Friday, October 20, 2017


Yesterday I got a text from a friend, a surgeon. He needed help.

Some online reviews of him and his office were one star, scathing, and completely not reflective of the services he offers to the community.

I know him, and watch him work. He is excellent at what he does, it took over ten years of training after medical school to be able to do it, and he is so good he can fix other people's mistakes when the patient has had surgery before.

Any time Anthony gets hurt, I text him. And he is there for us, lets us know what to do, and we are seen right away.

He runs his own practice, something people these days don't often do. They are employees of huge healthcare companies.

So these online reviews can really hurt him.

I went to write a review. And I also read the others.

One patient was complaining about being affected by the surgeon having a 'family emergency'.  Apparently there were pre-op visits and work up that had been done. But the surgery was cancelled at the last minute. For a 'family emergency'. There was no refund for the work that had been done preparing for the surgery--the office visits. The patient was irate and 'let him have it' online, with a one star review.

The family emergency was that the surgeon was discovered to have inoperable lung cancer and needed treatment right away. He is fighting for his life...

Mmmm hmmmm.

The one-star review patient didn't know that fact.

I do.

Hospitals are not hotels.

Even though hospital reimbursement from insurance depends on HCPS scores (patient satisfaction).

Our OR is turning into an 'airport' with 'in room starts on time' for a 'service project'.

It's all ridiculous metrics to show our administration is capable of doing some goal that is measurable.

For me, instead of rocking the boat, I would REALLY follow an airport. The planes don't all take off at the same time. Why not offer staggered start times? Perhaps not all patients or surgeons WANT a seven or seven thirty 'start'.  Could management take the inertia of the O.R. and God forbid--work WITH what we have--let's say, a seven-forty start, and stick with it?  If most of our starts make it by then, then why not glorify what we CAN do?

Because of money.

The patient slammed the surgeon who is sick...because of money.


Conflict is an inevitable part of life while we are in human bodies.

It's the egos.

It's the misperceptions.

It's human nature.

The purpose of this blog post is for you to be aware of it and to accept full responsibility for the part you are playing in any conflict--from the thoughts in your head, to your words and actions.

It is not okay to go on like it's normal, and there's no fault of your own, for the part you choose to participate in when it comes to conflict.

Even when it's conflict with the darker side of you, the side we call The Shadow Self.

I will briefly share my own experience with the Shadow Self Meditation.

It was for my Reiki Master Attunement. My teacher let us lie on blankets, close our eyes, and she guided us through a meditation called The Shadow Self Meditation.

You need a certain amount of spiritual strength to do one of these. That's why she chooses it for the Reiki Master class.

I vibrate at a very high frequency. I had never thought I'd have a shadow of anything, but sure enough, during the meditation, a little girl stepped forward.

It was the survivor of rape when I was four, my four year old me.

Through the meditation, we had conversation. I got to hear 'her' out. Her point of view. Her 'take' on things. Who she is, and how she perceives 'her' world.

She didn't like being 'stuck' in that trauma.

I learned to thank her for keeping me alive so I could live to today. To do what I do and to help people. I hugged her and told her I would protect her now that I'm grown up, and she is going to be SAFE.

The Shadow Self meditation  acknowledges there are parts of us which aren't what meets the eye. They are very, very complex. And yet, our Shadow Selves are worthy and deserving of our love.

As we grow in spiritual maturity, under the guidance of a Reiki Master or other experienced spiritual guide, we can accept ALL of us.  Even the parts we might not understand or would wish perhaps weren't a part of us in the first place.

Everything is in Divine Perfection.

Even us.

Am I perfect all the time?


Right now I am pretty upset over the neighbors parking in my spot all day without asking.

I wrote a letter, a nastier one this time, that explains the parking rules of the community, and put it in the windshield.

I am ready to tow the neighbors next time they park in my spot.


Because of a cultural conflict, and a trick on their part.

The trick was asking for permission once, for the daughter who works late at night, and then the entire family took my spot over even when she wasn't working. They took over their spot, visitor spot, now mine, and NOT ONE CAR is even in their garage!

The cultural conflict is they want to 'take the liberty', and in my culture, to show respect, you ask for permission every single time, and you don't do it very often, as a 'favor' we exchange as neighbors, to 'help each other out'.

I don't know how to resolve it.

Am I being a jerk?  In a way, yes. In a way, no. I'm not towing them or having the association write them up.

The babysitter couldn't park all day yesterday, at my own house.

Will I offer it up to Ross, to my guides, for me to 'grow'?


I'm getting to the part where I can accept my responsibility and take action and steps.

It's a work in progress.

At least I'm not unconsciously reacting to my 'buttons being pushed'.

My mom and I didn't have a good relationship after my sister was born.

We didn't.

All I remember was her yelling a lot.

It was enough that when she offered me to have the big clock like a pocket watch which hung up on the wall while I was growing up, I froze and panicked in fear when I saw it.

It was that bad.

Have we worked out our differences?

Not really.

We love each other and try to get along.

But her judgement is bad when it comes to me, she makes many decisions that deeply affect me and hurt me (she decides FOR me without consulting me, for example, thinking I would never want to inherit my share of my Uncle's desert property my mom and dad had the rights to when he married, and having it all go to my brother in law. All eighty acres. To him. Because he goes a lot. While I'm busy being a single mom.)

Can I forgive her?


Does forgiving her open me up to the next thing she does that will hurt me?

Unfortunately, yes, too.

Does she mean to hurt me? I don't think she's evil. No.

Is my mother a bull in a china shop when it comes to my feelings, my emotions, my self-worth?

Oh yes!

Mom died yesterday.

I got the call, from my sister, they couldn't wake her up. They rubbed her chest, pricked her finger for blood sugar, opened her eyes...

She was comatose. Breathing. Blood pressure. Not able to awaken.

I drove to pick up Anthony from school, I didn't know what to expect. Was today the day?

I started to see mom, in the Spirit world. Ross was there. He asked me 'do you want to see her go UP?'

I said, 'Ross, dear, honey, I'm DRIVING a CAR. Could it please wait until I'm at least not at risk of having an accident?'

Then it stopped, the visions.

By the time I arrived at the school, twenty minutes later, mom woke up, by some miracle.

She thought she was at the grocery store! She also had seen nana (who is dead, her mom) and nana 'said hi'.

My sisters and I know this, and it's not good. For the long term prognosis, her seeing nana like that.

But for now, we are grateful. Her potassium it appears, was way 'off'.

Mom got another day in the hospital. My middle sister was so worried about her promise to mom to care for her at her house--and my mom's uncontrollable diarrhea from the antibiotics--but mom can't wipe herself. One hand won't reach and the other hand doesn't work.  My sister had to leave the hospital to give herself a breathing treatment, her lungs were so tight from the anguish of what mom was asking of her. She called it, 'my hell'.

The doctor WANTED mom in rehab. To recover from the stroke.

MOM didn't want the rehab.

I told my sister to blame me, let me be the bad guy, but she never has to wipe mom's butt again. (For me, it wouldn't bother me, I've done it, as long as it's once or twice. When mom asked me to digitally disimpact her constipation, I said a polite and firm 'no').

I thanked Ross for the miracle.

We will see what today brings.


These feelings of anger and injustice are weighing you down.

Although these feelings are natural and unavoidable at times, it is YOU who chooses to harbor them.

Do not react in fear.

Do not react in anger.

Look with your eyes.

Why not allow for 'circumstances' to be 'more than you can see' while the 'unseen hands' rearrange the situation for you so you might appreciate them?

Like with the customer/patient who was unhappy with the cancellation, threw a fit online--which is unretractable--and probably would have been the first to wish the poor surgeon well with his diagnosis?

clap! clap!

Carla has an early start at work today.

WITH that same surgeon.

Carla doesn't want to be late (airplane gestures like takeoff with his hands--ed)

Carla doesn't want to be at risk of losing her job. Not yet.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple