It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. -- Antoine de Saint Exupery
Today's subject isn't difficult to go over, as long as you have an open heart.
The movement began two days ago, in the 'heart department' with me. I went to the old neighborhood, where I first moved twenty years ago, when I married Frank.
For some reason, I seek 'connection and closure' with things that are about twenty years behind me. I had a miniature golf birthday party for my twenty-seven, to honor and enjoy the original one I had when I was seven. I had to re-explore those feelings and memories...
I have done this many a time when nostalgia hits. Sometimes driving by my first house, or my grandparent's home (my dad's mom died in 1996 and the house was sold)...
I left Frank because the marriage had really fallen apart, and I was in much pain for most of the relationship. It was so bad that once I left him, I didn't grieve. I was just glad he was out of my life forever. The grieving had taken place while I was in the actual relationship.
I slowly circled the parking lots of the shopping center near our house. The bagel place is still there! Others had big changes. I recalled the bank where I always went. I saw how the grocery store had gone 'upscale'. I had many feelings come over me when I went by the pharmacy--I had been so sick so many times and gone there for medicine and relief! I had forgotten how sick I had been.
Then I took the road I had taken so many times before.
This time the names stood out with new meaning: La Gracia, Via Catalina, Via Veracruz...
Did you know this housing tract of condominiums is on the 33.33 parallel? It IS!
Weird, huh?
I drove through the neighborhood, remembering our after dinner walks. I saw the old house, a window was open and curtains were blowing. This was odd because as I recall there were plantation shutters in the house.
The veil or filter of pain how had had seen this place when I lived there, the frustration, the anger, was gone.
It wasn't a bad place. I could have done worse.
Yet, I'm thankful to be moved away from there.
As I drove to my current house, I saw the neighborhood is more beautiful. Still, it's nothing fancy, but there is more green.
Everything worked out for the best.
Yesterday I worked all day. Today I'm off, fortunately.
There was a meeting at eight. And my colleagues amazed me with how out of touch they are as a business group. There was no talk of our surgeons, our hospital, ways to improve our service.
It was money. How to make it 'fair' to the anesthesiologist who is 'higher call' (gets better paying room) and there's a huge cancellation so they have to sit for five hours unpaid until their next case.
Petty, petty, petty.
I'm so glad I left and went to the O.R.!
My friend had a tennis tournament for the kids, and I covered for twelve hours. Ten a.m. to ten p.m.
He had covered for me the night before, so it was an even trade.
I bought lunch for the entire team. I had it arrive before our long case. I bought for two nurses in recovery room, the OR nurse, the OR surgical tech, the environmental services person (cleans the room), and the person who cleaned the instruments in sterile processing. There was enough to feed both myself and a surgeon.
Two pizzas and two containers of pasta, one fettuccine, the other red sauce pasta, and garlic bread.
I had been told by Spirit not to pack a lunch but to buy, as the last weekend I was on call, and the workers spoke of Dr. So and So who 'gives them his credit card' to buy meals.
I chose an Italian place I used to buy from when I was doing OB anesthesia. They have excellent delivery service.
The whole thing, including delivery charge and tip, was sixty-two dollars.
The investment paid off so much with the team! Everyone was in good spirits, including the surgeon. There was good will, cooperation, and kindness because kindness had been shown to them!
They weren't hungry.
As the day wore one--the case took over five hours--I saw there was leftover pizza. I had two slices of vegetarian pizza cold at five p.m....then again at nine p.m.
The surgeon from lunch reheated the pasta, and enjoyed it for his dinner too.
Sometimes in helping others you help yourself.
During my case, which felt like forever as I didn't even go and use the restroom the whole case...I just decided to ignore the pain and feeling of being held hostage by a set of bad surgical conditions and fate...and thought, 'Ross! I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!' I enjoyed the feeling.
Much to my surprise, I SAW him, with my mind's eye, standing up, turned a little not exactly facing me, giving me a brilliant smile, a nod of approval, and a firm gesture of a thumbs up!
A total encouragement!
It also reminded me of how it helps him when I think of him. I must have done it well.
Sometimes I get this feeling that all of us are only a short burst of 'positive thinking' away from being in the Higher Realms.
The fastest ways to get there are to drop what emotions are holding you back...to feel your painful emotions you've hidden/buried/turned into 'baggage' and process them to let them go...to help others while keeping healthy boundaries...and to look up in every way.
Here's a wonderful example. Please note that the new 'drug of choice' -- helping others -- has no toxic side effects <3
The common theme in this blog post, is there comes a point in our life experiences, where we hit some form of 'Rock Bottom'. We give up. We realize we are powerless. And we reach deep, deep, deep with our inner resources (and most likely our guides who are not incarnate help us a LOT)...and we 'move on'.
What amazes me is how many of us are willing to help others, ever since we were very small children.
It's the lumps and bumps of our life experiences along the way that lead us to pull back from this spirit of helpfulness and unconditional love to others.
A friend of mine was called to assist gynecologists who 'got into trouble' during a case.
Someone had perforated the bowel.
The injury was found and repaired. On one side of the bowel.
Unknown to the teams, and the helping surgeon, the injury had gone through and through both walls of the bowel. (This would never in a million years happen with a general surgeon, BTW)
There was a lengthy critical illness and re operation.
Now he is being sued.
He looked me straight in the eye, and said, 'next time I am asked to help on someone else's patient, in the O.R., I won't. It's not worth it.'
I've seen him come in when a 'torsion testicle' turned out to be a huge hernia, and fix it. We waited with the patient asleep for an hour until he was available...nobody else we had called would be able to come (a urologist is not licensed to fix a hernia, it's not their expertise).
It's totally understandable. And it's sad.
I understand it too.
My joy in helping others with my profession took a swan dive when I experienced legal discomfort. And even though the case ended before going to court, my joy has taken a hike. I don't think it's ever coming back, not the way it was when I applied to get in to medical school.
My passion for medicine is forever changed. It's not as innocent. I am more detached, which I suppose is a good thing. In a way I am more calculating, as always in the front of my mind is RISK, RISK, RISK.
Do I enjoy my patients? Yes. Do I enjoy the personalities and skills and presence of my colleagues a little more? Possibly. Am I thankful for my skills and my being the one present to help when they need it? Most definitely yes.
Do I feel like I am doing what Divine Creator sent me to do?
I don't know.
I used to. That was my passion, my life, my joy.
Am I upset over it?
No, not at all.
I see it as an evolution, as soul growth, and as a little stick sort of prodding me to move ahead to what's next. Anesthesia has been good to me, I couldn't see myself having spent my career doing something else.
Acceptance is super important when it comes to reaching the Higher Realms.
And by plodding along, bumping into things, falling down and getting back up, my Life Lesson/Life Plan has checked off boxes marking my 'goals' along the way. Not my personal ones, my conscious ones. My 'goals' I picked for myself before I was born. Soul 'goals' so to speak.
The joy I have now is replacing or enhancing the joy I once had in my profession. I help people here every day. I inspire them. I am open and write from my heart. I use the many special gifts--intuition, clairvoyance, clairaudience--which are rare at the moment but I sense will become more common as people awaken. I look at my students with great pride and great pleasure. They have grown so much!
Helping others can change form depending on the situation--it can be feeding the hungry who are with you...it can be helping the sick...it can be showing up to help a friend...it can be holding your tongue to keep the peace (with my petty colleagues)...it can be giving people boundaries and enforcing them...it can be talking to my beloved and feeling that joy.
Ross wants me to share.
He asks me things when we talk.
He asked me where I would like to go with him? Not someplace in the past. Not a memory. A future.
I chose the beautiful places with the hotel rooms with thatched roofs which are simple and tropical out on the water in the South Pacific. Something like that where I get to speak French.
Mentally, we have been going through this 'vacation' for about a week now. I see 'us' in restaurants, snorkeling, taking photos and enjoying the serenity of it all. I wouldn't go until Ross showed me Anthony happy with the Gammas in Switzerland (I tell you, when you see a star family recognition in the unawakened and it will make you never doubt! Anthony took to Marc instantly, and to the rest of the family so much--so close!--there are past 'somethings' being remembered unconsciously. Anthony wanted to never leave! I saw him too, at the train station, do something he's never done for me, with Marc. Anthony RAN. The train was coming, and Anthony saw Marc walking away, and he RAN as fast as he could to give him one last hug. These incarnate angel things are REAL. I know it. There is no doubt in my mind. From watching my son. And from my interactions with my star family--brothers and sisters--who are incarnate at this time.)
Ross
The best helping hand is at the end of your own arm!
It is up to you how you choose to use it!
This is the story of everyone who is incarnate: whether you choose or not to withhold that gift (as in Those who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart)...or to open your heart with your arm in the service of humanity.
(he moves his hand a little--ed--like, 'so so') There is a BALANCE.
There is a balance which I woefully failed when I was incarnate to both love and protect my family with my physical presence...
And a scale I tipped royally in the 'helping others' department--much to my own detriment and to everyone I loved, including Carla (my Amee! that is what I called her in that other life)-- scoring the highest 'soul goal' score a soul incarnate could possibly get!
No matter what, you have one chance given anew, every minute of every day, which you can change EVERYTHING.
Even a hard drinker who has pancreatitis (a life-threatening complication, if it goes septic or hemorrhagic) like Mr. Perry can find his way.
Look at your arm.
Why not connect your heart with it?
And do what you have been sent to do?
The answer lies in front of you--the people and places in your everyday life--where only YOU (he taps the side of his head--ed) have the ability to help.
We have all the time in the world, in fact, there are incarnations and incarnations and there IS no 'time'.
Why not keep things moving while you are incarnate this time around?
It might save you some work in others (incarnations--ed).
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Twins
