I have been sick again with a virus. Muscles ache. Feeling super sleepy, even more sleepy than I was in my first trimester in pregnancy. I fell asleep sitting up watching The Office with Anthony and also in between cases in a cardiac chair. (cardiac chairs are like hospitalized recliners).
I took a two hour nap today.
I was going to write a big article about how illness is a gift and a blessing. It helps you see through the Illusion and helps you slow down and focus on what's important. It shows you how much your loved ones care, and how little some people you once thought care, really care...who your true friends are. When I was growing up and sick all the time it got me out of school and into where my career would be, it sparked an interest. If the goal of curing the common cold and the flu happens, then we are virtual slaves, never being able to take time for ourselves to fill up on a little much needed Yin energy. Everything is yang-yang-yang, go-go-go.
But I won't write more than that.
I will write two very important things.
My environment is toxic at work. I know it. I tried to call in sick on Tuesday, I couldn't--the one person available was taken by the on-call person the night before. I came home and cooked dinner. Not sure how I did it. I peeled all the apples, half of our harvest, and made applesauce. Unsweetened. I cooked pork chops and served them with the applesauce, and bread and butter. Simple. I also made apple juice from our harvest too. It was delicious. We have a canister and charger cartridges for making whipped cream at home.It's the same price, except we use organic heavy cream now. And we have less trash metal cans. Anthony made a batch. We topped a little extra applesauce with it, and I put sprinkles like snowflake shape ones on it for dessert. He was delighted, and it was very low sugar.
I got someone to take my backup call today, and told my boss I am sick, I need rest, please take this into consideration when making the schedule. Today I got to leave by noon. I still had to work, but I found my voice.
I wanted Souplantation. I picked up Anthony and we got salad and chicken soup. He is worse. I took a two hour nap. So did he, and he never naps. Ever. Not even when he's a little bit sick. He's really sick. I woke up drenched in sweat. And then I got my strength and took him back to the doctor. It's a virus, he misses the rest of the week but it's not flu. They tested. His asthma needs control.
Tomorrow I work. I asked for the time off, I had a trade negotiated. We have one partner anesthesiologist in China, another it's his week not to work, and I think a third has left to take her boards and she's just 'off the schedule'--no vacation granted, nothing. So everyone moves up a call. My trade has it worse. Her mom is losing her vision after a problem during cataract surgery. Her mom needs a shot of steroids in the eye and she was supposed to take her at one in the afternoon. Now she can't.
I am familiar with the concepts of Alanon. These are the loved ones of alcoholics, and Alanon is the sister support system, a twelve-step program kind of like AA. We are codependents. What I learned is that happiness and having the life you want can happen even if your loved one is actively drinking.
Your happiness does not depend on their illness.
Your limits you decide to set, and your own life you choose to live for yourself--in relationship with the alcoholic or not--decide your own happiness.
On the drive home, I was so sad. I'm a doctor, I can't take care of my sick kid, or my sick me. I have bills to pay. Big ones. Every month. Your head would explode if you knew just how much I have to pay in bills and taxes just to keep us going. I asked Ross for help. And he answered. Not with words, but I sensed how I had given up on a new home, and somehow we stumbled our way here. I'll stumble my way into better working conditions. I remembered how our happiness comes from ourselves, too, and even in a toxic work environment we can live the best life we can, until it's time to go.
At the start of this month, I did a video chat healing session and a reading. I felt so fulfilled, like I was using my gifts to help ease suffering--with Ross and me working like a team. I was so happy and I can't wait to do something like this again. The energy exchange helped. It covered both mine and Anthony's medicines today. It will help us breathe, and decrease our suffering too. It's a win-win.
The other thing Ross said, which was helpful, was basically, 'as long as we are in this situation, let's have fun with it.' (him not incarnate, me incarnate).
I said yes. We might as well. I have no clue how one here one there can be any kind of fun whatsoever...but if anyone can find a way, it's him.
Now I'd like to share something that touched my core, and resonated strongly:
This is where I've lived my life ever since I decided to go to medical school. Sheer survival. Socializing is a luxury. So is free time. I think so many people due to the economy have been pushed to the limit. It's kind of easier to control humanity if they are hungry and tired and sick. We need more Yin. Yin will heal everything. Yin is another name for the Divine Feminine energy. We need balance between the crisp, clean, HEALTHY Divine Masculine energy (there's a lot of toxic hyper aggressive imbalanced male energy out there now. Galactic Masculine energy is the balanced kind) and HEALTHY Divine Feminine energy.
This will come. In time.
Ross
Everything happens for the best.
Good night.
All is well.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twin Souls
