And I can't. I am always being interrupted. By my son, who is riding his bicycle out in front of the house, and playing hopscotch. By the chores, that keep piling up. By a plumbing leak in the garage, that makes me have to haul tons of treasures I had piled up in storage underneath it, into the house, to keep them safe from the repairman.
I want to write, and I can't. There is always something in the way. There is the phone call, the neighbor, the day at work, the bills to pay, the mouth to feed (I have pets). There is the errand, the task, the chore.
I went to the bank yesterday. I noticed that there was a surveillance camera on my window. Everyone there knows everything about my transaction, what I wore, and that my boy was with me carrying two driftwood sticks that he had found at the beach. I was aware of it, for the first time, and it felt wrong, this video surveillance for just about everything.
Inside, my heart is on fire with love from the Universe, and with my purpose. It is changing. My task at the hospital is pulling back. I may go, but I feel my purpose is going to change somewhat in the near future. That calling to the hospital I have had all my life, is different. The pull is now more to this.
I write, and the sounds of my boy stomping on the hopscotch, and tossing his marker, try to distract me.
And the writing is difficult.
There are forces used by the dark to undermine us in our searching for the Light. And how to shine it like a beacon that we are. Some of them are very high tech. They affect our ability to get along by altering the vibrational rate of our chakras. Some take away motivation. Others make the Earth and weather patterns, and natural disasters occur. Some make us tired and sleepy, without explanation or reason. (More will be known about this in the coming weeks.)
I went through medical school with a chronic sore throat. I had tonsillitis about five times a year. My sinuses were so inflamed that my primary care doctor had me keep antibiotics in the home, just in case, to start whenever I flared up. How could I have accomplished what I have with all the challenges layered upon layers as I move forward in my studies?
Every challenge, every annoyance, every illness, every disappointment, has a purpose. That purpose is to strengthen our will, our intent to survive the struggle, to overcome, and to carry on.
Yesterday, barely three weeks major abdominal surgery, as I was moving boxes that I really shouldn't move to get out of the way and make room for the workers, I thought, 'I just can't take this anymore! I am at the limit of what a human can withstand. I have an earache, I just got worked up for a pulmonary embolus on Friday, I am a single mother and my house is falling apart!'
Then it hit me, 'ask for help'.
And I understood. Ask for help from the angels, guides, and deceased loved ones. Pray for the strength to persevere, to carry on.
Sometime I get the funny feeling that I am paying off the last of my Karma. Big time.
No matter what, I have a task to do. As do you yourself. This task is known by the inner workings of your heart. It will bring joy to you when you are near to it, your task. Your fruit. Your calling.
You shall bring forth great things, to the betterment of others. And to this world.
Not with your mind. Not with your struggle. Not with comparing yourself to others.
It is with the quiet understanding that you get to know, deep within your heart, to be true to yourself, and to seek happiness that comes from being in the right place, at the right time, for your quest to be alive. It won't go away, no matter how much you try to run as far as your can away from it. Or ignore it.
There is only one sign for you: just breathe and you will find it. And the best part? You don't have to go it alone. There are plenty of guides out there to assist you. Just ask.
Just now he fell off his bike. Lost traction in a puddle. I had to put down the computer and run. I picked him up, gently, and put him in my chair out front.
I have to go. Duty is calling. Do not be afraid to do what it takes, to carry on. A new day is going to happen. Do your best and get on with it.