Today marks one week since I went to the Emergency Room. I could have gone two days earlier, but I kept going to work.
I am on call today.
I listened to my mother who was concerned about my health, and encouraged me to trade, so I did.
Yes I will have two weeks in a row of call at the end of the month. But this morning? I couldn't have gotten out of bed if I had tried. My energy was very, very low.
Nights aren't easy. I snore pretty bad, and I breathe through my mouth. Everything gets dry. Then the stuff I have to cough up gets thicker.
Monday I am assigned to work, fortunately, it's a short day that starts late.
I feel so bad for Anthony because of my illness. He's with his dad this weekend anyway. But my son needs a new shirt for graduation. I don't have the energy to even do the laundry, never mind take him shopping. I pray my energy will return back to its normal levels in the near future.
What about Spirit?
What is the Lesson?
To be honest, I'm on the tail end of it and I still don't know. Ross is more present, so that's how I know I'm at the tail end of it. With this there is always forward progress. All of my stones have arrived and are working, too. My friend the chief of surgery checks in on me. She checks about every day. I told her I have no energy, and she reminded me to stay hydrated. I'm grateful for her.
I guess the lesson is 'why I am here' and 'how to stay in balance' with my energies.
I still haven't unpacked from the move, but today I went into the living room. I'm throwing things away. It looks much better. The kitchen is better too. I find I enjoy taking a bar stool into the kitchen, and eating at the counter there. I know we have a formal counter for eating, but I don't like it. This corner here I call it my chef's table, and it makes me happy when I eat alone.
I did go to the park for a short walk. It's very near the house. And I lay on my tummy on the grass and talked to my mom. The fresh air and sunshine are good.
I realize everything happens for a reason (Ross says this one a lot!) and good things are ahead, and to try not to worry so much about it.
I do miss my work, I look forward to going back. I pray I can find some balance in it.
In the meantime, my feet are plodding one foot in front of the other. I do my very best to teach and to share. To talk to Ross and to listen. Soon it will be one week. I don't want to put too many expectations on the countdown. But it has been a year and in my opinion it's nice to be near the end of it.
What things have really helped above and beyond? All of the kindnesses have helped. Seeing things has helped, the turtle art in the ER, videos a friend shared, Anthony's smile after a day at the beach with his school.
Everything is a gift.
I'm going to write a little. It may sound as if Carla is writing from a vacuum, or perhaps a free fall. In this there is one slight nuance I'd like to discuss--she and I together we are totally connected. From heart to heart. There is nothing that can take her away from me. And yes, her moods never 'drag me down' or 'drain me' like those of you who are couples on Earth.
Carla asked me, 'Ross, did all those bad things happen with TWDNHOBIAH for real?'
And I told her, 'yes and no. Within the context of the Illusion, those things did indeed happen, yes. But beyond that, where eternity is, everything is love.'
It took a while for Carla to process this. In typical form, she asked yet another question. 'What about all the people who are suffering at the hands of TWDNHOBIAH? Will it stop, their torment and torture?'
To this, I answered, 'yes'.
After this, Carla looked at me in earnest, eyes searching, and asked for the Illusion to be taken away, all of it, because it is so horrible to her, and so sad. To think that this is what had become of earth, a carnival of terrors!
At this Carla felt my heart move with a great compassion at her desire for the nightmare which affects everyone to end. I did something I haven't done in a long time--I asked all of the others who are always watching our interactions to leave/give us some privacy, and instinctively I held Carla close to my heart, where she cried great tears of horror and release of the tragic things she had experienced, both in her own life, and as a witness to all the tragedy on Gaia's surface.
It was then and only then I gave Carla an elixir, if you will, of energy, that is from Back Home. Carla is to take about one half hour of it every day.
If you ask and are just as serious as Carla, I will also send some of ours over to you. You rest and soak it in. Carla felt it coming in her heart center, in her mouth and lungs, when she received it.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla