So is she. There are physical symptoms such as dizziness that come and go, but as a physician I can't call it. Not yet.
Divine Father in Creator Writings asks us, 'why do you hold on to your pain'.
I should like to answer him.
It is involuntary.
Just like when there is electrocution and the body grips and all the muscles contract. When there is pain, emotional or physical, a great violence which is similar takes over the emotional body, and there is such emotional shock our frail human senses of 'everything is okay' are overloaded and overwhelmed. There IS no presence of mind, or strength of will, to 'let go of the burning pain' as one would a hot stove item that is burning our hand. Emotional pain hijacks our beautiful and perfect state of being, from the very first 'shock' of traumatic life experience. And we REMEMBER because our very brains record the memories in a different neural pathway with different neurotransmitters--norepinephrine. It gets 'wired in' and PTSD results because we are built to survive. WE would like just as much as you for this ability to 'let go'...and it will take Divine Intervention to correct and make right all the memories and pain our Earth Walk Experience gives...
When I saw Ross, in an instant, I felt love for him and all my anger vanished.
I know this type of healing is possible where You are.
Override free will please on this one. Because it is involuntary, and something that has been triggered many a time by the dark ones.
Please take all of our pain and anger away. Please dig the broken shards of glass out of our skin. Please wash the wounds and bandage them. I know You can do it.
Please, Father, Please.
And even if you choose not to, for You have your Reasons, my love for you is unchanged. My trust for you is vast and unshakeable.
I wish the best of Father's Day's to YOU, and also to Ross.
You are always there when I need you.
I am taking the day off to be with Carla. I am going with her to her Angels class. It's her last requirement for her certification. Only three more volunteer hours at psychic fairs are needed for her to finish them both.
I am going to write notes with her....(he gives a silly smile--ed)
(he wants me to talk about IZ)
C: he had viral meningitis encephalitis. Mice and rats get it. I looked it up. Mama Mouse had been acting funny. She probably died of it too. I didn't sterilize the cage with bleach when I emptied it after her. I only used the clorox disinfectant wipes. I should have taken it outside and really cleaned it. But I didn't know what it was, nor until that one day did I know I would have pets at all. This disease is epidemic in pet mice and pet rats. Some rat fancy club websites have had people nurse the ill pets back to health. One held a mouse in her hand for five hours. They recover with neurological deficits after supportive care. These people really love their pets. I didn't think anything could live with this condition. And most of the vets on the fancy page said it's unusual too. Isn't it amazing?
R: Carla had her lesson. For Carla is it lessons upon lessons for her at this time. She hardly reacts, and just 'does', and 'finds her way through'. The lack of reaction does not mean there is a lack of learning with the lesson (he holds up his right index finger and shakes it from side to side--like a warning--ed)...
Carla had a good night with me. It was our build (even though she thinks the fountain sounds like my using the toilet--and teases me--Ross your peeing goes on forever!) I also sent her a few stories to delight her:
- Chineasy--learning the hardest language in the world--by a woman
- The instinct for survival--from a Woman
- Getting away from the clock and into LIFE heals lung cancer
- Falling in love with the Earth by Zen Master Thich Naht Hanh
- This one made Carla dance, much to our delight
- And this, which Carla listened and did not fight like she usually does
Life goes on. My heart is one with my Lady.
Even in grief, and when sorrow wracks her soul.
I am here for my Twin, who is beautiful and lovely like the Light of Day.
I can't wait to see her. Carla! Write about the book.
C: yesterday or the day before, Ross showed me a book. It is made of gold, and is thick like a telephone book. He riffled the pages for me, they moved easily, like our paper pages. He told me it is his plan for when we reunite. He pointed out that there are contingencies. If I do this, then he will do that...for every possibility. When he showed me this book, it is a living book. It has energy. And I felt both through the heart of my Twin, and the energy of his work, how much painstaking love and precision he put into making it. I felt love made tangible, love given careful consideration, and joy to realize my beloved is capable of this desire to bring joy to me. And that bringing joy to me is a celebration of joy for him too. Such joy is a mystery to me! I can't wait to experience it.
R: (he just looks with soul-searching eyes and silence at you....his heart is open...for all to see. He loves...this is his nature, his essence. And this Love is for everyone too...all of the Galactics have this love for us...very deep, heart-to-heart connection. We are FAMILY.--ed)
(Ross waves goodbye and blows all of us kisses.--ed)
R: I have to study and get ready for class! (he's JOKING! LOL LOL LOL -ed)
From all of us to all of you,
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla