How does one make peace with someone who has abused them? Hmmmm?
That makes for a mighty fine challenge, as well as being asked to prove you really are all about love and peace and forgiveness, doesn't it?
A letter showed up in my mailbox at work. And inside the letter, was contact from my first husband Mark. He had sent it to all four addresses he had seen of me online. Including my P.O. box.
He wanted something he felt was his. A certain photo in a frame. Technically, it was not something 'he inherited' because at the time of the funeral preparations I asked not Aunt Susie but the other one with dark hair if I could have it and she said yes. So it came to us as a couple because of my connection to the photo. It's hard to explain but I had always felt a strong soul connection to the grandparents in July 1950 driving through a tree in Yosemite.
Immediately I obeyed.
I also dropped all my defenses. It's Ascension, right? I packaged everything up after taking a photo, and even bought kettle corn to put in around the frame for packing. Nice kettle corn. Our area's best.
Ross helped me write a letter explaining a ho'oponopono, as well as that this image was my North Star for thirty years--with these beloved people urging me to work hard, do my best, be humble, and to trust in God as well as to be loving to all. That is was my love for them that lets me cheerfully give it to him, to inspire him.
I was supposed to send it to his parent's house.
The machine at the post office was broken.
Last night I had trouble sleeping.
I realized he might not like me. He has a history of abuse. I've seen the videos on narcissists not to say he is one, but I know some people with mental health imbalances can act nice only to get revenge thirty years later.
He's close to someone in the family we broke ties with because this family member and his wife tried to kill his mother (my grandmother) to get her inheritance. They did it with the 'chair of death' where they tied her to a chair in the desert and had her sit in the sun for hours and didn't give her food or water. At the last minute he told my mom to come say goodbye, and my sister drove mom, and my sister's best friend is a detective's wife. It would be murder if an otherwise healthy old woman were to die for any reason.
That's how nana came to be in a nursing home near us. Eventually. We made the three hour drive to where she was after the hospital. The emergency room wanted to call the cops on him then and there. And my sister had to put twenty five thousand dollars of her own money into a bank account he had drained to save him from going to jail. My mom wanted to spare him, she's always enabled him...
The package had my home address on it.
So today I redid the package.
I kept the letter.
I haven't sent it.
But I did upload the photo to MPix online. And now I have my own copy of it : ))) It's an upgrade!
And the surprise?
Years ago I had put a copy of a photo of me and Mark in a different drive through tree, posing the same as his grandparents, behind the image! Ross told me THIS was the true source of the connection to the one I had. And to keep it. So I actually uploaded that image too, and got a frame for it.
God/The Divine works in mysterious ways. His request gave me a lesson, and a chance to have both of us enjoy the image of his beautiful, wonderful grandparents.
I also have offered my email and phone number, and told him he and all of his family are welcome to contact me any time.
It is my hope we could be friends.
The energies are right for it. And also, my soul is ready. I've done some pretty deep healing by going to Yosemite and to Berkeley last year. All I remember is the joy and not the pain. I did sob deeply when I saw our old house. I did love him. I always have loved him. But he wasn't good for me, he was very controlling, and I never would have had the life I've lived if I had stayed with him. His temper was really bad, really really bad enough to make me need counseling for a good long time to get my 'spirit' and 'bubbly essence' back.
I also know Ross doesn't want me to have any unfinished business. I'm so glad I have the box re-wrapped, filled with the same love and kindness, to offer people who I am not sure are going to be warm and fuzzy about me.
When it comes right down to it, people are more important than things. This was the second time I had to put that one into action for Spirit or my classwork/grades/teaching in the Spirit Realm.
Now I'll go to bed. It's been a long haul with the move. Every day I bring a car load after work, all by myself. Anthony helps a little but it's not his thing. I have to ask. Yesterday I brought heavy pots of plants. Today, metal things, lots of it--cast iron enamelware, pots and pans, knives, and ceramic mixing bowls. Things that have been tried by fire.
That's been the name of my bracelet I've worn for two weeks. Trial by fire. It has vesuvianite in it. It's pretty too. Once I find my beads after the move I might make some and post them for interested people.
Ross has been so very busy, here and there, guiding me with a firm and loving encouragement to be more galactic, and less petty. We also got a new symbol today to heal PTSD. I overheard a patient telling a nurse he had been a police officer. His partner had been shot in the head in front of him, and died in his arms. My heart broke to hear him talking about the things he'd seen. Apparently many rape victims go commit suicide immediately after, and that made him sad too. I can't remember the rest, but it was heavy stuff. That's why Spirit gave the symbol. I will make a video for it one day and share it soon.
All my love, and Ross' too...
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple
