Ramblings Of A Reiki Trained Physician
No yoga. I just got home. I had two days 'on' and then two days 'off' my Thirty Day Yoga Challenge. I can't keep a goal. If I let myself think about it I would find it terribly depressing.
Yesterday I had to choose between sleeping and eating while I was post call. I chose to sleep. But the garbage truck and the neighbor's construction project made it impossible to sleep.
Today was a good day--a very very good day...but it was long. We got to school and to work on time. The cases were fascinating. I got to eat. The surgeon was nice.
Emotionally it was a devastating day, but I'm not one to get into 'emotions'...my sister, the sociology major, says things like, 'that must have been really hard on so and so to go through all that, she was at her limit' and I have no patience whatsoever for this kind of talk. Her Emotional Intelligence is possibly higher than mine but I find that kind of talk very difficult to follow and it doesn't capture my attention whatsoever.
My anoxic injury patient had a family meeting and now she is 'allow natural death'...it's horrifying to have someone almost die on you, but not die all the way, and to interact with the doctors and nurses and family...I let the family know every chance I get that I CARE and that I am PRAYING. And I do. But the illnesses really stink, how life can twist and turn like that so unexpectedly...
The other thing is a frequent-flyer patient I had been thinking about for weeks just got admitted and was pretty sick. I helped with many an anesthetic at the patient's request over the last few years. I had to stay late and also spend an hour in PACU unpaid stabilizing them--it was like working for family, you just do what you are trained to do.
Raphael was with me in on that case. I was at my wit's end--I needed to keep track of the pressures and give lots of fluid, but i.v. access was miserable and I couldn't get the a-line to go in! I didn't want to GUESS the whole case how my patient was doing, you know...so after the surgery started, and under the drapes, I tried again...Raphael told me where to go, and how, because it wasn't easy. And it worked. He told me this dear sweet patient who has seen enough already, wanted me to go out 'a winner' and to have the confidence that I have met my clinical challenges. I really like it when Raphael is with me in the O.R. I really do.
I'm glad to be home.
See One Do One Teach One
This morning the phone rang in the recovery room. No one else but me was there to pick it up. I got a PACU RN on the line, asking me to hide her phone she had forgotten at bed 2 last night. She said she had to go to chemo that morning and would be in later...
That is the SECOND person I know who is giving medical care while on chemo in my OR!!
I was humbled. And also, I realized why this grumpy one had changed to cheerful overnight about last year...
I had a weak spot.
It always comes out.
When someone threatens someone I take care of (Ross, a patient...) I turn into a total bitch. And I did. Want to see? I'll tell you the story...mind you, I have been up and down to my frequent flyer patient's room in the ICU twice today, and already been over the chart. This patient was sick, about the sickest we get in our OR--it doesn't show it yet, but it's a big health problem that gets sicker before it gets better.
At our hospital we have a direct admit to OR policy for ICU patients. Unfortunately, there is no Pre-Op nurse to check things out. And today's hand-off from ICU RN to me was lacking. It's supposed to follow a SBAR format, but lately they are getting 'breezy' and 'see ya!' in energy on the part of the ICU nurse.
I went to give sedation to my patient, and I was like, 'where is the iv?' I had just seen one hooked up to the pzrtacath twenty minutes ago!
I was told, 'the pzrtacath is accessed and there is one on each arm but those two hurt.'
I looked at her and asked, 'How am I supposed to do anesthesia without an iv?' and 'Is this how patients are prepared for surgery?' Three hep locks! Where I trained, an ICU bed always had a running iv and a code box of emergency drugs, 'just in case', as well as a defibrillator transport monitor.
I also asked, 'Are there any meds due while I am in the OR with your patient?'
She didn't understand. I asked, 'Are there any antibiotics that I should give during the time I am with this patient?'
She had to look it up on the computer. 'There is vancomycin due at four o'clock'
I asked, 'And WHAT time is it now?'
She looked at me sheepishly, 'Five thirty'
'And WHY didn't the patient get their antibiotic when it was due? Would you mind sending it here to us so I may give it to her?'
I knew the answers to my questions in advance. I just asked them anyways. And I didn't care at that point--because this patient was in THEIR CARE and the handoff is supposed to follow and SBAR format (some weird acronym for stuff I forget--but it's 'official') and clearly this nurse had no clue how much this patient is and was going to be in NEED of Intensive Care!!!
Later, the Cancer Nurse with the Cell Phone took me aside. She did it after the chinese doctor who became a recovery room nurse and doesn't listen or follow my orders got a hard time from me. (she also is not very skilled at the sicker patients, and is the first to turf them up to ICU so she won't have to work--direct admit from OR to ICU--they ask me if it's possible? when I am on call. It's my decision where they go.)
The Cancer Nurse said, 'I know it's inexcusable for an ICU patient to have no iv but I know this nurse and she's a GOOD NURSE. Why not take her aside and tell her your concerns instead of in front of everybody else?'
I looked at her, smiled, and said, 'I can't leave the patient. I can't walk away. This is a communication from her to me, but we can't go someplace and leave the patient to talk, right?'
Long story short--I see my weak spot clearly and I learned about myself. I also am learning that I have to candy coat everything in the hospital, put on my shit-eating grin, and make everything sound like a favor from here on out. 'Excuse me, but I'm confused! Where is the iv? May I have one? Please? One that works, would be so very nice?'
On the way home I was beating myself up--Mrs Ross? Is a bitch? What happened to all this Reiki, Love, and Oneness?
I don't know. Sometime between four-thirty in the morning, and five-thirty and night, I lost my patience with someone who was not doing their job. And ended up making me do it for them. I don't know what more else to say.
Happy Mother's Day
This is not a holiday I look forward to. I have to spend spend spend. For the teachers--especially back in the pre-school days where it was expected. If we go out, the restaurants are crowded. And there is a pile of little gifts to give that I need to wrap and write the cards...it's not fun.
All these holidays are for the birds and frankly, in my opinion, birds don't actually have any holidays!
I know the gifts from the school are precious. And I loved the time when Anthony was six and he made me a meal all by himself--mac and cheese in the little microwave cups, cupcakes, and popcorn and coke. That meant a lot.
I find myself increasingly irate about having to celebrate 'on cue'--for all of these 'holidays'...In fact I find that it detracts from enjoying the celebration of every day, of existence, of living life to the fullest, with no expectations, with wonder, with spontaneity, and with Light.
I still with the happiest of Mother's Day's to Divine Mother and all of her incarnations, including Mother Mary who is so kind to give the messages...and to all of you who are parents too.
I like to think.
And I'm curious.
Take this for example: http://pleiadedolphininfos.blogspot.com/2015/05/meline-portia-lafont-aa-michael-reform.html
Dude? I'm Reiki Doc. I know you and I love you to pieces. Both of you--Portia and Michael.
Here's my beef:
- Where is Raphael in all this? Hmmm? I'd rather hear it from him. Michael IS a healer, but not a physician.
- I embody the Christ consciousness Vibration--I hardly get sick. I function on and on and don't really tire like I used to where I HAVE to go to bed. This is because I have been saying 'Crank It UP!!!' to the galactics for four or five years, ever since I woke up.
- Guess what? Propofol still works on me! I've had anesthesia twice since really revving UP my vibration. How can these medicines work in a crystalline physical body without carbon in it?
- Silicon is directly underneath Carbon in the Periodic Table. It will be similar to carbon in its carbon tetrahedral crystalline structure, and be able to bind to other atoms in molecules. But it's got atomic weight of fourteen--not six. So everything 'crystalline' like this should be heavier, denser...and look at it in the crystal in the picture--it's not pretty! Carbon makes diamond --or graphite. What does Silicon make? Sand has lots of silica in it. And information storing chips for the computer industry. (I bet CARBON stores information too, hmmm? Just like water.)
Here's what I think--my own two cents--we had been limited to a two strand DNA. Original 'blueprint' for mankind is twelve strands. Somehow DNA not only connects us to our progeny through procreation--I bet that the DNA exists in our other bodies, for example, our Light Body, and helps to create the me and you that we 'see' and 'sense' today.
Remember how I described the soul as 'everything but the physical body?'--I think the soul has a DNA too, but I can't figure it out how it's all 'connected'.
Even further, life in the higher D isn't SUPPOSED to make sense.
I can shape shift with my Light body. It feels just like 'me'. I feel sensations with it. But I'm not sure how I go where I go, and why I do it. I can be many things, for example, unicorn--and it feels 'real'! But in a second I come back and it's way more than daydreams.
So whatever we are, in whatever body, with whatever chemical composition of it, and our DNA--I just want to experience the Higher Realms. And the faster I get there, the better. The more friends who go with me, the better too!
No matter what it is, I think the bodies are superimposed...allowing us to function in both worlds at once, 5D and 3D...until someone turns off the switch to one or the other and we end up with both feet in one of the two worlds.
RX for Crankiness
plus...tomorrow is another day. With new choices!
This is Carla's dream. This is Carla's passion. Carla has paid her dues to earth the 'stripes' of a practicing MD who supports herself with her skill as a healer in the Health Care Field.
As you can tell by her diatribe--Carla has some very high expectations of her colleagues in the care of her patients.
Carla is gentle, and wise. And caring, deeply so.
How do you think Carla felt when she watched me pass the way I did?
Carla was there, taking it all in, trying to make the best of it for me she possible could, forgetting her own heartbreak and loss. For every minute I had my breath in my old body, much as I had made her suffer (with our son who was lost--I gave away to a wet nurse to be raised far from our home for political reasons while telling Carla our son had died)--Carla put her focus on me.
And then I went away and left Carla totally alone.
Even today she said, 'Even though I know Ross is always with me, what is the point if I can't enjoy him like I do everybody else?'
It's like Carla has HALF of me, although I admit Carla is in a way my 'better half' (laughs).
Carla wants more! More in spirit or more in physical body (her current existence)--Carla wants more more more of me!
How do you think that makes ME feel? Here I am, powerful and loving, with all my heart set on her, 24/7--and Carla can't FEEL any of it? She can 'sense' my presence, talk, and also feel my touch. But Carla can't say, 'Ross? why not let's watch a movie on the couch?' and sit side by side with our feet up like everybody else...
It is imbalanced, our Relationship, because I on my side of the Veil can see the Illusion for what it is.
Today an OR table wouldn't work when Carla pushed the buttons. The tech guy was off site. Other nurses helped. And there was a frayed cord that scared Carla. But it wasn't until one nurse showed her how to hold the frayed cord in such a way that the table control ('remote') would work.
I bet Raphael never thought of that! (really laughs--ed)
And Carla also saw two cases in two days, where something that wasn't supposed to be somewhere for life-saving reasons had to be removed safely...and it took one FIBER at a time, one strand of thread, one morsel of meat at a time for each one...to fix it.
It wasn't a slam dunk like the Clippers (Anthony enjoys them)...
And Carla realized, with my hint, that THIS is what Ascension is like--slowly, painstaking, for safety purposes, to open up what is blocked, to take out the festering what should not be there...and to have PATIENCE for the eventual resolution of the clinical situation.
That is enough for me to say right there, is that Carla, in all of her frustration and annoyance, and yes, lashing out as a bitch at times...is my Twin.
I feel her heart.
And Carla's heart shattered into a million pieces to watch me die.
Her timeline is erased, and it really doesn't bother her like it once did, but there are energy patterns that go WAY back when you interact with her today. And then, as now, my death has a profound impact on her subconscious...
And this is why she has her 'weak spot'.
Carla couldn't--with all her might--stop me from my death. Not with her magic. Not with her persuasion of me to avoid the risk in the first place. Not with force. Not with political awareness...
Carla's soul won't let it happen again. Not a baby. Not a husband. Not a patient. Not anyone in her care, whom God has sent to her...is going to suffer harm in any way (points to his head--ed) THAT is what is going on between Carla's ears.
And when she dies, or crosses, or Ascends--it will be more time in the Light Box for her, to undo the damage without her having to 'process it' like she would right now down here.
Carla has hurt enough. Sometimes it is the deceased who has the easier time--something new, an adventure! But the ones who are left behind must deal with the mess, and I WAS messy.
Did you know that Carla, as a resident, while giving anesthesia to a trauma patient, would clean the dried blood off the face and arms and any part they weren't working on--so the patient's family and the patient would never have to see that mess? She still cleans the blood--even today--if it is there on her patients.
Carla is a complex woman, filled with love in her heart, and sometimes a little 'rough around the edges'--and it's because of me. Carla was a princess in that incarnation but because of me her life was far from it! (he smiles--ed)
The same applies to YOU.
Cut yourself a little slack in the self-healing department. You have TIME. Do the best you can while incarnate. Your guides will help you. But if little things keep cropping up, the same pattern? Allow yourself the opinion that 'deep things go way back' and perhaps it will be the Light Box for you as well to 'soften the rough edges'...
That is all I have to say. It is almost one a.m. I wish for Carla to have a good night. And she is not working tomorrow...
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla