At the moment, I am experiencing physical discomfort, and also, mental fatigue, and the beautiful boost from Spirit is waning.
This is when the discipline comes in.
This is when the need to push for survival is important.
There is no option to give up.
Why do I ache?
I'm sick. Again. Had the sore throat hit yesterday or the day before. My muscles have myalgia, the deep aching inside when there's some virus reproducing itself and the immune system is putting out some potent cytokines, interferons and other things to contain them. I just want sleep. Lots and lots of it.
But I can't get sleep. When an anesthesiologist takes time off, the number of calls expected that they work doesn't go down. It's the same as when they do not take vacation. So--it's condensed into the other two or three weeks of the month. So the chance to recover is slim.
Mentally? I've been doing this work for a long time. And when I spend hours in dark rooms being quiet on long cases, I need more than that. I do read, it helps. (I've been reading Dolores Cannon on UFO's. It's fascinating. Some tales I suspect are memories from hidden terrestrial bases for team dark. Others could be from SRA programming. Some could also be from our own military or that of others who are reverse engineering technology. And others real. What surprises me is they do not match what I've encountered in my own meditations. I still read. With interest.) I read. I really enjoy the Epoch times. I shared many articles from it yesterday.
Emotionally, it's been rough. My baby is starting high school. I am glad I did the right thing, and chose him as my number one priority. There wasn't much time for me. Just work and being a mom. He's more independent. I tell you, my happiest I ever was was when he was little and needed so much of me. I loved carrying him around! But this is life, everything is perfectly balanced, and good things always become of life changes. Even if they don't seem like changes.
My friend Khiem is having major health issues. I won't discuss much, but I wish I could talk more with him than I do. It's hard when friends need you, and there's very little time. He also doesn't like having people see him sick. So we text. It helps me to cope with his prognosis.
Spiritually it's like I hit a wall. And that's okay.
All of this is okay.
This isn't Paradise.
It's the place where we roll up our sleeves, and do the work. When the work gets to be so much we are faced with our limits, then the discipline kicks in. And when you don't know where to begin, you drop back into your first stance, Love and Gratitude.
Then you assess.
You assess clearly and without emotion.
There are some superbugs out there, and I work in a hospital where there are lots of them. I know of a bariatric surgeon, young, who caught mono from his family. He got clostridium difficile colitis, and almost died. He told me his labs from the ER when he stopped by before work, and I was shocked and exclaimed, 'with that and you DROVE YOURSELF to WORK?! OMG?' He's really sick. Others I know have caught that same one.
I have chronic sinus problems, and they go to my lungs. There's a huge lymph node beneath the carina that needed 'clinical correlation' in 2012. It's still there. They also see a pattern in the chest x-ray for sarcoid. I know my lungs aren't good. And I know my heart beats funny every now and then. My thyroid is huge. I need to take care of me. I haven't been to the dentist in two years, I've been working so hard.
But first comes the house. Tomorrow the attic experts are coming to sanitize and block off the area and put in new insulation. It's not cheap. But one by one I'm going through the systems in the new house. Electrical. Plumbing. Air conditioning. All that's left is the roof after this, and on Monday they did an inspection I'm waiting for the report.
I am in a state of overwhelm for the house. There's so much disorganization from the move. It has me down. And Anthony, bless him, has zero initiative. He is glad to help, but for every little thing, I must ask, and when I'm like this asking feels like work.
For the Spiritual? I trust. I pray. And I know when Spirit is quiet it's a lesson. I hope to do my best and to pass. I know when a huge Spiritual upgrade is coming, I get all kinds of symptoms--in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It's like making room. I know Spirit isn't stupid. I know Spirit has a plan that I agreed to long before my birth. It's only a matter of carrying it out.
I also ask for help.
Yesterday when I was talking to Ross on the drive home, I told him I had no clue what to make for dinner? Would he help me plan the menu?
He said to make the lamb kebabs and rice. And to come up with 'some salad'.
It worked.
I pick my tomatoes, it helps. I have two trays full. I'm a little sad some rat is helping itself to the tomatoes. I see the evidence and also how it carries the big ones down by the fence. But what can you do? There's lot of rats in Southern California. LOTS.
The last thing that helps? Counting down the time until call is over. It really works. I learned this in residency as a surgeon. 'They can only hurt me for x more hours'. It's true. Tomorrow I have off. Saturday I have off.
Remember just like moving, Ascending is hard work. You have your life to carry along to support yourself and your family. There's no clear direction from your teams, most of it is in your unconscious/subconscious. So your heart is going to tell you what to do. Your intuition. Your soul. The physical body is going to have it' challenges along the way. In fact it's an earth-friendly recyclable vessel, right? Think good thoughts. Aim for the stars so if you fall a little short you will reach perhaps the moon instead. Be your own best friend and companion, always. Do what you have to do to get by. Seek like-minded souls. And know you are loved.
Ross wants me to share something that is highly personal, and even though I share everything, I haven't shared this.
It's my soul.
It talks sometimes without me.
It's done it twice.
The first time I was thumbing through my Divine Peace Healing training manual, looking at the symbols and studying. A voice came spontaneously through me and my vocal cords. It said, in an almost childlike voice, I...want....to....help!!! I had the sense of someone being rescued who didn't want to obligate people, who wanted to participate in their own rescue by doing Divine Peace Healing every day.
It's my soul.
My soul is a little bigger than I am. I call myself 'the mystery shopper' to be here incarnate as I am, but Carla is the 'mystery shopper' who is on earth experiencing it all through my eyes.
My soul spoke once again at a train station. The urge to communicate Love and Gratitude was that strong. It took me a while to remember what happened with my soul ten years ago, the last time it spoke.
My soul and my being is in the best of hands. I won't worry.
And my physical body? I'll stick with the discipline, do my best, and seek rest and medical attention as soon as possible. I also look forward to when my lungs will be perfectly healed...in some future time.
Ross says I've written enough.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The pickles (Carla's nickname from her grandfather is pickle head, and our YouTube channel is 77picklehead. xoxoxoxo)
