When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going!
The last two days have been an exercise in the living from the inside out, instead of from the outside in. There is this video I am making myself watch every day, and each time, I get something more out of it. It deeply resonates with me. click here to see it
Do You Like Her?
Someone asked me this about my ex's serious live-in partner. A woman of God asked me this, someone who prays with her husband every day for her children, a mother of a girl on my son's basketball team.
I had just been seated next to the couple--my baby daddy and his love--who is pleasant and kind to me always...
But they had been just riding our son all day during the practice, tearing apart his body mechanics, his eating style (he eats his favorite thing first all the way and saves the least liked for the end), and his method of not really talking like most kids his age.
I had the feeling that she was feeling superior, 'adult' and a little more 'involved' in his upbringing than most people as the 'step' would be.
I kept silent.
But when the question was asked me by my friend, in private, I took pause.
My answer was simply, 'no'.
I was surprised that was my true feeling.
I explained how I am disappointed in her closed heart, and her inability to make sure Anthony eats while his dad is sleeping in until noon and she breezes off to work at eight thirty in the morning on Sundays.
Anthony deserves MORE.
So I love her, and I respect her. But deep in my heart, do I 'like' her? My feeling is one of let down, and disappointment, and I don't like that feeling at all.
My heart says, 'not really'.
And I accept this. I surprised myself.
Sometimes we need to look deep within, without judgement, to see how we really feel.
Feelings are important. How we act on them is another thing. But it's always nice to know where you stand in your heart about all things, not only this.
And in the future, it can change--it's never set in stone, anyhow. It's based on the situation, the vibration, and the energies involved.
How Old Are You?
After his game was torn apart by his dad and his lady, Anthony had no clue and was changing out of his basketball shoes on the bench.
A coach came up and said, 'I am Dom. I coach 12-14 year olds. My kids are older, but I love this age and I still coach. You have TALENT! You have 'court awareness'. Don't let your weight slow you down, just run around on the court more, and you'll slim down enough to play your best game. I'm looking forward to coaching you!'
I was so thrilled!
Anthony has TALENT! And it was noticed! By those who count.
Today, he had two games. And I saw him seated at the points table next to the head of the league between games. He was doing the scoreboard. I smiled and asked, 'are you putting him to work?'
He was invited to play travel league!
I'm so glad he was noticed for his skills.
Ross went with me. He actually helped me by having me drive PCH all the way to see her, and I stopped at the Chakra Shack to buy her some stones to help her feel better.
This was a HUGE visit.
He was with me the whole time.
Mom cancelled her cataract surgery a week ago Monday. On Friday she was sick and lying in bed, and not eating. My youngest sister saw and was worried. That night she was admitted to the hospital for infection.
On Sunday she was released. We were at a wedding for my cousin's daughter. A neighbor took her home.
The diarrhea started soon after. Again we three girls were concerned. She has a history of clostridium difficile colitis. She is very independent but not exactly making the best decisions for her own health. She was hiding it from us because she didn't want to go to the hospital again.
To her, it is needles and 'a lesson in humility' that she hates.
Something snapped in all three of us girls. We are working together as a team. But I put it 'out there' that I am finished being 'the doctor' and I am going to be 'the daughter' instead. My sisters completely understand.
I made the choice, not from guilt, but from within, to go and see mom today. To spend time with her.
I didn't want to go.
Inside is a scared girl who has been abused emotionally by her mom her whole life.
I would come home from being an attending anesthesiologist doing heart cases, only to have her--she was being paid, too--shove Anthony in my arms, say something like, 'no wonder why doctors wives feel so unloved!', and pick up the phone and call my sister, ignoring me.
Just this Monday, I was chastised for telling the family at the wedding she was healthy enough to be released from the hospital.
Even though now, she words things as 'will you do me a favor?'--it's still the same anger and wanting to control and have everything her way as when I was little.
And the emotional shock and pain still hurts just the way it always did.
I am her Lesson.
She hasn't made much progress.
I was sent to her to help her learn.
Today Ross worked with me to keep my 'high heart' vibration very high. I got it just right on the drive to mom, and I was able to be patient, and maintain it the whole visit, draining as it was.
The whole world revolves around my mother. She is an expert at living from the outside 'in'.
Divine Father today explained to me, on the drive home, that when people live from the inside out, the aging process is easier because they live in a constant state of loving acceptance and gratitude in the Now. When people live from the outside in, then they aren't really 'present' in the Here and Now--it's in their mind--and it starts to play tricks on them because the 'identity' they have always 'presented to the world' is starting to be different from what really 'is'. And they are unhappy.
I arrived and there were the compliments. Today it was, 'grey is a nice color for you'.
I was glad I didn't get any lecture on being fat or not wearing makeup. Dodged that one.
Then was the chit chat. I'm not big on that. I never have been. But I spoke slowly and clearly so she could read my lips, because in the hospital her hearing declines and takes a few weeks to recover.
My many offers to help and do things were met with 'no, no, no!' but I am persistent. I got her permission to dump the trash and fold the clothes that were in the dryer.
It's all about control.
You can imagine the mental and spiritual strength it took to have idle conversations with a woman who is as white as a ghost, ghastly color, who is dehydrated and refuses to drink. She took not one sip the whole three hours I was with her. And my sister had encouraged her to drink before she left for work! I know the clock is running out for the transplanted kidney, because she won't drink, and she's dry. I see the dark urine in the stoma bag.
But mom wants to talk. Actually, mom wants someone to listen to her 'being charming'. So I did.
Later, she invited me to help her buy some items she needed. We go on Amazon together. Only this time, I let her think it was her credit card, but it wasn't. It was mine. Hers had expired. And Ross told me I will never, ever regret buying these things she needs for her.
I bought us some Taco Bell too, at her request. She wanted a tostada and two chicken soft tacos.
My sister came home. We all three talked. And mom gave me some fruit a friend had given her. Persimmons to take home. Then I excused myself to go.
Mom came to show us her new hat my sister had bought for her. It was a fedora. She thought it was really cool, and it was 'her'.
Today was a goodbye of sorts.
It was a letting go of my need to jump in and save mom from herself. It was a goodbye to the mom I knew, who took care of me. It was a goodbye to my being able to really share my heart like I always wanted to do, but somehow, it never seemed right.
I realized she gave me my body, and nourished it, and saw to it I could grow.
As a parent gets older, you realize they aren't going to live forever.
So I will cherish the time I get, accept and forgive what happened, hold my vibration UP in my high heart, and be glad Ross is coaching me.
I will miss her and her unconventional ways.
On the ride home, I was given a memory, of my seventh birthday. I still recall the dress, orange and fuchsia sundress, the friends at the miniature golf course, and the crown of flowers my cousin Donna made for me. At that moment, I felt LOVED like I never have felt, before or since, and I owe it all to mom for making it happen.
This is the memory I will go to, in the times ahead, between now...then her either getting sicker or better...and whatever time is left until she goes back Home.
Lissa Rankin and I have a similar relationship as my mom and me.
I admired her and posted about her after I saw her first Ted Talk. I can't even find it, but I had a whole blog post just about her, the OB-Gyn, who said, 'it's harsh and brutal so I quit'.
I followed her on FB.
Never once did she respond to my kind words.
Never once did she acknowledge me.
Today she posted this article: http://www.dailygood.org/story/136/how-doctors-die-ken-murray/
She says she feels that way. That most people in the hospital do.
I felt the article was very slanted, and furthermore, could be used to spark a movement for euthanasia, which would save healthcare payers a whole lot of money. I've seen just as many people LIVE after being poked and prodded in ICU. So I don't take a stand.
But I paused, and thought, how can I raise the vibration of this to one that is Galactic, with Love and Gratitude instead of the energy of Separation, with this Lissa Rankin and her thoughts?
I came up with this:
This is why I give the Reiki Transition Symbol(video here https://youtu.be/knoLmKzG5g0) to the guardian angel of just about every patient in my busy O.R. who comes my way--any diagnosis of cancer, multiple co-morbidities, or extreme age.
It helps to soften the loss for both the one who is sick and the others who are left behind to have everything happen for the Highest Good.
It only needs to be given once, 'just in case' and it will be effective if and when Transition to The Other Side happens.
I am a psychic and medium, as well as an anesthesiologist. I see people after they die sometimes too. They always have advice on how they would have done things differently...
It is my hope and wish that one day all doctors will be spiritually trained as Healers instead of mere Technicians, and everyone will have the freedom to choose what they feel is a treatment that is 'right for them'.
Thank you Lissa for your courage and your light. Peace.
I attached the original article. And unlike anything else I've ever done, it has nineteen shares.
I still think Lissa won't acknowledge me. No Lightworker from Hay House I've contacted in my early online work has. Not Lisa Orloff. Not Doreen...
I'm okay with it.
I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and doing what I was sent to do.
At least I can't say I owe them anything! LOL.
News FLASH! From Reiki Fur Babies
Remember the head of the Breast Center--a world famous surgical oncologist who is an invited speaker internationally?
Here's her transcript of her healing session for her dog Flash: http://reikifurbabies.com/2015/11/21/reiki-for-flash-yellow-lab-forever-home/
Isn't it beautiful? I cried when I read it.
Carla is going through some enormous changes within right now.
First off is her relationship with her mother, which was cordial, but never really close, for the aforementioned reasons.
Everyone has someone in their life like this--someone who for the most part no matter what you do or try you just really get your 'fur rubbed the wrong way' when you are around them.
Carla asked a mutual friend, point blank, 'Is my mom an archon?'
The answer was no, but you were sent to her, to give her opportunity, and not the other way around.
Carla's mother was raised in war torn Sicily. Her mother is a product of war. There was starvation, there were lice on her head (she had her head shaved and cleansed with gasoline by the American soldiers to cure it--she liked the American soldiers.)
The fear is ingrained in her.
Imagine the sorrow deep in Carla's soul, as the energies are rising, the world is uplifting and her mother is not going to let go of her hold she has on 3D. She's holding onto it with everything she's got.
And it doesn't have to be that way! But for a lifetime based on perception of her, of image, of subterfuge, of giving the right impression...even now she has dental implants that make it so she can't eat except soft diet, but her SMILE is very white and 'builds her confidence'.
Let me say this again--her ability to eat and take in nourishment is impaired to the point of not being to eat things properly--but she paid for this and is both proud and pleased of the aesthetics of her 'results'.
She is vain.
Most everybody is, including me--to wanting to look our best--but when it gets to the point of not being able to eat anything more than a soft diet? Of not being able to take a bite of anything, not even a piece of toast? (she tears it with her hands into bite sized pieces--ed)
Everything is all an Illusion. And this is where the Illusion takes a turn for the worse (he moves his hand like a roller coaster straight downhill--ed). You can imagine the energy spiral that kind of self-talk is going to have over the course of a lifetime that is spent living from 'the outside in' instead of 'the inside out'.
It's all connected.
Carla talk about your mice.
C: snake didn't eat the second time. Pet shop closed. I put both mice into the cage where the mean mouse was who killed the other mouse. I heard mice screaming after I closed the door. I knew what it meant--the mean one was biting the new ones, and they would get infected and die. Sure enough, first thing this morning, the one who had been drinking like crazy (septic, low volume) and had horrible bite marks on his backside and his abdomen--was dead. I am sick of mice. I am sick of people being like mice. I am sick of 3D. I know they are all One and it is For The Highest Good but I really have a hard time loving the mean mouse. I can't wait for him to 'get it' and if the snake would eat him I would be quite happy. I fully admit in my thought processes in my own way I am very 3D too. I just don't know how to get rid of it except to ask you for help, to be shown the way to release from these thoughts.
R: what did I promise you?
C: You said you would write about the whole Sananda thing in the next John Smallman.
R: Have you seen it yet?
C: No. Only it was published.
R: I want you to attach it here honey.
C: Okay https://johnsmallman2.wordpress.com/2015/11/21/do-not-allow-your-egos-to-convince-you-that-calling-on-those-in-the-spiritual-realms-is-a-pointless-waste-of-time-and-effort/
R: You have not read one word of it?
C: Only the title and the hammered again and again line. Briefly honey. That is it.
R: What did I buy you at the Chakra Shack?
C: Black tourmaline in quartz. The Magdalen Oracle cards. Earth Magic cards by Steven Farmer. Sacred Geometry the big laminated card thing like a cheat sheet. Pink tourmaline with quartz. A peach moonstone heart. Black kyanite. And nuumite--I can't spell that one honey.
R: Was it a large purchase?
C: Yes, with this for me and the healing stones for mom.
R: How were you treated?
C: They let me use the employees only bathroom when I asked. Then they charged me thirty extra dollars on the pink tourmaline because they said it was 'medium' instead of 'small'. They asked me if I still wanted to get it? I was like, 'Charge me what you want, YES I want it.' Then they nickel and dimed me over a tiny piece of pink botswana agate for one dollar twenty five cents, and forgot to ring up the water bottle. They were 'company people'.
R: And they were afraid of their boss getting them in trouble for a missed penny in the face of a large purchase that totaled three hundred dollars?
C: Yes. That is what I was told after the fact, and after I was guided by spirit to shake the dust off my feet from that place, which I did in the used car parking lot that is next to it and you walk through to the parking lot.
R: What is it about Laguna Chakra Shack that makes you angry and upset?
C: They sell Spirit because 'it's cool' and it's merely a parlor trick!
R: So they are not serious?
C: They are all doing whatever they feel like doing. Some guy played sound bowls because he didn't have a client, it was super loud, and it wasn't good for my aura to have that toning just going off like that through the shop, too.
R: Are they playing with fire?
C: It's like being in a shop with saws and hammers and power tools and nobody understanding how to use them, never mind being professional with them--it's unsettling to see people not treating the tools with respect. With humility. With Love and Gratitude for the Healing that is possible...
R: Where are you?
R: What else did I promise you in the car?
C: Tonight those clerks would know who I am.
R: (he says uh-huh, nods, and bows--ed)
C: Are you done?
R: Yes, I am done honey. Let's call it a night.
C: Okay. I did good?
R: (smiles--ed) You did fine, hon, just fine. In all of it.You are going to help a lot of people with what you have just written.
C: I am?
R: You are. (tousles my hair--he hasn't done that in FOREVER! --ed)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Twins