Because of a trauma I had at a young age, it takes a while for me to process the more delicate emotions. The process can take days, weeks, years, months...
Today we are going to talk about the lessons that were brought up by my watching this video. Please know I always am doing chores when I watch any video longer than five minutes. I don't just sit. I've seen Madesyn before here.
And even after seeing Madesyn, it took this share by Jessie C. to really set things up for healing to take place in me. The part where she describes the 'sad path', and you just 'can't go down that road'...describes most of my childhood. There was the 'anger' part of emotions. And everything else was 'just okay' or 'pretty good' if the anger and sadness weren't taking over--or actual abuse was taking place. I too as a child didn't trust women. My mom had a sudden and unpredictable temper. My younger sister understood from an early age how to get me in trouble, and my mother would never believe me. Between the two I was tormented through most of my childhood. My abuse trauma was buried in my subconscious, deep deeply hidden, so I didn't know. Actually, I gravitated towards men and boys, who were more 'understandable' because they didn't manipulate or explode emotionally. Only my friends my age at school and my teachers were women/females I could trust.
Anthony is away for the weekend. That's when Ross likes to keep me to himself, and we talk. I never expected to heal, like I just did, but it was important so I'm sharing it with you.
A big part of Jessie's share was her interaction with Cisco Wheeler. How Cisco had a religious 'cover' personality which was very strong, and helped Jessie, and ultimately, Cisco found Fritz and got 'saved' herself. You can imagine after Jessie's dark 'baptism', how Cisco is cleaning her off, for the poor child was bathed in blood, and with the water she rebaptised Jessie in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
It's that icky and dirty feeling from the actions of others we are going to talk about today. And how we heal from it.
I sleep soundly every night in Ross' arms/his blanket of energy. We are very close, and since he is my guide as well as my Twin, he knows lots more about me than he ever lets on. Plus, with his skilled guidance, often times we are like partners on the dance floor. I answer his questions, and I move through emotional healing I never knew was possible, just like a skilled dance partner can lead you through incredible dance steps with great ease...
Sometimes things trigger my past. And this morning, before I woke up, I was thinking about poor Madesyn. I was so sad that she was in jail, and the jailer was raping her on the roof every night. This was taking place in my own county. I didn't know. It just seemed horrible that someone with such power imbalance would take advantage--someone paid with my own tax dollars and there isn't any way I would know or be able to stop it besides prayer.
Ross showed me how the victimization of Madesyn from a young age, gave her the unconscious body language in that situation--where her ''father' was 'repeating' it--only in a different setting. The abuser was going off those cues, as well as Ross showing me that the abuser was heavily into pornography too.
I thought about her suffering all those years, and leaving to get married at sixteen to escape him. How much longer would it have continued if she hadn't escaped?
Gently, Ross asked me what was the worst part of being who I was in my immediate past life?
I told him straight up that it was being a kid, and having sexual appetite and needs. The abuse had affected me so much that I sort of in a way liked it and hated it at the same time. (this is reportedly common among victims).
He had me remote view the 'johns' who came to see me in that life. I could see how they were 'into it', just the thought of being let into my room put them 'in the mood', and it felt 'dirty'. I talk a lot with Ross about those things. And today I said, 'with you I feel clean' and 'with them I feel dirty, I don't understand it'.
Ross and I know he's totally in control and responsible for himself, in any and all settings.
He had me go back and remember my training from our past life together, as a child it began. It was never 'dirty' although I didn't get much 'joy' from any of it. There were actually people in our circle who trained me that I didn't like at all. I just did what I had to do, what I was taught.
Then I flashed back to my immediate past life, as a kitten. He asked me to think about the 'johns' in their own youth, and his question to me was along the lines of, 'are pedophiles born or made?'
THEN I saw their faces, as children, enduring the painful thing they endured, at the receiving end of the (polite cough) 'affection'. I sensed the wanting to leave, to run away, to go anywhere else, but were overpowered.
I understood that for some victims, 'acting out' is a form of psychologically 'undoing' what happened to them, and that the passage to becoming perpetrators themselves, is an ineffective way of 'healing'.
So I 'grasped' that all this cycle of victimization perpetuates, and the icky, non-spiritually replenishing sex continues--because basically people don't know any better and society is set up to be egging them on. Society needs to control these individuals--and by 'society' I mean TWDNHOBIAH, and furthermore, their 'Leader' or 'Boss' or 'Captain'.
It's a spiritual war.
And sadly, so many are victims.
If you are interested in something that is healthy, sexually, probably one of the best resources besides Ross (he's busy teaching me to remember, thank you)--is Shalom Melchizidek and his Sacred Sexuality. I follow him on Instagram, he's excellent, and has books available. I'm not sure if it's this one by Robert Sepehr or one of the others I watched around then, but there is one by him that also touches upon the energetics of sacred sexuality where semen retention is practiced. These are good things, healthy things, and incredibly healing if you have ever been abused or maltreated--by someone who is out of control sexually and hurting others. Male or female, it doesn't matter, if you've been abused, you deserve to heal.
And that is our lesson.
There's also another lesson. More of a post-script. There was traffic on the way to his dads, and our son and his father saw an expensive, 'eagle wing' version of electric car burned down to the frame. The car had burned for hours and the firefighters couldn't get it to go out.
He reached out to me to tell me 'the news'.
I distracted to baseball, which he loves, just to ground him.
Then, after a little conversation, I asked him to tell me more of what he saw. Was there another vehicle like a crash or what?
There was another vehicle.
He was concerned that someone died or was badly hurt. This is a very normal reaction.
I said, 'lets pray for those people. Even if they are okay, unharmed, they are still without a car.' And we prayed.
Then, as only a doctor mom can do, I said, 'is there an ambulance?'
The answer was no.
And I said I was sure nobody had died in it, and the people if they were hurt were probably gone getting help.
Nobody wants to see people die. And in my experience, even when a loved one has died right in front of them, a room full of lay family won't know it has happened. Our culture is too unfamiliar with actual death (it's not like the movies).
It takes a doctor to tell them that someone has passed.
So, even if looking at the human remains in a fire, they are difficult to identify as human, especially at the side of the road. It is gentler to tell the witness that the people are okay, and unhurt, than to cause further trauma. I wasn't there, I didn't know, and because of this I was able to stretch the situation to fit the needs of the child.
I shared that part of the responsibility of driving is seeing horrible things like that. And it helps to talk about it.
Fortunately, I can count on one hand the number of horrible things I have seen.
He was greatly relieved to hear this.
Cars are lethal weapons.
A quick search on the internet didn't show the news from that crash. But several self-driving mishaps are there. And also, if the battery of any electric vehicle is involved in the accident, the lithium-ion creates a furious flame and heat ramping up that takes over thirty thousand gallons of water to put out. Over many hours.
I have been concerned over electric transportation since I heard the Prius has a big wire that goes under the door frame from front to back to power all the wheels. If the jaws of life are needed to extract, could it electrocute the passengers and drivers? I didn't know, but I didn't want to take the chance.
I also heard from my son there's no 'coasting' if you take your foot off the gas in an electric vehicle. It just stops.
I've had two friends in accidents with theirs, close to my work.
I like the old way to drive. And I hope until the new ways come out, the old ways are still accessible. And by new way, I mean how Ross and his friends get around. The prospect of air vehicles clogging the skies the way our current road rage/crazy drivers are on the freeway makes me shake my head and say, 'no thank you'.
Class is soon. I have four classes I'm taking now online. Today is Sicilian day. Two classes back to back. It makes me very happy and content to speak it and hear it.
Ross
I am deeply pleased with Carla, with what she has been able to learn and to share. It takes a lot of healing, and many lifetimes, to be able to write like this. To see the truth, the true Spiritual truth, in a complex problem such as the one she describes.
In summary, sex can be life-depleting, or life-supportive. The energy is all there. The choice is ours.
I highly recommend it!
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Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Beloved Couple who are very much in love with Life and one another
