I thought about perhaps the title, Now. Or Today. Or The Daily Bread (this is the translation of the French in the title). The French have a somewhat different view of it, in the United States it's perceived as something to keep you from starving. We buy our bread at the store. Not at the bakery. And here everything is 'gluten free' and 'low carb' as trends so even if you eat bread, you don't really talk about it much. It's like drinking cow's milk. It's not in fashion.
In France, the daily bread is an expression of and acceptance of the routines of daily life, and furthermore that this daily routine is special.
In that spirit, I extend that the open heart itself, the willingness to love even if someone can hurt your feelings or betray you, IS the essence of our Spiritual Life. And our willingness to strengthen the intensity of our resolve to be like this constitutes the basic building blocks of Heaven on Earth.
Yesterday was a hard day. Both yesterday and the day before. I did so many errands I didn't even eat lunch. But they were good days. Now I am back at work and need to keep this a little short.
We were not off to a good start yesterday. I wrote too long, and in my reviewing/editing I missed fifteen minutes to wake Anthony up. He wanted to be up at five-thirty, so he could catch up on work. But he wanted to snooze. I came in a five-forty. Then I was supposed to come in at six, but I let it slip until six-fifteen. We ran out the door and he literally ate a bowl of cereal in the car as I drove.
When I came home I was exhausted, I took a one hour nap.
Then I started all the work. I didn't want to go to the DMV. My driver's license I applied for in July still hadn't arrived and my temporary one expired this month on the eighth. I called the DMV. I was on hold for fifteen minutes. And the lady said that the clerk who filled out my application never entered into the computer proof that she tested my eyes. She told me in person that I had good eyes. She might have signed off. But there was no proof. I had to go back in.
After my hair trim, I went. It's a long drive. I stood in line. I asked for the manager like the phone clerk said to do to save time. And when I was in the manager line, the woman who made the mistake asked me if I was there for a driving test? I explained the situation, and what happened, and that she was the one who had done it. I was friendly and polite. She said she would fix it. But there was a piece of paper I needed to prove I had the eye test. I didn't have it. So she tested me again. Both eyes, right eye, left eye, 20/20. No contact lenses. No glasses. So it's fixed. She apologized.
Ross told me to take a different route home to go to the Post Office. I did. Almost got lost but I did.
On the way a text came through from my loan originators for this house. They can beat the offer from the other company. So after the Post Office, their office is very close. And I have a better deal. So I drove to the office which is near the Post Office. We shook hands on it.
The car--in the meantime during all the other things--I learned it's the fuel pump. It's not easy to get to, and the fee won't be cheap, but it's still cheaper than a new car. I gave the approval to proceed. He also said that the computer in the car works fine, and that he was able to read it. That means that the last guy at the smog check place lied and was trying to make double the money off me.
I picked Anthony up from school and dropped him off at home in the middle of all that. Just before picking him up, I'd filled up the gas tank on the way to the hair appointment, and the car wash had been closed. So on the way back I took it through the wash. Cars need to be washed about once a week here. It's part of life.
And I had a French lesson. I've had one every day for three days. I'm signed up for the 'marathon' to boost my fluency UP.
It's also helping with the homesickness I have every day for France. For those I love and visit. And for the countryside and the Loire Valley. Speaking French is good for my soul. I love to learn. Today, sadly, there is no class offered at my level. The class ran from six to seven p.m. It's online. We use Zoom. It's a very nice platform.
The other student and the teacher were interested in what I was going to prepare for dinner. Hamburgers (bison meat, brioche buns), french fries, peach cobbler. There's no translation or equivalent for peach cobbler in French. My teacher was saying, 'peach melba?'. Either way, Anthony thought it was delicious. I did too. It's a little cinnamon, not much sugar, corn starch just a tablespoon, and peaches all heated up. I left it in the pot. Then you make a topping, butter, sugar, flour and once it's like sand all blended you add half a cup of milk. There's a little salt and baking powder in there too. You just drop spoonfuls of it on top, and bake the whole combination in the oven. It's like peach pie filling you make from scratch, topped with a biscuit-like fresh pastry but not a crust.
I kept my heart open with everyone. Every face-to-face, every phone-to-phone. Friendly and polite, always expecting the best, and being supportive and kind.
If I may go so far, this, La Difference, IS truly my Pain Quotidien.
The energies.
And for me, at the level I am at, for this with Ross, space and time do not exist.
They don't really exist for anybody. Shhhh!
I asked Ross to come with me to the office for the loan. He said he would be there. I told him he's the man of the house even though I let Anthony feel like he is most of the time too. I wouldn't be in this house without Ross.
And Ross told me something very, very surprising for me to hear. He said, 'I will support you'.
I was shocked. What?
He explained I've never had a man support me. Not in this life, for sure, not emotionally, and financially, and socially--all the good stuff from one person all at the same time.
He said it will be a pleasant surprise for me.
And a car went by with the license plate Mufasa (The Lion King's dad). I felt empowered! And definitely not alone.
Later, after the meeting, another license plate came by--KIDDYKAT.
((Big smile)) That's me. In a nice way. Not the other way. Just the one who's protected by the big lion.
That made me feel very nice.
Keeping my heart open to Ross is my most difficult challenge. I've been hurt. A lot. But I also am seeing how it's important for me to talk with him about the little things, and to not be afraid to upset him or stress him out. He doesn't need me to protect him or it's not a real relationship for either of us. I can be delicate in how I present the facts and situations to him, but he needs to know, and truly, he can handle it. Our past is behind us, and I must learn to adapt to today, and for all of our eternity ahead of us together.
I was taken in meditation by him and his best friend up onto a stage. I was between them. And there was a huge crowd like at a rock concert, I couldn't see as far as the people went, it just kept going. Thankfully, I didn't have to sing or speak. But when I got there a huge roar went through the crowd, Huge! I was terrified! I wanted to run and I had to be taken off the stage. For me, that sound reminds me of the events leading up to his death. He had the good cheers and one week later the off with his head jeers, all of them sounding the same.
I'm glad I was taken off the stage.
I told them everyone is their own person. They have all the same freedoms and lessons as we do (the three of us together UP at the time). Why do they need to gather and do this in the first place? And why does it have anything to do with me? Can't I just go and do my own thing? Apparently not.
I will dig deep and find my courage. And trust in Ross and his leadership team of his best friend, and their judgement. I know they both understand where I am coming from. They get it. I'm so glad they have my back.
So, in summary, the open heart in my day to day, is EASY.
Ross wants me to share a lesson--Anthony doesn't help much in the kitchen. I worked for over an hour and a half cooking. He sat on the couch. After the meal, which was very good, we agreed on that, I asked him to help clear the table and put something away. And he wasn't looking. Something fell. And a little plastic container broke. I could have said 'don't worry'. But he breaks a lot of things and spills and the like. I asked him, 'why don't you look first?'
At the same time, I went to put the peach cobbler into a bowl. I forgot the entire pan had been in the oven. I grabbed the handle of the pot, burned my hand, and dropped my fine Mikasa soup plate with the gold edge on the rim, my birthday set of four places from years ago, now has only three of that dish. It shattered on the floor.
Ross was making a lesson, we need to always be fair. And he had Anthony apologize to me. And I apologized to Anthony.
Log in the eye, mom. Total log in the eye and speck in Anthony. Ross likes to teach that lesson. And I am apparently due to re-learn it, so I lost a plate and my favorite Japanese plastic bento with lid. A long time ago I said that people are way more important than things. It's true. Now I have my own reminder.
Ross
We are on our way. https://gaiaportal.wordpress.com/2019/09/18/predilections-are-dissolved/.
I played this one for Carla when she was at Starbucks this weekend. It made her smile, for she has been preoccupied with protecting her little little green Fuji apples from the large green scarab Japanese Beetle bugs.
She smiled.
Hearing the song made her nostalgic for happier times in her childhood, too. When life was simple. The pace was slower. And she only had to think about her dolls and toys and playing with her friends who lived down the street.
It's also a song that expresses my love for her, in our daily routine across the miles. I'm the last one she speaks to with her conscious mind, before she falls asleep. And I whisper something into her ear right before the moment she wakes up.
When she falls asleep she says Ross I love you, please protect me, and she relaxes into my loving arms and my energy. For her the night is always too short. She could stay in bed for days and just play hookey to skip her latest life lessons. I know for many of you it is the same.
(He shows his muscles like a muscle builder--his arms stretched). It's worth it. You will like the results and be glad you woke up and made the coffee and went through the steps for your daily routine. It is good that there is continuity. And progress in your growth. (he gestures with his hand going up diagonally like on a graph).
Never forget your origins are in Heaven, which is your Home. It is okay for you to miss it.
And just like Carla finds her homesickness for France is lessened by speaking nothing but French for one hour a day in her lessons, find the time to immerse yourself in the energy of what is familiar to you--and in your heart--from your Spiritual Home. Find like-minded souls. Participate in online groups to learn. Spirit in the Sky is an excellent one on Facebook which is managed by Johnlee who many of you may know. For those who like to give, and are in more of a hurry, why not request to join our healing group, Team Doctors With Reiki? It's streamlined so that the needs of the community are the focus and there is opportunity to participate while always keeping the needs front and center in the group. Reading is good. But immersing one's self is one step better, one step closer, to being Home.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins who are a Couple <3
