Family

My family puts the FUN in dysfunctional.

It's messed up.

Today there was a get-together to say 'goodbye' to a cousin who is moving to the midwest, and I am humbled, deeply humbled by the whole process.

The system works!

God (and the Goddess) had this crazy idea to throw us into these family units--where we--many of us Lightworkers--were thrown into the 'Lion's Den' if you will, the very worst places on the planet, To Shed Light.

Today I saw how my cousins and uncles were older...the ones I used to see every Christmas Eve and at family functions. And I thought, 'God, you were so smart to give Cousins, so I can see what the road is like ahead of where I am.'

Today I saw how darkness transformed to Light...there were several people who had hurt one another in various ways, incest, physical abuse, alcohol, gambling, infidelity...who had found peace with each other and the abusers had healed!

I found out one incest abuser had actually paid the rent, bought groceries, and traded cars (taking over the car payments) of the one he had abused and her new husband for six months when they were starting out. They wouldn't have made it without him.

Another who had been a physical abuser and made his kids pass out in a pool of blood in the bathroom on a routine basis, had tenderly cared for the wife dying of cancer, and earned the love and respect of the children and the whole family. He'd changed, in his heart, mind, body and soul and had grown. He asked, casually, how he had been so lucky to marry her, the wife who was an angel, an earth angel, in every way...

The one who cheated on his wife, and left her for another woman, only to have his ex, the one we knew, die of ovarian cancer? He married the one he had the relationship with, and now she is family, and has found work for two of the deceased wife's kids at her work. I could see how sometimes relationships change, and both partners have to move on to keep up with their soul lessons; it really is not personal, although it is painful to experience when you are the one that is being left.

I found out a cure for leg cramps is V-8 juice, Tums and ibuprofen. Many of my relatives are very active. One rode a sixty-mile bike ride earlier in the day.

But most importantly, I saw my cousins who have been in the movie industry for their entire careers, and are NOT worshipping the devil, or any of those bad things that so many of them do. They are good, decent people who love God and are perhaps a little 'more religious' than others, as far as being Christian go, but not more so than others I know who are Christian extreme worshippers.

If you are from a not-so-good family, have hope!

The family unit was selected with pre-birth contracts and agreement of everyone involved . Why? For the learning of lessons. Some are teachers, some are learners, and together it all works out. There is the karma 'payback' as well as the love that remains between after all is said and done.

Why not take a little break every now and then, talk to your heart, and find out what lessons your family has been helping your heart learn with you?

Because behind all that, is the wisdom of Source, and it is all for your Highest Good.

It's always darkest before the dawn...but soon the sun will come up, and you will see your family with bright new eyes that see!

I couldn't believe how much higher the vibration was of our group today; there was love, laughter, and sharing. People are really doing things for their health, like quit artificial sweeteners, try organic, eat less meat, or whatever 'nudges' them to do. We have come a long ways as a family, and I am excited I had the chance to see it today.

I have to be honest with you. Today I really didn't want to go. I like staying at my house and relaxing on the weekends. I didn't want to get dressed and drive to go and see people I hardly ever see.

But I checked with pendulum.

It said, GO. It is for the highest good.

So I went.

It turns out my cousin's fiancee has a daughter with terrible neurological condition. And the shunt isn't working. So the surgeon is going to try switching from a ventriculoperitoneal (head to stomach drain for CSF) to a ventriculoatrial shunt (head to heart for CSF). He'd only done two, in his career, and was really worrying her.

I explained what I had seen, and I knew it works, and it's something doable, and not to worry.

She was visibly relieved! I hadn't seen her in eight years!

That's why Spirit wanted me to go.



Aloha and mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

A Request From Master Koothoomi September 18, 2013

I was starting to dream when a bearded man came up to me in my half-awake 'third eye'.

Master Koot Hoomi? I asked, Is that you?

How do you know it is I?  the bearded man smiled and answered back.

Because you are the one with the beard! I replied without skipping a beat.

He started to crack up. I mean, hold your sides and bend over because it's so funny and delightful kind of laughing. Out of all of these people, why am I the 'one with the beard'?

Then he showed me Jesus and El Morya and St. Germain and others with beards, and I got the point. Trying to explain, I said, You are the one with the LONG beard. He smiled.

Master Koot Hoomi has the green ray of healing. That is his work. Just like St. Germain is with finance, Master Koot Hoomi is the one where healing is involved.  He has a special project.

Will you recall all who have been raped, all who have been forced into prostitution, all who have had incest, all who have ever been harmed or lost their lives to molest and sexual assault? he asked, and the list went on further, suffering by different kind of suffering...

Of course! Anything you ask!. I said.

Then he showed me this flower, the tiny blue Forget-Me-Not. It hovered in my mind's eye, and I got a good look at it. When I went online to select the image for you, this is the one he chose, the one at the top of this post.

Master Koot Hoomi asks for a movement to acknowledge those who have suffered, and  to post, and share, and perhaps wear a decoration, for those who must heal from trauma of a sexual nature.

He wants those who are going through the various forms of healing to know they have our undeniable support, so that everywhere they look, they will know they are Ohana to us, that we have them on our minds and in our hearts, for all time. It is also invited for those who are healing, to incorporate this image into someplace they can see every day, or wear, or carry with them, to remind them of our never-ending love and support for them. Forget-me-not will be the sign for us of unconditional love, of hope, and Light. This will give courage and strength to carry forth through the healing process.



I really want to sleep now, but He asked me to share this with you at once, so I am.

In deep Love and Gratitude to Master Koot Hoomi for this important message for the healing of so many worldwide on such a painful experience.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

douce nuit

How To Heal Someone With PTSD: Managing Your Reaction To The Victim's Experience

This is the dried flower of the stinging nettle plant. It is very soft and fluffy, something one would never expect from such a painful plant and prickly flower...

As a survivor, the worst part about healing from what happened to me that caused the PTSD was the reaction of those close to me who 'should have offered me support'.

Mother took it all as 'her fault' and went off on a depression that needed therapy for years. She believed me, which was good. There was too much supporting 'data' for her to ignore it. The evil mom who was involved in the 'cover up' had asked specifically about me and 'how I was doing' every time she saw my mother all the years I was growing up. She never asked about my other two sisters, and she knew all three of us. There was a sudden behavior change in me where I got shy about the time I said the attack had happened.

She was overwhelmed and turned to her own coping response instead of comforting me.

The one I had 'chosen with my heart' to help me heal? How did HE react? Well, let me put it this way--he didn't want to know his restaurant needed a place to change diapers or for new moms to nurse discreetly or pump. 'That's woman's concern!' he 'said' silently with a wave of his hand. I countered back, 'you are a good man! You should KNOW about these things! That is why I am telling you.'

Once the healing started coming out, and I sent him LONG emails daily, the : ) one line replies to my emails became silent. Finally there was a 'I never check my emails, there is so MUCH' email, and I stopped writing.

My heart knew he had read them. And my heart knew I had healed. He might have been 'weirded out' by the sharing like I did, but the pain of 'not sharing' was so bad I kind of 'dumped' on him. He was nice about it, but set his boundaries.

It is unpleasant to experience the victim's tale of their suffering, especially with molest.

It is a NORMAL first reaction to put that hand up and say, 'No More, I have HAD ENOUGH'.

If my own mom can react badly, and my one that helped me heal, that says a great deal, doesn't it?

And why would I even bring this up now? To complain about how difficult my life has been?

Oh for Heaven's sakes, do you not know me???? By now?

The victims of ritual abuse are going to start coming out as the Light shines away all that has been hidden in the shatows from the Light. They have suffered FAR FAR more than me and need your help!

The victims of ritual abuse, which is part of a global 'mithraic' system of belief that is practiced by many people whose smiling faces you see in the news every day, are going to have to heal.

Imagine thousands and thousands of people like Jaycee Lee Dugard being freed from their torture all at once...

Will you mentally, spiritually, and emotionally BE THERE for THEM?

Or will you say, 'I can't believe this!' and walk away?

My healer, bless his heart, read one of my blog posts on How To Heal Someone with PTSD. I think before he had no concept of what PTSD is, and why I was reaching out to him. He did what I said in the article to do--touched me on the arm between my shoulder and elbow. Twice in one time at his restaurant.

He came around, when he understood. Mom came around too. She helped me throw away the gifts that the 'cover up' mom had sent me after I had sent her a letter saying I remembered all that happened and I forgave her. The blankets and the tiny angel pin with the legs spread apart really freaked me out--thankfully MY mom put a cheerful stop to it. We made a big fuss together with whoops and hollers as she opened the apartment trash chute and I threw everything out.

All I ask, as a survivor, of you as a healer, is to be Present with your Heart. Listen with your Heart, and be Present when the story of the 'Outside of Normal Human Experience' suffering is brought to the Light with you.

You ARE the Light for someone who has experienced pain and suffering at the hands of Darkness.

Be that Light for them. And when it gets too much, say, 'I will be right back' and GO and find someone else who shall be that Light for you.

Doesn't every victim deserve a chance to heal and enjoy their Life?

Aloha and Mahalo,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Pink Bubblegum Ice Cream

Tonight was the school play. As a Reiki Master and Intuitive, I FELT all the marvelous energy of those performing kids, in addition to watching and enjoying the play itself.

I took my son out to 31 Flavors after to celebrate.

When I looked at the flavors available, I was surprised that my favorite, burgundy cherry wasn't there.

And then it happened. It  is the term I have used to describe all my life when my PTSD kicks in. I should have expected it to happen. Yesterday after dealing with mom, her doctor at the nursing home, negotiating the transfer to ER, explaining to my sisters that this was serious and mom needed an ambulance, going there, and talking with her doctors, then the long, late drive home and being even more behind in my own life...I felt 'NUMB'.

A PTSD flare typically happens when I am overwhelmed emotionally, or when something happens to 'remind me' of the event. (If you want to know what happened, look it up in the search box on this blog. I don't want to go over that again today.) My emotions can't process it in 'real time' like a normal person. It 'floats around' for days, and like a cat coughing up a fur ball--believe me, it feels just as uncomfortable--my subconscious 'spits it up' for my conscious mind to digest.

What was it today?

Well, let's start with the ice cream. Pink bubblegum is very bright pink. It also happens to be the flavor my sister always got, but not me. I had to be 'more sensible' due to my being 'the oldest'. I never got a clown ice cream that cost more. But my sister, who was trained 'to keep asking until she gets what she wants' always did. There was extreme favoritism in my family. It is still there now. Out of three girls, I am like, first born but number three when it comes to being close to mother's heart.

My little 'me' inside wanted the pretty pink ice cream.

I knew what to do. I got it. Even though I am going raw vegan, and I KNOW the ice cream is a bunch of GMO bovine growth hormone and crap, SPIRIT TRUMPS ALL when SPIRIT needs healing.

When my son got his tonsils out at four, when he came home, he was crying inconsolably. I asked him if he was in pain, and fortunately he wasn't. But he said, 'I want my tonsils BACK!'

When what happened to me at four, I felt 'dirty' and 'shame'. Like his tonsils, my 'innocence' was ripped out of my little girl's heart.

The memory buried until I was twenty-six. When it came back, I felt so dirty it was painful. I found a small ballerina bear, about six inches tall, with a tutu at a local store. I named her my name, and that was my innocence. I carried her with me everywhere, in a purse so it wouldn't show, but on my desk at work where I could see it. My massage therapist, Stacey, was an angel. She would talk to 'me' with lovingkindness, and sit 'me' up on a shelf while she worked on my body. Sometimes more memory that was trapped in my muscles would come out. Stacey, a survivor herself, taught me how to live again.

Once when I forgot 'me' at work, I made my husband drive us half hour to my work on a Saturday to get 'me' back again. This was in the first three months after the memory, and healing was very hard.

Sometimes, I think I have not grown all that much. Energetically, 'me' is 'healed', but somehow, in my aura, there is only one thing that makes me 'feel better' in my 'owie'--the scar or hole leaking energy from where my innocence was. It is the High Vibration Aromatherapy Oils I wear around my neck. I never take them off because they make me feel better. It's been most of my life with this wound. I function beautifully, no one would ever see my scar, but I really don't enjoy it. I want to be whole. And if it is the necklaces of aromatherapy that is working for me right now, so be it. I don't even HAVE my ballerina bear any more, nor do I recall where it ended up. I outgrew it.

But on deeper inspection, I would never trade a day without my PTSD. There are some benefits that are hidden. There are three--so those of you who are survivors can stand tall when I make this list:

1. The trauma causes your consciousness to 'jump' into the higher 'registers' for 'safety' in a near-death situation. I literally thought 'this is what it feels like to die'. Guess what happens when you survive? You get to be psychic. Those 'connections' are wide open on a soul level.
2. I am a WAY better anesthesiologist for having felt that trauma. I can recognize and treat faster and more effectively because of having experienced that myself. Surgery brings out a lot of PTSD in people, and is a source of it for others. I try to make the risk of it as low as possible in my patients.
3. As a result of having to function with a subconscious that 'makes itself known', I know myself on a deeper level  than would have been possible if it hadn't happened. The subconscious is not scary, but it has its own 'way' and as a matter of life I have come to know it. Some people do not even know their CONSCIOUS in the first place. But for me, I am comfortable in my own skin, with my conscious and subconscious too. I simply accept and love all of me. And I know my innocence is where it always has been, because nobody can every take away a part of your soul that is your birth right.

Remember to always be loving to yourself. To be as gentle and kind to yourself as you are to others. You are important. And you ARE a survivor, just for being here on earth. And if you have PTSD, I love you very very much, and I care about your heart. Remember that the crystal shines more brightly when the light hits one that has the cracks inside. It makes you 'sparkly', on a soul level. Sparkly just like me. 

Aloha and Mahalo for reading this. I appreciate it very much. I wanted to share from my own experience what PTSD is like 'on the inside' so everyone will know it is not the end. Sometimes you need to lean on your friends sometimes. Mine have to screen my movies for me. There are some scenes I can't watch, but otherwise I do okay.

I haven't had a flare up from it since, wow, before I became a mom. I guess that means I am doing pretty well. <3

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

P.S. Where is the Reiki? Well, I did a magnificent job in Reiki Class when I worked on the Shadow Self meditation. That one really helped me heal a lot. Otherwise, just the daily practice, for years, has made me more aware in general, and able to tune in and stay calm when stuff like this hits.