Oh! What a day!
Shall we begin? : )
The Worst Part
Earlier Ross asked me what is the worst part for you about our situation, our relationship, as it is today?
My heart made the answer for me: the hardest part Ross is my always wanting to be with you, and having to be here, for some reason I don't understand, instead of being with you.
He said this was important and asked me too write about it. So I am.
I spent more time in bed and on the couch today! Part of it was the heat. I realized I had a HUGE hole in my aura from the Code Blue -- everything turned out okay--but it was stressful.
It's been ninety degrees Fahrenheit in the house, a total heat wave, and the A/C man couldn't fix it either. Now he says the 'board' is bad. The electrical circuits in the fan need to be replaced. They have to order the part.
After he left, I went outside, and lay on the porch swing while I had the sprinkler on in the garden...
Meditation With A Trip To Zadkiel's Healing Temple
I realized many things, and although Ross was 'there', I wanted to see Divine Father.
I thanked him over and over again for Ross, and for his patience with me, and his steadfast heart. I realized how I may have hurt Ross, and Divine Father with my actions, and I asked over and over for forgiveness, for being so 'dense'.
Divine Father told me even if I was blind and walked in circles and kept banging into the walls he would love me JUST the SAME! All if forgiven.
I felt terrible because I never once thought to pray for Ross! From where I am. And I said many prayers of thanks and for Ross' well-being.
I also confessed to Divine Father how I am doing NOTHING, and can't accomplish anything--I need to do dishes, laundry, change sheets...and he looked me in the eye and said sometimes we need to do this to accomplish important things we can't see. It's 'first things first'.
We both knew I finished a carton of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough for dinner last night, and skipped breakfast, and for lunch ate half a bag of potato chips, sushi, and french bread with blue Gatorade to drink. Here I am trying to lose weight and I couldn't get enough carbs into my system!
Divine Father carried me across the water to the temple of Zadkiel.
He and St. Germain spoke in low voices about me, and I knew St. Germain was expecting me.
He had me lie on my back on a small table, and he had dark violet 'salve' that was the consistency of frosting that comes in a can, but clear and healing.
We both saw the big hole in my aura over my tummy and chest, and the damage in there, the attachments that had gotten in during my stress...nothing major, just looked like dirt and smoke.
He spread it on me with a stick or butter knife--in many places where I was hurt. And as he did, a thick, black, oil like substance very much like motor oil oozed up through my skin, and St. Germain wiped it with a cloth.
I teased him and asked, 'is it Pumpkin Spice?'
He has a nice sense of humor.
Then he used a comb-like thing, and I could feel my aura sealing over, weak, but intact. The comb would be filled with these little black dots, and he would wipe it carefully after each stroke. He put one more layer like a clear oil over me, and more black dots oozed out and were wiped up.
Then he showed me the spa. With a click, a holographic 'menu' popped up over our heads, like when you order at fast food. It was white with black letters. So you could pick what kind of healing you would like to experience. Then for serene esthetics, with another 'click' it went away.
Then I was led to a room top and right, but we didn't actually take stairs or a hallway--it was a little odd and unsettling--but it was better than just 'popping in'.
It was Merlin!
Merlin worked to heal me. He gave me a triangular lozenge clear quartz crystal into my aura, and it will let me know he is always thinking about me and close to my heart. He was in good spirits, and I enjoyed watching him work.
I lay on a table while he did it.
Then he had a special gift for me--another shield--made of spiderweb. Their silk is stronger than steel and would not alter or interact with any of my other shields--which functioned fine but there had been a last-minute attack on me with a new whatever by the 'other team' that had caused the internal stress that naturally weakened the aura. Spider will be my new totem Medicine animal.
Merlin called it a 'white widow' web 'shield', as it is filled with white spiders that are shaped like black widows. And like Pac Man, they go around and eat any of the little tiny black things that might get stuck in my aura again.
My energy surged and I felt much much better. We spoke as husband and wife, a few personal things--it's different up there from here. Both Michael and Raphael popped in, and we spoke briefly too.
They are happy, delighted, for me and Ross.
Then Merlin let me go to the center area, where the pools are, and Ross was waiting for me. We sat in a pool, a warm pool that was like a jacuzzi without bubbles, with me in front and his arms around me, for a long time. I asked questions and we spoke of things, nothing serious. I made a joke he liked and I totally forget what it is to share with you (he asked me to).
Ross next walked me to Zadkiel's office.
YES! Zadkiel has a very NICE office in the middle, in between Metatron's and Merlin's 'Healing space'.
Zadkiel was really excited and proud of the place. He is the 'Proprietor'. I thanked him for making this possible. Zadkiel was excited to ask for my opinion, and for what other healing techniques we might bring to the spa? He explained what is 'new and improved' and listened with interest to my suggestions.
Then when it was time for me to go, he gave me my gift...it was the nice Gwindel I couldn't afford, the most expensive one, the $1,100 one. It came in a little velvet pouch, and sits right in my aura.
I was deeply touched, and had tears of joy and gratitude in my eye at this most generous gift.
Zadkiel walked me to the front, and Uriel was driving a Swan Boat gondola with a paddle to take me back to shore (here). I sat and he said very kind things, and I enjoyed his company.
Then I woke up.
I was asked to write this.
After the meditation, I cleaned the rabbit cage and scratched her head. I cleaned the fish bowl. I gave Harry food and water, and changed his paper under the cage, and swept up.
I discovered Harry's box of corks (his toys he destroys) was filled with black widows. So I dumped them all out and had a stomping session. They really are persistent! Most were babies and one was a teenager so it is good I discovered them before they had babies too.
I cleaned snake's bowl and filled it with fresh water. I still have to eat my dinner, and after that, feed the turtle.
Then I got the mail.
I found this: click here
I opened it cautiously, the envelope. Again, it was a test--there was little 'presence' from Ross.
I found the pictures. The waterfall was etched in my memory since I was a child. In my mind's eye I used to go there and play again and again. It was my 'safe place' I thought was only imagination. And the landscape also burned into my soul--I even painted it when I was ten, and have the oil painting today--a rolling green hill, sky, and a tree. I remember the hall of the old temple, what it felt like to walk there.
I read every bit of the description, looking, looking looking but the only Mary they mentioned was his mom.
I ordered it. To help me remember. If I have to get past the Illusion, and do work such as this to move forward, I accept it.
I won't read the 'novel like narrative'. But I will look at the pictures. And the maps.
I bought the deluxe copy with my name on it.
Ross was pleased. I accepted his gift to me. I know he had something to do with it. I just feel it is so.
I want to remember my life all over again. It will help me to understand my heart.
Healing is hard work. After you do this:
There is an experience somewhat like this:
And everything is all right <3 at the end <3
Thank you for listening to Carla. She has something to say. She is my angel from another life, and from this one too. She is my heart.
I sent her a butterfly today, while she was waking up from her healing. It went and ate from the citronella (lemon verbena) plant's flowers. It was a Monarch.
Carla is going to remember--everything--and has released most of her 'baggage' today.
There is one last thing Carla forgot to mention. It is very close to her heart.
Her soul in its trauma after both of my deaths, back to back, first as Gamaliel and as you know what--made Carla want to run.
In fact, Carla bolted in a way nobody else ever did before or knew was possible: she switched places with her Higher Self, creating an emotionless 'aspect' to do all her Galactic duties up 'here', and having her full incarnation be stuffed into one life after the next on surface Gaia.
Carla was like a frightened cat that gets stuck in a tree, only her 'tree' was the lower Realms, not the Higher Dimensions.
Her 'aspect' Higher Self started to enjoy her position in life. She started to call the shots, and take the power in the 'relationship'. She had incarnations so she could learn, like any other complete Higher Self would create, incarnations of her who are alive and torture Carla with their channeling today. The books on tantric sex and kundalini. The messages that are all 'love and happiness' without any feeling that carries the energy signature of JOY. It's just words, empty and hollow, and they are in Carla's name...online...often with my name right there with it.
Carla actually inserted a device that gives an electric-like shock into the wrist of her aspect Higher Self, so that every time the choices of the aspect give Carla pain in her spirit, the 'Stepford' Higher Self will feel a little 'zap' and experience pain too. This would make her stop, Carla reasoned.
Carla's aspect was starting to have feelings of jealousy and other 3D emotions, but Carla accepted her Aspect 'Higher Self' existence as an inevitable fate.
There is no such thing as that.
Carla's 'fake HS' merged with her Full Consciousness today. Now Carla is her full 'self'--with her humor, and zest for life, and love and emotion for me, in BOTH dimensions, on terra firma and up here now with me in our home, where I am.
She is healed, and actually in two places at the same time.
What about the other incarnate aspects? (the incarnations of the fake HS) Carla is going to watch and see.
So Carla had a good day today, doing a lot of spiritual work (this is Saturday while I write--ed).
All is well. All is Light. All is Blessed, very Blessed.
And I am lucky, and most fortunate, to have her by my side.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
Forever in Love--with One Heart