Yesterday I was on first call. The hospital has lost the sparkle, life and joy it once had early in my career. There are checkpoints, mask mandates, and ever-increasing superbugs like VRE and ESBL in addition to the usual C DIFF...and of course, Covid 19. I counted one hundred ten patients yesterday.
I'm starting to notice 'care fatigue' in my colleagues and in myself. Short days leave you just as tired as the long ones used to. It's from wearing the N-95 masks underneath your regular surgical masks all day. To be honest my ears are getting sore from all the elastic straps.
I notice that there is a distinct lack of honest news from the front lines. There are the drama rants from the care providers who are on the front lines, accusing everyone of causing this pandemic because they are tired of the masks, as if only the 'mask and hand washing' and 'maxine' will 'cure' it. The hospitals at the beginning said we aren't to write about it on any social media. But, I think a little just to keep the truth out there is best. Otherwise how can people know and decide what they wish to do?
One of my patients I intubated on my last call shift passed, and the other one isn't looking much better. I read with interest the symptoms of the one who passed when he showed up to the emergency department...a little cough, a sore throat, nothing major. But then his shortness of breath got so bad he could barely move around the house. Yes there were risk factors. Yes he was 'young'--early fifties. At the end the pneumonia had taken its course and the temperature was almost one hundred six Fahrenheit. It had taken three days after intubation for him to pass.
There were lots of resources used, all the standard medications, a ventilator, nursing care, labs...two code blues. Then off to the extra morgue space.
A friend of mine has seen someone from a mortuary taking out the bodies. The whole parking area is the farthest from the main entrance to the hospital, and it's cordoned off.
I'm a keen observer of people. I read them. Always have. And there was one thing I couldn't put my finger on--the nurses in all of the Covid units have been extremely happy. Nowhere are the free meals and perks from the local small businesses to 'the heroes' because the small businesses if they are still open are struggling to stay open. It's been a year. But the happiness? It's money. Each nurse is paid an extra seven-hundred fifty dollars bonus just to take a Covid unit shift. Plus they get paid time and a half. But the ones who are showing up for work at the O.R., who have to 'float' over to 'help' the Covid nurses? They won't get their unemployment leave signed or paid if they refuse to help over there.
People are highly intelligent.
And now I'm looking for those who have 'disappeared'. Many have just left the hospital with one reason or another. The expectant mother had 'early labor' and is out on leave. Both of the ones in our department. One who had just underwent surgery before Thanksgiving--and missed all the holiday seasons--is getting even more surgery again. The hospital has a policy only one major surgery a year. But this has 2020 and 2021 covered. I haven't seen my own pulmonologist who had been heading up the entire Covid response--it's been months now. There's others taking care of the patients.
And even the patients--they are in the room but the iv tubing is super long so they can run the iv pumps from outside the door. Those are the Covid ones.
And the absent-mindedness! A cardiologist 'cleared' a patient for surgery without looking at an important test result cardiologists run. The patient didn't have much blood pressure and surgery was cancelled, it was frightening. There was important knowledge needed that wasn't available to the surgical and anesthesia team...
I saw a gastroenterologist going SO FAST. Why? Because there used to be two or three who would take care of the emergency stuff that comes in to the ER, but now one caught Covid and is 'retired' due to health being totally shattered, and others who don't like to work nights and weekends. In other words, our teams are 'running thin'. I have a feeling some of our own anesthesiologists are finding work elsewhere to supplement their dwindling income from lack of surgical cases. And overtime? In the O.R. the management is saying, 'not one minute!'--they are struggling too.
I will briefly add the rest.
Spirit gave me two gifts, one I can share with you. When you encounter a very negative soul, like a Dark Mother and the like, you can tickle it with this feather. It's big and white. And this action reminds both of your souls that 'this is only a game' (an Illusion). No one wins. This is very empowering.
The other is the Golden Orb that was just given to me this morning by my teams. It represents the Magic of Gaia returning Home to Her. I had been getting angry and upset because the Dark Ones don't even have their own magic to use! No. Not in any way. Much of it has been redirected from trapped magical creatures, from the ley lines of Mother Earth herself (to the point of hijacking her natural time travel and dimension and distance portals for their own use), as well as the sexual energy and lifeblood of living creatures! They use incantations and what has been taught from generation to generation through bloodlines. But that's a poor substitute for the real magic, like from the Faeries, the elders, and mystical beings. It just makes me sick the impostors, for that is truly what they are. And I stood for it. I was kind of surprised at its coming back to me. Remember, when you see the QE2 with that little gold ball, that's what it stands for--the keeper of the stolen magic. Only, now, it's empty and powerless, as are all of their efforts. There's been a decoupling of that and only the will of the ego on their side remains. Without true Magic and Life Force and energy of the Universe--it's nothing.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
Ross says 'hold on to your hats!'
